2 Cor. 3:17-18 (ESV) 
    Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Proverbs 13:20a (ESV) 
    Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise...

I have been struggling with a big, bad sin: unforgiveness.  It's accompanied by sister sins: bitterness, judgmentalism, self-righteousness, and anger.  For me, this is actually not a rare event.  As various situations have arisen in my life, I find that my heart is full of these things.  My heart is like a cup filled with grape juice.  Knock this cup, and grape juice spills out; not pure water.  Who would expect otherwise?  There's grape juice in the cup!  If circumstances knock my heart around a little, the sin that's already there is revealed.  The circumstances reveal it to ME.  (God already knows it, and so do many of my life-long companions.)  My heart is desperately wicked, but God is revealing my heart in order to help me change it!

I say with joy that I am struggling now because, until yesterday, I was merely wallowing.  I am keenly aware of the difference.  When I am wallowing, I engage in sin while feeling both smug and guilty.  I have conversations in my head where I finally get to say to my adversary the perfect put down, the perfect come back.  These imaginary conversations are ones where I finally get to tell the offensive person how truly bad they are, and how much they've hurt me, and it hurts them, it cuts them, it finally makes them see (and stop)!  Recently, I've been up in the night with these, and the guilt part had begun to work on me.

So, yesterday, I finally acted in accordance with my calling in the gospel.  I took up my Victory Over Failures worksheet and started to look up verses on anger, malice, and finally, forgiveness.  My, oh my. 

John 20:22-23 (ESV) 

    And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit.  If you forgive the sins of anyone, they are forgiven; if you withhold forgiveness from anyone, it is withheld."

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV) 

    For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:21-22 (ESV) 

    Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"  Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Luke 6:35-38 (ESV) 

    But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  [36] Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. [37] "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;  [38] give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."

As usual, I find that when I point the finger at my brother or sister, there are three accusing fingers pointing back at me.  "She has judged me!"  What have I done?  "He has accused me, Lord!"  What have I done?  "They have wronged me!"  Maybe.  But am I not doing just that right now?

Why do we forgive?  Jesus brings us back to the only compelling reason, over and over: because we have been forgiven so much, as undeserving as we are.  We can choose to imitate God, or imitate Satan.  We can change to become like Jesus, or we can become just like the very ones that hurt us, and just as guilty in the process.

Walking with the wise, we grow wise.  Is it not an awesome thing that spending time with Jesus changes us into His image?  Now that I'm truly struggling with these big, bad sins, I am changing.  I know, because last night I did not wake up having imaginary conversations.  This morning, I awoke with joy and ran blithely to my quiet time, desiring nothing more than to continue confronting this set of big, bad sins.  As I confront them, as I repent, I am being changed from glory to glory.  I am happier; I have peace with God; and I am able to obey His Word.  Joy of joys!  This does not come from my sorry heart.  It comes from God's Spirit.  How amazing that by the power of His Spirit, I am becoming more and more like Jesus!

May He receive all the glory, for apart from Him, I can do nothing.