Numbers 22:31-33 (ESV) 
    "Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, with his drawn sword in his hand. And he bowed down and fell on his face. And the angel of the Lord said to him, 'Why have you struck your donkey these three times? Behold, I have come out to oppose you because your way is perverse before me. The donkey saw me and turned aside before me these three times. If she had not turned aside from me, surely just now I would have killed you and let her live.'" 

I was reading this passage yesterday morning after a grueling week of seemingly insurmountable deadlines.  The heat of these deadlines had been squeezing me, big time!  Sin was pouring out of my heart, gushing from my mouth, and sliming many of my nearest and dearest.  It sure wasn't the first time that I had said to God, "Why are you doing this to me?  Am I not trying to serve You with every sinew in my body?"  Like Balaam, when pressed by circumstances, I tend to take it out on those around me... especially my husband and children.  Like Balaam's donkey, they are often silent under the ill treatment (but that doesn't mean they don't feel it!).

Have you ever gotten up a head of steam and "let it all hang out"?  Have you ever rehearsed conversations with someone you were angry with, or sure was in the wrong, and arrived at the supreme moment, delivered your lines perfectly, and waited for them to wither, only to find that -- oops -- you didn't know the whole picture?

Ever judged a child too quickly? 

• "Why aren't you done with your math yet!!?" said in a harsh tone. 
• "Did you do your chores YET?"  (Expecting a "no" answer.) 
• "What's that behind your back?" (Suspicious and accusing tone.) 

Ever been surprised by their answer? 

• "I'm not done math because Gramma called and I was talking to her for a half-hour." 
• Or, "Yes, Mom, an hour ago.  I got up early to do the chores today so I would be sure not to forget." 
• "Flowers, Mom, for you!  It's spring at last!"

Reading this passage, and desperately preaching the gospel to myself concerning my recent sins, I felt God saying, "Daughter, once again, you don't have the big picture.  I am holy.  I am loving.  I am all-powerful and all-knowing and I make no mistakes.  You are human: limited, sinful, and short-sighted.  Trust me more!"

Oh.  Right.  I knew that.

I am so grateful for the living and active Word of God, His gospel and patience with me, and the unfailing love of my husband and children!

Numbers 9:15-23 (ESV) 

    On the day that the tabernacle was set up, the cloud covered the tabernacle, the tent of the testimony. And at evening it was over the tabernacle like the appearance of fire until morning.  [16] So it was always: the cloud covered it by day and the appearance of fire by night.  [17] And whenever the cloud lifted from over the tent, after that the people of Israel set out, and in the place where the cloud settled down, there the people of Israel camped.  [18] At the command of the Lord the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the Lord they camped. As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they remained in camp.  [19] Even when the cloud continued over the tabernacle many days, the people of Israel kept the charge of the Lord and did not set out.  [20] Sometimes the cloud was a few days over the tabernacle, and according to the command of the Lord they remained in camp; then according to the command of the Lord they set out.  [21] And sometimes the cloud remained from evening until morning. And when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out, or if it continued for a day and a night, when the cloud lifted they set out.  [22] Whether it was two days, or a month, or a longer time, that the cloud continued over the tabernacle, abiding there, the people of Israel remained in camp and did not set out, but when it lifted they set out.  [23] At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out. They kept the charge of the Lord, at the command of the Lord by Moses.

Lord, so often when reading this passage, I have wished that I had such clear direction.  What would it be for me to have always before me a visual representation of Your reality, or a clear and personal word of direction for my day?  How your heart for Your people is revealed in Old Testament accounts of Israel's time in the wilderness by Your many provisions for both their health and Your ability to dwell so near them and care for them, teaching them of Your ways and character!  How amazing to live, day by day, with just one or two central tasks and a certainty that one is in the center of God's will.

Let me not envy them, however.  Many of them did not develop, even from such provisions, a love of being near to You.  No doubt, they trembled.  No doubt, they obeyed in many ways.  But were their hearts renewed with love through the memory of a dying Savior’s passionate display of love for them?  Were they strengthened by the revelation that God had called each of them individually by name to be His for eternity, as I am?  (I never would have turned from my sins if You hadn’t called me first.  My faith in you is evidence as clear as any pillar of fire that You are there and You have called me to be Your own!)  Did they have Your living and eternal Word to consult?  Did they know that You were a loving God, Who was able to forgive and cleanse every sin?  Did Your very Spirit live in their hearts to guide them moment by moment to love You more and love their neighbor better and better each day, as sin was washed away and their souls sanctified from sins? 

No.  But I have all these blessings.  Let me not look for signs and wonders beyond these: a Savior Who died and then arose proclaims that He will never leave me nor forsake me, peace with God and my neighbor, a clear conscience, meaningful work to do this day, and a promise of life everlasting with the most beautiful, loving, amazing, powerful, and personal God of the Universe.  Thank You, God, for loving me.  Keep me humbly looking, day by day, for Your provision, Your leadership, and Your coming.

I read this passage in my regular Quiet Time today:

Mark 6:31-44 (ESV) 
    And he said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while." For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.  [32] And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves.  [33] Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them.  [34] When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things.  [35] And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, "This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late.  [36] Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat."  [37] But he answered them, "You give them something to eat." And they said to him, "Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?"  [38] And he said to them, "How many loaves do you have? Go and see." And when they had found out, they said, "Five, and two fish."  [39] Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass.  [40] So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties.  [41] And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all.  [42] And they all ate and were satisfied.  [43] And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish.  [44] And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men.

I found amazing parallels to my homeschooling life here.

First, the disciples were exhausted, and Jesus said, "Come away with me to a lonely place and rest."  How sweet that is to think about.  The Savior knows our frames; He knows that we are but dust.  Bearing, nursing, raising, and schooling children while caring for husband and home are exhausting labors.  But Jesus knows.  And He, Himself, initiates rest periods in our week, such as naps and Sundays, or when our husbands take a shift while we sleep or recreate.  We shouldn't feel guilty about these; we should receive them gratefully from our Savior, Who loves us.

However, when Jesus and the disciples got to the place where they expected to rest, behold!  Needy people.  Isn't that so much the way with mothering?  Just when you feel like you're going to drop, or just when you're expecting to rest, someone needy enters your field of vision.  How do I react?  Well, after all these years, I'd have to say I am pretty good about drawing on God's grace and allowing His Spirit to fill me when I have nothing in me to give them.  But it wasn't always that way.  I used to resent it.  It used to really squeeze me, and reveal my wicked cravings for selfish pursuits.  I bet that among the disciples there was the whole spectrum of reactions to this crowd.  Don't beat yourself up too much if you know you grow selfish when tired.  But do realize that you will be grown through years of service to where you'll become more like Jesus, Whose reaction to the needy crowd was compassion, for seeing them truly He saw they were like sheep without a shepherd.

After ministering to these needy ones all day, the disciples (presumably now really tired) size up the situation and say, "Jesus, there are no resources here.  I guess we should send these people away to fend for themselves."  Jesus surprises them by commanding them to feed over 5,000 people.  They do what I always do: they look at what they, themselves, can do for the people.  "Do you want us to go and spend a huge amount of money to buy bread for them all?" they ask in all seriousness. 

This is so like me.  I live my life constantly struggling to see it with eyes of faith.  In my capacity as an author of a curriculum and CEO of a growing family business, it seems like I am constantly facing the end of our resources, with many tasks yet to be fulfilled.  And you don't have to be running a business to feel this.  I felt it when I was a young mom with three children under the age of 4, one on the way, and no money to buy anything beyond food and clothes, but with needs for things like travel money to a family wedding or Christmas presents to buy for extended family.  I know singles feel this: they work all day and then come home to the full complement of household chores, cooking for themselves, and errands to run.  God has a way of showing us our need for His miraculous provisions in the everyday situations in which we find ourselves.

Jesus asked the disciples, "How many loaves do you have? Go and see." And when they had found out, they said, "Five, and two fish."  An impossibly small amount.  A pittance.  One loaf for every thousand, hungry men (and none for the women and children present.)  Two fish.  And they were so tired!

"Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass.  So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all.  And they all ate and were satisfied.  And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish.  And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men."

Lord, please take my pittance of strength and resources today and first bless them.  Then, break them and use them to strengthen, encourage, and sustain others.  Let my meager supply of gifting, talent, and bodily strength be used to Your glory today in my home and in my work.  Help me to see with eyes of faith the fact that if You, Great Unchanging One, can feed 5,000+ people with a few loaves and two fish with the remains of the meal exceeding what You started with, You can bless my efforts today. 

For my sisters who feel they don't know enough academics to teach their kids: provide what they lack, Dear Savior.  Show them realities beyond what can be now seen.  For those who feel the lack of organizational skills to order their households properly: provide for them and for their families in surprising and delightful ways as You bless them first, and break them of sinful patterns that lead to failure, O Lord!  For those who lack encouragement, or strong leadership in their homeschooling work, I pray for faith that You, O Lord, are leading and will provide all they need, with enough left over for them to someday strengthen others.

O may we all, with eyes of faith, behold Your Son today, Lord God, as we rise up to serve the needy people in our lives with nothing in our hands but a pittance of strength or resources.  You are all sufficient; we look to You today and rejoice that we will see a miracle! 

One piece of wisdom that our former Senior Pastor, C J Mahaney, imparts in his wonderful book, Humility: True Greatness (a must-read, I believe, for all parents), is that we should be asking others for their observations and input into our lives.

As a follow up to "Grace Soup," have you asked your kids lately some of these X-ray questions? 

• How do you think I best represent (or for younger children, how am I most like) Jesus to you?
• What is your favorite regular event in our family week?
• What do you think is most important to Mommy?
• If you could change Mommy in just one way, what would it be?

God gives grace to the humble!  If you ask your kids regularly for their observations, you may not initially like what you hear, but isn't it better to hear it now, while you have time to seek the Father for grace to change, and make a difference in their formative years, than to shoulder regrets later when it's too late?  Sweeten your Grace Soup with humility this week, and ask!  At the very least, you'll receive new insight into God's path for sanctification in your life, and at the most, sweet encouragement for the ways God has already changed you to be like His Son.

(There!  That ought to be short enough to please David! ;-) )

Below: CJ Mahaney, a very humble and godly man, with much to share in his several little books, one of which is Humility, True Greatness. 

Sometimes I bow my head, overcome with the goodness of God.  For instance, when I read what Charity, my 18yo daughter, just wrote on her blog, as she is freely rhapsodizing about her family.  In the words of Chris Rice, "Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why..."  My six homeschooled-all-the-way children love God, love church, love others, and love me! 

I am so aware of my sins that the last astounds me the most.  I mean, they had to live with me full time, unable to escape the harms my sins did them.  If I was harsh (and I was often harsh), they were hurt.  If I was impatient (and impatience is one of my card-carrying sins), they were hurt.  If I was prayerless and faithless and quick to judge their little hearts, they were hurt.  Etc.  And I was, frequently, overtly sinful during my homeschooling days.  But, now that they're 25 to 15, they all love me.  They love their dad, and each other.  How is it that we are a happy family, given two sinful parents?  Above and beyond that, why do three of them persist in the desire to devote their careers to serving homeschoolers under our direction in our family business?  It's perplexing to me.  It's not normal.  But, it is wonderful!

People have asked me over the years for my secret.  "What is the formula for a happy family?" they want to know.  When I answer the truth, which is that we are trophies of grace, pure and simple, they persist.  "What did you do achieve such results?"  Of course, their real question is, "How can I arrive at the same happy conclusion as I see here?  How can I get my children love and esteem me even though I sin against them in so many ways?"  Mixing the metaphor a bit, "Can I follow your recipe and make a Grace Soup, too?"

I would be lying if I said, "Well, just follow this formula and everything will turn out right."  There is no formula that a parent can follow, because so much of life happens to us.  God is directing our lives, and He is doing it for His glory and our good.  The things we chafe at the most are the very things that are most directly molding us into the image of His incomparable Son.  No, there's no formula.  And there's no fail-proof recipe, either.  Really, who would want there to be?  It would diminish the incredibly intricate, amazing, astounding grace of God if there were, and life on earth would be pretty boring, too, with all families the same.

But, the Bible does say that we older women are to teach the younger how to love their husbands and children, how to be busy at home, etc.  So, I've tried to serve my younger sisters when asked this question in the past.  I've gone to my husband and my children and asked, "What did we do right, by the grace of God?"  Though there is no formula, I would venture to say that there are ingredients that make up Grace Soup, the nourishing meal that results in strong families, as different as they are! 

So, here we go, for what it's worth. 

I think, looking back, the first thing was that Scott and I truly loved each other and worked hard at making our marriage as godly as we could.  This means that beyond the real work of "keeping the love light alive," we both had the courage to confront sin in each other, and also seek to humbly receive these observations from one another.  We both sought to grow as disciples individually, and then sought to love each other biblically. 

Because we were visibly growing in God, and humbly confessing our sins to each other and to our children (when we sinned against them, or in their hearing), our children grew up with this paradigm:  people love, people sin, people confess, people forgive, and people love again. We corrected our children carefully, consistently, and both physically and verbally.  We did it in the fear of God, teaching them that it was our duty to shape them for obedience to God by requiring obedience to us.  Because they saw us obeying God, they bought our line that they should, too.

Next, I'd have to say that my husband's laser-beam focus on being an earthly example of the Father was key.  Scott is far from perfect in many ways as a husband and father, but he has been as consistent as a human being could be on two points: he has been loving, patient, kind, and gracious as the Father is to us, day in and day out for 26 years.  Furthermore, he has been a servant in the house, purposely walking in the image of our Savior, who washed His disciples' feet. Servanthood marks all of our children, and they learned it from their father.

Humor was another key ingredient.  Our family has laughed and laughed over the years, and we know from Scripture that a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.  And really, ladies, so many days, what can you do but laugh or cry?  Choose laughter!  Many times, I hauled myself out of a tense situation and saved the moment for myself and the children by cracking a joke that diffused my tension and thereby everyone else's as well.  We are fallen creatures.  We are often ridiculous!  It is the sign of humility and God-given joy to be able to laugh at yourself and with others at the many turns life takes. Believe that, like a rollercoaster, though the turns and twists may be hair-raising for the first time rider, God has the car firmly attached to the rails and is in no doubt of the direction for the car or the length of the journey. God is in control; it is all for His glory, so buckle your seatbelts together and enjoy the ride!

And continuing the roller coaster image, another ingredient, I believe, is faith.  Scott and I have lived "on the cutting edge" of the Christian life.  We are both visionary people who love a challenge, and through the years, we have sought to out give God in many ways, and of course, we have not succeeded.  For His sake (not to prove anything) we've done some pretty gutsy things: having six kids via not using birth control, homeschooling, picketing abortion clinics in the snow, taking in single mothers and other singles to live in our home, taking on leadership roles in local and state support groups, going to law school with five kids (and having our sixth while there), starting co-ops, writing a homeschool curriculum and thereby taking on the debt of starting a family business, speaking around the country and internationally (hard for me, not Scott) and, most lately, taking Scott's parents into our home.  You may think this is boasting, but truly, I am boasting in the grace of God.  We were seeking His face, and He led us to live on the edge, to step out on the water, and to trust him.  No matter how serene you feel your life is compared to ours, surely God is asking you to trust Him in some way.  Do it!  You can't out give God.  No matter how many times you lay down your life for His people or His Kingdom's advancement, God will be able to reward you beyond what you can ask or imagine. I always believed that a bored child would become a bad child.  I believe our kids are happy today, and love us, because they were never bored!  They live life the same way, as young adults, as we did all their lives, even choosing to partner with us in the ongoing adventure at Lampstand Press.  As long as you keep God the center of ministry and remain a servant (not puffed up with pride at your own importance), and don't put your children second to that ministry, I believe there are few ingredients to happy families more potent and life-giving than radical Christian discipleship.

I need to stop.  There are other ingredients: faithfulness day in and day out with chores, discipline, and educational tasks.  Fun: planning outings and surprises and presents that delight your children.  Friendship: making time to talk long and patiently with teens.  Generosity: giving your time, money, and service to equip and launch these young people well.  But, my son, David, says I need to write shorter posts, and this one is already far too long.  J

Let me bring this to a close by saying that I've seen these ingredients operative in other happy families that I know, so it's not just us.  The delightful thing is that each godly family is different--to His glory!  No other family would want to be just like us, as happy as we are.  So, as you go about your day, faithfully serving your Lord and your family and seeking to grow in godliness, pause to ask Father to work in your life to grow you in godliness and contentment.  Seek to see evidences of His grace and work around you, and tell someone else--your husband and your kids--about these day by day.  Thus you will encourage them with all the little ways you all are growing!  As the Bible says, in Hebrews 6:10-12 (ESV) 
    "For God is not so unjust as to overlook your work and the love that you showed for his sake in serving the saints, as you still do.  And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

I think all families have their own subculture of nutty, funny, and occasionally profound.  My children were raised, as far as they are concerned, in New England (even though we've been in MD for more than half of oldest child, Nathan's, life) and they are proud of their heritage.  One of the things they cling to is snow, and many times, they shake their heads in pitying sadness at both the lack of snow in a MD winter, and how hyped everyone gets should a few flakes fill the air.

In rural New England, we established a tradition where, at the first big snow of the year, Dad and the boys would strip down to their underwear and go rolling in the snow.  Mom and the girls would have hot chocolate and a blazing fire waiting.  We would all delight in being warm and cozy after braving the cold (actually or vicariously).  We also have strong Sunday family traditions: it's the best day of the week.  We do our best to never do any normal work, everyone does everyone else's necessary chores (like dishes).  We sit together in a church we all love and imbibe God's Word together.  Then, we gather each Sunday after church for family meal and meeting where we share what's gone on in our busy lives over the last week.  After that, we talk for hours, or read, or nap.  Ah, Sundays!  And, ah, the joy of a family full of real believers!

Snow-wise, this winter has been pitiful, even by Maryland standards, but, last weekend, it snowed.  It snowed about 13 inches, and it had the good grace to do it on a Saturday night.  Below was our deck that Sunday morning. (Hat-tip to Charity for the pictures below):

We have a large home, and a somewhat interesting collection of inmates.  Scott and I have six children, three boys and three girls, who range in age from 25 to 15.  Our two oldest, Nathan and Mike, have bought their own homes and moved out (close to us, though, PTL!).  Nathan is the production manager for our family business and has a BIG dog, named Sam.  Mike works as a systems engineer for Lockheed Martin and is engaged to Jessica, but more on that another day. Christy is a senior at Patrick Henry College and also is transitioning into being a managing editor of the redesign of Tapestry of Grace.  David is a Junior at University of Maryland Baltimore County, studying graphic arts (and works for us weekends and summers designing everything from ad campaigns to catalogs to the Distaff e-magazine).  He plans to come on with us full time after graduation.  Both Christy and David are home on weekends.  Charity is in her first year at the local community college, MC, and is working on an Art Education degree.  Her vision is to teach art to homeschooling children.  And Marjorie is 15 and almost done with high school (one of the fruits of being both the youngest in an intensely education-oriented family and one of the most powerful intellects I've known).  Charity and Marjorie share a large basement room and are very chummy.

Four years ago, we made a basement apartment as well, and Sara moved in with us.  She is a 50-year-old little lady with red hair who teaches 5th Grade at our local Christian school.  Because she lives in our basement, and is under 5' tall, we call her our pet hobbit.

Last year, Grampa and Grandma (Scott's folks) joined us, bringing their temporary charge, our nephew, Ned, whose parents are missionaries in Mexico.  Ned wanted to finish high school in the States, so Grampa and Grandma decided to act as local parents and they and he moved in.  (Nate and Sam were still here, then, along with Sarah, Ned's sister, likewise here finishing her education, so we were an even dozen around the table each night until this past Christmas, when Nate bought a house and Sarah finished her education and returned to Mexico.)

But I digress.  It had snowed.  Joy and excitement filled the air.  Being a house-full of basically adults, no one was up too early.  Around 9:00 AM, things got rolling.  Grampa and Charity made a huge breakfast of turkey bacon, pancakes, and waffles.  Coffee and jokes flowed freely.  Everyone was enjoying the snow.  We all anticipated that Nate and Mike would make it over, since they have, respectively, a truck and a jeep.  All of us were in high spirits.  It was Sunday!  No one, perhaps, was more gleeful than Sara, who knew that school would be canceled Monday (this being Maryland).  The big question became, "Do we wait for the Mike 'n Jess and Nate before doing the snow dash, or not?"

(Now, gentle reader, fear not.  Over the years, since moving to Maryland and suburbia, the dash is no longer done either solely by the males, nor in underwear.  Bare feet is the threshold, and the idea is to run completely around the house once.)

Finally, the youngest three could wait no longer.  At about 9:30, feet were bared and the dash began.  Here are the triumphant results:

Soon after, around 10 AM, Mike and Jess came over.  Jess decided not to dash (as is perfectly acceptable for the female persuasion), but Mike, without hesitation, bared his toes and ran.  Here is his triumph shot:

Finally, after helping several people in their neighborhood dig out, Nate and Sam arrived.  What you need to know about Nate is that he is THE OLDEST of 24 cousins (on Scott's side) and very much the leader of his generation.  Furthermore, he loves his God, his mother, his dad and siblings, young children, family traditions, and snow (probably in that order, but almost probably equally) best in the world.  Here is Nate's order of events upon arriving at the Clanstead:

After arriving in the front hall, he immediately began to strip... not just his shoes, but his shirt, and then his pants...  We were slightly aghast (Jessica not the least) but Nate held up a hand and said, "I am prepared."  He had on gym shorts under his jeans.  (Whew!)

Scooping up another inmate of the Clanstead whom I forgot to mention, Emma, Marjorie's pet ferret, he stood for a picture before making his dash.

Then, not content to just dash, he did a forward somersault into the snow and frolicked with Sam.

THEN he set off on his dash:

As you can see, he was pink with cold, but loved every moment of it.  Church was delayed until evening, so we had home church in the late morning, our normal Sunday special lunch and meeting, or normal fellowship in the afternoon (complete with naps and chess games -- Marjorie has been regularly beating Scott), snow shoveling in the driveway, and other delicious forms of rest and rejuvination.  At 5 PM, the road being perfectly plowed, we went and enjoyed Church together.

Family traditions and Sundays: how I love them.  How I need them.  Aren't you grateful for the goofy things your family values, and the God Who knows that we all need to rest one day in seven?  Praise Him!

I found another nugget while mining the rich veins of the Old Testament this morning as I started Leviticus.

Leviticus 1:4 (ESV) 
    He shall lay his hand on the head of the burnt offering, and it shall be accepted for him to make atonement for him. 

I was reminded that the Lord really cares that we own our sins, but our flesh screams out against this reality.  Who likes to think about the vile, evil muck that swims in our souls?  Who likes to admit, even to themselves, that they are wrong, desperately wrong, and wicked as well?  And then, God asks that we confess our sins one to another.  "Nooooo!" our flesh cries out. 

So, we blameshift: "It was his fault; he really pushed my buttons!"  "If you hadn't said _______ to me that way, I wouldn't have been so frustrated."  Or, we excuse:  "I'm just not a quiet person.  I have to speak my mind."  Or, we ignore.  Shrug.  "Oh, well."  Or, we bury, rehearsing conversations and situations later, in private, while showering or driving, and getting in all the good things we meant to say or do.  We repent to ourselves in our hearts.  We feel bad about our sins, until we feel better, then we forgive ourselves and move on.

Tut.  Our hearts have sin in them.  The Bible tells us that our hearts are deceitful and wicked, and that none of us can know them.  When conflict or difficult circumstances arise, our hearts are squeezed, and out comes the sin, in plain view of all--including us.  People see far more than we think.  When we excuse our sins, or cover them up, people aren't fooled.  They are hurt.  Our relationships are damaged.  And, most importantly, God -- Who knows about our sins even better than we do -- is offended.  When we choose to fix our sin problem ourselves, or worse, excuse our sins by absolving ourselves after doing pennance to ourselves, we deny our need for a Savior.  We do not stand and put our hand on the Savior and say to our offended Father, "God Almighty, this sacrifice is for my sins."

Confession of sins in hard, but only because its humbling.  Confession of specific sins using biblical terms -- like anger, lust, impatience, rudeness -- is even harder.  I don't like to think of myself as having those qualities in my heart.  I like to remind myself of the benefits of confession, though.  Of the available options, only confession of sins brings healing, grows humility, and helps me to restore my right relationship with God Himself.

James 5:16 (ESV) 
    Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 

1 John 1:9 (ESV) 
    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

Psalm 32:5-6 (ESV) 
    I acknowledged my sin to you,
        and I did not cover my iniquity;
    I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"
        and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.  Selah 
    Therefore let everyone who is godly
        offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
    surely in the rush of great waters,
        they shall not reach him.

James 4:6 (ESV) 
    But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 

Lord, may I have the grace today to put my hand on You, Jesus, the only acceptable sacrifice for my sins before an offended God, that He may accept Your offering for my sins.  Without Jesus' blood shed for me, I can not hide, or run, or heal the breach between Father and me, or between my fellow human and me.  Give me grace as I seek to be humble.  Amen.

P.S.  If you want to dig deeper into some of the ideas I express above, I'd like to recommend an article called The Cross and Criticism by Dr. Alfred J. Poirier.  It's mounted on the Peacemakers' website.

Ever had "one of those days"?  How about "one of those weeks"?  I've had one of those weeks.  You go for a goal and it gets delayed, and then delayed, and then DELAYED again.  So, you persevere.  You redouble your efforts.  And just when you think you've got it, you've made it through, surprise!  Nope.  You're right back where you started.  Only the deadline is passed and now others are inconvenienced, or an opportunity is lost. You feel like crying, or screaming, or dancing in rage--or all at once.  You clench your teeth and you fight for control.  Woe be to the human being who crosses your path just then!

It happens to me a lot.  I happens when I'm running late already on a cold, rainy night to pick up a child at piano lessons and I get a flat tire, and realize simultaneously that the baby has a dirty diaper and I forgot to get milk while I was out earlier.  Or, I'm trying to write a Unit Test for my co-op students and it's taken me four hours and my kids, who have been great and patient this day, but are growing hungry and weary, are starting to quarrel, and just as I've finished reading it over for the last time, I hit, "Save."  But, it deletes instead.  Gone.  Kapuff.  Irretrievable.  And I hate writing tests; I don't even believe in them.  This one wasn't even for my kids!

In my heart (and, I'll admit, all too often with my mouth), I ask God (with an attitude), "Why me?  I'm just trying to serve You here.  Couldn't I please have some help, Lord?" 

My mother-in-law has a word for this part of the Christian life.  She calls it "overcoming."  When we have opposition that seems pointless and grinding and unnecessary, it's just overcoming that's required. Everyone, she says, has overcoming.  It's part of the normal Christian life.

A prime example of overcoming in everyday life is the laundry pile.  Ever do all the laundry by dint of a super-human effort--like, your mother is coming for a visit and you want it ALL done--only to toss your dirty shirt in to that once-empty laundry hamper at the end of the day, stare at it for a moment, and then sigh?  It's just overcoming.

Or how about when you cook that lovely company meal, and then company calls and is very late because they are caught in traffic.  So, the dinner is ruined, and the evening to which you so looked forward is shortened.  It's just overcoming.

Life on earth is full of overcoming.  It's no one's fault; it's just an aspect of the fallen world in which we live.  But what I struggle to remember is that God is here, too.  My faithless heart wants to rise up at such moments and accuse God.  Like the disciples in the sinking boat, I want to cry out, "Don't You care that I'm perishing?"  But I've learned better, in most cases. 

The Bible has other names for "overcoming."  There, it uses the words like "trial" and talks about the fruits of trial: "perseverence," "steadfastness," "patience," and "hope."  And it reveals to us the eternal truth: trials are things are sent to us for our good, and for God's glory.  Here's one passage where the two ideas are succinctly put in right relationship:

James 1:2-4 (ESV) 

    Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

When I am in the midst of a trial, I  confess that I often forget God.  I was not saved until my late college years, and lived relying on my own understanding until then. As an old poster on my college wall expresses it, "obstacles are what I see when I take my eyes off the Son."  I so easily get my eyes off the eternal as I'm being squeezed by temporal difficulties.  Here and now look SO BIG.  God is invisible, and besides, I am trying to handle this one on my own.  (Not that I want to handle it on my own; I just naturally fall into that mindset.) 

But, trials are opportunities for either growth (showing us how far we have to go) or faith (showing us how far we've come since the last test).  In fact, as I read the Bible, really no one grows in things like steadfastness or patience without trials. I find that if I can think about the trial as a test of faith and an opportunity to glorify God, I do better.  When I remember that those around me are probably being tested, too, and that I can serve them by injecting humor or words of faith into the situation, I do better.  When I get my eyes off the circumstances and on to the Lord and His Kingdom, I do much better.

As a homeschooler, especially, I feel like Peter who climbed out of the boat and walked to Jesus on the waves.  Homeschooling defies the norms of our culture (as Peter's attempt defied the laws of nature) and requires a lot of faith.  I'd better keep my eyes on the Lord if I'm not going to sink.  I'd better cry out to Him when I lose faith because I see the waves, so that He can grab me by the hand and save me one more time.  Much of my homeschooling day involves steadfastness, perseverence, hope, and a heart that seeks to glorify God.  If you're like me, be sure to cry out to the Lord when your feet falter as you walk to Him on the waves.  He is good and kind and will grab your hand and pull you out of the surf.  Praise to His Glorious Name forever and ever!  Amen. 

Another nugget from Exodus:

God had called Moses up on the mountain for 40 days and nights after speaking to all the assembled Israelites at the foot of Mt. Sinai with His audible voice.  He had shown Moses specific and detailed plans of a Tabernacle, a very elaborate tent, furniture, and utensils that would be holy unto Him and fit for use in worshipping Him. 

It was no small thing that Moses was called on to achieve.  Look at the list of items he was called on to make:  "the tent of meeting, and the ark of the testimony, and the mercy seat that is on it, and all the furnishings of the tent, the table and its utensils, and the pure lampstand with all its utensils, and the altar of incense, and the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils, and the basin and its stand,  and the finely worked garments, the holy garments for Aaron the priest and the garments of his sons, for their service as priests, and the anointing oil and the fragrant incense for the Holy Place." Exodus 31:7-11a (ESV) 

Moses was raised in Pharaoh's court, so he knew something of the working of government and the problems of leadership, and lately, he had been tending sheep for a few decades.  By training, he was inadequate for the task set before him.  But God knew that.  He had already put His Spirit and specific skills into men who journeyed with Moses.  Indeed, look closely at the passage below, where God first names two specific men (to be overseers and architects of the project) and then He says this, "And I have given to all able men ability..."

In Exodus 31:2-6 (ESV), God says,
    "See, I have called by name Bezalel the son of Uri, son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah,  and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with ability and intelligence, with knowledge and all craftsmanship, to devise artistic designs, to work in gold, silver, and bronze, in cutting stones for setting, and in carving wood, to work in every craft. And behold, I have appointed with him Oholiab, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan. And I have given to all able men ability, that they may make all that I have commanded you..."

God provided it all from before Moses even knew of the project.  If you know the story, you know that God had specifically commanded each Israelite to ask his or her Egyptian neighbor for fine gifts: gold, spices, clothing, oils--in short, all the things needful for this glorious Tabernacle were in their hands as they traversed the dry river bed of the Red Sea and trekked to Mt. Sinai.  God had not only provided the materials, He had caused certain individuals to be trained in the artistic skills needed for the project (doubtless as slaves while in Egypt). 

As boys, as young men, as even older men, did Bezalel and Oholiab plan to be overseeing the building of a holy Tabernacle in the wilderness?  No.  But God had it in mind since before they were born.  He had a plan and a purpose for their lives, and it was for them to bring Him glory.  Indeed, he gave to every man abilities that helped with the project (and as you read on, women helped, too).

So it is with us, ladies.  If you have been called to good works that glorify God (homeschooling would definitely qualify in this category), you can be certain today that God foreknew your task and has put into you His Mighty Spirit that will enable you to accomplish the work. God makes no mistakes.  As inadequate as you feel today, you are the perfect mother for each child He has given you.  And your children are tailor made to cause sanctification and glory in you, too!

Does that mean it's easy?  Nope.  Think again of the environment and situation of the former slaves of Egypt when they began their Tabernacle.  But the difficulties are gifts: they show us that it's Him in us, not us alone, that causes the work to succeed in the end.  Beloved, rest your soul in Him today, and call on His sure and present help as you feel out of your depth.  He is there to sustain and to instruct.  This passage isn't the only one that assures us of His ability to make our work successful.  Go and mine the rich veins of His Word for more ore of this kind!  His promises are many and vast.  He is only a prayer away.  He loves you and is committed to your ultimate success to His glory.  Let us rise up with gratitude in our hearts and do what we are called and gifted to do: love our husbands and instruct our children with the teaching of kindness in the ways of our glorious Savior.

I was at a support group meeting last Tuesday night, and wonderful Diane Kummer (who works for HSLDA as a liaison for those homeschooling high schoolers) was sharing words of encouragement.  Her message was great, and one thing she said was that she viewed her talk as offering us five nuggets of truth. 

"Now you know what a nugget is, right?" she queried as she started.  Then she explained that a nugget is a small piece of something much larger than itself.  There's a lot more of that larger something out there; a nugget is literally a chip off the old block. When one finds a nugget, one looks for a vein of ore to be mined!  She reminded us that though she only had a few minutes to give us a few nuggets of truth and encouragement, these were nuggets from the mountain ranges of God's truth.  If we looked for the veins of ore from which her nuggets had come, there was a vast deposit of truth and encouragement just waiting to be mined.

I so agree!  What I want to do on this blog is to offer nuggets, and I pray that you will be inspired to put on your miner's hat and, during your own times with God apart from the busyness of life, high up on those mountains where we seem to see things more clearly, go and find the endless supplies of eternal ore that will make you a very rich woman. 

Here's a picture to remind us of how big God's deposits of truth and encouragement are, and that they are just waiting for us to begin mining.

Personally, it's one of those years where I've decided to read through the entire Old and New Testaments on a plan, so right now I'm reading in Exodus about the priestly garments.  Here's one nugget that I mined this week:

A couple of days ago, I read Exodus 28:2 (ESV)  "And you shall make holy garments for Aaron your brother, for glory and for beauty."   

I know that God instituted many Old Testament practices as "types" (things that are real, yet foreshadow a greater, future reality) to teach us about His character, His plan, and His Son, Jesus.  But, as I read this verse, it struck me so strongly that God Almighty cares about beauty and about glory for themselves.  He didn't have to.  He could have been an austere God, a Spartan God, a sterile God, or even a malevolent God.  But He isn't.  Instead, He, Himself, is beautiful.  He is so beautiful Himself that He cannot help but display that beauty in all that He does.  God's beauty, and the beauty of His creation, can inspire and comfort us.  He is beyond us -- holding all things together in Jesus with love towards us -- and He is right in our homes, making our most mundane moments beautiful, if we but take the time to notice.

To think of the beauty He has gifted us with sends me to His feet in worship.  Lord, thanks for the beauty of the orchid.  Thanks for the beauty of a happy family.  Thanks for the beauty of a patterned rug, a graceful curve in a piece of furniture, a pleasing combination of colors, the look and smell of good food, and the taste of an Italian cappuccino.  There are beauties of sense, beauties of mind, beauties of spirit.  Thanks for Your creation, so vast and amazingly beautiful in all its details. Even when it is repulsive, it is beautiful in its order and purpose. 

You, O Lord, have made it so.  I worship You today.  Help me to look for the ways You have beautified my life and my home today, even in the midst of those things that cause me to sigh.  Help me encourage others and glorify You as I remember to express gratitude for this to others, as I glorify You by pointing out to my children and my husband how truly beautiful You are.

Paul exhorts us in Col. 3:16 (ESV) to "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."

Most days, I have a thankful heart.  I love the Word of Christ.  Jesus is the light of my life, and His Word is the only sure light to my path.  Daily as I sit in His presence, God feeds me from this Word.  Since I am a homeschooling mom, many of my insights are relevant to the world of homeschooling women: more specifically, to handmaidens of the Lord whose roles involve working out the gospel as wives, mothers, and academic teachers.  Lately, I have felt the Spirit's strong prompting to share the manna He gives me with those He may lead to read my musings. 

In Instruments in the Redeemer's Hand (a life changing book that I couldn't recommend more highly), Paul Tripp tells us that we are meant to interpret the world for one another, reminding each other why we are here and what we are meant to be doing.  In our modern day, blogs give us an opportunity to share insights and half-formed ideas with others, so that we may, together, grow up into a mature knowledge of Jesus Christ. So, come, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His Name together!