Oh, it feels so good to be writing again!  Writing always soothes my soul; and today is one of those days when it certainly needs some soothing!  It has just been “one of those days” when things have not gone at all how I planned.  I am thankful for the thoughts in remembering that the Lord has all my time in the palm of His hand, for this has helped me to stay somewhat focused, while my stress level is tempted to rise!

It really hasn’t been a bad day….just isn’t going about how I might have written it out to be had I been the one who was the “holder” of my time.  Let me say, as well, that the beautiful support I have been offered here these past few days has been used by the Lord in such awesome ways!  Thank you a million times, not only to those who have prayed for me and my family, but to those of you who left such sweet, encouraging comments!  They were water to my thirsty soul!  Thank you, as well, to those of you who mentioned my need for prayer on your blogs.  One could never find the right words to express how these things can touch and change a heart!  May the Lord richly bless you ALL!

I am doing better in a lot of ways physically.  Still struggling with fevers for some strange reason, but the pain in my leg is gone.  It was determined that I am definitely having circulatory issues in my left leg and am now taking supplements for this.  I have not been having as much cramping and back pain as I was before, so that is a praise for sure!  My midwife and doctor instructed me OFF of bed rest, fearing the circulatory issues in my leg could develop a blood clot if I am not having a variety of movement.  My doctor had me put my leg on heat whenever I was down and that helped A LOT.  I also took a LONG, SLOW walk with my children yesterday and that really helped as well. 

So, even though this day has been filled with some unexpected things, I am filled with such thankfulness because I am simply alive.  Going back into the hospital brought back so many memories of a day when I entered one of those rooms, realizing I may never be leaving.  At one point I started literally, visibly shaking at that memory. 

God has been bringing this memory around to my thoughts often lately, so it seems.  A couple of weeks ago, while singing a song in church, I couldn’t finish once I got to the end.  It ends with the words…..When I come to die, when I come to die, when I come to die, Give me Jesus.  You might recognize it.  It is Fernando Ortego’s song “Give me Jesus”.  When I came to that last part, the memory of entering that place of coming to die overwhelmed me......

I have not only been there, but I remember it like I was there just minutes ago.  Certain things will happen, certain words said, certain places entered and suddenly I am feeling it all over again.  Death is standing by my side, ready to take me to another place and then something happens…something only the Lord can do….I am delivered.  He makes it clear that, though death is near, it cannot have me, because there is more the Lord needs me to do here.

  I am humbled at the thought of simply being delivered from death, and empowered by His strength to keep moving on with His work.  I will close with a prayer I wrote to the Lord today, as I tried to refocus and refill my heart with thankfulness.

“My Lord,  You have been so gracious to me in such times that have tried my soul.  I pray others will feel this same warm, loving touch of Yours, as they walk the roads laid out for them.  I thank you for life.  Thank you for days, like today, when things just don’t go my own way.  Thank you for fussy, demanding one year olds J, husbands announcing paperwork needing done (while the toddler hollars and pulls on my skirt), school age children who sometimes struggle to grasp a concept and toddler sons whose day’s mission seems to get into absolutely everything before the day is done.  It is so easy to thank you on days when things run smoothly, but Lord I want to thank you for these precious people and imperfect days.  I know very well that had you not delivered me 2 years ago when all hope was gone, that I would be missing so much of things you had written out on the pages of my life.  I am literally, at times, overwhelmed when remembering the moments I was slipping away.  Such remembering quickly brings tears to the surface and a heart ready to be thankful, even when I feel a completely crazy day tries to bring me down.  I know I can finish such a day with the glory and power of Your strength!  You are the Giver of this life and the Holder of ALL of my days!  Most of all, I know I can find rest….PERFECT rest in You.”