You’ll be relieved to know that we managed to make it out to eat without further incident given our Friday the 13^th events.  However, Saturday morning, we still had high winds that toppled one of our kennels a couple of times with a few more events and I was beginning to worry that Friday the 13^th was overflowing into “Saturday the 14^th”…  What on earth could possibly lie ahead at Alan’s company event later that night?

Twenty-something scalding eye packs later, I and my sty finally came to terms:  I agreed I wouldn’t touch it too much trying to camouflage it with eye shadow and it wouldn’t begin to swell like a marshmallow right when I was meeting Alan’s new boss and the other sales rep’s from his office.  Meanwhile, my bangs were in bad need of trimming – but not this day – I couldn’t have had heavy bangs hanging in my eyes at any better time.

As Alan and I pulled away from the house and turned to head down the dirt road, the moon was so full and bright, it was as if it was plugged directly into G.E.  The wind had finally died down and the sky was clear as a bell.  All seemed so peaceful as we left our tranquil dirt road.

Being new to a company definitely has its perks especially when it comes to company social gatherings.  If you attend, it’s just marvelous that you were willing to show up at all.  The bonus:  you’re not obligated to stay very long.  There’s nothing like chasing heavy hors d’oeuvres around itty bitty plates while smiling ever so gentile – from underneath long heavy bangs – at four hundred strangers none of whom got the memo that defined “semi-formal attire.”   “Cojo” and Joan Rivers would have just ended it all.

What is this business with wearing a slip…

…on the outside of your clothes?

Have I been in a coma and shipped out to space?

After the company business was out of the way, while we all ate and smiled at one another, the D.J. started the evening’s music off with K.C. & the Sunshine Band…  If we had not actually talked to the handful of people that my husband knew at this gathering, I would have suspected that we had made a gross error and attended a bad wedding reception from the 80’s.  But that was only the beginning.  “Behind curtain number two…” the D.J. wanted folks to sign up for karaoke competition.

Y’all would not have believed the line that formed….

How long was I out in space?

Then, I saw her.

It was “Olive Oyl” with her hair down; she was dancing solo in a full length slip.

She danced the entire time.

She never sat down.

I was amazed.

Finally, the full moon karaoke hour had arrived – and Olive had picked out “The Love Shack” originally recorded by the B52’s (Bless their hearts – if they only knew…).

PAUSE:  Now let me tell you, when I’m driving – ALONE – in my car, I am an amazing fourth Dixie Chick.  But trust me when I tell you, the world is not ready for a fourth Dixie Chick.  We need to know our limitations.

In an effort to keep all of my old skeletons deep inside my closet, just suffice to say that the next time I hear “The Love Shack” on the radio, I’ll have an entirely new mental image.

So, all in all, we went, we smiled, and we were amazed.

As for me and my sty?  We were just glad to get home, back on our dirt road.

Harriette K. Jacobs

Copyright © 2006

All Rights Reserved.