Time got a way again!  I've been busy with gardening and canning all summer..plus getting a horse from a friend.  Learning about horses all over again.  Getting a livestock/property guard dog..which I'm learning will take a while since he's only 6mths and very puppy for such a big dog. LOL Hopefully in two yrs. it'll pay off and he'll get it together.

Ok, horse first. Her name is Spook. She's 25yrs. old and has been our friends horse since she was 2 or 3. He trained her and everything. Well, after finally spending all the money to get gear to ride her I got her all geared up and sat on her for about 5 min. talking to our neighbor, when she falls over! I managed to pull my leg up but misjudged her width and got my calf to ankle caught under her. Our neighbor was helpful in pulling up on the saddle enough for me to pull my foot free. After I had gotten zapped by the electric fence at my back.  So, I'm pretty shaken as far as trusting her now.  She was down for about 5 min maybe a little more. We undid the cinch and she still didnt respond. She did begin to twitch her legs as if she were having a seizure though. We thought she was dying, so we took off her bridle and just watched and waited to see what would happen from there. Within 1 min she raised her head, stood up, shook off, walked off a bit and started to graze as if nothing had happened!! you can just imagine our amazement! Now our neighbor and many other horsemen/women since have been told the story and no one knows what to say to it. The only thing we can assume is she had some kind of medical type issue. We've tried reenacting the whole senario and it hasn't happened since.  I was pretty sore for about 4 days and bruised for about 2 wks., but thankful that I made it out of that with no broken bones.  We have had a hard time catching her she runs away every time. So, I decided to go old school and get her used to us catching her. We removed the water tank from the corral and set it up outside of it.  If she wanted a drink , she'd let us catch her.  It has been working pretty well. She doesnt run like she used to. Sometimes she just waiting at the gate for us.  Last Friday I decided that it was time to put the tank back in the corral to see how she did with us catching her now.  So, with the kids' help I caught her watered her then had the kids empty and carry the tank into the corral. After we got it in there I tied her up so I could get the hose into the corral and fill up the water again. My 15 yr old help the water end of the hose and I told him not to turn it on (the nozzle) so I turned the pump part on and walked over to get in the corral to untie her and lead her away so they could fill it with water. I hadn't made it past the gate when my son turned the nozzle on.  I yelled at him to turn it off cuz Spook was starting to get scared from the shsshshshshsh sound coming from it.  He tried to but it was too late. She had already freaked herslef out.  I had intentionally tied the lead rope to the hitching post in a pull release tie jsut in case of needing to release her quickly..well she pulled the rope so taught I couldn't get it to release. She was sitting down with her legs straight out braced and head up pulling tightly..she wouldn't stop even though the noise was no longer happening.  I was so afraid she was going to break her neck or do serious spinal injury to herself. Then as I'm talking to her trying to get her to relax her eyes start to roll back..great, she's going down! and sure enough she goes down. She's laying on her side with her legs straight out and the halter still pullling tight on her head and I can't release the pressure at any point due to the taughtness. I have one of the kids run to the house to get a knife so I can cut it.  As they finally came back I'm pulling still on the tied part and it finally gives!! The pressure is released and she's still down.  Her ears are responding to my voice but her eyes are closed.  In just about 30 seconds she is able to pick her head up and get to her feet.  I'm still shook up but she's alive and walking.  One bonus factor in all this (sarcasticly I say) is that she might be bred. Meaning, she could have a baby inside her. We wont be able to tell for about 3 more mths. But, after this...it'll probably be brain damaged and have to be shot. I'm not really sure she's the horse for me..I've never had these issues with a horse before.  So, here I am afraid to ride her cuz I'm not sure if she'll have another seizure and this time I'll really get hurt...and now afraid to be near her at all cuz who knows what will spook her next and I could kill her!

Let's talk about Tug now. He's our new LGD (livestock guardian dog). I got him because we need an outside dog to keep the other stray dogs, neighbor dogs, and coyotes away from our chickens and anything else we may get in the future.  So, luckily my good friend Tracy had 3 pups, part Antolian and Prynese (sp?). Well, we got the runt of the litter she says..but he's big already. Not as big as Shep our shepherd/collie mix but about half his size at 6 mths. maybe a little more then half now.  Anyway, he wasnt leash trained cuz he spent most of his time with the goats in fencing at her farm. So, when we went to take him to the back to wash and groom him he freaked out like all new puppies to the leash. So, earning his name Tug. We thought we would be able to keep him in the chicken yard to socialize him with the chickens. We had a chicken wire screen put up to divide the yard and put him here while we while we went somewhere with mom and Wes.  When we came back he had gone under the wire and chased the chickens into their house and followed. He didn't eat/kill any but unfortunately the small rooster had been crushed from him stepping on him.  Poor rooster was still alive but one side of his body was crushed..my 15 yr old son and I had to attempt to chop off his head to put him out of his misery.  My 18 yr old son wouldn't do it..he's not a killer he's a lover..lol. So, it was up to us to do the deed.  We laid him on a stump and son J took a swing with a hatchet..he only managed to get half of it..and of course the poor rooster starts flopping around in pain with its head half off..I'm trying to catch it so we can finish it off and its getting blood splatterings on my clothes!  We managed to finish him off at last and buried him.  Tug was then tied outside the chicken house on a long lead that Wes and Lee ran between some trees out in the woods. He's been there ever since. At night we were putting him in the chicken yard for his protection from the coyotes while the chickens were shut up in their house for the night.  We have since gotten all his fencing up for his pen out by the chicken house.  He's still all puppy and is prone to wander off when we aren't watching too closely or if he just gets a whiff of something.  Will this backfire, too?

My garden did pretty good for my first time. The tomatoes still are green but since the temps are dropping I have pulled all red, light orange and green tomatoes off and separated them into brown paper bags to ripen inside.  The greenbeans I had left, after spraying the round up and killing 1/2 of my garden off, did pretty well.  I had a lot of bug loss too. But, I managed to yield 55 qts. of canned beans. I only got 4 1/2 qrts of tomatoes. And got about 12 qts of pickles..each one a different recipe so we can decide on which one we like best.  The bell peppers are still out there while I try to decide whether to pull them off or let them stay and see if they make it a little bigger before the first frost. 

The little kids and I went to an Alpaca farm last weekend. An Alpaca farm is my dream farm.  /the deterrent is price of animals!  $8,000 for a female! No can do! but they are such tender animals. And I love their fiber/hair.

Well, it's date night tonight and I better go.  I've got deeper things to share which I will do tomorrow or the next day, God willing.

God Bless

Holy Cow!! The time has flown by! Maybe its the stress or the running around I do with brainzaps, drivers ed, and justin's summer job at the pool.  The good news is I got a 4 day break from reality..and I didnt want to come back!

My hubby and I went to San Antonio, TX for four gloriuos days.  We even got to see our neice Danita and her little ones. We havent seen the oldest since she was born 3 yrs ago and now a new little boy who is 5mths.  Wow, they wore us out! But, on the other hand, we also wore them out! It was nice to be with nita-bug again. She's grown up so much. A little mommy now.  And she's doing a great job.

The trip was a success thanks to my mother in law who was willing to come stay with the kids.  She did a great job and the kids did pretty good too. They started acting up when we came home and she said they never showed her those behaviors. So, Im satisfied that they can if so willing behave.  Although, just how strict are grandma's??lol  Hubby and I had a wonderful time together.  We decided that we are going to start trying to focus on retirement in the next 11 yrs. We really enjoyed each tohers company without the stress of kids and their drama.  We exercised together and everything.  Nice times..I think Im really going to enjoy his retirement.  We talked about even selling out and just traveling the US and the World (depending on how 'the rest of the world' is).  We definetly have to get our passports in order.

After we came back we set out for a family vac. to Branson, MO. Went to Silver Dollar City for two days and saw Shepherd of the Hills play one evening.  Swam at the hotel one night. But, mostly we were so tired from all the walking all day we crashed in the room.  Oh, exciting thing is that hubby bought me a Dulcimer!  I've been playing it and its very cool.  I have a long way to go but am enjoying playing an instrument finally.

Bad news is I believed the label on Roundup and used it in my veg. garden. I've lost half my garden. Im a bit more down about it then I thought I would be..I guess cuz it was going so well until then.  The tomato plants were growing tom. already.  Sigh! Well, I'll try to pull myself out of it and hope for the best next year. I had seen shelves and shelves of tomatoes,green beans, and pickles with corn and bell peppers in the freezer, but the whole idea of growing our own food for the winter was exciting.  Not sure what I'll get now. 

Im a bit worried about my fruit trees too. Yes, I sprayed around them too..they arent looking too well either.  Why didnt I just leave things alone?! 

The good news is we still have 19 chickens..so far none have died. MMmm..bad news is we really only have 17 chickens..2 are roosters.  I need to give them away..or we will be forced to renew our butchering experience.  I just dont want fertilized eggs. I dont have the facilities to house the roosters separate either. Otherwise Id do that..and let them with their own kind when/if we needed more chicks.  our new kitty Rita has a new name..Rita-Bob..yep you guessed it she's a He.  We'll have to get that taken care of this month actually..then maybe we can just go back to Rita??  The corral was going along great until Lee said we dont have all the parts to hook the electicity up..?? And of course he's done nothing about it yet.  So our corral is getting over grown with grass and weeds again. I'll have to ask Grandpa New to mow it down for us again. Hopefully for the last time.  I'd love to get some kind of animal in there..although that means we will have to build a shelter too.  $$$$  It never ends. Or does it? 

My treadmill has been used a lot more. Mainly cuz my hubby has to use it now.  He went to the doc because he wasnt feeling too well..some kind of flu..for 10 days.  Well the doc told him that he was bordering on stage one diabetes.  And would have to go on medication to control it.  Well, we decided to try to control it ourselves first. So, hubby began watching his diet..intake on sugars and all meals.  He went back after only a week and a half and the doctor gave him a prescription to help bring his blood sugar levels down..but we decided that 10 days wasnt enough time for him to get it under control. Knowing that the biggest cause is his weight. So, he hasnt taken any medication and is now exercising everyday for 20 min. managing 1 mi a day.  I'm very proud of him!! he's lost some weight and that makes him feel better about himself too. His blood sugar range is in the low hundreds now..at the fasting stage. You know after waking up..he also exercises before he tests and eats so that helps we know now.  I'm still a hit and miss with the treadmill. I try for 3 times a week..and its a blessing if I can do more. I'm not really losing any weight though. 

July..wow! I've gotta get myself together and finish up all the grading for last year and get ready for the next school year starting in Aug. I'm just really enjoying not having to deal with the kids and the drama of school work.  Gotta buckle down though and get it together!!!

So, thats about it for now. gotta get dinner or something going..lol

Yep..I did. I went and bought 10 more chicks.  Our original 6 chickens are slowing down on egg production..the green egg layers(americaunas) are giving us none right now..the one california white is giving us 1 every two or so days and the two red sex links are giving us 1 every other day. Our three plymouth bar rocks (only survivors of the original 7) are giving us an egg every day but they are so small in comparison to the red sex links and cali. whites who both lay large to extra large eggs. 

We now have three brown leghorns, three red sex links, two black sex links, and two australorp.  This australorp is supposed to be as good as a sex link but we'll see.  They probably all lay brown eggs..no more green or white ones.  Maybe next year we'll find some white egg layers or colored egg layers. 

Nothing new here. Trying to get schooling on track so we can have a bit of a summer break. 

D-C is doing pretty good with her brainzaps..she's in the 6's on both sides of her brain now. Of course this is all activity waves..I'm not sure they are even dealing with her theta or beta waves yet.  S-C is on his 4th one and is doing well.  his numbers are decreasing but got a ways to go yet.  It could take up to 60 or 80 sessions to train his brain how to function right..although each brain is different.  I am learning so much about brains.

This year for Passover/Easter season we decided to try a more physical approach to observing and remembering the Lord.  I made kerchief head coverings for me and d-C and the only other coverings I could think of for the boys were yamakkahs..but they look great and we are having fun wearing them and it brings up the topic of the season and the reason for the season for the kids to ask about. So, I think it has been helpful.  Actually, d-C and I are kinda liking wearing a covering. It makes me feel different..I can't explain it but its something on the outside that I can do that helps me remember Christ and how Holy He is.  It says in the Word to cover your heads in His presence (paraphrased) so this really does make sense.

I'm enjoying my new jeep just not the constant filling up with gas.  I have managed 14.5 m/gal though which is way better then when I first started driving it. 

Lets see this is the last day in March of 2009 already and it feels like the year is half over already..well except for the suprise snow storm we got (or didnt get) this last weekend. they projected we would get 6-10+ in. and instead we got a lot of sleet and about 1-2 in of snow. The next day it was melting already.  We battened down the hatches the morning of the presumed beginning of the storm but found that it wasnt as bad as predicted..I think the Western portion of our state took all the big and bad stuff.  Now prior to this event I had an event of my own.  My husband and I have been talking about my driving situation for a little while (seriously) and came to the conclusion that I needed to trade in my 8 passenger van for something a bit more reliable when inclimate weather comes.  Seeing as how the Lord has blessed us with a good tax refund this year again we wanted to pay off his car a couple years early and get rid of another loan/debt.  We are really trying to get as debt free as possible.  Well, we decided that if we could find a vehicle that was just right in payments so that we could still apply some of the extra money from the once car payment of his to our second mortgage that we would bite the bullet and trade in.  Well, I found a red Jeep Commander 2006 with 42,000 mi. that had the perfect car payment and price I was thinking of.  It's also 4WD and already has a tow package!  So, now it's our new ride..oh and it will fit 7 passengers. Now that daughter is out of the home we shouldn't have to worry about needing 8 pass. Although, at times it has come in handy..but we will deal with that possibility when it occurs. The only two down sides are no cargo room if all 7 passengers are in and the gas mileage is worse then my van!! I got at least 16 now I get a most 14.3 mi/gal.  HHmmm.  I look really good in it though..lol  With the suprise winter weather we had we got to put it to the test and it passed!!! I could actually go get our milk from Carolyn's farm on my appointed day!!  I was truly excited about not being homebound due to the weather. 

So, most of you know that I've been trying and trying to make my flour tortillas thinner and softer and rounder.  Well, I think I finally got it!!  I tweaked the recipe just a little and whallah (how do you spell that?) I got mostly rounded, much thinner, softer tortillas!  The round factor isnt too important to me and my family but I would like to sell these tortillas at the local bakery that jsut opened up. Maybe even take them to Carolyn's Farm and try to sell them there too.  You can freeze them too and they are just like new thawed out.  Anyway, thought I'd share. 

So, speaking of the bakery. It was an idea three of my friends and I had, but you know how that goes...well we have some Mennonite's moving into the area..9 or 11 families now I believe, One of them told me.  So, guess what they did? they opened up a bakery in the same building that we were talking about..lol go figure. Well, if nothing else we'll find out if we would have survived in our little town or not..lol.  That was the question mark..our little town really has a hard time supporting businesses.  So we weren't too sure whether it was worth the investment.  I guess we'll find out if that was the case or not.  Oh yeah..of course I wanted to try their bread so I bought a loaf. Didn't like it!  it was the exact same as mine had turned out from my Amish Bread recipes.  It was just too doughy..It didnt crumble but doughy isnt any better.  So, I now know that I may not be bread challenged like I have thought all these years it really is all in the recipe. I tried my friend Linda's bread recipe and it crumbles but its not doughy and the crumbling isnt too bad.  But it's still not strong enough to spread peanut butter onto.  It tastes good though. 

As for homeschooling. Well, it is still quite the struggle!!  With the two little boys that is.  Crystal is doing very well at getting most of her work done without much ado.  On the other hand...  M has now started playing the "dumb game" more often.  He begins by doing a math problem and then the next minute has no idea how to do it..???  So we go over it and over it and over it and he still has no clue??!!  And it has trickled into other work as well.  Ok so he's in 1st grade. All his lessons are well within his level and he's actually pretty smart so to play this "game" is rediculous.  I tell them that they will not go into the next grade level until they can do the work.  It doesn't seem to matter much.  My question is:  Is this environmental with M seeing his older brother doing it?  Or is it psychological?  Is their some kind of trigger in these two boys that when they hit the age of 7 their brains can't function properly all the time and it gets progressively worse as they age? 

Which also brings me to Brain Zaps!  We took s-C too the Neurofeedback Evaluation this week.  His activity levels were exactly where they should be..meaning no ADD stuff..which we already knew.  His Beta waves were pretty right on too. (Those are the good functioning waves) His Theta waves were over riding his Betas though and that's where he gets whats called interferrence with normal brain function. They test all three Hemispheres. The right side wasnt too off at all, the left a bit more then the right and the frontal was even more so..the right side is your creativity, emotion stuff like like..the left is more logic and stuff..the frontal is your executive it helps both the other sides do their work properly.  And hello there's the issue..his frontal lobe is wacked out.  So, we are starting s-C on his neurofeedback therapy.  He may not be really fixed as d-C will be when she's done with hers.  But, he should be able to begin learning and apply more then he would have without the help.  Regular therapy cant help him.  He has RAD. Reactive Attachment Disorder.  The Doctor we met with pretty much concurred.  When the kids came they all had a diagnoses from someone when they first were taken out of the home of having Mild attachment disorder...well Christian's is much much worse then that.  And they were never re-evaluated before we took them like they were supposed to have been.  Anyway, we'll pray that the Lord uses this to help keep him out of jail when he becomes a teenager and adult.  Hopefully, he can begin to learn from us and begin to apply good and bad behavior and be able to choosethe correct  behaviors for each situation.  

Let's see..what else?  I think I've covered everything as of late.  We are getting ready to begin work on the back of the house to Flood proof it as much as we can.  Oh yeah..we also found an answer to our flooring questions down in the basement.  There is a company that does concrete designs.  Basically, its concrete but looks (design wise) like linoleum or marble type desins..and if we have water going into the basement again..the walls are the only thing of consequence!! Water can't hurt the condrete.  Sigh..now just have to find them and see how much itll hurt money wise.

 Blessings to All

Lets see...The end of February we went for a family vacation. Our oldest son couldnt go he had to work and had college classes to go to so that left our 15 yr old S and the three little ones going up north to Grandma and Grandpas house in the middle of winter.  We had to rent a van cuz my van is a rear wheel drive and that just wont cut it in the North woods of Wisconsin.  We rented an all wheel van..cant remember what it was called but it had all the bells and whistles.  Two side doors on remote control for opening and closing.  The side windows even went down!  We didnt encounter too bad of weather on the way there or back..but we got about 4.5 inches while we were there.  The kids got to ice fish and snowmobile on the lake.  I think that was the highlight.  Other then that it was pretty uneventful adn a little boring.   Our youngest two started to misbehave the week before we left.  Not doing school work..lying increased, just disobedience and not listening insued.  things went well for the most part for the first few days till they got comfortable in their new surroundings then we started having some of the same issues at Grandma and Grandpa's  By the end of the week grandpa was ready for them to go home.  We stoppped by Mall of America on our way home and the kids got to enjoy the amusement park inside.  Not much time for anything else but they had their fun.  I on the other hand was sick with the flu..so I sat out the fun and just watched.

When we got home it was just in time to get our 15 yr old S to his Public school class he takes.  The school week got really bad with the two younger boys both not doing their school work. This has now lasted two weeks. they have apparently forgotten everything they knew before we left.   We took our daughter to her nuerofeedback therapy "brainzaps" as we call them and her numbers were up in the 8's on one side of her brain and high 7's on the other.  too much sugar at gramdmas.  Now its back down to the low 7's and high 6's.  Yea! 

well ran out of time. bye.

I am probably the typical homeschool stay at home mom who often fluctuates between wanting to be out in the world and at home to care for the kids and home.  But, I have been on both sides of the fence.  I've worked, stayed home to raise my babies, gone to college (until we had to move again..blasted military life), stayed home again (while kids went through Kindergarten to 2nd grade in Public School, homeschooled while working part time for about 6/7 years, then back home full time again.  I noticed that at each juncture I wanted it enjoyed it, but always wanted it the other way.  When the other way came I wanted it the other way.  I'd miss the adult conversation the feeling of accomplishment when clients would call requesting me over others in the office to help them with their accounts, and then I'd miss the hugs from my children, the good nights, the good mornings on some days, and the sleep!  Although that was always there.lol  I say all this because in the past 3 years I've watched as other homeschool stay at home moms have had to or have chosen to move into the work force as well.  It saddens me to see the changes that need to take place due to finances.  I have so been there.  It's so hard feeling pulled between your family/kids needing you and you needing to meet their daily needs.  Are we really that different then we were back in the frontier days?  Indians may not be burning our homes down or bears chasing us through the woods for getting into their berry bush but we still face survival challenges even in our modern technologically advanced world.  And just as women have done for thousands of years we step up to the plate and do what must be done for the good of our families.  Bravo Ladies!!  We are no less whether we stay at home or work out in the world or do both.  All I see are women stepping up to the plate and showing their strength, wisdom, inginuity, inteligence, devotion and sacrifice. And in the end our children will see it too, one day.    We sacrifice not for ourselves but for our loved ones and for that I am sure God is proud he created us. 

I love new things, new experiences but I also fear them.  I fear the unknown.  I fear the possibility of failure.  And no matter how attractive change appears to me it also frightens me.  I have been trying to tell myself that if I dont try then I will be a failure no matter what, but is that going to be enough to get me moving..changing?  I don't know.  It's hard work this change stuff this unknown territory stuff, but the one thing I do know is I can do whatever it takes to take care of my family and make liffe as good for them as I possibly can.  So, my motivation is my family. 

For all those out there who are struggling with the hard changes coming your way or that you are already up to your neck in... you are going to make it through whatever it is that you are facing.  Your kids will see your sacrifice and courage and when it counts they will remember you and emulate you.  Your spouse will honor you and cherish you even more.  And you, will be blessed.

So, my daughter J -19 is going to visit my brother and sis in law in Detroit for a week.  In the middle of a snow storm!!!  So, she asks me to take her to the airport.  Sure I say..then the weather channels start talking like we are gonna be seeing maybe 1in. of snow that morning.  Well as you all know my van is rear wheel and I slide all over the place in 1/4 in. of fresh snow on the ground.  So, I figure we'll take my daughters car since its a manual and will handle better on the roads.  Everything goes well. We get there at 7:30am and her plane leaves at 9:23am.  So, I treat her to breakfast at the airport, then we sit around and make small talk till 9am and part ways so she can go through the security check into the boarding area.  I go outside to the outdoor hourly parking and get in her car and put the key in the ignition and ......I bet I don't even have to go any further...you already know what I'm gonna say right??  Yep, your right, it wont start.  But, even more, it's because the ignition switch is locked.  I try it and try it, then call her on her cell.  She says to try turning the steering wheel while trying to turn the key, it usually works for her.  So, i'm thinking..hhmm..turn the wheel??...well I wonder if it locked up because the wheels were cranked too far to the right from parking??  So, I put the key in and began to try to straighten up the steering wheel.  and then guess what happened??! Yep, right again!! Wow your pretty quick!!  The steering wheel locked up!!  So now I have a locked ignition and steering wheel and Jackie is on the plane and can't tell me anything.  I then do what every red blooded woman would do..I grab the steering wheel and start shaking it in frustration..but that didn't help at all..so I called my DH for help.  He had to take 5 hours of annual leave to drive out to the airport to try to help get the car started.  Did I mention that it was 22 degrees before the wind chill factor??  So, I go inside the airport to wait.  I call my sis in law and let her know my dilema..hoping my brother cliff would have words of wisdom for me..but no..I had already tried all that he suggested.  DH showed up after about 45 min. We were out in the cold for about 20 min trying the same things that I had already tried.  No luck.  So, we tried warming up in his car which was next to J's.  We then decide to go inside and try to get online to find a Kia dealership and call a mechanic and to see about a locksmith possibility also.  Then back out we went and this time we tried moving the car while trying to start it.  I sat in it with DH pushing it backward and me attempting to start it..then switched places (cuz  i'm a woman and might not be turning the key right) and I pushed with him inside.  In the meantime, while we were trying this my cell rings and my son who is holding down the fort at home calls to tell me that our mentally challenged german shepard/collie mix has lodged a bone across the roof of his mouth so that he can't close his mouth and is whining and clawing at his face.  I knew the day could only get worse!  So, I'm trying to deal with a car and now a stupid dog who loves to eat dead animals even though he has great food at home to eat.  I tell the boys to call our friend Kevin who is our animal guru when we know nothing of what to do.  they cant reach him at home because he's at the library on the internet and doesn't have his phone on.  So, I tell the boys to have our wonderful friends who live in town send their boy down to the library to tell Kevin to call the house.  he makes it out and uses the needlenose plyers to pull the bone out of Shep's mouth.  One problem solved..thank you Cheryl and Kevin.  Now if only the stupid car would work.  Lee calls our friend Gregg (handyman..mechanic) to see if he has any ideas on what to do.  None.  Which was the same from the Kia dealerships mechanic.  The only other alternative is to tow the car back to Oskaloosa and take it to our neighbor/mechanic Russell.  So, we call him to see if he'd be able to fix it or if we need to tow it to the dealership.  So, Lee decides just one last time he's gonna try doing the same thing we've been doing for the past 2 hours before we call the tow truck and spend a couple hundred dollars to tow it 1 1/2 hours home.  Guess what??  the stupid key just turned!!  Like there was never a problem!!  What a day!!

My lucky Irish blood!!  so, DH and I left the airport and $12 fees behind us.  We then went to lunch together at Longhorn steakhouse to try to make the day end on a good note.  It did..except that the food that I wanted to order was no longer being carried it had been discontinued.  What are you gonna do??  So, I ordered something else and moved on.    The rest of the day went without a hitch..except of course SC not doing his schoolwork. 

And so is my life..the Drama..the frustration..the laughable circumstances that could only happen to me.  But, as Jules said ...when I asked her if she wanted to hear about my drama first or tell me hers first..mine always seems much more fun...!LOL 

God Bless the trials that try us to our limits..

It started around the first or second week of December.  It was week 16/17 of school.  My 8yr old son C started to not do his schoolwork.  He began by doing two subjects Handwriting and Spelling then when we moved to Math he would suddenly stop.  In our home we have a rule that you must accomplish 3 or 4 subjects before you can stop for a lunch break.  Well, he didn't finish the math till around dinnertime. Needless to say he didn't eat lunch.  This went on everyday for the rest of the week.  Then he began escalating the "no schoolwork" and adding comments that he doesn't like homeschooling he likes public schooling.  So anyway, I decided to begin with Math each day instead of starting with the easiest subjects.  Well, he missed lunch again for a few days and then started to not even finish his math by 9/10pm. So, was sent to bed.  DH and I decided to give him dry toast and milk with a hunk of cheese for his meals from that time on seeing as how not eating lunch and dinner was not a healthy option, even though he was the one making the choices.  So, we have been living in the house with a child who refuses to do his schoolwork eating dry toast, cheese, and milk.  Of course, he eats what we eat for breakfast though..cuz I always tell them tomorrow is a new day to start over new like yesterday never happened..it's your chance to do better.  Well, that doesnt seem to matter to C right now.  Oh yes, we have also moved him down into the basement into an empty room (daughters old room).  He had his toys taken from him about 6 mths ago when he earned 12 red/naughty chips for the week.  To this day he has not even tried to earn his toys back.  Well, not really , it takes only 4 green chips to earn a toy back and once he did earn a toy back but by the end of the next week he earned 10 more red/naughty chips ie. toy gone.  Well, I think he finally figured out that he didn't need his toys because he could just play with brother M's toys. So, he would earn 1 or 2 green chips if he was lucky and get chocolate milk or a bubble bath in my tub but no way would he actually try to earn 4.  (this system is not hard to accomplish..sister and brother are earning 1-7 green chips each week)  A majority of the red chips he gets is for not doing his schoolwork..etc. Anyway..so I decided that if he can just play with brothers toys he has no need to try to earn his toys back...so in the empty room he went.  He's been there two weeks now and no sign of getting any better.  We actually started to find things missing again.  I don't know why it didn't immediately register that he was stealing again..but it finally dawned on us a few days ago.  He's been getting up in the middle of the night and sneaking into the kitchen to steal candy and cookies and other junk food.  Oh, yeah, and he has been eating dinner with the family (the same dinner) just cuz we keep trying to tell him we are showing him grace..even though he hasn't earned a great dinner he can join us.  So I couldn't see any reason why he would need to be stealing candy and such.  So, I put an alarm on his door downstairs and it lets me know when he leaves the room at night.  The stealing has stopped I think, but then I wonder if I just don't hear the alarm going off.  Did he figure out how to shut the door so quickly and quietly that the alam barely begins to go off??    So, here we are Jan. 15th 9:45pm and he is just finishing a lesson he started yesterday.  Monday I decided that if he doesn't want to do schoolwork then ok, he'll work all day outside moving wood, raking leaves, picking up dog poop and cleaning out the chicken shed.  the day after I put him to work on moving the wood piles he actually got some schoolwork accomplished.  But, these last three days he has decided that he still isn't interested in schoolwork. So, today back outside he went.  And tomorrow after breakfast out he will go again.  We'll try Sat to see if he will do schoolwork then or not.  I'm pretty much to the point of frustration..I try not to let him see it but inside I am seething at him.  It is so hard for me to even speak to him or look at him without wanting to spank his butt.  I don't like feeling so out of control. 

Schooling is going good for all the rest of the kids.  I am seeing little M getting better and better with his reading and math and spelling.  DC is doing pretty good in all her subjects..I'm still seeing her struggling with context clues in reading though.  We took a break from her nuerofeedback therapy for about a month or so because we were seeing her have meltdowns after the sessions.  We started back up this week and the report was great!  her numbers have always been high and uneven.  The higher the numbers the worse the condition of the brain and the "noise" she was getting.  This time her numbers were 7 on both sides of her hemispheres!!  She started off at 9's and 10's.  So, we know for sure that the two sides of her brain are now communicating evenly!!  We just need to get her numbers down to 6 or even better 5 and then she'll be done..fixed!! Yeah!

I'm having them look into the studies for Reactive Attachment Disorder which is what I think SC is suffering from.  He was diagnosed with mild attachment disorder from TX but from what I've seen of his behaviors he is a bit more then "mild" attachment disorder.  I'm waiting to hear what results if any they've had.  From what I've read there really isn't too much that can help the attachment disorder.  The girl we've been working with says she's treated some symptoms of the RAD like sleeplessness and  depression.  But, nothing else to her knowledge has helped with the actual attachment issues.  So, I feel a bit helpless in knowing that we may be dealing with this for 10 more years.  And there is nothing we can do to make him care about anything. 

Merry Christmas!!

This year's Christmas was not too bad.  Everyone was present..meaning of course, my daughter Jackie was here.  I have to admit I really didn't know whether she would grace us with her presence or choose to go to the home of her boyfriend for the Holidays. Later I realized she was splitting her time between us.  I guess I should be thankful and part of me is the other hurt part is a bit irritated.  I had no idea until probably a couple of days before whether she would be around or not..so I had gotten her a small gift and dad got her a gift.  And that's pretty much where we left it.  Until we found out that she was planning on coming over for Christmas..then I felt a little bad cuz she would be watching us all open our presents to each other and get her two gifts from us and one gift from Grandma Judy and one from brother B.  Plus I did already plan on the Santa stocking to be filled..I guess that's enough right?  I mean I only got the older boys two gifts and a Santa stocking too..but I felt a little "guilty?" cuz the gifts were small.  So, we threw in $25 cash on Christmas Eve as we held our usual family tradition of opening one small gift.  Anyway, things went well.  I just have to deal with my feelings of (unworthiness?).  Not sure that's the right word I'm looking for.  A little of the guilt came from having to use tough love on the 8 yr old son who throughout the whole year has consistently tried to steal the 6yr old son's Christmas belief in Santa.  It was sometime in the Spring when we finally got tired of telling the 8yr old son to stop being mean to 6yr old son M.  We sat him down and very gently but firmly let him know that we understand that while in public school the other kids stole his Christmas beliefs by telling him that Santa was not real but that did not give him the right to steal that from someone else.  The people who took his childhood imaginings away from him were mean and it wasn't fair but that doesn't make it right for him to do it to someone else.  We told him that this was the last chance he would get. That if he tried to tell M that there was no Santa or that mom and dad were Santa again that he would be on Santa's naughty list and not recieve a Santa gift like M and sister C.  So, months past, and about august/Sept. I was feeling very proud of him that he had not spoken of Santa not being real to M again.  Then arond Oct. M comes telling mommy that Christian says Santa is not real and that mommy and daddy are Santa...sigh...my moment of being proud of him at a dead stop.  So, I sat him down again and reminded him of our conversation and asked for the consequence and he gave it ..so "I forgot.." did not apply to this.  Unfortunately, he was nowon Santa's naughty list.  I think as we decorated for Christmas he was so carried away with the decorations he forgot this and mentioned something about Santa leaving gifts.  Well, I gently reminded him that Santa will not leave gifts for children who intentionally try to make other children not believe in him.  I dont think he believed us the first time we told him or the second..he seemed to be a little surprised.  It's amazing how they havent quite learned that when mommy and daddy give a consequence for an action and they choose the action that we will give them the consequence.  So, that was my other feelings of "guilt" this Christmas.  Feeling like a "bad mom" because I didn't give in and get him a gift too.  He got all the other gifts ..I even let him have the Santa Stocking.  But, I guess all the propaganda about no accountability for kids that is sweeping our culture still finds its way in.  It's hard to stick to your word nowadays.  Which brings me to other deep thoughts:

We had a sitdown talk with our daughter Jackie, at hubby's request.  He wanted to voice his feelings in order to release himself from the hurt that he's been living in since our daughter chose to walked the path of rebellion.  I tried to let just him and her talk it out but after about 1 min alone they were arguing already.  So, I walked down to mediate once again.  It went better after that ..although it kept coming back to Caleb this Caleb that..so I finally just said fine you want to go there we will go there..we really only wanted you to understand our feelings but if you wnat specific examples we will give you a few.  So, anyway, it did end well.  I'm sure it could've ended better had she been mature enough and not still in denial of her rebellion.  But, at least hubby can now maybe move on and our home will not be in such pain anymore from his pain.  So, far so good.

I ahve talked to him about turning the tide and calling the "Rose a Rose" as for as Jackie and Caleb courting.  And am asking that we handle it as courting..regardless of the denial and duplicity of Calebs father with them at his home.  My suggestion to him is that we begin to invite Caleb over more often to our home and Jackie spend time here with him in our family unit..as well as giving them one of our date nights to be strictly with us, mom and dad, out in public as "couples".  This way young Caleb can see how a partnership marriage works..the way our daughter was raised as opposed to the way he is accustomed to.  The woman pretty much silent and "OK, honeyfied".  He will eventuallly see Lee or me raise our graceless selves and see how other couples deal with each other and eventually work it out.  This will be a bit difficult to accomplish though because as I said the duplicity of his father.  Even as Jackie has told us "in our sitdown" that he has recognized them formally as being "together" yet denied that they are in fact courting..she says it's very confusing because he says or behaves one way then the next time it's different...she said it was confusing cuz they never knew when it was OK to be together and when it wasn't.  Well, we still have to sit down and figure it out but I'm sure something will come of it one way or another.

Why is it we have such a hard time coming to terms with things we dont' want to be a certain way but they are?  I know I have trouble with this myself.  But, at the same time as soon as I've been "enlightened" that things are in fact the way they are instead of the way I would like for them to be...I move forward and try to make "what is" as right as it can be if it is "not quite as right as it should or could be".  I wish others would move with that more..and i mean move forward by not being duplicitous but by giving grace.  Or would others call it "giving in"?  But, what is best? To "give in" (giving grace) to what is and is not going to change due to it being the will of others or to be duplicituos and then nullify any value to your word or to stand so unmoving that you are but a wall that people only try to find a way over or around or through?  Well, I choose to to stand firm in what I believe is the right way to do things and the path which I and my family are supposed to walk as witnesses of Christ..but when grace is needed i chose to lay down my pride and walk in the grace toward others ,even when they are in disobedience, as Christ has given to me time and time again.  But, I will not call a Rose a sunflower, as I will not call sin by anyother name.  People will know where I stand, in truth, but that I am not too proud to give them grace as they work through their salvation on their own.  Just as I have to work out my sins and salvation through His grace towards me. 

I had a visitor the day after Christmas.  It was Sherye.  The woman who allowed my daughter to move in with her.  If you're not familiar with this story..It's in a previous blog you can find in here somewhere.  Well, to say the least I was surprised.  I had often battled with whether I should show up at her door to let her know that I forgave her for her part in my daughters rebellion..but I just never did it.  I don't like confronting people and this was still weird to me..having someone I let in my life and  called my good friend then to realize that she did not know "me" and I really didn't know "her".  I guess I just figured I'd move on and move forward and not look back.  And just know that I forgave her.  Well, I guess she had the same thoughts and feelings but opted to move on them.  Which I could see was very difficult for her..she's not the confronting type either.  Well, she proceeded to tell me she forgave me for hurting her with the letter I replied to her e-mail with.  And I did apologize if what I said hurt her, but that I was being honest with how I was feeling about her part in the Drama my daughter created.  I did let her know that I understand now that she didn't know that what she was doing was contrary to what God wanted for our family she was just trying to help.  And that that's OK because God had taught me through all of this that good people try to help and don't mean to cause harm they just don't see the whole picture.  Most of the time I just sat there and allowed her to say her peice because I knew how hard it would be for me to be in her shoes.  Before i knew it she was dismissing herself.  No, room or time for my feelings to be brought out.  Only time to say that she forgave me for hurting her and using my children to be hateful to her in avoidance.  That one didn't sit very well with me.  I would have (if given the time) admitted to my avoidance of her in public places mainly the stores in town she works at due to the hurt I was still feeling in the first 3 to 4 mths after the drama.  But that I had never used my children to be hateful to anyone..and if my not gabbing with her as if with an old friend was hurtful to her so sorry but she broke the trust of friendship when she interferred with my family in such an intimate and fragile time.  I have no grace in me beyond that of being cordial to her as I would any person who waited on me at a store.  which I have been waited on by her a couple time and greeted her and smiled when doing so..what more to say, I have nothing.. what can I say?  The thing that struck me is that she stated she felt she had done a good thing and that she had done what she believed God had wanted from her..?? and if she had to do it again she would..she had no remorse for her actions or the part she played in the breaking of relationship in my home/family.  Is she totally the only one who was wrong..no..was she the only catalist to the breaking of relationship..no..but to not learn from your errors is beyond me.  The one thing I am thankful for is that through this pain God is teaching me to be more like Him.  And I have learned that there are many things that I would have done different.  and I have learned more about Grace which I really didn't understand before.  How then can one say they would make the same decision again..knowing that the decision had caused so much pain to others..I do not understand.  Lord help me to understand?  I struggle everyday with trying to develope a relationship with my daughter.  A daughter that is not my "daughter".  And to know that I played a part in a relationship break like that would sear my very soul...I could not bear it.  I guess it's just how much we allow ourselves to feel responsible for our actions in things. 

Anyway, I wish I had been given the opportunity to share my hurt and not so worried about respecting her feelings.  Now I am just left here feeling the same but a little irritated at the audacity of her words and acusations...I take full responsibility for my actions..why won't she?

Well, i'm sure i've timed out on this and will never get this through but in case it does good night and Lord bless us all.

I'm sure that there is a lot I can say and tell you about how things are going around here, but for some reason I am drawing a blank.  In my case though, that can be a good thing!  That means less drama that has been playing out in my life.

Let's start with the most obvious friction in this family. My daughter Jackie.  Her home life and work life are still pretty drama filled.  Of course like I've said before, I feel sorry for her, but we reap what we sow.  It's sad to think that she did not heed my warnings about putting friends before family.  She basically has no friends left.  She's used/manipulated them too often is my take on it and they've just gotten tired of it.  She has been spending more time over here. The hard part is that she can't really come over when Dad is home because he is just wrapped up in his bitterness toward her over her walking out on the family and our values per her friends advice.  "Where are those friends now? Turning their backs on her."  I just pray that one day this will all turn around for all of us. 

Right now, she's trying to manipulate our oldest son B, her younger brother, to move out of the house and possibly become roommates with her after he turns 18 in May.  I, of course, knowing my daughter and her ways broached (sp?) the subject of "moving in with his sister" and he then informed me that she was infact talking to him about it.  See, June is lease up time and there's no telling what the girl roommate is going to do re-up or move out.  Then of course, her brother is also a roommate.  What will he do? Stay or go?  Jackie is determined that she will stay no matter what cuz she can't afford to move out and start over and she's pretty much burned her bridges.  At first I thought my son B was holding up to the pressure, but yesterday he made a comment about moving out.  "It would save me money in the long run to move out."  ????  There was no logic to that comment.  I told him the only benefit to him moving out was that after 6 mths on his own he would be able to qualify for a pell grant.  At home he would not, so everything would come out of his pocket for college.

Which that brings me to another thing. Brandon is now finally done with his schoolwork from last year and the year before. He got all D's and 1 C.  I still need to go in and grade his projects but I dont see his grades coming up that much.  If he's super lucky maybe to a C, but I doubt it.  He is currently taking American History and Beginning Algebra in community college. History he has and A most likely but Algebra I don't think he's fairing as well. I know he's recieved a C or two on some exams or daily work..although I think everything they do is exam based.  Anyway, I guess we'll see.  The "news" is that he has decided to get his GED instead of doing his senior yr of HS at home.  On one hand I'm not too disappointed about it cuz our diploma is unacredited in our state anyway and the BOE changed the college rules on us last year.  All homeschoolers must attend a community college and recieve thier Assoc. before being able to attend a 4 yr college.  They didn't like the fact that our Homeschool kids were outshining the PS kids in academics I guess.  So, does it really matter that he wants to move on with his future instead of wasting time with HS?  Probably not.  But on the other hand I'm a little disappointed cuz it's jsut typical of this generation and my two older kids to try to get around things they don't want to do.

I did just learn that another homeschool family, whose kids are genius', is having the same thing happen with them.  Although all their kids went to public school about 4 yrs ago. The boy who is between my two older boys age has decided to drop out of PS HS and move on with his life too.  I dont see that as any bad thing with them because all their kids are focused and motivated to go forward with their goals in life.  Mine aren't wired that way.

I can't remember if I udated about child #3 and the California thing or not.  So, just to recap incase, we aren't moving in February now either.  The manager who wanted to represent/groom J called to tell us to stay put.  The ecomomy was pretty bad out in LA he said and he didn't want our family to put ourselves in any financial strain with no guarantee's of job interviews for J.  So, for now, and we will continue to keep an eye out on the economy, we will be moving in Sept. of next year.  I'm sure that one part of the issue was that they couldn't take on anymore clients because of the economics out there.  We were really wanting to go with a manager instead of an agent but maybe we should just go with an agent.  but, as far as I'm concerned we are going in Sept.  period!!  If we are gonna do this we need to do it and find out if this is gonna work or not.  So, that's the news on that end of things.  The good news is it gives us a lot longer to save money. 

Oh yeah, J also got his braces put on in Nov.  He has top braces on right now and a "retainer" on the bottom teeth.  It's like a mouth guard. It's a piece of clear composite that is molded to his teeth.   He has to wear it for about two months 24/7 until his teeth realign on the bottom then they can put the braces on.  He has clear braces up to and the bottom will be the regular metal.  That way it doesn't draw as much attention when he smiles or talks.  Although, that retainer messes with his speech right now.  And it really causes bad breath!!  YUCK.  Poor Justin.  He soaks it in moutwash twice a day and brushes it but it just won't get rid of the smell.  So, he has to stay far from people when he speaks.

The younger children are doing OK.  School is going ok.  We have good days and bad days.  They are on target.  I wonder if I'm being a little too lazy with M the youngest though.  He's in 1st.  I have him foing math, handwriting/ scripture memorization, science, history, and sometimes spelling and phonics. Just not consistent with the spelling/phonics.  Is that good or bad?  He has already finished his two explode the code books 1 and 1 1/2.  I am going to order some more and make him do the same ones over again.  I wasnt happy with the book tests.  He got like a C on them.  C the oldest girl, is doing pretty good in school this year.  Still having a little trouble with context clues.  We've backed off the neuro-feedback therapy just to evaluate how it's worked. And it has made such tremendous difference in her. You'd never think she has/had ADD.  She's not twitching anymore.  she still has some small concentration issues but it's also due to her choices.  Who would want to sit and do schoolwork when you could pet/play with a dog who wants to play?  Anyway things are moving along here.  The chickens are laying again.  So we are now up to 4/5 eggs a day.  Plus, the new chicks are laying now.  Although, they are little baby eggs..lol  It takes three to make one of our other chicken eggs. 

Our two new kitties Tom and Rudy are also getting big and they matured as well, so off to the vet they went.  Both are its now we still like to say they are boys though..lol  They are catching mice already and are great companions for each other. 

Catch everyone next time.  Merry Christmas in case I don't update till after.

I think I know why the Lord wanted us to wait to leave after October.  Our son Brandon's car broke down at community college, the next town.  So, I had to go pick him up.  We spent the next day taking care of getting it home.  Then yesterday sometime in the early AM our sump pump stopped working properly and flooded our basement with 1/2" to 1" of water depending on the slope of the basement.  So, we had to call in an extraction company..luckily this time we got sump pump failure Insurance! So, the thousands of dollars it'll take to do the extracting and repairs is pretty much covered except for the deductible.  Then while we were cleaning up water on the floors we noticed a water leak in the corner of one of the rooms on one of the tiles in the ceiling.  So, since the plumber had to come out to check the sump pump (which the ins. co said they wont pay for) we had him find the leak and fix that.  There was one more thing..but I just can't remember what it was!!  Too much probably for my little brain to keep track of.  So, I guess the Lord knew that we'd need to be here as a family to pull through this all together again.  It makes me a little nervous about February...lol.  That's when we were going to go out next. But He moved that back too..can you say nervous about what will happen then? LOL

Although Praises go out to Him cuz I had just realized that our "extra" paycheck fell this payday instead of the usual November.  So, we had the deductible money available to pay the water extracting co.  I was hoping to put a lot of it in Savings but that's our story..we try and try to save and it just doesn't happen cuz something always sucks it up. 

The last push back was from October to February of 2009.  Now it's being pushed back again, but the date is a little unknown right now.  This is what happened:

I just received a call from Archetype (the Management group that wants to represent Justin).  Shephard called to let me know that things were not going so well in LA right now.  Apparently the economic status there is affecting work for the Industry.  He said everything is at a trickle as far as work right now.  It's that way with every facet of the industry.  So, he would rather see us wait to come out there when there's a chance for S-J to have auditions and work, then split the family for us to just be there waiting everything out.  He has "hopes" for a "push"  late spring..but sees it actually taking as long as a year.  In the meantime we just need to concentrate on S-J doing what he can and learning what he can with what we can find around here.  Shephard will contact us as soon as he thinks the Industry is starting to move again.

I'm conflicted with feelings of disappointment and relief.  Disappointment for S-J and the wait that he will have to endure.  A little for the lost opportunity of getting these younger kids away from bad examples set by older siblings.  Relief because we have longer to save up even more money and go through another tax refund season and get even more financially secure for maintaining two homes.  The bad part is Lee took that last week in February as a vacation week already so that's a lost week of vacation time that we wont be using.  Unfortunately with his job he has to try to plan his whole next year in Oct/Nov of the previous year.  Well, the Lord knows what he wants and how and when he wants it.  We are just to obey, wait and be patient.  So, here we go. 

Maybe it has something to do with my daughter J and the fact that things aren't going so well for her living out on her own.  Here's the update on that:

Apparently, she and her roommate are having some pretty serious relationship issues.  The unfortunate thing is that her roommate is also her supervisor at work.  So, not only is it at home but its at work too.  Also, the third roommate is this girls younger brother.  Right now, according to our D-J her friend is done with her and thier relationship.  It also is affecting her "best friend" and her relationship.  These three girls work together and are all "friends".  Her best friend has apparently sided with the other girl and is spreading untruths about D-J at work.  The owner/boss has apparently caught onto this and has informed D-J that she may want to hold back her confidences with the "best friend" until things come to an end.  It was pretty mean of these girls to diss D-J on her B'day but they did.  Apparently, J invited "best friend" over after work for a little while on her B'day.  Best friend said ok and then didnt show up or call or say "happy B'day at all.  Then the next day was other girls B'day and "best friend" came over at 8am to give her a card and say happy B'day before work.  Still not acknowledging D-J.  I felt so bad for her.  I had stopped by earlier in the day to give her her B'day card and a small gift and really wanted to invite her over for B'day cake or to go out for a B'day dinner with the family like we have a tradition of doing.  But, I knew that last year she made it pretty clear that she wanted to spend her B'day with her friends not her family so I figured she'd be doing the same this year.  Well, she said she spent her day all alone at home. :(   So, needless to say, things arent that great with these great friends who counciled her on how to rebell from her family.  Which I cant say that I'm sad about...but it has also led her to seek an old friend who is very much a part of the seeds of rebellion that were planted in D-J back when she was 10/11 yrs old.  I was the one who ended communication with this girl and her family as soon as I found out that they all were aware of her rebellion while in Public School and encouraged her to "follow her heart".  Well, this friend was quite the "player" in the youth group at our old church and caused a lot of fallen staus' among the boys.  Well, now D-J is seeking a girlfriend and has found this girl again.  From the fire to the furnace can you say?  What will it take for D-J to open her eyes and humble herself before God?

Oh, D-J requested an audience with us, Lee and I, the other day.  When she talked to us apparently it was about some rumors flying around our wonderful little town about her.  The really shocking part of this conversation was when she asked us why We were spreading these rumors about her!  You can imagine our shock!  We asked her who told her these things were coming from us and she said she thought that "someone we all three have a realationship with" had told her that.  Well, trying to keep my cool, I told her that I don't want to discuss my feelings or thoughts about that until she returns to that source and makes sure that he was the one who informed her that this was coming from us.  ( and when she comes with assurance one way or the other it will be dealt with if need be)  But, as for the rumors about her flying around town, we would never spread untruths about her.  Why would any parent want to malign the character of their daughter?  What other then shame from it would we as parents get?  I hope she believes us. I think she does...but then the daughter that I once knew really is no longer there.  This is a much different person then the one I know/knew.  Like we told her, she knows the circle of friends we travel in and none of those people would ever say anything malicious about her.  Much less us say those things about her.  Upon hearing of the relationship issues she having with these two friends and another girl who is related to the one she thinks told her we spread the rumors I would highly suspect that one of the three has something to do with whats flying around town. 

New topic: Lee finally got outside and built the chicken yard and it looks great! He did a great job.  So it is almost complete now.  And the siding is almost finished on the pump house too.  Wont be able to paint it till next season probably but hey, no prob now that we are gonna be around in the Spring.

It was a litlle late when we finally fell asleep last night so I was looking forward to sleeping in till 8:30am this morning hoping to stretch it to 9am.  I had my day all planned out..I'd leave the house by 10am drive the 20-25 min to Tonganoxie to hit the one day meat sale at their local store.  Come home, drive out to the farm and pick up our weeks ration of raw cow milk.  Stop by the hardware store to remedy an error on the transaction we made yesterday. Take Justin to get his allergy shot then come home and attempt to make apple butter with the apples D-C picked last week.  Then when hubby gets home continue working on building the chicken run. 

I hate it when my plans get messed up!  That started by D-C knocking on my bedroom door at 8:15 am saying that she heard dogs barking outside by the new chickens we had bought to replace the four that were killed by the stray dog about two months ago.  We got 7 Plymouth Bar Rocks.  So, up I got and grabbed our little Cricket 22 and some shells.  Went outside to find three dogs killing our 7 chickens.  Two of them were strays that had shown up two nights ago terrorizing our kittens on our back porch.  Hubby shot off a warning and they ran off.  They didnt show up the other night so we figured they went away. They were the same age one was a blue "marin"? australian shepherd and the other was black and white australian shepherd with border collie.  One male and one female..beautiful dogs if they had been healthy and well cared for.  The other dog belonged to our neighbor across the creek who we've had trouble with before and he was supposed to be keeping them tied up.  I tried three times to fire the stupid gun and each time it wouldn't fire.  l had never tried to shoot this gun so I had no idea it had "special" things you had to do to cock it and how to make sure the safety was off (which it was off).  Those dogs were so lucky!!  Well, two of them were inside the chicken tractor killing the poor chicks and one was outside.  The two strays submitted to us and we collared them and tied them up.  The neighbors dog got away..but I knew where it was.  So, I called the sheriffs dept to report the dogs in hope that they would take them away.  I couldn't shoot them after they submitted to being collared.  They were just starving...they were so skinny!  We got some old dog food that our dogs didnt like anymore and gave them two small buckets full.  They scarfed it down so fast they didnt even chew!!  My oldest son had to shoot one of the chicks to put it out of its misery.  So, four chickens dead and three survived.  We are not having any luck at all with our chickens.  Those dogs bit right through the chicken wire!!! Made a 8 to 10 inch hole and were able to get in.  Amazing that they could get through something that small! Well, the deputy said they couldnt take them I had to either keep them, shoot them or find a place for them.  Well, they were showing themselves to be nice dogs actually so there was no way I could kill them..hubby wanted me to keep them there till he came home and he would take care of them.  So, I found a pound in Topeka 40 min away that had room for them and took them there.  They did so well on the ride out..I was a little sad to think that they might be put down in a week or two if no one wanted them.  The male was more shy but the female was loving the attention from our smaller children.  From the looks of them and their ages they were probably from the same litter and were dumped out here by someone.  Why can't people take responsibility for the animals they take on????  It's just not right or fair to these poor animals.  Its not fair to the poor chickens either to be attacked by dogs that should be at a home being cared for and fed!  So, my day kinda went south..Luckily, I had my older son go to the meat sale while I went to take the dogs in.  I was able to take S-J to get his allergy shot got the milk on my way home from taking the dogs but never made it to the hardware store.  I'll have to do that tomorrow. 

Our three chickens that survived never came out of the box part of the new tractor we put them in.  They were ok physically but mentally I think they were still petrified and maybe mourning their four sisters.  :(

So, tonight they are in the chicken shed safe and sound in the cages we had waiting for them for when the weather turned cold.  They aren't big enough yet to put with the other chickens.  Should I even try to get cows or goats? Granted they will be behind electric wire but man!! Dont think I could handle more deaths!!

So, thats the life of living on a farm.  Poor little S-M was so traumatized by S-B having to shoot the poor chicken and the three bodies laying around that he just held on tight to the one chicken I handed to him as I pulled the three to safety out of the reach of the two dogs in the cage.  He was close to tears poor thing. I went to talk to the neighbor and let him know I almost shot his dog this morning and let him think the other two did get shot.  He mentioned that two strays showed up a couple days ago and his dog must've followed them over to my house..well I just left it at ..You dont have to worry about the two strays anymore they're gone.  But your dog got away and next time it wont if you dont keep it tied up from now on.  He apologized for the act of his dog and offered to pay me for the chicks..so I told him I bought them for about $2 ea. and took $6 just so that he'd think he did the right thing.  But, we've got more then $6 invested in them already..but thats not why I was telling him about his dogs role in it.  Anyway, I didnt clear up the "they are gone now" statement I made, he just assumed I meant shot them.  But that will help him to consider the life of his chicken eating dog in the future..so I'm not gonna say anything.

We were able to finish getting all the wood together for the chicken run...in the next day or so we'll get the wire on.  We are thinking of putting tin on the bottom 2-3 ft of the run in hopes of deterring anymore chicken wire biting dogs.  We didnt put wire under ground so we still have the possibility of animals digging under though..we'll just hope for the best.

So, another day and another lesson, some died and some were saved even if only temporarily.  I pray the Lord finds homes for the two strays.

In Gods Service,

I have been so uptight for so long about keeping up with school from being in the virtual school last year that I'm finding it hard to settle down.  I've tried using the weaver curriculum spelling this year.  My two little boys are not making the cut.  The words are too hard for the 2nd gr. and the 1st grader isn't retaining the simple rules of VCV with a silent e to make the vowel say its name.

I also have them working in explode the code books.  I guess maybe I'll stick to the explode the code for now for my 1st grader.  I have found this spelling curriculum called All About Spelling online.  It seems really good..not just your basic wkbk spelling program but it has letter tiles and cards to use.  Im thinking about using it for my second grader.  maybe even my forth grader. 

Oh, and I have this cool math program that im using for my 9th grader who is still behind in Math.  6th gr. to be exact.  Its called Aleks.  its online and he seems to really like it as much as any boy would like math/schoolwork. lol 

And then I've recently acquired a software program called Brainware Safari.  Its supposed to help the development of the brain and is for ages 6-12.  Although Im using it on my 14 1/2 yr old too..cant be too careful..LOL  I am using it for my 10 yr old girl who is going through nuerofeedback therapy.  Which is actually starting to help her out.  We cant call her twitch anymore..she can still get distracted easily but if applied she can concentrate for a much longer time now.

Having to regroup with the two little boys is hard when you use one thing and it doesnt seem to work..we've also been trying Hooked on Math.  Its Ok..but i think it can also hold them back from learning math concepts they should be working on.  so, I'm using horizons as well. 

Well..thats about it here.

god bless

I seem to start off my blogs with WELL..so today i'm trying to begin differently.  Is it working so far?

My hubby and I sat down for a long talk about me and the kids trying to leave to go to California the first week in OCT.  We came to the conclusion that it would be better financially if we waited till after the holidays and new year.  One reason, to give us more time to save up money and be able to buy food and maybe beds for us when we do get there.  Another reason, was to not have to be rushed into settleing for a place to live if nothing else was available and maybe even have a second 5 seater car to take with us to keep there instead of the big gas guzzling van.  Plus, Holidays...you know how that goes.

So, we are looking at February/beginning of March for our big moving time.  We will continue to pray about this..cuz like I said everything looks good on paper but reality is another thing.

My DD-J has been having difficulty with her friend/roommate.  She's been "venting "to hubby and I when she comes over.  The first time she talked about it we gave her examples of our experiences and how we handled things..but in the end I told her that we can talk about it and give her advise all we want but ultimately God is the only one who can help her decide what to do and when and if she should do anything at all.  I also shared that we as Believers have no "rights" in this world with unbelievers and that we can get frustrated about not being treated right by someone but ultimately we are the "sheep" in this world and nothing will change that. We can only change how we handle it.  I then shared with her that our vitories are small because our worship is weak/amall.  (She hasn't been attending church for the last three mths.)  She said that last week they worked everything out and everything was good.  Then a couple of days ago her roommate started up again..and this time I just let her know that we had warned her about mixing work/friends/ roommates because they just seem to buckle under the pressure.  So, not only is her home life tense but her work environment is tense and one of her friends (the one she left home to move into her home for a while) is also being stand-offish now.  Part of me is glad that all that we warned her about is coming to pass, but on the other I feel sorry for her.  You can tell that it's hurting her feelings; and that I know very well!!  We told her that night she told us she was leaving the family (in rebellion) that she would always be welcome back..but I'm sure her pride heard none of that..I want to offer for her to come back home..but I also know that the freedom of having your own space/home is hard to give up..she would be coming back as an adult but I don't know if she and hubby can live like that..

Anyway, that's pretty much all that's been going on with us.  May God bless you and yours.

Well, for those of you who don't know..we have been praying about..thinking about..weighing the financial impact and probability..of setting up a second residence in California for my 14 yr old son to have the opportunity to discover his "hidden" talent in the entertainment business..ie. acting/modeling.

Everything looks good on paper..but like I always say paper isnt reality.  The biggest feat?sp is coming up with moving funds and deposits and setting up the new place. Then when all that is said and done..we have to put Justin in acting classes out in LA.  WE'll figure it out somehow I guess. 

Last night we had a little upset to our plans.  I had gone to the school supply store to get new lesson plan and grade books for the coming school year.  Well, I found a grades5-8 Reading Theatre workbook format and the subject was World History.  Basically, I got it because it would give Justin something to start working on learning how to develop a character and learning to read from a script in the comfort of his own home.  WEll, he had a hissy fit of sorts!  I don't want to do that..kind of attitude. He apparently didnt like the subject matter. "they are all dead people" I dont want to learn about that/...???????  I went into the fact that he never will know what the subject matter is about when he goes on an audition for a show/movie..movies are done about "dead" people all the time...what did he think actors started out doing when they began?!  So, it really gave dad and I quite the opposite picture of what he says he wants to do for his career choice/life.  WE really gave it to him about this kind of attitude not being conducive to someone who wants to become an actor.  And about how we are getting ready to tear this family apart and sacrifice financially and emotionally and physically to help him acheive his "dream" and he comes off with this attitude, as if he's above learning.  We told him to think very strongly and pray very hard about whether this is what he really wants in life and come to us and he better be able to convince us that this is worth our trouble/time/money or the whole enchilada is OFF. No more conventions in the future either..he can turn 18 and head off in search of his "dreams" on his own. 

We have been burned by the firstborn, the second born is pretty much turning into the first one also..saying one thing and showing/doing another.  I'm not sure he's going into college courses now..I am getting ready to pay for them..but he's is now 3 to 4 days behind the new schedule I gave him for the work he has left  from last year.  How much do you do for your children to try to give them a leg up in this nasty world and when do you say That's Enough..fight for your future on your own!  I'm such a softy that I give in too much in hopes that they will step up to the plate. 

Onto other things other then the drama of being a parent with children who push you to disappointment.

We are almost done with our garden!!  We are finishing up staining the wood we are using as part of our border fence.  It's just cinder block bricks with landscaping timbers to frame the outskirts of the garden perimeter.  Yellow bricks with redwood posts..very cute...I only have to finish that and then get rock put in the path section and "Vwallah" a finished bare garden!  LOL  I only have 5 Hostas under the two small trees, four Hardy flox, one plant I dont remember the name of with purple flowers, and two Yarrow plants.  Thats it and the garden is about 120ft wide by 75 ft deep.  LOL  Need more plants but the season is almost over!!! And then if we go to California..I wont be here to tend it..sigh!

OK..get this. We bit the bullet and paid almost $300 for satelite equipment.. and $50 a month for service so we could have faster internet.  Well, I left it up to my husband to do all the inquiring as to terms and such..he says he was told one thing and apparently it's not so.  We've only had it for a month and a week.   We have so much trouble getting online!!  So, my husband thought it had to do with not having a strong enough router.  Our speed was the same if not slower then when we had dial up!!  But even after we got the new router $146 later, thank you e-bay cuz it could have been $200+, we still were connecting slower then they said we would be at. And in the evenings I couldnt even connect at all!!  So, finally, I got on the phone about 3 days ago and called the Wild Blue Sattelite co. and asked them what was going on!!! I'm irritated and frustrated that my internet bill has doubled and my service is worse then dialup!  Well, it turns out that they limit your internet usage.  We are only allowed 7,500 mb download and 2,300 mb uplaod per month!  Are you kidding me!!!!!  So, we were in "violation" of our usage terms..which we didn't know about. That meant that our "speed" would decrease and possibly, as we were experiencing, not allow us to use the internet.  So, we have told them that we don't want their crappy limited service when we could get better service unlimited "like my husband says he inquired about from the beginning" through dial up!  They said the "contract" terminaton fees would be the remainder of our 24 mth period x $30.  Over $600!  So, we are in a battle right now over this..and by me being online I'm using up our usage.  Which we have no way of tracking except by using the internet to get onto our account and check into it..LOL  Go figure!!

Well daylight is burning and I've got tons of work to do outside that the two older boys wont do..so weed eating and mowing are my job alone now!!  3 acres!! 

Catcha next time I can get online.

IN His Service!

Today was a hard day for me...it started off like every other day but then at church I just started thinking about how J wasn't there.  Then of course if she was there..how much more would it be in my face that we don't have a relationship anymore.  Then later today we went to the home church we attend..she was there but not a hello..nothing.  Then Tracy started to talk about forgiveness and not holding account of hurts and all from corinthians 13 the Love chapter.. and all I could think was I've extended my hand to her several times during these last few months and yet...nothing.  Well, i thought that maybe we were getting somewhere (a little) but one day she came over to see if she could take the kids to the movies the three little ones.  And she couldn't cuz we were busy as a family..but she could try the next day.  Well, hubby had to make a scene about it all and just cause drama when there was no need he was just being difficult.  And that's the last she's been over.  I let her take the kids that day regardless of hubby and his attitude.  But, it's stuff like that that makes it so hard to mend any fences or bridge a gap with her to the point of her wanting to be my daughter again.  Also, it's hard when the family that we home church with is in town cuz then she just ignores me and spends all her time with their boy...I just miss my daughter!!!!!!  I've so wanted to cry all day today, but havent been able to because everyone is around and no time to myself..i thought about going to a friends house just to cry on her shoulder..but she has family visiting, another has a house full of kids and hubby which she needs time with, and another was just not available.  I guess since the little ones are in bed and hubby and two older ones are downstairs watching Kong  this is my time..I hate to cry..I know it probably makes us feel better in the end..but i don't like to be out of control of myself and when i let the tears start I feel like I can't control them. 

I wish this didn't hurt so bad...i tried so hard to always do right by her...which i think I did...i did everything as much according to what the Lord wanted as I could..but I guess the influence of outsiders and hubbies issues were too much for me to overcome...and then the rebellion and I have to stand on the side of purity and holiness..only to have the cost be my first child.  I held a little baby girl at church today...it felt so good..but I guess it really didnt help..cuz i remember holding her to me and how wonderful it felt.  How do I get from this place i'm in to the place that everyone is telling me to be?  Forgiveness..if we would even have a relationship to be in that wouldnt be too hard..but there's nothing..isn't there anyone who can tell me what to do to make this all go away????????

I remember when they were in public school and spent all that time away from me..we lived and co-existed together but the closeness wasn't anything like we have when we homeschool our kids and just poor ourselves into them.  I remember feeling those feelings of dread when summer vacation was upon us..all summer with the kids...ugh.  But, that all changed when we began to homeschool.  I loved having my children around and felt so close to them.  Maybe homeschooling them from early on and really keeping outside influence down to almost nothing is the answer to not being rejected by your children or maybe it's the opposite.  Put them in PS during their High School Yrs. because they are going to walk away from you anyway might as well have 4 yrs to get ready for it as they choose to spend all their time with their friends from school.  And maybe we should let them just date away and if something happens then it's their problem, it's their choice, its their relationship with God, not mine, thats on the line..I mean it's bound to be easier when you don't have as close of a relationship with your kids through those years..or think you do when really they tell you you don't.  Maybe that's it..raise them up in His way until they reach high school age then just let them go.  It sounds easier..less c hance of getting hurt so deeply that you feel as if a part of you is missing/dead. 

Son-J is that age..next year he'll be in High school.  Should I send him on his way?  I know he won't want to go to public school.  He's the only one who has voiced wanting to stay away from it.  But, what if I lose him too?  And the second one..don't get me started..he's so jumbled in his mood swings and so strong headed about something he wants that  I feel as soon as he turns 18 he's gone too.  Not in the healthy relationship keeping way either.  In the same way i've lost my first child.  Broken.  I

I'm gathering myself together again...can't let them see my red face..then the questions come..and I cant really say the truth about how I feel or how I see things as they've taken place..cuz then I have a whole new set of woas from hubby. 

Please just pray for me if you think about it.  I could use some relief from Him, some way out of this, to become whole again. 

Well, my rantings of homeschooling will go unnoticed again...:)  After further review the blog is fictitional..although someone has to be producing the entries..it's about giving to charities that they have listed by joining the Microsoft I'm and e-mail community.  Anyway, maybe some of you will still like my response..or not?

I'm so tired this morning..we went to the movies last night and saw Wanted rated R and very well rated it is.. hubby and two oldest boys wanted to see it..don't go see it.  It's about assasins so of course there will be killing and action in it but there was tons of cursing and a little angelina joelie(sp?) nudity (but not bad) and in the beginning bad bad stuff.  So, anyway, we left and I dropped my cell phone unknown to me at the time.  About 15-20 min later halfway home I realized my mistake and we high tailed it back just in time before the next showing to find it wedged behind and under the seat.  Then we get home to find a chicken carcass in front of the old shed.  Upon further examination we had three chickens safely roosting up ontop of their cage in their house/shed with more feathers inside showing a chicken being dragged out of the shed to it's presumable death.  Didn't find it.  No sign of 6 other chickens.  #7 was the already discovered body.  Called and called but no other chickens came to greet me.. buried the poor chicken in the woods and locked up the shed for the night.

This morning, woke up at 7am and couldn't go back to sleep.  Went to look for more signs of death or life.  Found the carcass of a white chicken out by the driveway we had missed upon coming home last night.  Buried it.  Then continued to call and look for more.  Found the one that had been dragged out of it's shed, maybe even nesting box,  after laying the one egg that was in there.  Buried it.  Then to my amazement a single red sexlink comes quietly out of the woods and comes to me..then the second red sexlink.  My chest swelled with motherly relief as they appeared safe and unharmed physically..although who knows what went on in their little pea sized brains last night.  So, I fed them as usual and as I was collecting the three eggs found inside here comes an americauna (green egg layer) from the other side of the woods..sigh..even more relief.  But, one chicken is still missing and unaccounted for.  Where is she?????????? That leaves us 6 chickens out of the 12 we started with last year.  It was obvious it was a dog that did the deed...coyotes would have taken the blessed meal with them not just killed and left it. This dog (if it returns) will also meet its fate.  So, no more selling of eggs we'll probably only have enough for our family and tithes now. 

Maybe I'm not cut out for this farm stuff. How can I get attached to chickens?!  I can't stand the way they smell or pick on each other..but I enjoy them following me around like puppies when I am outside working.  They'll just let us pick them up anytime and are real nice to us and us to them.  I've been on my husband to help me build a chicken run for them onthe side of their shed so if I'm not gonna be home to watch them I know they are safely inside the cage and can go inside their shed through a small chicken sized door if safety is needed.  He keeps putting it off. I guess I'll need to go out there and begin the process myself before he'll come and Help so "it's done right".  Much like everything else that needs to be done around here.  Do I really want more animals?  And animals that are to be eaten by us?  Maybe that's the difference.  These chickens aren't our food they supply our food.  You think?  I'm much too soft hearted. 

Did I tell any of you about my tooth mishap?  Of all things, I was in the bathroom flossing like a good girl when I pulled the floss up and out of the lower back side and I hear this "*****" sound as something hits the mirror and lands on the counter.  (sorry if too graphic but it really happened this way)  I pick it up to find a piece of my tooth!  It's only about the size of a small nail head but big enough to leave a hole between my two molars in the back.  I call the dentist immediately, left a message as to the importance, no call back that day.  So the next day I called back again, got someone this time and they can't get me in till July 10th !!!!!  What is wrong with that picture??!!  So, now I'm using this putty stuff I found at Walgreens to temporarily fill the little hole and have to replace it every day and a half approx. maybe sooner until I can get into the dentist.  What really stinks is I've trained myself to eat primarily on the left side due to a lost tooth, lower molar, on the right side that we never had the money to bridge the gap for.  I hate it, but, if no one can see it or will ever know unless told why spend the money when all my other teeth are intact.  Anyway, it's very annoying to have a hole in your tooth and trying to keep all food on a side you're not used to eating on.   

Ok, gotta lot of grading to do and painting for the hubby.  Bye

Has anyone ever e-mailed or responded to columnists who put out a column that you really had a lot to say about?  I never have!!!  Until today...a friend sent me an interesting column that went over the internet from some sort of I'm Initiative by Microsoft.  Never heard of it before..but it was on the subject of homeschooling threatening the culture of everyone else...blah blah.  Anyway, I just had to reply by sending an e-mail to this person..was I right to do this..only God knows, but it felt good saying these things to someone who may or may not have a dim view of "us".  The column wasn't really geared toward smashing our choices but the contrasting comparisons used kinda irqued me..I'm gonna share this with you all too just so I don't just lose it in the E-mail universe never to be heard of again.  I will let you know if this columnist actually gives feed back of any sort..probably won't though most columnists want to speak, not listen or dialogue.  Well, here it is......let me know what you think.

I read your column via another homeschooler..interesting thoughts..most are accurate..the stereotyping of homeschoolers appearances/family structure is a bit much but in the case that you were using that as your basis of comparison of the "different cultures" understandable...(we are, as many are, not quite that serene in our public appearances or as outdated as you depict).  In fact, we were just out in LA in April and saw a pic of a homeschool group and the kids were quite your typical "looking" teenagers/children. 

As we live out in Kansas in the "country setting" we would I suppose be assumed to follow your criteria of a homeschool family. Oh to the contrary.  Our children are in fact for the most part great kids..but rebellion, wanting to die their hair black and wear black eye liner and black clothes, not scoring the highest on assessment tests in every subject, putting a price tag on behavior/actions or driving mom frazzled as she tries to accomplish her tasks for the day are quite the norm in our household/family.  Yes, we homeschool to try to give our kids the opportunity to achieve their potential as individuals not driven by society's expectations but by their own drives and ambitions.  Trying to leave our posterity a future heritage with morals intact is our goal in life as parents.  Can this be guaranteed? No. But, we can only do as all parents do, give what we can and prepare them to move into society to make thier mark as we all have.  Rejection of the mainstream culture? Yes, to a certain extent. Each has their own level of rejection.  Even I, as a country homeschooler, long for the serenity portrayed by your picture of "us".  Maybe my level of rejection needs to be raised in order to acheive this serenity, but for now I am where I am and the kids ranging from 18 to 6 are thriving in their own individuality as dad and I learn to embrace and survive each personality.

I have faced the hostility from 17 yr old kids as well as the 55 yr old American citizens for preferring homeschool education to the mind numbing drone of public school.  It always amuses me to have the young get so worked up about the well being of my children socially when they have not had the 5am hockey games, the two times per week ballet classes with recitals, two times per week church activities, spending the night over with friends, homeschool group days (social and educational venues)every week, not to mention all the short notice things that kids throw at you to deal with because they have no children...and the public educator..don't get me started (by the way I did cave and let the two oldest experience public school which lastest no longer then 2 yrs.before I pulled them out amidst lying and sneaking to do as their peers encouraged against their parents boundaries) when I'm told that "well, I didn't mark that wrong because I could see she got the concept for that algebra problem but just had a math error", it raises my concern even more about the education of my children.  I would love to say "well, I didn't turn my kid in for vandalizing your car because I could see that she understood that what she did was wrong she just had a momentary error in judgement."  We are taught so many things in the rules of life and society in all the simple acitivities of even our academic education.

I shudder when I hear the horror stories of people who have used homeschooling as a cover for such hideous acts of barbarism and abuse and it causes concern to me, as a concerned citizen, for the protection of our children.  But, I hear even more stories of horror happening to children who have been placed under the protection of the state whether it be riding a bus to or from school, being in school or living in foster care after being taken out of harms way from the parent who may (or may not) have caused harm to a child.  So is the term "Witch Hunt" appropriate when it comes to outsiders deciding to be the "voice" for other's children when those children actually speak for themselves and tell you they want to be homeschooled and live with their family? Yes. 

Homeschool Mom from Kansas 

Well, I'm not feeling as discouraged as before..nothing has changed but my feelings..but at least I'm not feeling as though the world is on fire and I'm backed in a corner. 

Son-C is still working in the garden.  He's made progress with his work..the garden is taking shape and not over flowing with weeds and grass.  Now, whether that is helping him to not "want" to steal is a mystery only God knows the answer to.  All I know is we are doing what He directs in His Word..Ephesians..Let him who steals, steal no more but instead let him labor hard with his hands that which is good...I figure he'll learn to hate gardening or really love it..

No new news on the situation with my oldest daughter..she is enjoying her new found independence in her apartment.  If only she was in this apartment the way God wanted her to be in it instead of doing it her way, in rebelion and breaking relationship with us(parents)..I wonder if she will ever have any discipline from Him about all this or not?  Anyway, I continue to hold out my hand in love in small ways to her..but it is very difficult..I am still keeping my feelings locked up and we are pretty distant as far as relationship..but I'm doing what I personally can and then only with His help.

We are almost at the point now to where we can sit down and decide whether we are going to be able to afford to go to California.  I'm so torn about it myself.  On one hand I want to give my son the opportunity to find out if this is truly what he wants to do..and what God wants him to do.  But, on the other, I really like where my life is right now getting on with our little farm and trying to become as self sufficient as we can. I know this time with J will be limited as he grows up and moves on in 4/5 yrs. And I want so much to help him on his journey toward manhood and career choice.  If acting is what he wants and he seems to be making headway in it I want to be there during thebeginnings of it to help guide him spiritually so that even in this industry he will be strong in his faith and relationship with God no matter where he goes in it.

I've enrolled son-B in the fall college courses in the community college.  $705 for two classes (and one two week class that is mandatory)! Ouch!  Then the next semester.  But, as with son-J I want to help B get on with his future.  He now has his first car. Pontiac Grand Am..he loves it.  Its a '99 with 156,000miles but what do you expect living in the country. We are getting new front tires and an alignment done today . Oh and an oil change.  Well they called and said that his tie rods are shot in front so that means $600 total today for his car to get fixed. But,like I told him that's a safety issue and can't be ignored.  It's expensive to own a car sometimes.  It still needs a new blower motor for the AC to work and he has to get the tinting off the front windows cuz it's illegal.  So, those are future repairs he'll have to save for. 

We are gonna be looking into getting satelite internet so we can have access to more online stuff.  Especially education wise.  I am a member of the homeschool buyers co-op (you can find it online, its free membership) and they have explode the code online. I'd really like to be able to get a subscription to that for each of the little ones.  It tracks the progress and moes them on if they are ready and if not it puts them back into the level they need to be. It's not cheaper then buying the books for $5 from rainbow resource, but it does free up my time.  And I wanted to try the Aleks math online for J.  Neither of these things is possible with dial up..we have to have faster speeds to run the programs.  We are looking into Wild Blue..it's 1/2 the price on equipment (free instalation) and monthly compared to Hugh's Net.  I'm not sure what it is with Dish in comparison for equipment/installation..but almost the same for monthly.  So, I think we'll have to bite the bullet in order to use the programs online. Plus, if son-B wants to take online courses he'll be able to do it at home instead of going to town to use the library as he does now.  Not to mention we have three new laptops that all have Vista (yuck) and vista isn't compatible with dial up anyway.  So, we can't even use them online from home.  I'm doing this entry in town with free internet access at a bookstore.  Thank you Hastings! 

All three little ones are done for the year with school!!!Yeah! I've already disenrolled the two little boys.  Now I can disenroll the girl.  I'm just waiting for son-J and son-B to finish with their schoolwork now.  Daughter -J is done with her work on time..so now I need to grade everything and get her a transcript ready and give her her diploma.  A homeschooler's work is never done..summer vacation..what's that???

Well, it's almost 2pm and B's car is still not ready.  We've been in town since 8:30am..we need to eat lunch so I guess it means we need to head out and get something here.  And leave my free internet access..sigh..well for those who have been praying for me and my drama of a life Thank You.  I covet all your prayers and ask God for Wisdom in this life and Growth Spiritually so that I lean on Him more and stop falling apart so easily..

In His Service