As of twelve midnight, it’s Friday the 13^th today.

All day.

But I am not superstitious.

At 2:30 a.m., my eyelids opened as if they had been mechanically set by a timer to do so.  “Great,” I thought, “I get to start wrestling with the mattress – just what I want to do.”  I tried the turning on each side, listened to Alan, uh, breathe, looked at the clock, put one foot out of the covers, then both.  “Okay,” I thought some more, “let’s see if I can regroup.”  I went into the bathroom and then ventured out to the kitchen for a glass of water; I also had hints of a headache so I thought I would head that off since I was already up and everything.

As I wove through the darkness of the family room, just passing the back door, I heard one of the dogs barking outside.  “Great, this is just what I need in the middle of the night,” I said out loud to myself.  I opened the back door just enough to stick my head out and sure enough, the other dogs were beginning to rev up as well.  I shut the door to go and get the spotlight and headed back out onto the back porch; cats began shooting through the cat door onto the porch like bullets.  The dogs were really barking now as I went out the screen-door with the light.  I panned the light everywhere, but all I could pick up were little bunny eyes across the upper yard towards the well house.  Then I heard Bandit in the front of the house really barking wildly.  “Okay,” I thought, “let me go out on the front porch to get a better view.”  By the time I got from the back porch to the front porch, maybe a span of two minutes, Bandit was no where to be seen – but could be heard going toward the pasture behind us and, yep, you guessed it, that coyote “thing” was at it again – screaming, barking, howling – whatever you want to call it – but nearer the well house, yet “in” the pines.

PAUSE:  I guess I need to take some pictures of these “pines” and the geography for those of you who are so good to be keeping up with these events as they unfold…

Okay – where was I?  Oh yeah, on the front porch… I hurry back in the house and go and get the .22 that is in our bedroom – Alan is still breathing “out loud” but sort of wakes up as I rush out of our bedroom with the gun.  You’d think he would have snapped right out of his sleep – I mean, how many wives are running around grabbing guns at 3 in the morning….

By the time I was back outside on the front porch, it sounded like an alien invasion of coyotes and, to be honest, I was a bit unnerved, this time, that here I am in my red plaid pajamas, my blue fluffy bedroom shoes, a spotlight, a gun (at least) and I’m hearing what sounds like a war of canines in the back pasture.  This had all the makings of a very bad “B” movie.

The “regular” coyote was still at its post yipping, so I walked slowly to a half-way point.  The boys’ trampoline is located just under a large oak tree out in the middle of the upper yard about half way between our house and the chicken house.  I balanced the spotlight on the trampoline and stood behind the oak tree hoping this yipping canine would make the fatal mistake of coming out in view.  The whole time I stood behind that tree, I could hear neighboring cows bellowing as if they were alarmed, too.  I could hear Bandit in the distance barking and running after other howling “something’s”.  Meanwhile, this tactical distraction from the pack was still holding out in the pines yelping.

About this time I began to feel some tenderness in my right eyelid; I reached up and rubbed it and it was really painful to the touch.  Then I heard the front door open and I turned around to see Alan coming, dressed, with the shot gun.  I walked back toward the house and met him about half way.  He seemed a bit shocked by all the sounds in the night going on around us.  We stood silently and listened for another ten minutes while all this was playing out around us.  He finally broke our silence and asked if I had seen Bandit.  I gave him the run down of events and he seemed worried about our dog with all that we could hear in the pasture behind us.

What do you do in situations like this?  We’ve already chased the yipping yeti and accomplished nothing.  We’ve run the dogs after it and accomplished nothing.  We will have to continue being on guard and being prepared.  And Bandit, well, he is so good to guard his farm, but how many times can he go after these wild canines and still come out on top?

Just like all the other times, the sounds just ceased.  We stood outside in the darkness with only the light of the near full moon for another ten minutes.  Alan began whistling for Bandit but he never came.  All we could do was to wait until later this morning to see if he would be on the front porch.  When we finally came back inside, the clock read 3:30.  Upon returning to bed, I recognized that tenderness in my eyelid again, but drifted off to sleep.

7:30 a.m.:  I awoke and realized that Alan had been up for some time as I could smell the coffee.  I got up; ouch, my eye hurts.  Upon walking into the bathroom, flipping on the light and looking in the mirror:  Great.  I have a sty in my right eyelid and my right eye is swollen and nearly shut.  “Never mind my eye, where’s Bandit?” I thought.  I flew to the front door and opened it; there was Bandit, on the door mat, just like always, looking up at me as I walked out the door wagging his tail full speed.  He appears to be unscathed – again.

After going over Bandit with a fine-toothed comb, I went back inside to the kitchen to claim my first cup of coffee of the morning.  Then I returned to the bathroom mirror to further investigate this pink and swollen eye.

Just lovely.

Alan’s company (ahem, a new company he has just gone to work for…) is having a social gathering this weekend; our first to attend since he began working for them.  I’ve never met anyone from his company.  Yet.  Won’t I be making a fashion statement?  Maybe I can find a pair of John Lennon/Meg Ryan sunglasses that will match my outfit and I can pucker my lips all night so as to distract from my nearly shut eye.

I can hear the conversations now:

Alan:  “Hi, I’m Alan and this is my wife, Harriette.”

Company Employee:  “Oh Hello, Mrs. Jacobs, it is so nice to meet you.  And what do you do?”

Me, with my lips puckered:  “Oh, I hang out in my bed clothes in the middle of night trying to shoot invisible yipping yetis.  Would you care for some pink eye?”

It’s Friday the 13^th.  There's a full moon on the rise.

Superstitious?  Naaaaah…not me!

Harriette K. Jacobs

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