To start my summer off right, I decided that a new book I recently had ordered, had better be put on the top of my priorities list. I tend to read fast so on a recent out of town, business trip with my husband, I read this book every free second I had. I sure am glad I did too.
The reason I even have this book is because of another book I had just read, preceding this. The Lifetime of Learning Approach, by Marilyn Howshall. In her book, which I found to be a very deep book, one worthy of reading and rereading in order to comprehend it all. I read book one: The Science, Art, and Tools of Learning, and knew that this author had something to say that I needed to hear. So I went online and ordered almost every book her internet site offered (they are mostly booklets, I spent about $105.00). One of these books that I received (this was the biggest of them) was this one: Saying Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids! by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
When I read a book, I underline or tag with a pencil notation anything I think is noteworthy to come back to. Then, if time permits (and too often it has not) I like to write a book report on what I read, kind of a layering of learning for retention's sake. On this entry, I'm going to share my underline and tagged notations of what I thought was good in this book.
"Parents may think that the negative behavior they see in their children is simply a stage they'll grow out of. Unfortunately, instead of growing out of bad patterns, children actually grow into them. If not counteracted, selfish habits will simply become more entrenched." (Pg. 14)
Whew! If for only one paragraph, this paragraph was worth this book for me. I've always held this belief, that kids just outgrow their phases. With this as my paridigm of thought raising children, no wonder I've been guilty of 'keeping busy' with things I considered very important - the house, the laundry, the meals, shopping, school. If the kids were fighting and issues were happening that they asked me to intervene, I didn't have time to stop, there was so much to get done. Just work it out yourselves, kids. Yet, after realizing through this book that I am entrenching bad habits by letting these issues go, by not paying attention to these, by letting them just outgrow their phases, I am neglecting the most important things. My house can always get dusted, at any given time. But time is passing by and eternal souls are growing up, this time can never be replaced. I may be embarrased by a messy house, but what's really worse? Being known as not a perfect housekeeper, or the alternative, when the kids are grown, I see the fruits of selfishness and impatience and other things like that. I can never go back and undo this time. I need to put my self-image on the altar to God. I need to quit worrying about what other people think of my outward circumstances and focus more on the internal of my own priorities and my children's character and nurturing them to develop the fruits of the spirit.
"God knew that selfishness would hinder relationships, so he provided honor as the solution. Romans 12:10 says, "Honor one another above yourselves." Honor counteracts selfishness in a family, and it does it in a positive way." (Pg. 15)
This book is all about the term, 'honor'. It's used throughout the book, woven through every page and seemingly, almost every paragraph. I have 6 children, ages 24, 23, 14, 11, 7, and 5. My oldest 2 are now married. It has been an interesting phenomon...to have 2 children, raise them for 10 years, and then to start up again, having 4 more. I'm 48 years old, my husband is 54. We've been married for 30 years (as of this coming September 10, 2006).
When we were raising our first 2 kids, we were right along in sync with our peer group. Our friends and family were also raising their little family, usually 2 or 3 kids each. But, when God blessed us with this second little group of children, we became to look very peculiar among every one we knew. I think there wasn't anyone among us, friends or family, that wasn't shocked. My oldest daughter was 10, my youngest son was 9. Everyone thought we were finished having kids, as all of our peers were. The third child, was kind of novel, I think, a shock, but, these things happen, as I'm sure our onlookers considered. But, when the fourth child came, just a few years later, well, now that was really just plain weird. One 'mistake', one 'oops baby', understandable. But two? At the age of 38?
If this surprised them all, just think when we had baby #5, at the ripe age of 40 and my husband, 48. Now, this was not novel, this was just plain crazy. Bizarre. What in the world are these two people thinking? Have they fully lost it? I started getting a lot of rather crude remarks, by family, friends, and acquaintances. As each baby was really special to me, at course, these remarks hurt. Each baby was as important to me as the very first one. You don't love each child a little less the more you get, really! In fact, the more you have, I have personally found, the more capacity for love you seem to have been given. The only way I could describe this to you, is that the heart is like a muscle, the more you use it, the more it grows and becomes stronger and more able to love.
But the story doesn't end here - we went on to have baby #6 at the age of 42, and my husband that had just turned 50. At this point, I found people just resigned. They quit (at least at appearance to me) giving the crude remarks, the questions (How many are you going to have? Are you going to quit now? This IS going to be the last one, isn't it? ....) I guess everyone had come to grips by now that we were just plain ecentric, weird.
My oldest daughter is now 24, with two children. M y son, he just married this last June 2nd, 2006. I marvel at what an interesting journey this has been. At the wedding of my son, I sat down for a few minutes with the pastor that had performed the ceremony. He and his wife were in the same age bracket as my husband and I. They have 4 kids, all grown, in the age bracket of my oldest 2. He was commenting to another family at the table, that just as soon as you think you've got all the answers of how to raise kids, it's all over, it's 4th quarter, their grown. It's too late to have all the answers now, you can't use them. I commented to him, "You know, most people are sure glad their not me, with 4 children yet to raise, but, on the same token, I've often thought how glad I am that I'm not them. I have had the rare opportunity to have 2 children, raise them, see the end product...graduating from highschool, getting married, growing their own family. I get to sit back and observe, meditate. What would I do differently? Because I do have 4 more to go. I can use those mistakes I feel I made, and fix them. I can learn from them and incorporate a new style of parenting if needed.
Which leads me to the full circle of the term 'honor'. Personally, I can look back and see many situations and circumstances that I certainly did not show 'honor' in my family to my children. I can look back and reflect, see fruits of the spirit that were missing in my life (patience especially) and wish I could undo those times. Those are bad memories to me. I wish I could go back and be the perfect parent. Have no dishonoring moments that my children would remind me of , in jokes, or in seriousness. Ouch, it sure hurts when I'm reminded of one of my temper tantrums, or my impatience. I'd love for my kids to look back and say, "Wow, my mom sure was perfect." As a homeschooling mom, I spent 24/7 with these kids, and if two kids ever knew their mom well, these two did. There was no 8 hours blocked time away at school for them, both of us seperated for that time. No, we were together all the time. Talk about opportunities for stress... your the mom, your the school teacher, your the principal. Talk about responsibility...if these kids don't learn to read, write, and do arithmetic, it'll be my fault. The stress of homeschooling was great for me, I took it serious, in fact, looking back, I think I took it way too serious. I think I had my priorities upside down half the time.
Given all the mistakes I feel I made, Praise God, my two older children I am very proud of. They grew up to be responsible and loving adults, in spite of my failings. However, raising the next 4, I have time to meditate, just what did I do right, and what did I do wrong with the first 2? And try to repeat the good things I did, and correct the mistakes. Having an internal code that says to honor my children in my actions and reprimands is a great place to start.
Interesting Facts About the Word Honor
"The difference between respect and honor is not simply semantics. As with most synonymns, there are important differences between the two words. The Greek words used in the New Testament illustrate the difference betweeen respect and honor. The Greek word often translated "respect" is phobos, from which we get the Engtlish word phobia. At its root, it means "to fear." Respect is outward, focusing on a person's position or on the power of an office. People respect police officers or judges because of their authoritative position. When only respect is emphasized in family life, it leads to outer conformity, false intimacy, and, eventually, distant relationships.
The Greek word that is often translated "honor" in the New Testament comes from timae, which means "worth" or "value." It's one thing to respect (fear) God because of his tremendous power and greatness and another thing to honor (value) Him because of those qualities." (Pg 18)
Pg. 29 Scripture says, "Honor your father and mother" eight times.
The Real Goal of Discipline:
"The goal of discipline is to help children not only act correctly, but also to think correctly and to become the people God made them to be. Honor addresses what's going on below the surface and considers a child's heart." (Pg. 23)
Funny story on page 25:
"One day a dad was out in the woods and kicked over a bottle. Immediately a genie popped out and offered him one wish. Thinking hard, the dad got out a map and, looking it over, decided to ask for peace in the Middle East.
"Well, that's very hard," said the genie. "There hasn't been peace in the Middle East for many years."
The dad paused for a moment and then brightened with a thought. He turned to the genie and said, "Well, then, maybe you could just do something to teach my children to show honor to my wife and me."
The genie paused for a moment, then thoughtfully said, "Let me look at that map again."
On making your expectations clear:
(Pg. 28 and 29 explain this really good, but one paragraph is worthy of including here:
"Sometimes children become frustrated because they've done what's expected, but then their parents add more work without considering their plans or desires. It's as if the reward for doing a good job is receiving more work. This makes learning obedience more difficult. Both children and parents benefit from clarifying the expectations up front.
I know I've been guilty of this!
Pg. 32
Too many parents have ended up with children who won't follow the simplest instructions without discussing it. Sending the message, "Obey first, and then we'll talk about it" emphasizes obedience.
pg. 33
Parents, in an attempt to honor their children, often make the mistake of justifying the instruction before the child obeys. They believe the child has a right to understand why the request is being made and to talk about it...Many parents have reacted to authoritarianism and ended up with children who cannot folow instructions without a dialogue. These children make poor employees, develop selfish attitudes about following someone else's leadership, and have a difficult time in relationships - all because they haven't learned how to sacrifice their own agenda for others.
Think about this approach in light of your spiritual life. Sometimes God asks His people to obey even when they don't understand why. In Genesis 22, Abraham was told to sacrifice his son Isaac without understanding why God would make such a request. Abraham's obedience was an act of faith.... Acts. 10, Peter went to Cornelius's house without knowing why...Obedience does not have to hinge on understanding why.
Discussing an instruction can also give children the wrong impression about obedience - that if they don't like the request they have just cause to resist. The fact is, many times we adults have to obey even if we don't like it or it's not convenient.
I sure needed to hear that!
Pg. 59
How you respond to the decisions of leaders or to the news reaches children how to respond to you. The way Mom and Dad treat each other, even in disagreements, is an example to children of how they should treat others.
pg. 66
Every person develops habits of relating - including body language, tone of voice, attitude, whether they express their anger or internalize it, and so on.
pg 72, 73
When a family focuses on honor, parents ask different questions. "I want you two to sit down and think about it. I'm not concerned about who created the problem. I want to see who's going to solve it. When one of you solves the problem, you may both get up." Instead of trying to play detective, Mom might say, "Who is going to be the mature one? Who's going to be a servant and turn off the light?" The children aren't being asked to work it out. Each is being asked to demonstrate humility. Parents who....ask questions
that address honoring patterns. Who is going to be honoring? Who's going to be a problem solver instead of a fault finder?
Parents aren't just trying to get a job done. They want to also address how the job is done. A bad attitude is not acceptable.
Jesus wanted to help his disciples learn to think differently. He did it by asking different questions. To teach humility, he asked them, What were you arguing about on the road?" (Mark 9:33-37). To teach Philip how to solve a problem using faith he asked, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" (John 6:5-13)
The questions parents ask determine how their children will think about themselves and about their attitudes.
Pg. 74
Your responses, attitudes, and actions contribute to their patterns of behavior - or at least your lack of response to a particular problem has allowed it to grow into a habit.
Wow! This book was worth it just for this sentence alone. It hit the spot.
Pg. 81 Interesting fact (and why I sometimes dislike emailing!)
It's been said that only about 10% of a message comes from the words themselves. By contrast, 35% of the meaning comes from tone of voice, and 55% comes from nonverbal cues, such as gestures, posture, and facial expression.
pg. 93 Different approaches, similar problems
Martin grew up in a power-directed family where children were controlled from the outside. He didn't have the opportunity to develop his own sense of self-control. Jackie grew up in a freedom-oriented home where self-control wasn't encouraged. Both learned to be sneaky and manipulative. Martin tried to get his own way without dominating parents knowing. Jackie twisted her parents' arms to gain permission. Both grew up feeling insecure. Martin feared parental judgment, and Jackie wondered where the limits actually were. Children don't learn good social skills from either parenting approach, so they often become shy, obnoxious, or self-centered.
pg 96 Interesting fact:
The words disciple and discipline come from the same root that means "to learn" or "to be a pupil".
pg. 97
...people brought problems to Jesus, Interestingly enough, he often handed the problem right back to them - or he involved them in the solution as it developed.
pg 98
Bringing problems to parents is important, and children should be encouraged to get help when they need it. Parents, however, can use those problems to demonstrate honor to their children and to teach them along the way. Daily problem solving provides tremendous opportunities to teach children honor in life.
pg. 100
Two things will help you to remove harshness from your interaction with your children: Talk less and show less emotion. In an attempt to build relationships, some parents spend too much time dialoguing with their children about instructions. They try to defend their words, persuade their children to do what they're told, or logically explain the value of obeying. This is counterproductive. Furthermore, some parents add anger to the picture, complicating matters.
pg. 101 Awesome Idea!
Firm limits can be presented with gentle words. One method parents can use for gently confronting is the "observe and run" technique. This technique simply points out inappropriate behavior and links that behavior to a character quality the child needs to develop. The parent doesn't try to engage in dialogue; he or she just makes the observation and then moves on....These observations don't require a response, but over time they create a recording in the child's head. ... By making continual observations about kindness, honor, thoughtfulness, and other qualitities, you will build an honor tape in your child's head that will last forever.
pg 102
Ordering children around doesn't honor or respect the child. A commanding or demanding attitude fosters resentment in children.
pg 103
Children and parents can be friends, but don't let that desire weaken your ability to set limits. Even in the most honoring of families, confrontation and discipline are necessary. Some parents seem surprised at this, somehow expecting that children will just want to obey. It's as if we expect our child to say, "Thanks, Dad, for sending me to my room. I really appreciate the limits you set for me," or "I'm grateful, Mom when you make me clean up my room and make my bed." It isn't going to happen. If we expect our children to always appreciate our discipline, we're going to be frustrated.
pg 104
Firmness doesn't need to be cold and distant. Eye contact, gentle words, and extra time can add a personal touch to parenting that helps children feel valued. Putting your hand on your son's shoulder, calling your daughter close to give an instruction, addressing a child by name, and speaking softly are all ways to show children that they're important.
pg 104
In honor-based parenting, anger is not an appropriate consequence. Instead, we should learn to reflect sorrow. Peel away the anger, and you will probably discover that you feel genuinely sad that your child is acting out or choosing to disobey. You see that their misbehavior may have immediate negative consequences and may even lead to an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Reflecting sadness is much more beneficial to the child and to the relationship.
pg. 108
Helping children solve problems for themselves communicates honor to them. It says, "I believe in you. You have what it takes."
Parents can help their children learn to solve problems by asking open-ended questions and allowing the child to offer solutions. Too often parents are quick to solve a problem for the child and end the discussion. Instead, try a good leading question: "What seems to be the matter?" "What are you going to do about that?" "Why is this happening?" When children respond with, "I don't know," be careful about launching into a lecture. Lectures can hinder the process of dicovery.
The goal is to get children thinking for themselves,not just wallowing in the problem or bringing it to you.
pg 109
Enjoy Children According to their needs and interests
You may think this will be the easiest skill to develop. After all, you've been enjoying your children for years. But many parents, after careful examination, discover that they're enjoying themselves and inviting their children to join in. Parents determine the conversation topics, the entertainment choices, or the travel destinations. We often make choices we think will please our children, but in reality, we're loving them in ways that we ourselves would like to be loved. Many children are willing to join in, and the family can still end up having a lot of fun together. But focusing on a child's interests and topics of conversation can be a good way to show honor.
pg 110
Take an interest in your children's activities and stories. Listen to their ideas and plans. Show that you value them by paying attention while they're talking. Use the things you've learned to surprise them with small gifts of love. The skill of enjoying children according to their needs and interests is a way of honoring them.
pg 111
Envision a positive future for your children
Children believe what we say about them.
What we say, they become. The qualities we focus on end up being the ones they see in themselves and work to develop.
Take time to think about each of your children. Ask yourself, "What are they good at? What are they doing well? How will that help them down the road?"
pg 116 This book was worth buying just for the following paragraphs alone:
Conflict with brothers and sisters is a child's first class in relationships. Your home is the classroom, you are the teacher, and honor is the curriculum. each conflict situation becomes an opportunity for teaching children how to get along.
God created the family as a place to learn and grow. Within the family, children can learn to treat others with kindness and to respond in a healthy way to unfairness or perceived injustice. They can learn to tolerate irritations, manage their anger, and work closely with people who are different. Addressing sibling conflict isn't easty, but the work you do now will not only make family life more peaceful, it will help your children develop adult skills that will assist them for the rest of their lives.
There are three roadblocks that hinder children from honoring each other: anger, selfishness, and foolishness. These roadblocks and their corresponding solutions provide the curriculum for "relationship school."
pg. 119,120
In order for children to overcome the roadblock of anger, they need a vision for being a peacemaker, rather than a problem maker.
pg 121
Tattling is one way that children point out problems rather than trying to make things better. It's important to teach children what offenses they should report to a parent and what they should try to resolve themselves or just ignore.
Sometimes a child should overlook an irritation and not be so easily provoked. Handling conflict Biblically: Matt 18:15-16. If a problem cannot be resolved between two people, then one of them should involve another person in the process.
pg. 122
Children and adults have different tolerance levels. The good news is that tolerance levels aren't permanently set. Honor helps children learn to value the person above the irritation.
pg 122
Selfishness
A second major cause of sibling conflict is selfishness, always wanting to be first or best. Children are usually self-centered and demonstrate this in various ways: boasting and envy (wanting the biggest piece, being first, or wanting the best seat are all examples of this.) They go to great lengths to prove they are better, loved more, or got there first.
Funny Story:
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Zachary, age 5, and Tyler, age 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. The mother realized that this was an opportunity to teach servanthood to her children. "If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Zachary turned to his younger brother and said, "Tyler, you be Jesus."
pg 124
Being a servant helps children grow out of selfishness. You can begin to teach this by rewarding the child who demonstrates a servant attitude. Children who give in may not get the first pancake, but they get a parent's praise, a much more valuable reward.
Children naturally want to grab the best for themselves. In contrast, parents should honor the child who gives the other person the biggest piece or who lets someone else sit in the best seat or who can listen to someone else's story without saying he or she knows something better.
Teach them that fair doesn't mean equal. The phrase.."That's not fair!". The basis for this statement is comparison. Children who rely on comparison to feel good about themselves often end up in conflict. They want to have what others have. They think they want to be treated the same as everyone else, but what they really want is to feel special.
Rather than trying to treat children as equals, it's better to treat each child as unique. Each of your children is very different, so why try to treat each the same? They have different gifts and needs. Treat your children as individuals and telling them up fron that they will not be treated equally can help reduce some of the comparison in a family.
pg 129
Proverbs 10:23
18:2
18:6
18:7
18:13
20:3 It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
Foolish children don't take responsibility for their actions, "I was just playing," "He hit me first," and "She started it" are common excuses for hurtful behavior. Blaming is the opposite of taking responsibility. Blaming is a sign of foolishness.
Teaching children to take responsibility is the first step toward empowering them to change. One way to do this is to ask the child, "What did you do wrong?" as part of the discipline process. Ask this in an encouraging and helpful way, with an emphasis on learning from mistakes. No matter what others have done, children are responsible for their own actions; the sooner they learn that, the better. Blaming others is never a wise response. Having children say what they did wrong teaches them to take responsibility for their actions.
Funny story: (pg 133)
In one family, the two teenage boys continually picked on their little brother, Danny, who was eleven years old. They put shaving cream in his shoes, hid his baseball mitt in the trash can, and tied string around the legs of the bed and dresser so Danny would trip when he got up in the morning. Danny never responded to them, though, and seemed to ignore their mean jokes. The brothers started to feel guilty. One day they came to Danny. "We've decided not to play mean tricks on you anymore."
"So, you're not going to hide my baseball mitt?"
"No."
"And you're not going to put shaving cream in my shoes?"
"No."
"And you're not going to tie string to trip me?"
"No."
"Danny smiled. "Okay, Then I'll stop spitting in your soup."
pg 134
Anger, selfishness, and foolishness are three roadblocks to family harmony and the cause of much conflict. Learn to target your parenting in these areas. View them as opportunities to develop honor. Teach children to be peacemakes and servants and to be wise.
pg 138
Teen years...ages of 11 to 14..
young people enter a new stage of cognitive development. They begin to adopt a value system they can call their own and gain a greater ability to reason, question, and evaulate their world. Adolescence is a time when young people begin to think for themselves and make their own decisions.
pg 139
The portion of the brain that controls emotions (the limbic area) experiences new activity patterns during the early teen years. That's why teens may experience moodiness, emotional swings, and a heightened desire for excitement and adventure. Unfortunately, the part of the brain that controls reason and judgment (the prefrontal cortex) develops more slowly and is often not fully mature until the later teens and early twenties.
Brain development further motivates young people to evaluate the things they're asked to do, the values they've been taught, and the daily choices they make. Subconsciously, they're asking themselves, "What is my purpose in life?" "What kind of person do I want to be?" "How do I want others to perceive me?" Questioning itself isn't wrong. Rather, questioning can lead teens to think more deeply about issues, seek solid answers, and develop personal convictions.
pg 146
Honor is a step of faith and requires that a person live life in a way that acknowledges God's care and control. Honor is easy with some people, but it seems that each person has someone in their life who's a challenge to honor. When teens learn to honor by faith, new doors open up in relationships. Some people have the misconception that you must like someone in order to show honor. That's not true. Honor isn't about liking someone. It's about valuing a person you may not like. As teens get older, they'll find others who are difficult to honor. It may be a boss, a church leader, a parent, or even their own child. During these times, they must trust God an dhonor by faith.
pg 154
Although you may be able to "control" young children, the key word for teenagers is "influence". Five words describe different ways you can influence teens.
Teach: Provide them with new information or help them to understand another facet of life.
Encourage: Remind them of the benefits of moving in the right direction.
Entreat: Earnestly ask them to act in a mature, responsible and wise way.
Admonish: Warn, caution, or advise them by anticipating possible negative consequences.
Persuade: Use relationship, rewards, and consequences to motivate them to make wise choices.
pg 159
Make observations for teens and give them feedback about their actions. "It looks as if you're easily influenced by your peers." "You seem to be having trouble managing money." "Those words are unkind." Habits are often ingrained, and continual observations move the teen slowly to recognition of others and how to treat them with honor.
Some of the discouraging behavior you see in your teen may stem from what will eventually become a wonderful strength. They need guidance to channel their energy and build honoring character. Talk about character, not just behavior. A teen, struggling with doing a sloppy job with chores, may need to understand that thoroughness is an importnat quality to develop. As parents focust their discipline on developing character, teens can see its relevance to their growing independence.
pg 160
Correcting teens is an unpleasant part of parenting, burt it is necessary if you want to teach your teens to be successful and responsible adults.
Conflict is part of any parent-teen relationship because conflict is a part of life. The only people who don't experience conflict live in a cemetary. The way conflict is handled in a home is very important because it builds patterns that teens will take into other relationships and eventually into a family of their own. Don't be afraid of conflict. Use conflict times to learn valuable relating skills, and then model and teach those skills to your teen.
pg 161
Conflict represents opportunity. Teens watch how parents handle conflict and resolve differences. Listening and affirming a young person's thinking is an honoring step in conflict management. "I understand you'd discipline your sister differently. Your ideas make sense. At this point, I'm the one who has to make the decision, and I'm going to emphasize something different. But I appreciate your ideas." Affirming or validating a teen's thinking or reasoning is helpful for their development.
pg 162
We all wish others would agree wtih us; if they can't, then understanding and listening are the next best things.
Funny:
pg 162
One parent made the observation that "Issac must have been 12 years old when Abraham was asked to sacrifice him on Mount Moriah."
"Why?" asked another parent.
"Because if he was a teenager, it wouldn't ahve been a sacrifice."  .
pg 165
Is it possible to honor your family too much? As with many things in life, too much of a good thing is not only bad - it can be harmful. Families who focus too much on themselves become self-centered.
You can teach your children self-indulgence and a me-first attitude.
The family can become an idol. It devous financial resources, along with time and energy that might be used in other ways. While honor in the family is essential, there is a higher calling: to honor God above all else.
pg 166
Family is important. But it's not the ultimate priority - God is. Take time to teach your children that they're valuable, but also remind them that they're not the most important thing in your life. This will give your children a precious gift as you model the importance of loving God and caring for others.
Some parents enjoy their family so much they just want to capture it somehow and never let it go. They know their children won't be young long, and they've heard those testimonies of older people who say, "If I had it to do over again, I'd spend more time with my kids." We don't want that failure on our conscience, so we move to the other extreme. We all want to enjoy the good times, but some benefits in life are gained through giving not through hoarding.
pg 168
The family that is a blessing to others is blessed itself. The Bible contains examples of families who reached out to others. In 2 Kings 4::8-37 a family opened its home to the prophet Elisha. Jesus often took refuge in the home of his friends Lazarus, Mary, and Martha to relax, eat and minister. As is often the case, these families were later blessed because of their extension of honor to others.
pg 169
Some well-meaning parents think that isolating their family will protect them. Although protection can be helpful for a period of time, it's also productive to have children see the contrast between their family and others that are struggling or falling apart.
pg 186
Train your children to live as brothers and sisters in Christ.
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