Mar. 7, 2006
I am NOT your friend....
Posted in Family
I was just browsing a board I frequent with other fosterparents and was disturbed by something I read. One mother found out her fosterdaughter was smoking pot by reading her journal. I wanted to comment there but decided to blog about it instead. A few people told this woman she should never have read the journal. Another person went as far as to say the mom should not have been in the room without the child's premission or presence. I just wanted it noted here and now for my children's future benefit.
The only privacy you get in my house is when you are bathing, going to the restroom or changing clothes. Otherwise, doors are to be left open and mommy will be going into your rooms without your knowledge. I will look in your drawers, your closets, your books, your notebooks...whatever I want to look through. Maybe Im searching for something or maybe Im just nosey. Doesnt really matter. I dont need an excuse or a reason. I wont apologize for it. If I ever find anything in your room that indicates you are heading down the wrong road I will confront you with and you will not like it. I love you and will do everything in my power to keep you from making "typical teenage" mistakes.
My favorite commercial for awhile was these two parents slamming the door and screaming at each other, turns out they were preparing themselves to confront thier teenager about finding drugs in her room. I am not my kids friend, I am their mother. I am responsible for them. God has put me in charge of them. He has given me authority (under my husband) over them. I love my children dearly. I will do anything I can to protect them and if that means invading thier "privacy" then so be it. We have lots of time after they are grown to be friends. Right now I need to get them to the stage where I *want* to be thier friend after they are grown.
One more thing, I know a lady who was at the store with her 12 year old daughter. The young lady needed new school clothes. Unfortunatly, mother and daughter had different opinions on what clothes were appropriate. Now I was actually in this situation with my eight year old daughter once. Guess who won? The person buying the clothes. The mom. Unfortunatly between this other mother/daughter team the daughter won! When I asked the mom about it later she said it was just easier than having the child be mad at her. Oh, ok. ?!?!?!
I will say one more time. I am not here to be little Suzie's friend. Im here to be her mom and sometimes that means just being the adult!
Comments
Mar. 7, 2006 - Wow & Amen!
Posted by whirlwind
Applauding over here. Thanks for the pep talk and the straight-forwardness.
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Mar. 7, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Amen!!
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Mar. 7, 2006 - Reading Journals
Posted by SheilaG
Nice to hear you say that! I guess I never thought about it too too much, but recently I went in to tuck my 11-year-old daughter into bed and saw her writing in her journal. I got sight of something that looked like she was alluding to the fact that she had kissed someone.
I was a little disturbed about this, to say the least, and wondered what to do. So when she was asleep, I read it, though only those few sentences. Turns out she was talking about a dream she had that surprised her a bit. I have no problem at all with that, and closed the journal and felt a whole lot better.
But if it had been what I was worried about, I would have had to confront her. I wasn't relishing the idea, but I knew it had to be that way. After all, if you have the ability to steer your kids in a safe direction, shouldn't you use it? I guess the real test is whether or not you tell your kids that you'll be doing this from time to time.
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Mar. 7, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
ROCK ON!! (ahem ... I mean AMEN!! LOL)
This was so awesome, I read it to my husband and he loved it too.
~Brandy
http://zionmissionaryoutpost.org/wanderinghomemaker
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Mar. 7, 2006 - You are a friend, Super MOM!!
Posted by Anonymous
A friend would love the other friend enough to snoop
if the friend thought something was wrong,
or the friend was unstable.
(most teens are a bit loco!!!)
And that's the truth.
If you were my best friend, I would be in your buisness.
Not becasue i am trying to Lord over you.
But becasue I Love you.
I trust God to touch my heart to any thing amiss.
Continue praying and i will too for your daughter.
It's better to be caught.
And humiliated.
Then to feel worthlless, ignored, and unloved!
Period!
Gladice Graceful Heart.
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Mar. 8, 2006 - I agree!
Posted by Anonymous
I'm not far from being a teenager. I'm only 25 and I have no problem with parents "snooping" in their kids' rooms. How many kids could have been saved from suicide, depression, dangerous games, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancies, drugs, drinking, etc if parents had taken the time to "snoop." Some might say that other signs would have let the parents know, but teens are masters of double lives. Believe me, I was one only a few short years ago. Good parents snoop. Good parents keep tabs on their kids. Good parents discipline. Good parents love. Good parents work hard at being parents.
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Mar. 8, 2006 - wow
Posted by mrsdiamond
brandy sent me over, and i just had to applaud you.
i just might copy this into an email and send it to my 11 year old daughter. i am her friend as long as she's towing the mark, but i am her parent first and foremost. and i even go so far as to read her emails. she writes a journal TO ME... as though it were her blog.... (cuz I won't let her have a blog) and I leave comments. She does it in ms word and it's good typing practise.
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Mar. 9, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
I think everything you said is correct.....but you can drive your kids into the wrong path by being too controlling. My parents were that way and I left home as soon as I could and am not close with them today....You also have to let kids be their own person...within reason.
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Mar. 10, 2006 - Wow!
Posted by Anonymous
Thank you very much. I had never seen it that way. I will try to keep that in mind when my toddler is a teenager. Thank you so much for that opinion that goes against most people beliefs.
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Mar. 16, 2006 - NOT your friend
Posted by Anonymous
Great post!!
Just wanted to add my name to the list of parents who aren't afraid of losing a "friend" in order to love and train their children in the Lord.
Way to stand up to the "world's" way of thinking!
~You go girl~
Lori
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Mar. 17, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Keepermom
I love this!
My mil gave my daughter a journal the other day and told her it was for her "personal, private thoughts". My dd was informed when we got home that Mom does have the right to read that journal anytime she wants!
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