If you would like to keep up with my journaling and news come see me at A Mother's Journey Homeward .  I will not be blogging here any longer, but will be leaving everything up for those who are interested in reading the material here .

Many MANY blessings my friends!

Our Elli~Girl is celebrating her SECOND birthday now!  I cannot help but see the Lord's grace and faithfulness each time I look into her eyes, but her birthday is an extra special time.  Elli~Girl's birthday is a time of remembering how very near the Lord is to us in such a sometimes awfully trialsome world!  Here is her story....

 It truly seems like just yesterday I was finding out in the wee hours of the night I was expecting her!  Here is her story requested by many of my online friends.  She is a major part of our testimony for the Lord.

It was about two o'clock in the morning.  I had taken several pregnancy tests in the past couple of weeks (all negative), not necessarily because I thought I was pregnant but because I was fearful that I was. 

I had only been out of the hospital, after coming very close to losing my life, two weeks.  I was still struggling to walk and couldn't see clearly.  On top of all of this our baby at this time was only 4 months old!

So at this dark hour, when the rest of the house was quiet, I took another test and it was positive.  There it was.  What I hoped was not happening was happening.  Please do not get me wrong.  I wasn't dissapointed about another life being gifted to me, although I was feeling quite inadequate in this moment to have another baby so soon.  The main reason I was fighting this was because of the many drugs I had been on during and after my illness. 

I had had a pregnancy test done in the doctor's office some time before this night and since it was negative my doctor okayed me continuing with my medications for treatment of my illness.  I was terrified now that by doing so my baby had been harmed.  I really wrestled with God at this time asking Him a lot of Why's and telling Him this didn't make any sense at all.  I knew He would never give me more than I could handle and that He had my in the palm of His hand but....well there were a lot of buts....

By the time I crawled into bed I had resolved the issue with the Lord, trusting Him to care for it all.  My sleepy husband rolled over and asked me if everything was all right.  I told him I didn't know but that we were going to be blessed again in 7 more months.  He wrapped his arms around me and said, "we can do this honey".  And we both went to sleep.

The pregnancy was very hard.  For the next 4 months I was so sick I could hardly stand upright.  I spent even the nighttime hours up sick.  I was getting vitamin shots as part of the treatment of my "morning" sickness and by the time my doctor stepped in and decided it was time to put a stop to it the Lord took it away Himself. 

I had about a month of feeling really great.  Things were looking up and I was getting excited about a new addition to our family.  Things went downhill again as I started to labor prematurely.  I was bleeding off and on and started to fear again for the baby's life.  I was on bedrest off and on and we felt great relief when we got to 37 weeks when we didn't have to worry quite as much any more.

In my 37th week my labor really picked up and after four days of it I was exhausted.  It was off and on and wasn't progressing at all.  I went to see my midwife and she told us the baby had turned breech.  She attempted to turn the baby but to no avail.  We saw a professional who specializes in turning breech babies still to no avail.  After much prayer we knew we needed to get to a hospital.

It was there in the hospital that we were left with the decision to try a normal birth with the baby being breech or to opt for a cesarean.  I cannot explain what I felt in my spirit.  Never in a million years would I have gone for a cesarean unless I was told it was life and death.  Still, I felt that is the choice we needed to make.

I was taken in for the cesarean and there our daughter was born into this world, lifeless and blue.  Her shoulders had gotten hung up and it was difficult for the doctors to get her out.  I kept asking why I couldn't hear her crying but the staff kept telling me everything would be all right.  Finally I heard her faint cry and later learned she had to be recussitated.

And what of the decision we made to have a cesarean.  God knew that it was a matter of life and death.  Our daughter had one foot in the birth canal and the other foot up by her head.  Her cord was presenting and down under her one foot.  When my water would have broken the cord would have flushed, leaving her little chance of survival.

When we named her we named her a name meaning God is Gracious.  For in those dark night hours when I was so afraid of the future ahead of me God held me.  He held our baby and He proved Himself Gracious!  I only have praise on my lips!

Elli dancing her way through life....

My day yesterday ended like many other days of late.  I laid in bed, the house dark and quiet, but my soul feeling weary and full of turmoil.  My heart began to wrestle, once again, with my God...but before I was to far into my why’s, but how’s, when’s and so on, I felt it was time to give it all up....time to surrender where I was at and give it to God.  I asked the Lord to forgive me for wrestling so greatly with Him, and for having so little faith in His power lately.  I have been reading the story of George Muller with the children in the evenings.  I asked the Lord to forgive my little faith and to grow in me a heart of faith, as that of George Muller.  I began my journey of faith in trusting Him in all things concerning me (and my precious husband).  

My first prayer of faith was praying, and trusting, that He would provide my sleep deprived, physical being with rest.  Not long this prayer, my sick, fitful babies settled into peaceful slumber, as did I.  When I awoke this morning I not only realized that I felt rested, but that life wasn’t looking quite as dark as the so many days before.  

In the night, I had dream.  I was visiting with a friend (a fellow momys :) ).  She asked when we would travel to see her and her husband.  I told her in these exact words, “When this overwhelming mound of medical bills are paid, the burden of our home loss is lifted and when the Lord provides a vehicle that we can all fit into...OH, AND the extra money to travel!  THEN we will come visit you.”  She put her hand on mine and said, “Then start praying and expect He will answer.”  I told my husband this morning that when God answers these requests one of the first things we must do is go and see this family!  He agreed!

My day today isn’t so different, but my perspective is.  I am still caring for 7 very sick, grouchy children, the house is still a mess and the reality that I am unable to do it all looms before me BUT God is my God and HE is on the throne!  

Just an hour ago He blessed me with a moment to quickly read my devotional (Streams in the Valley).  Today’s was as follows:

“And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered.” Joel 2:32

Why do not I call on His name?  Why do I run to this neighbor and that when God is so near and will hear my faintest call?  Why do I sit down and devise schemes and invent plans?  Why not at once roll myself and my burden upon the Lord?

Straightforward is the best runner.  Why do not I run at once to the living God?  In vain shall I look for deliverance anywhere else, but with God I shall find it!  For here I havce His royal SHALL to make it sure.

I need not ask whether I may call on Him, or not, for that word, “Whosoever” is a very wide and comprehensive one.  Whosoever means ME, for it means anybody and everybody who calls upon God.  I will therefore follow the leading of the text, and at ONCE call upon the glorious Lord who has made so large a promise.

My case is urgent, and I do not see how I am to be delivered, but this is NO BUSINESS of mine!  He who makes a promise will find ways and means of keeping it.  It is mine to obey His commands, it is not mine to direct His counsels.  I am His servant, not His solicitor.  I call upon Him and He WILL deliver!~C.H. Spurgeon

Our deliverer is on the way!

I couldn’t help but read on to tomorrow’s devotional!  Praise the Lord, His power CAN be trusted in our lives!

“He maketh sore, and bindeth up: He woundeth and His hands make whole.” Job 5:18

As we pass beneath the hills which have been shaken by the earthquake and torn by convulsion, we find that periods of perfect repose succeed those of destruction!  The pools of calm water like clear beneath their fallen rocks, the water lilies gleam, and the reeds whisper among the shadows; the village rises again over the forgotten graves, and its church tower, white through the storm twilight, proclaims a renewed appeal to His protection “in whose hand are all the corners of the the earth, and the strength of the hills in His also.”

I pray someone out there is blessed!

 I only have a moment to write just now.  My house is a mess and the kids are pretty sick with this junk going around.  I need to try to gather up some energy, get the house in order, bathe my kiddos and get them tucked into fresh, cozy linens early tonight.  I promise I will be back soon.  Thank you to those who have kept me in your thoughts and for the sweet comments left!

 I will leave you with some thoughts I wrote earlier this week.  Blessings!

A couple of days ago Joshua, now three years old, came to me and said, “Mama, I want to go home”.  Being wrapped up in the normal busyness of my day, I patted him on the head gently and replied, “Honey, you are home”, to which he replied, “No, my home is with God.”  It is just like God to use a child to bring us to our knees.  I have been so tired and so weary of late and God used my little boy to remind me that this is all fleeting.  It isn’t my real home.  One day the work will be through and I will be with him in glory forever!!  It gives me a new energy to refocus and gain back that vision.  The Word of God says those without a vision will parish.  How easily we can begin to wither away inside when we lose sight of THE vision...our TRUE future in Christ! 

Today was a day that took me back in time!  Last night I had this day all figured out (I should no better than that!).  The night ended up being a long night with the tiny one.  My husband was home and turned the fan on high so I could sleep while the baby slept this morning.  When I awoke I learned of the plans for the day and they were not at all like the plans I had made out J.  The children eagerly informed me that they were going to be going with their daddy to an auction.  Their eyes were wide with delight at such an adventure so I made up my mind my plans could still be carried out on my own.  Around 10:30am my husband left with our five oldest children, leaving me with the 1 year old and 6 week old.  I needed to run some errands in town and so I proceeded to get ready to go about my day.  I wasn’t able to do so very quickly, though, as the 1 year old hugged my leg and the baby fussed, wondering where his fan club had suddenly gone!  Eventually, I DID get out the door and made my way to town with the two of them secured in their car seats.  After running my errands I decided to swing by the auction to give my husband the cell phone.  I wondered if the children might like to come home with me…my 2 year old was the only taker.  SO, I headed the rest of the way home now with a 2 year old, a 1 year old and a 6 week old J.  When I got home I settled the toddlers in at the table for their lunch and then nursed the baby.  When he was done nursing and they were finished up eating, I prepared them all for naps.  By the time I got them all settled in for naptime I was spent and laid down for a nap myself!  As I laid there I remembered a time only THREE years ago when I was the mother of just 3 small children.  At that time, I don’t think I really realized how much work I was doing each and every day.  I think when a young mama is in that stage of life, she just pushes through it and it never crosses her mind that someday it really will be different.  Someday these little people will become school age children that will be a HUGE asset in the home and it’s management.  The physical work of caring for the things of the home will become easier and easier and caring for little bitty ones becomes more and more fun.  I missed my older children so much today…not only their physical help of assisting with meals, house clean up, baby loving and such, but I missed their companionship.  I LOVE having these precious people in my home to visit with!  Yes, today I went back in time in my life…and I did find myself greatly missing those moments, that phase of life.  It is gone and I can never REALLY go back there again.  I find myself cherishing the memory, though, because now I know as I look back, that it was truly the Lord’s strength that carried me through each day.  He is faithful to His promise, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”.  He was my strength then.  He is my strength now.

Spring has sprung on this old farm and the activity is endless.  Winter is being packed away for another year, and the breeze that always reminds me of my grandmother is blowing through every curtain in this home.  We are delighted to see new birds visiting the feeder on our front deck.  The children try to figure out what they are, while our kitty looks out the window longingly, wishing she could go play with them. J

 This is the time of year when I seem to notice, all in a sudden, how much each of my children has grown!  My first born son is no longer all little boy, for there is now a young man trying to birth from him.  He struggles between the two, and so I hope my telling him how very proud of him I am helps with this change….this new growth.  He has farm blood through and through!  He loves everything about running this farm and enjoys listening to all the farm conversation.

 My oldest daughter never ceases to amaze me!  March 23^rd it will be THREE years since she walked off of that airplane and joined our family!  There is no denying there is a young woman growing in my home.  She loves the Lord so very much.  She has been taking it upon herself to memorize scriptures, other than the ones we are memorizing as a family.  This example has led her younger siblings to do the same.  If the day here has gone well, then my husband and I are both much obliged in allowing them to sit up a bit longer in the evening to read their Bibles while snuggled in their beds. 

 My 7 year old daughter is a delight to my soul!  She loves everything about keeping the home and is so eager to help me.  Of course, she has her “moments” J but for the most part she is usually pleading with me to allow her to do a meal or care for the baby and toddlers.  She loves to tell her daddy when he arrives for dinner time that she prepared something for him ALL by herself! 

 My 5 year old is STILL the life of this household!  He is our little cowboy and is always smiling and always FULL of energy, things will NEVER be dull with him around.  He is our little giver.  He LOVES to give to others.  Each Sunday he comes to church with his coins and gives them like he is giving the world….and he is, because it is his heart he is giving from!  We have all learned to take more time to receive his “little” gifts.  We realized how hurt his little heart would become when we were just too busy to stop and accept his offerings to us.  I never want to squelch that desire in him to give of him self.

 My 2 year old will be 3 in a few weeks!  WOW, where has the time gone!?  He amazes us with his words and understanding.  He is such a little sweetheart.  I just love how thoughtful one so little can be.  He will bring me a glass of ice water (sploshing all the way! J ), offer me a hug, “read” me a story.  He and his 1 (almost 2) year old sister are INSEPARABLE!  When he leaves to “farm” with daddy she is quite unsure of what to do with herself.

 Speaking of that little 1 (almost 2) year old.  She is our FIRECRACKER!  Just when a family thinks things are quite interesting enough in their home, God adds a whole new dimension!  I LOVE IT!  She, well, as my own mother says, “is a spitting image of her mother”.  I am thinking, though, with the right training we might possibly keep her from some of the same mistakes I have made along the way J.  We call her Elli sometimes.  Little Elli is quite loved and adored here and BOY does she know it!  I literally thank Jesus every day for this little girl.  I did ask the Lord what He was doing when I found out I was pregnant with her.  Those of you who know my blog, know the story.  If you are new, feel free to read it here at Our Miracle Baby.  “Jesus, I thank you AGAIN for working all things according to YOUR will, even when we fight to understand!”

 Our precious tiny one is almost 6 weeks old now.  I am already looking at his newborn pictures wondering where that little baby went!?  He is getting so chubby and smiling all the time.  He wants for nothing in this home.  There is always someone to hold him, kiss him, cuddle him, love him!  I have to steal away to my room to get quiet moments alone with him J.  I am soaking in every moment of this time with our new baby.  I miss feeling him kicking within me, but I am loving having him in my arms!

 As I said, the farm is a bustle of activity now.  The men are busy preparing fields.  My husband hopes they can plant the corn soon.  We do need rain and keep praying for it to fall.  My son was feeling frustrated that it wasn’t raining and I reminded him that we must trust the Lord and His will…again, even when it doesn’t make sense to us.  So this is the season that we transition from daddy being home a lot to being gone more often.  He has a good cell phone now so we are enjoying being able to call him whenever we get to missing him too badly.  Thankfully he is never too far away either.

 I am keeping busy with all the things of the home and still finding much joy in it!  I cannot deny that I went through a time of feeling greatly overwhelmed a few weeks ago.  I emmursed myself in scripture and prayer and the Lord brought me through it.  I worked out a better system for managing our home and things are going much better now.  I have also started a notebook and record scriptures that I can look back on when I am feeling overwhelmed.  It is of Satan, for God is a God of peace.  If I can remember that thoughts of “I am so overhwhelmed” “There is no way I can do all of this” “I am inadequate” are ALL lies.  Recording scripture has helped me to take captivity of such thoughts (as in 2 Corinthians 10:5) and combat them with the TRUTH! 

 I have received so many questions from others that I promise I will take time to answer in bits and pieces.  I have them set aside and will get to them J.  For now, though, I must get back to the things of my home.  I have a room that desperately needs some order and some bread ingredients waiting to be thrown together for our daily bread tomorrow J.

 Blessings to all!

I do feel so much joy and am treasuring every moment of these days that are quickly passing!  I love being settled in here at home with a new little life and my other precious children.  My heart is full of praises to my Heavenly Father!  He has truly sustained me through the physical trials I have had since the birth of our son and has given me much peaceful rest in Him and His promises!

I haven't been around to blog, but I cannot apologize for that.  I rarely ever sit at the computer, but my heart feels best with what I am doing, caring for the needs of 8 other lives .  Right now our tiny one and two little toddlers are fast asleep.  The older children are enjoying some outdoor time in this spring like weather!  They have been SO longing to run around outside!  The animals are loving it too, as they are getting LOTS of attention!

My 7 year old and I took Math into the kitchen this morning.  We discussed fractions while baking a delicious bread recipe!  It is the 7 Grain Wheat Bread that is found in Marmee Dear's Bread Basket Cookbook.  It turned out absolutely DELICIOUS and one of these lovely loaves has already been devoured!  The children are now taking turns each day helping me make the bread.  When it is their turn, they get to help grind the grain, add all of the ingredients and THEN they get a portion of the dough to cut out their own shapes and loaves.  They all get so excited about having their own bread day now!

I must go, but before I do I wanted to include something I wrote after the birth of our little son.  It is copyrighted and has already been used for a magazine, so if you wish to use it please contact me.  I hope it blesses someone out there and makes everyone want to scoop up their precious blessings for one more extra hug and "I LOVE YOU"!

THE AROMA OF HEAVEN

There are many wonderful aromas in this life, but none so delightful as this one!  No, it’s not the smell of freshly baked bread or of supper just coming out of the oven.  It isn’t the delectable smell of vanilla or even of Christmas coating each corner of the home. 

This aroma is straight from the Lord….something that gives us a small taste of the atmosphere of Heaven!  When it enters our lives, time seems to stand still, if but for a moment.  The home is suddenly filled with awe and wonder.  It is so rich, those experiencing it, just drink it in!  It brings each family member closer together and closer to the heart of God.  It makes this heavy life seem so much brighter and lighter.

OH!  The precious aroma of NEW LIFE!  That tiny little life that smells so much of the gentle tough of God!  Yes, as I snuggle this new life close to me, I can close my eyes and almost FEEL…SMELL the Almighty Father’s hands on my face.  I close my eyes and in these tender, fleeting moments, Heaven no longer seems so far away. 

Cleaning and Scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow

For babies grow up, I’ve learned to my sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep

I am rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep!

 I am sorry it has taken so long to update my blog and let you know of the precious arrival of another son!  I became sick quickly after with what we believe was the beginning of a uterine infection.  For some reason I am prone to them, but thankfully we got this one in the beginning stages and after several rounds of antibiotics I am finally feeling like I will live J.

 We have chosen not to share the name, as I have been having some security issues online.  He was born on Monday, came very quickly and was 9 pounds.  God answered our prayers for deliverance, mercy and grace so intricately!  The birth went beautifully and we are settled in at home.  Each and every one of us are thoroughly enjoying the wonderful scent of a newborn and cherishing these days that pass oh so quickly!

Thank you to all of you who have encouraged me and prayed for us all!

The following are parts of a post I left on a message board I am a part of.

"Thank you. Our night was a bit rough, but thanks to my dh I was able to sleep really late. My dd is doing so well now! She has struggled with some dizziness and still remembers nothing of the accident. Her first memories are on the ambulance ride to the city. She was even feeling well enough to write me a sweet and precious letter last night .

I still want to share her story and some miraculous things that the Lord did that even had doctors/nurses baffled! For now, though, I need a good shower and need to pour my time and energy into loving my littles. This really shook up our family and everyone is very needy right now.

Baby seems to be doing really well. I am in no hurry to go have the baby, as we are now in the middle of a snow storm AND my body is VERY soar from all the tension and bending over on the ice for so long. I am thankful that the contractions eased up and I can have a bit of a repreave before the big day. I was also finally able to just collapse on my dh and have a good cry last night for the first time since this all began. That felt so good to do!

I so appreciate the love, support and prayers.

Many blessings and love to you all!
Tina

The following is a post I made on my forum, Calling His Daughters Home.  Monday and Tuesday were very difficult days for me.  As I have mentioned before, in the weeks before birth I do ALOT of contracting and cramping.  It wears me out and I was very weary.  God, once again, carried me through and I am feeling MUCH better today!

"Thank you so much for the thoughts, prayers and even encouraging emails sent my way! Today has been MUCH better! I have a bit more energy and am getting a few more things done. I saw my midwife yesterday and baby's head is WAY down. She will "check" me at my next appt., which is the 25th. I was encouraged when she told me that baby is not a big baby. This is one of the reasons I begin to struggle with anxiety in the end. I have had very big babies, my biggest being 10~1/2 pounds at 10 days early. My first baby was 10 pounds. The births of my bigger babies were very difficult births.  My last baby, however, was 7 and 1/2 pounds at 37.5 weeks, so I know there is hope . Anyhow, the baby doesn't feel too big to me either and so that was very comforting to me, especially being my first natural birth after a cesarean!  The baby has also rolled from sunny side up to a side position, so I really don't think it will be too difficult to get the baby in the right position for birth.
Again, I appreciate the prayers so much. The last days of anticipating a new arrival can be so long. It is certainly a time when the Father keeps calling me back to His heart and to His PERFECT will.
Many blessings and love! "

Yesterday it was 60 degrees and today we have an ice storm moving in!  We are relieved that we are WAY more prepared than the last time we were hit with a terrible ice storm.  It was two years ago and our power was out for 8 days.  Having little children, we had no choice but to leave our home during that time.  We were so blessed by a family in our church that took us in and kept us fed and warm!  Now this time, in our new home, we are in more of a position to help others if the need arises.  We are keeping warm by our corn burning fire!

It has been such a lovely morning to sit and read with the children.  We read several lessons in our Science and History books and then joined in the kitchen for a Science experiment.  The wonderful thing about homeschooling is even the littles can get involved and learn what we are learning!  My five year old was SO intrigued with today’s lessons!  The toddlers showed great interest as well, but it was more the mess they were interested in J.   My husband has been busy out in the cold this morning.  He has actually been very busy since arriving home from his trip yesterday, trying to prepare for the storm.  He went to the city for me last night and stocked up on groceries and other needed items.  We now have oil for our lamps and all the staples for our meals.  This morning he has been seeing to it that our animals are all safe and warm.  He is also gathering fuel for the generator and feeding tank, milk at the nearby dairy farm and corn for the stove.  I am so thankful for all the work he is doing!  I wanted to bundle up and go help him.  He thought that was a crazy idea…a pregnant woman out on the ice!  I didn’t even think of that, but the more I thought of it that could be a catastrophe waiting to happen….slipping on ice and going into labor in an ice storm….hmmmm…no thanks!  When he gets in we will all settle in for the storm.  I nested yesterday and feel great today, so the house is in order.  We still have a HUGE pile of laundry to fold and put away and bathrooms to scrub, but once that is all done we will probably play games, eat popcorn and be thankful for a place to stay warm.  We always use these times, as well, to pray for those who are less fortunate…those who may be cold or hungry. L  We ask for the Lord to make any needs we can help with known to us.

I have been enjoying abundant energy these past couple of days and my husband is getting a bit worried.  He is telling me to “hang in there” until the storm passes and the roads are safe. J  I really do not feel like I will go into labor.  The contracting and cramping has eased up.  My only discomfort is the pressure I am feeling since the baby has dropped.  I have never had a baby drop before I am actually in active labor, so this is a new one for me!  My bones are terribly sore and rolling over in bed last night was excruciating!  Night time is also when the intense contractions start kicking in…..this has ALWAYS happened to me.  I am very thankful that the Lord has always given me clear signs when “it is time”, so I don’t worry too much about the fake ones.  In face, I am thankful for them because they are productive and make certain stages of my labor shorter.  I really don’t ever remember feeling so content in the last days of pregnancy, but this time I really am.  I am usually pretty miserable, to be honest!  I have tried to just cherish this time and not be in a such a huge rush.  I am still enjoying feeling this little life within me, though....I really AM excited to meet the new life God has created! 

Well, it is time to feed my hungry crew lunch!  Many blessings to all!

It is a big deal for our family when there is any separation, for any amount of time.  We are use to the busy hours of harvest time in it's seasons, but still, even then, there is at least a moment for a hug, a kiss or an "I Love You".  Yesterday morning my husband left very early, with our oldest son, for a trip to Nebraska.  He had some machinery that he needed to pick up before this baby comes.  It was an all day drive for them, so they stayed the night and drove back home today.  Here is the scene your eyes would behold had you been here upon their arrival.....

The children and I are spread all over the house.  Mama is in official nesting mode, so everyone is pitching in.  The music is playing.  The toddlers are "helping" Mama organizing a bathroom cabinet.  The other children are each working on their own special cleaning project.  All of a sudden Mama hears the sound of a semi truck and goes to the front window.  She waits and finally she sees what she is hoping for!  Daddy and "Bubba" have arrived, and WAY before they are expected to!  They couldn''t sleep well, just wanted to get home so left in the very early morning hours for home.  The toddlers faces are full of glee and delight at the sight themselves, but the older children haven't heard what we have heard or seen what we have seen.  Suddenly a HUGE horn blasts and it is like a heard of elephants running through the house!  "DADDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

At this point there is no saying anything to anyone as they are fleeing out the front door and running down the sidewalk to greet their "Big Boys".  My oldest daughter runs to her Bubba and embraces him like she hasn't seen him in AGES!  Her eyes are full of tears and she says, "Oh how I missed you!".  Next you can see our one and two year old being scooped up in daddy's arms as they giggle in sheer delight.  Then my oldest son runs to his 5 year old brother, wraps his arms around him and says, "I never thought I could miss you so much!  I am so glad to see you and to be home!"  My five year old excitedly hands Bubba a finely decorated envelope which he has had prepared for him since the morning before, while my 7 year old daughter leads them to the refridgerator to show them the airplanes she drew and letters that she wrote for them while missing them.  Bubba hears his baby sister fussing behind him, turns and scoops her in his arms saying, "Bubba is here now!"

I go to my husband and give him a kiss.  I can see he is weary and his eyes tell me he is so thankful to be home.  They had a great time, he tells me, but there is just no place like home and nothing harder than missing those you love most. 

My heart, right now as I type, is feeling so full.  You see, we are a normal family who goes through the normal emotions of family.  Sometimes we irritate eachother, frustrate each other and often find ourselves needing to set pride aside to make amends.  It is days like today when the Lord showers one with the blessing of understanding how very important each one of us is to the other.  How very much we are loved!  It is a time that moves me to my knees, thanking the Lord for blessing me with a family who loves me for me.  A family that I am safe with.  Today's reunion was a reminder for me this day to stop and say thank you to my Heavenly Father...for He has indeed blessed!

I can’t believe it!  I actually have some time and energy to write again!  I have spent most of my days these past weeks caring for a very sick family, all the while being sick myself.  It seems, though, that we are well on the mend!  We had been quite spoiled, as it had been a VERY long time since any of us had been sick.  This time we ended up with the bad respiratory stuff, Fifth’s disease and THEN the stomach flu!  I had the stomach flu last and am trying to get some of my energy back from that.  I have a list of things that I would like to get done before this baby arrives and I am running out of time!  I am now 5~12 days away from when my other babies were born, so I am really praying for some spurts of energy before that big day.

Tomorrow we celebrate the first birthday of the year in our family.  My middle daughter is SO excited to be joining me on a trip to town for her birthday.  I have a midwife appointment, so she is thrilled and anxiously awaiting hearing the heartbeat on her special day!  We will run a few errands, get a special cup of coffee, then come home for her party.  I made her a denim apron and embroidered her name on the front pocket.  I also bought a sweet little baking set from Marmee Dear to go with the apron.  It has a mini baking sheet, rolling pin, rubber spatula, spatula, several stainless steel cookie cutters and little heart baking pan.  I bought her some pretty little cards to write recipes on for her very own recipe box.  She will LOVE all of this.  I had asked her a few weeks ago what her birthday wish was and she told me she wanted a changing pad to change her baby dolls on. J  SO, I made her an adorable little changing pad, a hand bag to carry it in that has a pocket on the front.  I stuck two newborn diapers in the pocket too.  OH the fun of birthdays! 

I spent some of my time while being sick revamping my homekeeping binder.  We now have a doable routine and chore chart that will work with life having a new baby.  

My pregnancy continues to go very well, for which I am so thankful!  I can tell I am near the end, though.  I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable and tired.  The baby has dropped considerably and makes walking a whole different story.  I have started my classic prelaboring and am up nights with intense contractions that eventually taper off.  I am so very excited to think of holding and nursing another little one in a matter of days or weeks!

Well, speaking of sleepless nights….I really should begin to settle in for the night.  I need to look over tomorrow’s school plans, spend some time with my hubby and call it a night.

Many blessings!

Well, it feels that way anyhow!  I couldn't get into my blog control panel, but thanks to the hard work of HSB I (and many others so I hear) are back to the blogging world! :)

The time away was good, though, as the Lord used it to give me some clear direction concerning the ministry of His calling women back to their homes.  All praise be to Him for opening the doors, I now have a website Calling His Daughters Home .  It is a forum set up for the purpose of encouraging one another in keeping our hearts at home.  I will be using this forum for my original plan...the writing of my book!   Feel free to come and take a look.

We have been pretty sick in this household.  It took all I could muster this morning to get out of the house for my midwife appointment.  I HAD to go, as I needed a necessary shot.  I am glad I went, as my midwife encouraged me that this little one is setting the stage for a VBAC!  Head is down, baby is still small....great news!  I also asked her how I could keep this respiratory stuff from turning into bronchitis (for some reason I am more prone to coming down with this).  She told me to go pick up some Oreganol.  I took it on the way home and my congestion eased up tremendously!  I feel as though I might survive!

When feeling a bit of relief, I have been stocking the freezer.  I now have a whole list of foods on the fridge and that has sure taken some pressure with this sickness.

Tomorrow is the big D~Day for us.  We will be having our old home demolished.  There are a lot of emotions involved in that.  I will take pictures and try to get them up sometime.  This is my husband's childhood home...I thought for his birthday I would put together a special scrapbook of the wonderful pictures I have stored away of the old place.  I know he, even, has many mixed emotions involved in what needs to be done.

Well...this is short but there are other things I must tend to now.  Please pay no attention to typos...I am pretty sleep deprived!

If I don't write before Christmas.........MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

  It is a cloudy, dreary type day.  I am sitting on the window seat in the home I use to share with my family.  It is placed in a window in the bedroom my husband and I first shared when married and for many years thereafter.  I have chosen this day to go in and clean out anything my family would like to keep before the house is torn down.

  My heart is breaking as I take that step to put it all behind me.  It doesn’t take long of sitting in this place, looking out the window at old memories,  that the tears begin to fall.  I am seeing Christmases past, rain pouring on fall evenings, babies being born in the rooms below, wonderful scents from the kitchen………….but then, all of a sudden other memories began to flood into my heart and I felt as if a knife was being driven deep within…..

  The first years in this home especially, were full of much heartache.  I have written of how my marriage use to be.  I have also written of how I longed for more children, but my husband did not share my heart’s desire.  I have written of laying in a bed in the very next room, knowing life was slipping away with every breath I took.  I remember hearing my daughter crying outside my door, saying, “Grandma, Mommy is dying.”  I have memories of being a bitter, selfish person under this roof….being one key ingredient to an unhappy household. 

There were no longer tears of sadness for the good memories past falling down my cheeks.  No, it was tears of sadness for the way life was during those difficult years.  The room around me seemed so bleak, as I recalled such things.  I found myself wishing I could go back and change it all; but then the Lord opened my eyes!  HE changed it all!  I looked out the window I had looked out numerous times before in the years past….only this time I saw redemption, growth, forgiveness, JOY!  I could see our cattle grazing in the fields below and was reminded of something I read recently by Nancy Campbell....

“When God speaks of blessing, He promises increase of the fruit of the womb, but also of land and the fruit of the ground, of cattle, sheep, and fruitful vineyards. He talks about the increase of wealth, knowledge and even the increase of the years of our life. God's blessings are enlargement, fruitfulness and increase.” 

 God did this for us in different ways!  He changed our hearts, our lives and began pouring blessings out upon us in so many ways!  My husband’s heart began to change and be turned towards home.  My heart was changed and CAME back home!  Our LIVES were changed and the blessings began to flow!

 So, I dry my tears, look around the old home full of SO many different memories, and I say good bye.  Good bye to the good, beautiful memories that I know will stay in my heart forever.  And good bye to the pain of the past that go down when the home falls.  For my God is good.  He has healed.  He has increased our territory.  He has blessed.  He has proven Himself faithful.  He has restored the years the locust hath eaten!  If I kept silent about such praises in my heart, I am afraid it wouldn’t be giving God the glory He deserves….nor would others experience the reasons there are to hope!

I am back to nesting again.  I am very thankful for the bursts of energy I am getting in between those days of extreme fatigue.  I just am having this feeling that I need to be bringing complete order to my home now, in preparation for those precious days of rocking a little nursling once again.  After losing two more babies since my last birth, I am feeling really ready for this.  I feel in my heart that it won't be long, though I certainly hope and pray he/she will wait at least another month! 

Yesterday, one of my nesting ventures brought me into the baby room right (which is an actual part of our master bedroom), where my baby girl was taking residence.  As I started organizing I just decided to go ahead and make the big move.  You know...moving the "baby" for the newest baby.  I am a sentimental, emotional type, I guess and it always breaks my heart to make that change.  The process itself was fun because my precious little 18 month old was being all big, "helping" her mama move the crib to her sisters' room; but once it was over and I listened to my older girls' delightful squeals after learning baby sister was now in with them, my heart was sad. 

I wrote my Mama of this sadness this morning and how the night proved to be a rough one of adjusting for my littlest daughter and I.  She wrote me back these words......

Much of my anxiety these past weeks has been the new road before me.  This is my seventh child, my first birth after a cesarean.  There have been new concerns to think upon and new prayers to send up. 

Just Sunday morning I was on the verge of tears when a dear friend at church asked me how I was doing.  The baby has been in a transverse position for a few weeks now and the fears of the baby not settling in where it is suppose to be has been strong for me.  I have been doing a LOT of praying.  I realize some reading may think that the position of a baby, especially at 32 weeks, isn't really much to be concerned about...yet, in my sitation it is.  I have a history of large babies and really hard deliveries.  The Lord blessed with my 3rd and 4th births when I went early and the babies were still "small" enough to make delivery much easier for me.  A breech birth for me is simply out of the question.  I have had a history of babies literally getting stuck when they have been in normal position. 

SO, from the beginning one of our major prayers has been that this little one settle into position early enough and stay there.  Anyways....I was overwhelmed with this concern, spending a lot of time in prayer over it.  I don't know if any of you have ever felt your baby "fall".....Sunday  night I felt an extreme falling sensation in my belly and I am SO glad I was sitting!  This was Sunday night and as the night went on I started having strong contractions.  I was having a feeling way low that made me start to wonder if the baby changed positions.  I wasn't feeling that terrible pulling on my hips any longer.  I called my midwife and she told me to take benadryl right away (to stop contractions).  I ended up in preterm labor with my last baby so we are obviously on our toes for another month this time around.  I went to sleep right away and thankfully my husband was home Monday because I slept most of Monday as well.  The benadryl wipes me out and I was really praying I wouldn't have to walk that road again.  I prayed the Lord would help my contractions to stay at bay on their own without benadryl this week and so far so good.

Anyways, my midwife gave me the news today that the baby's head is not only DOWN, but it is WAY down!  Hooray!  That will make it MUCH more difficult for him/her to wiggle out of that position.  I was measuring right on (usually measure WAY over) because the baby is so low, so that was encouraging.  I have figured out that my ticker is wrong on my blog, as I am 32 weeks this Saturday.

She looked at my leg and told me that I am extremely high risk for a clot in that leg so I am to take some extra supplements and keep it elevated when sitting down at all times. 

I am anemic, which explains the exhaustion and am now back on iron.  I am glad to know this now and not find out AFTER birth. 

I will be having a sonogram in the next two weeks.  We need to find out where the placenta is at.  My midwife wants to be sure it hasn't attached itself to my cesarean scar.  Once I get that done I will post a picture of our precious baby.

I feel like this post is all a jumbled mess of thoughts.  I am tired and need some sleep, but wanted to share my praises to the Lord for His goodness!  He knows our hearts and doesn't judge us when we are afraid or concerned.  He takes our hands, speaks gently to us and leads us in peace.....

I have plans to update tonight on my baby appointment. :)  Much to tell there, but as it is I only have a minute....supper to be made, babies to love...you know!

I wanted to update on some changes made to the "Daughter, Come Home" list.  The response has been wonderful!  Myself and other ladies are already being greatly blessed by this list. 

I am still getting new members each day, but will no longer be using Yahoo.  I was having some security and technical issues and began to rethink the whole thing.  I was feeling conviction about things they obviously stand for as well.  I prayed about it and brought the matter to my husband and he asked that I go with a christian email service.  I am going to be removing my yahoo button in the sidebar but am still welcoming those who are interested in being a part of the group.  Just email me with your address and a short testimony.

May the Lord bless you all!

I am getting all the quirks worked out and am so excited about those of you who have joined!  I had a request from one of my readers to add her to the list so she wouldn't have to sign up for a Yahoo Id.  I am totally fine with doing this for those who aren't interested in setting up a Yahoo ID.  If this is the case with any of my other readers, please just email me with your name, email address and a bit about yourself (I will be the only one seeing it) and I will gladly add you to the list myself.  You can access my email underneath the Yahoo button in my sidebar.

Blessings!

Some have been blessed with the opportunity to grow in a stable Christian home.  Some have been blessed with a different path.  Yes, I say blessed….because it is true.  Laid out before me was that “different” path.  I have no intention of going on about my childhood, but what I can say is I am not one who left home equipped for womanhood….BIBLICAL womanhood.  I left home a broken, independent, angry young woman.  I married my husband at the age of nineteen and was nowhere near prepared for the role before me as a wife, homemaker or mother.  God has been so gracious with me, guiding me all the way…leading me….forgiving me….knowing my heart above all.  I am a much different person now, all praise to Him, but am still ever learning, ever growing.  I still fall to my knees and ask the Lord to give me His wisdom. 

It is because of these experiences of starting from scratch that I am to begin writing a book for other women.  I want to take what I have learned, what I am learning, from the Lord and other wonderful, God fearing women and pass it on! 

SO, here is how you can help.  Some of my readers might be like me, having entered the “real world” unprepared for God’s role for them.  You might have questions OR wisdom to share from experiences of your own.  Some of my readers are women who were fully equipped for their role and have wonderful wisdom to share as well!  Of course, no matter where we came from we ALL make mistakes and learn and grow from them.  Now is the chance to share and make a difference in the lives of women!

I am going to begin an interactive Yahoo group called “Daughter, Come Home”.  The purpose of this group will be to ask questions and share wisdom about God’s daughters coming back home to fulfill God’s mission for their lives.  I will be interacting as well (gleaning MUCH, I am QUITE sure) and will be taking notes for my book.  I will NOT publish any personal information about anyone and if I see something on the list I find would be beneficial to others IN a book I will ask permission to use it first.  I have really prayed through this and feel this is God’s answer to getting into the hearts of other women.  This is the type of book I would have loved to have read when I was starting out! Those who are a part of this list by the time my book is published (God only knows when that will be J) will get a free copy.  I will also be sending out a daily devotional to ponder each day.

This list will be private and strictly moderated for privacy reasons.  I will keep a subscription button in the right column of my blog, where those interested can join.

I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Blessings!

We woke up to two visitors today.  One quite welcome, the other….well, not so welcome.  It is snowing a lovely pure white snow and beginning to blanket the ground.  The children were ecstatic and went screaming and dancing around the house!  Winters are so wonderful!  What a time for families to just settle in together and just be.  We are doing just that.  My husband is outside working with the cattle, but is close by so he can come in to warm himself from time to time.  He will be greeted with a big pot of chili when he comes in for the noon meal.  I cannot help but thank the Lord for the slower pace of wintertime here. 

The not so welcome visitor is the flu.  My baby girl woke up crying this morning and when I went to get her, I had seen she had thrown up everywhere.  I quickly bathed and dressed her in clean clothes while my other girls pitched in and got the messy stuff in the laundry.  Only a while ago my 2 year old started slowing down and now had a climbing fever.  The two are doing pretty well, considering.  They are now at the table together giggling and “playing” with counting bears.

I was to see my midwife today but have called to cancel due to the weather and little ones needing me here at home.  Once the babies are down for naps I will settle in with some games with the older children while the snow falls to the ground.  Maybe my husband will be able to join us!

That’s it. J  If you don’t hear from me for a time it is likely that the flu has decided to stay, though we are earnestly praying it DOES NOT!

Blessings!

My following post is pretty long.  Feel free to print it off and save it for when the house is quiet.  Get a cup of tea or cocoa and soak in what the Lord might speak to your heart while reading!  Blessings!

My absence these past few days has been the Lord’s leading me into stillness.  I mentioned in a recent post how I was struggling with fear and anxiety.  I kept praying the Lord would show me what to do with these things I was dealing with.  I did go through a short time of hearing silence from Him.  Thankfully I have been through enough of those times that I have learned to just wait, because I KNOW He is listening.  Those times aren’t always so easy, though, especially when the heart is in so much turmoil.

I finally heard Him speaking to my heart, in that still small voice, through prayer and the reading of my all time favorite devotional.  A few days ago I retreated into our school room to read my Bible.  This is the scripture that I read and the thoughts of Mrs. Charles E. Cowman that followed:

“BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.” Psalm 46:19 (Oh what comfort in those words alone!)

******************************************************************

Is there any note of music in the chorus as mighty as the emphatic pause?  Is there any word in all the Psalter more eloquent than the one word, SELAH (PAUSE)?  Is there anything more thrilling and awful than the hush that comes before the bursting of the tempest and the strange quiet that seems to fall upon all nature before some preternatural phenomenon or convulsion?  Is there anything that can touch our hearts as the power of stillness?

There is for the heart that will cease from itself, “the peace of God that passeth all understanding,” a “quietness and confidence” which is the source of all strength, a sweet peace “which nothing can offend,” a deep rest which the world can neither give nor take away.  There is in the deepest center of the soul a chamber of peace where God dwells, and where, if we will only enter in and hush every other sound, we can hear His still, small voice.

There is in the swiftest wheel that revolves upon its axis a place in the very center, where there is no movement at all; and so in the busiest life there may be a place where we dwell alone with God, in eternal stillness.  There is only one way to know God.  “Be still, and know.”  “God is in His Holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him.”

“All loving Father, sometimes we have walked under starless skies dripped darkness like drenching rain.  We despaired of starshine or moonlight or sunrise.  The sullen blackness gloomed above us as if it would last forever.  And out of the dark spoke no soothing voice to mend our broken hearts.  We would gladly have welcomed some wild thunder peal to break the torturing stillness of that over~brooding night.

“But Thy winsome whisper of eternal love spoke more sweetly to our bruised and bleeding souls than any winds that breathe across Aeolian harps.  It is thy ‘still small voice’ that spoke to us!  We were listening and we heard!  We looked and saw Thy face radiant with the light of LOVE.  And when we heard Thy voice and saw Thy face, new life came back to us as life comes back to withered blooms that drink the summer rain.”

****************************************************************

It was after I read these soothing, soul refreshing words that I turned to the scripture in Psalm 81:6~7 “I removed his shoulder from the burden: his hands were delivered from the baskets.  You called in trouble, and I delivered you.  I answered you in the secret place of thunder.  I tested you at the waters of Meribah.”  OH the joy that rushes in when we have waited quietly for Him and then He speaks!  I immediately praised the Lord for relieving my shoulder of the burden of fear and anxiety trying to rob the joy from my life.  What is it the Lord would like to relieve you from today?  Are you still enough…waiting to hear His voice?

“Blessed is he that waiteth.” Daniel 12:2

Can you IMAGINE!?  We are blessed, because we just wait.

Mrs. Charles E. Cowman includes her thoughts on waiting in “Streams in the Desert”.

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“No, but simply wait.  Wait in prayer, however.  Call upon God and spread out the case before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of aid.  Wait in faith.  Express your unstaggering confidence in Him.  Believe that if He keep you tarrying even till midnight, yet He will come at the right time; the vision shall come, and shall not tarry.”

*******************************************************************

 Wait, patiently wait,

God is never late;

Thy budding plans are in Thy Father’s holding,

And only wait His grand divine unfolding.

Then wait, wait,

Patiently wait.

Trust, hopefully trust,

That God will adjust

Thy tangled life; and from its dark concealings

Will bring His will, in all its bright revealings.

Then trust, trust

Hopefully trust.

Rest, peacefully rest

On thy Savior’s breast;

Breathe in His ear thy sacred high ambition,

And He will bright it forth in blest fruition.

Then rest, rest,

Peacefully Rest!

By Mercy A. Gladwin

So much has been on my heart today.  The Lord has blessed me with time to just "Be Still" and listen to Him.  My children have been out playing around daddy all day and my baby is sleeping much, as she has a cold.  I have spent this time of solitude doing much praying and reading my Bible.  I needed the guidance of the Lord, His wisdom and strength.  As the time of this newest little one draws near, I find myself struggling with things that are not of the Lord, such as fear and irritability.  He has blessed me in this quiet time through the reading of His word and I do feel refreshed! 

 I do want to share something today, that was written by my own mother some time ago.  I believe she wrote this during my sickness with this baby, as I remember it being such a dear encouragement to my soul during a time when I felt I just couldn't do it anymore!  She wrote it about my husband and I and it has been such a beautiful thing for me to focus on when I am struggling with my self.  I hope it blesses and encourages others as well!  It is copyrighted material and may not be copied. I have deleted her name for privacy reasons.  Please link back here if you wish to share it with others.

Blessings!

*************************************************************

A Missionary Plan 

Copyright 2006

Karen sat on a chair by the window sipping hot coffee and watching the pouring rain.  Quiet moments like this were rare and deeply appreciated since she and her husband, Daniel, had accepted their mission field.  As the rain pattered on the window, Karen’s thoughts drifted back to the day that decision had been made.

Daniel was 21 and she was 19 when they were married.  As many young couples do, they planned out just how many children they would have, where they would live, and how life would unfold for them.  Karen smiled over her cup as she remembered this.  The call of the Lord to the mission field had come right away, but they had not yet fully understood it and therefore had not yet fully given themselves over to it.  Their awakening to the mission field into which the Lord was leading them came in increments at first and then burst wide open.  They embraced one another and gave themselves over to it and to the Lord with complete abandon.  They knew this was what the Lord desired of them.  Through much prayer and praise, their mission was born with passion and assurance that the Lord was with them all the way.  They knew many in the Lord’s service had rejected this particular field.  Assurance of peril and pain as well as social persecution, rejection, and condemnation came with every mission and theirs was no exception.  Such darkness would come even from some within the church.  They moved forward undaunted. 

The days were long and sometimes grueling and the nights were often short, but never did one day pass without its rewards.  Each day they looked into the eyes of the lives God had placed in their care and they saw anew the hope and promise the Father had given them.  Money was not abundantly available, as is the case with most missionary work.  However, the needs were always met.  They had learned quickly to lean into the Lord at every turn and wait patiently for His provision.  Be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, they knew He would always provide.  None placed in their care ever went hungry or lacked in shelter or clothing.  Through prayer, Bible reading, and times of worship, the spiritual, mental, and emotional needs were covered.  Karen marveled as she thought of the Lord’s ongoing provision of energy and wisdom during what sometimes seemed a perpetual weariness of body, which they had known the past ten years.

At one point in their work, the enemy had nearly taken Karen’s life through a terrible illness.  Just when it seemed all hope was gone and life was ebbing away, the Lord shut down the work of the enemy and she recovered.  Within a year of her illness, government authorities had received false information and threatened to shut them down.  The Lord strengthened them mightily during those dark times.  It was not long after these two events that a fellow traveling missionary couple had stopped by to fellowship, minister, and pray.  At one point during their visit, they began praising God and literally wept for joy over the presence of the Holy Spirit in that place. 

The visiting couple, who were not yet aware of the attack Daniel and Karen had been under, told them that the Lord had placed a special guard about them to complete the work He had begun.  This was a time of confirmation and revival for Daniel and Karen after so much had threatened to take them under.

Karen was brought back to the moment by the sound of voices outside on the walkway.  Daniel had taken their six children on an outing to give Karen a little quiet.  She watched them through the window as they jumped and giggled under their umbrellas. The child she was carrying began moving and she placed her hand lovingly over her belly.  It wouldn’t be long now, just a couple of months to go before she held yet another life in her arms, another life for the work and the joy to which He had called them.  She felt the tears of joy welling up as she pondered the many blessings God had given them in this, their missionary field.  Together Daniel, Karen, and the Lord had weathered many storms.  They knew more trials would come, but they knew the rewards for their submission to His calling on their lives would be greater still.

I haven’t been around much but I am still alive J.  I have been blessed with abundant energy, so I have been nesting; therefore little time for the computer.  I had run out of vitamins a few weeks ago and went a couple weeks without them.  I could really feel it then!  Now that I am back on them I am feeling really good.  They are the Supermom vitamins and have proven to be the best vitamins I have ever taken.  I HIGHLY recommend them for ANY mom….pregnant, nursing or NEITHER.

The children are enjoying our warm weather today!  I am ready to pull out Christmas decorations, but cannot bring myself to do it when it is 65 degrees outside. J  It is suppose to get colder this weekend, so I will wait until then.

I prepared a Thanksgiving dinner last night just for my husband and children..  It was so enjoyable!  It is so wonderful to think of all the things we have to truly be thankful in our hearts! 

I am reminded of a verse in God’s Word that holds has proven so true in my life. 

Psalm 100:4~5

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.  For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.”

It isn’t always easy in life to search out the reasons we have to be thankful.  During these times I have found it strengthen my own spirit to simply focus on being thankful for the fact that no matter what….He IS faithful.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

A precious reader took time to type out the following in response to my previous post.  It touched me so deeply that I want to share for others to read.  Thank you for your comforting words and for your time, Anita.

Blessings,

Tina

How well I know that grief that still after years can hit you. I just re-read this poem today and it hit me. I read this so often after our babies died that I memorized without trying. Reading it again today, almost 14 years later, those feelings came back so clearly. I'll be praying for you.

Anita

Lament for a Child

Some thought the pain was less
Because I never saw you
But, oh, I did!
My heart and mind wove textured skin,
Caressed your cheeks, touched fine-spun hair,
And smelled sweet breath.
Although you dwelt within my womb
In darkness, secret and unseen,
I knew your presence there;
A living part of my own flesh,
Whose heart was linked to mine.
And then you left.
Too soon to bear earth's weighted air
And so I silent mourn,
My tears as inward as your life
And yet you truly lived;
As real as if my arms had felt your weight
And sensed your body's warmth
Close pressed to mine.
So now I raise a stone within my soul
to mark your place,
Your name engraved by acid tears.
Still carry you in memory's womb
And feel grief's weight in empty arms.
So tender were the days you lived with me.
Reluctant do I set you free.
Yet I can sense a tempered joy
To think you whole, complete.
Newborn to breathe a fresher air
In worlds more real than those I know.
We wait together, oh my child.
For one day I will reach and find
Your hand within my own,
And feeling that embrace,
Your kiss upon my cheek,
So move from dream into reality
And know a different motherhood at last.
---Author unknown

The following post is a journal entry I wrote today.  I am only good at writing my heart, and although I tried to come up with something to write on my blog today that might cheer and uplift others, the Lord kept leading me back to where my heart is this day.  I have peace in knowing that nobody is forced to read my words.  I only hope that someone might be comforted in knowing they aren’t alone in their own sorrows; or perhaps someone out there who has never known such heartache, might still see that there may be someone in their life who is breathing it everyday………………someone who might need a phone call, an “I love you and I care” or a simple prayer.

A friend recently said to me, “You are such a warrior.”  I couldn’t help but chuckle, and remember Twila Paris’s age old song A Warrior Is a Child.  I am not a warrior at all.  I am just a child of God, hanging on tight as can be to His enduring promises and ever so gentle Hand.  He is the only reason I have been able to walk the road that has been laid out for me.  He is the reason why I could ever have any joy in this life.

The past few days have not been easy ones for me.  I really was having a difficult time putting my finger on it, though.  I am a person who likes to have things figured out.  Those normal “feelings” that can’t be figured out, and come to everyone at sometime or another, have always bugged me.  How can you work through something if you don’t even know WHAT that something is!?  Many times I have just had to lay these feelings in the Lord’s hands and simply trust Him with them; and other times I really do figure it out (with the help of the Almighty, of course J). 

Sometimes He shows me I have some stubborn sin in my heart that needs to be worked through.  Sometimes He shows me I need to get my priorities refocused.  Sometimes He simply shows me I am not stopping long enough to feel that my heart is aching.  He is always gracious in the ways He reveals these things to me…..last night He used another HSB to help me to see that my heart is needing me to stop, to breath in and allow to hurt for a time.

I remember, after the loss of our precious twins, my doctors words, “this is a long road.  You will find a stretch of time when you finally feel you are pulling out of the grief and then all of a sudden it just hits you.  You may also come around certain dates and feel a certain way and not even realize, right away, that your heart is hurting for a real reason.”   

Well, he was right.  This time of year brings many clouds my way.  My twins would have turned three last month and our little Hope was to be born this month.  Of course, one cannot push away the other blessings that would have not come along had these little ones stayed with me.  I wouldn’t know my 2 year old’s joy and I wouldn’t feel this tiny soul within me now, had it not been for the passing of my other precious children.  Still, it would be easy to use that to stuff feelings down, and today I realize I just need to feel it. 

I cried out to the Lord in my heartache last night.  He comforted me.  I longed for my husband, who was away working, but sometimes the Lord isolates us so we will reach out to only Him.  I wish I could say I walked away feeling lifted up.  No, He doesn’t always choose that for us either.  I suppose if it was always that way, we might never just feel what we need to feel, all the way through. 

So, I cried.  I cried for my babies lost.  I also cried for the one within me, pleading with the Lord to allow me to hold and nurse him/her.  When a little one is lost, there is a reality forever engrained upon a person’s heart.  I am thankful to know the Lord is ever patient with my fears, and to know that no matter what happens He will never leave me alone with it. 

So to my precious sons and daughters, who have gone on to that Home we are all waiting for, I love you.  I miss you so much and in my human state, so long as I am living here on this earth, my heart will never stop yearning to hold you! 

I have not been around as I am busy enjoying the hustle and bustle of readying for the holidays.  Today, though, we are forced to slow down as one of the little guys (2 yr old) is sick with a high fever.  We do welcome these chances to love and nurture in special ways.  I will sit and hold my little one and get some work done crocheting a baby blanket.  The girls will enjoy reading and working on their special projects.  My oldest son gets "hands on" school today working beside daddy....he was so excited about this, he was up at the break of dawn! 

I am feeling very well in my pregnancy the past few days.  The baby has moved it's head up under my ribs, so things are starting to feel a bit more crowded now!   I am so enjoying all the little kicks and turns when I lay down at night.  We are having so much fun preparing for yet another baby!  Hard to believe I could be holding this little one in 10 weeks or less!

I really don't have much to post.  I need to get back to my sick little one and read some to the other children.  My coffee is waiting too .  I pray you are all well!

Many blessings!

Oh, it feels so good to be writing again!  Writing always soothes my soul; and today is one of those days when it certainly needs some soothing!  It has just been “one of those days” when things have not gone at all how I planned.  I am thankful for the thoughts in remembering that the Lord has all my time in the palm of His hand, for this has helped me to stay somewhat focused, while my stress level is tempted to rise!

It really hasn’t been a bad day….just isn’t going about how I might have written it out to be had I been the one who was the “holder” of my time.  Let me say, as well, that the beautiful support I have been offered here these past few days has been used by the Lord in such awesome ways!  Thank you a million times, not only to those who have prayed for me and my family, but to those of you who left such sweet, encouraging comments!  They were water to my thirsty soul!  Thank you, as well, to those of you who mentioned my need for prayer on your blogs.  One could never find the right words to express how these things can touch and change a heart!  May the Lord richly bless you ALL!

I am doing better in a lot of ways physically.  Still struggling with fevers for some strange reason, but the pain in my leg is gone.  It was determined that I am definitely having circulatory issues in my left leg and am now taking supplements for this.  I have not been having as much cramping and back pain as I was before, so that is a praise for sure!  My midwife and doctor instructed me OFF of bed rest, fearing the circulatory issues in my leg could develop a blood clot if I am not having a variety of movement.  My doctor had me put my leg on heat whenever I was down and that helped A LOT.  I also took a LONG, SLOW walk with my children yesterday and that really helped as well. 

So, even though this day has been filled with some unexpected things, I am filled with such thankfulness because I am simply alive.  Going back into the hospital brought back so many memories of a day when I entered one of those rooms, realizing I may never be leaving.  At one point I started literally, visibly shaking at that memory. 

God has been bringing this memory around to my thoughts often lately, so it seems.  A couple of weeks ago, while singing a song in church, I couldn’t finish once I got to the end.  It ends with the words…..When I come to die, when I come to die, when I come to die, Give me Jesus.  You might recognize it.  It is Fernando Ortego’s song “Give me Jesus”.  When I came to that last part, the memory of entering that place of coming to die overwhelmed me......

I have not only been there, but I remember it like I was there just minutes ago.  Certain things will happen, certain words said, certain places entered and suddenly I am feeling it all over again.  Death is standing by my side, ready to take me to another place and then something happens…something only the Lord can do….I am delivered.  He makes it clear that, though death is near, it cannot have me, because there is more the Lord needs me to do here.

  I am humbled at the thought of simply being delivered from death, and empowered by His strength to keep moving on with His work.  I will close with a prayer I wrote to the Lord today, as I tried to refocus and refill my heart with thankfulness.

“My Lord,  You have been so gracious to me in such times that have tried my soul.  I pray others will feel this same warm, loving touch of Yours, as they walk the roads laid out for them.  I thank you for life.  Thank you for days, like today, when things just don’t go my own way.  Thank you for fussy, demanding one year olds J, husbands announcing paperwork needing done (while the toddler hollars and pulls on my skirt), school age children who sometimes struggle to grasp a concept and toddler sons whose day’s mission seems to get into absolutely everything before the day is done.  It is so easy to thank you on days when things run smoothly, but Lord I want to thank you for these precious people and imperfect days.  I know very well that had you not delivered me 2 years ago when all hope was gone, that I would be missing so much of things you had written out on the pages of my life.  I am literally, at times, overwhelmed when remembering the moments I was slipping away.  Such remembering quickly brings tears to the surface and a heart ready to be thankful, even when I feel a completely crazy day tries to bring me down.  I know I can finish such a day with the glory and power of Your strength!  You are the Giver of this life and the Holder of ALL of my days!  Most of all, I know I can find rest….PERFECT rest in You.”

Oh, thank you so much for all the prayers and support!  After spending the night in the hospital, we were greatly relieved to learn that I did NOT have a blood clot in my leg.  They did a lengthy ultra sound and also did tests on my chest to be sure I was clot free.  They monitored the baby as well, and we were greatly relieved to see he/she is doing VERY well.  I was cramping a lot, as I have been this past week, but the baby was doing just fine.

We are still trying to figure out what is the matter with my leg.  I can barely walk on it and am having terrible pain.  The doctor ordered me on rest for the next few days to see if it improves.  There is the possibility that I pulled something or injured it in some way without realizing it and it just needs time to heal.  I do have a vein that is popping out on that side (never had that before on this particular leg) and it is VERY tender.  I am hoping it does get better and we aren’t looking at some sort of infection.  I have had a low grade fever, but nothing too alarming.  My doctor is back from being out of town, so I will be able to consult further with him.

I will try to keep updated here or have my mom update for me.  I have to get to the couch, which is where we will be doing school from today J.  We have been blessed with much love and support already!  A friend came last night and cared for the children.  When I arrived home the children met me and told me they wanted the house to be spic and span for me before I arrived home…… and it certainly was!  I was so blessed! 

Again, I so appreciate the prayers here.  It was so very scarey, yet I felt covered. 

I feel his chubby arms around my neck;

with a toothless grin he splashes a sticky kiss on my forehead. 

He and I, alone, are romping through an autumn field,

enjoying rich golds and crimsons…..and each other.

I wonder why I ever longed earnestly

for mere silver or gold, when an infinite

treasure is already mine to hold???

By Geraldine Nicholas

I have been trying out a couple new recipes with pumpkin in them and thought I would share.  One of my best memories growing up was coming home to Mama's freshly baked Pumpkin Cookies.  She always added chocolate chips to them.  The children and I will be making a big batch of these this afternoon!

Pumpkin Cookies

8 ounces butter, softened
1 cup  sugar (I use raw sugar)
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 cup rolled oats
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup chocolate chips
2 1/2 cups flour (I use freshly ground whole wheat pastry flour)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Cream together butter, sugar and brown sugar until fluffy. Beat in egg, vanilla and pumpkin.
In a separate bowl, mix together the oats, baking powder, cinnamon, salt, chocolate chips and flour. Stir this into the pumpkin mixture.
Drop cookies by the heaping teaspoonful on to cookie sheets covered with parchment paper. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until slightly browned around edges.
Remove from oven and place on cooling racks. Frost with your favorite powdered sugar glaze or leave plain.

Another WONDERFUL recipe I came across this past week is PUMPKIN PANCAKES!  I am going to link you over to Christine's Blog for this one :).  Thanks for sharing Christine!!!  We ate these Saturday morning with pure maple syrup...they were ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!  I doubled the recipe and there wasn't an ounce of batter leftover!  I plan to make them again this week.

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We had a really laid back weekend.  We actually did school work on Saturday, enabling us to take today off.  My husband was in the fields harvesting on Saturday, so once the book work was finished we headed off to the fields to play.  We spread a blanket and watched the harvest.  Each child had a chance to ride along with daddy, which was a treat!

Today he is home!  Due to the heavy fog, the grain was too wet to harvest, SO he is home working here on our place.  The boys took a trip to town with him to visit the farm store, while the girls and I watched the classic "Miracle on 34th Street" while folding a HUGE pile of laundry!  The house was SO quiet without the boys!  We were so glad to hear them coming through the back door close to dinner time!

I have been having to take it pretty easy the past few days, as the prelabor is setting in.  I have been cramping pretty badly and having some intense back pain.  I almost didn't go to church yesterday, but am glad I did, as the ladies really uplifted and encouraged me!  I was going to come home and go right out to get groceries, but my husband encouraged me to rest.  So, I went to bed and slept for THREE hours!  It felt so good! 

After I woke up my husband took the children and I to town to get the groceries.  It was so much more fun that way anyhow!  He can turn any sort of occasion into a party.  We came home and had a treat of eggnog before heading to bed.

Well, nothing too interesting to share this day....I better be off and get a start on those cookies so they are coming out of the oven when my husband pops in again. 

Blessings to all!

As any mother I have looked forward to the day when my children would hopefully "rise up and call me blessed" from the day they were born.  I never realized, though, that it would happen so soon!  The Lord is showing me in the "little" things, from time to time, that my children really do call me blessed and I am so humbled before Him..........so thankful!

This morning I was struggling with a migraine.  After I laid the baby down for a nap, I snuggled onto the couch with my 2 year old.  Before I knew it I was being supplied with ice cold water, my vitamins, a fan, a warm quilt that use to be my grandma's, my favorite pillow and a cold washrag for my head.  My children were all whispering, as though I was a terribly ill patient or something :).  My two year old even climbed down at one point and brought me his own special cup full of water for me to drink.  As he handed it to me he quietly whispered, "Mama need water?"

After a while my girls appeared with a beautifully decorated tray with a bowl of white chili (I had it going in the crock this morning), a crystal bowl full of crackers on a doilie, our "special occasion" cloth napkins and salt.  They were eager to keep filling my bowl of chili and crackers.  Thankfully my two year old was helping me eat it all! :)

I share this because it really was a dear blessing to me, from the Lord, this morning.  I, too, have days of great discouragement.  This morning started out as one of those days.  I miss my husband, whom we see very little of this season.  I was feeling lonely and very tired.  At one point I retreated to my room, migraine and all, pleading with the Lord to give me HIS strength.  He not only gave me His strength but gently reminded me why I am doing all of this.  What better reminder could I have received?  To be made aware of the fact that my children are already rising and calling me blessed!  All glory to the Lord!  I am renewed and ready to keep on keeping on!  It really is worth it!  OH, and thanks to the gentle loving of my Lord through my children, the migraine is gone *grin*.

For those of you who don't read into my comments, I thought I would just post my Mama's reply to Joy in this Journey.  I feel it may bless someone out there!

OH, and I am going to look into finding a way to update my readers by email when I have updated my blog, as I am hearing from many of you having a difficult time loading it.  How frustrating to wait for it to load only to find out I haven't written!  I will let you know what I come up with.

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Mama writes:

Once again, I am given that gentle reminder from the Lord that He cares and is in control. As you know, I have recently been facing a difficult situation. After two days of stressing, I had a very pointed and significant dream.

I was standing in a long line of people. At the head of the line was a man holding a book. As each individual approached him, he would point to the right and say "Free" or point to the left and say "Not Free" and the person would walk in the direction he pointed. When my turn came, the man looked at me and said, "Free." I quickly responded and said, "Oh, but Sir, you don't understand. I'm not free. I have this difficulty from which I have not yet been released!" The man laid his book down and looked me square in the eyes and said, "Dear Woman, true freedom does not come in being released FROM trials, but rather in being released IN trials!" He then pointed me again toward those who were free and I awakened from the dream.

Isn't this so true? The Lord does not always take us out of the valleys, but He does promise to walk with us in those valleys and desires to set us free in the midst of them. Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement, Dear Daughter! This is especially sweet to me, as I know well that you speak as one who has traversed many a valley in your life and have kept the Faith. Press on undaunted!

So Much Love, Mama

I am back!  The weather turned cold on us yesterday, therefore we are enjoying the wonderful smell of corn burning in our corn burning stove!  It is another cattle shipping day so we were all up early for that.  Once I sent off my husband and oldest son for their trip North, I came and snuggled by the corn stove with the other children.  It is 8:30am and they are now enjoying a bit of time outdoors again before we start our school day.  It is too cold out for the baby, of course, so she is sitting next to me "drawing" on paper.

Thank you so much to those of you who left such sweet, encouraging comments while I was away!  You lift my spirits so and I am hoping to come visit those of you with blogs VERY soon!  We all enjoy hearing from our readers, don't we!?!?

Since I only have but a minute this morning I thought I would share a devotion I wrote this past week.  Much of my focus in this life is to keep the joy as I journey home.  It isn't always easy, is it?  There is so much blessing, though, in realizing that there IS joy to be had in this journey!  May you reach deep inside and find that flame of joy waiting to be kindled this day!

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"The Lord stilled the storm to a whisper;the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.  Let them give THANKS to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men."

Psalm 107:29~31

Joy comes in the mourning.  Yes, I mean mourning....the grieviances of life...the storms of life.  One of the greatest gifts our Father ever gifted us , in this life, is the ability to experience joy even when there is so much sorrow and disappointment.

The way we can receive this gift is by simply waking each morning saying, "All I need is You, Jesus.  I trust You."  It is so difficult to keep our eyes focused on where it is He is leading us, but we must try.  We are heading home....to a place where there is infinite JOY.  A place where "God will swallow up death forever and wipe away every tear from our eyes!"

All we need, day to day, is Jesus....and there is so much joy and freedom on this journey when we just trust Him with our lives.......

"When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O Lord, supported me.  When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

Psalm 94:18~19

I awoke at 4:30 this morning to a baby needing comforting.  Once I had her back to sleep, I crawled back into bed only to hear a deep sigh escaping my husband's lips.  I could tell in the darkness that he was lying awake, obviously deep in thought.  I took his hand and asked him what was on his mind.  He shared with me his worries before him and we prayed.  He has had much to sigh about lately, though one seldom will hear it, as he is not one to complain. 

For my husband he had a big day ahead of him and a burden still hanging on from yesterday.  He learned still early in the day that someone had vandalized one of our fields that was ripe for harvest .  This was not only a great loss for us, but deeply saddened our hearts that there is someone out there with so much hatred bottled up inside.  So awakening with this still heavy on his heart, he had to face a very early start shipping out cattle.  My husband and I tend to be pretty sentimental about our animals and although this is our livlihood, it never gets any easier to let them go when it is time.

I tried, once again, to go back to sleep after we visited some, dreading how tired I might be by 10:00am if I DIDN'T get more rest.........but I just couldn't sleep, so I went to making a breakfast of cinnamon rolls for my family.  I lit the candles all around the house, thinking it would be a lovely welcome to the day for my children. 

 As the candle light danced across the darkened walls, it got me thinking on the scripture, "And her lamp does not go out by night."Proverbs 31:18b  The girls and I have been discussing Proverbs 31 alot lately.  My oldest had asked when the Proverbs 31 woman ever got to sleep if her lamp never goes out.  I came to the conclusion that she is always on call, lamp lit, ready to be there at any moment she is needed by her loved ones.  Whether it be a nursing baby, a teething toddler, a fearful five year old, a sighing husband.....she is always ready to be a servant to those gifted to her.

This is a challenging thought for me, as I know that my lamp has not always been lit, especially within.  I am sad to say, that sometimes I have but that lamp out at night and selfishly prayed I could receive some sleep for a change and then when wakened, went about the task begrudgingly.  I am finding, that those times when I lay down completely exhausted at night, that there is a certain strength in simply praying for the Lord to give me what I need throughout the night.  And then, if I awake, realizing I have slept a night through, I thank Him right away.  Why not thank Him when my sleep is little?  Thank Him for the wonderful reasons why I had a sleepless night!

I wanted to share a bit of what the Lord is working on in my life.  I am longing to be the kind of woman, the Proverbs 31 woman, who has her lamp going in her home AND in her heart.  A woman who finds delight, even in the wee hours of the night, at the opportunities to love, nurture and care for her family.  I am so thankful the Lord gave us such wonderful examples in the Bible to follow.  I feel picking apart Proverbs 31 will keep me busy for life! *SMILE*

Last night I had a dream like none I had ever had before.  It was so very real.  In the dream I was just an observer.  I was watching a long line of people, excitedly boarding a train.  It was such a wonderful sight to see….that is until it came to the young woman holding her precious son.  She, too, was excited about this train and was busily chatting along with her family and friends as the line moved forward.  When it was her turn to board she handed the conductor a sheet of paper, what she thought was necessary to board. 

Suddenly the man’s eyes greatly saddened.  He shook his head and said, “No.  I am sorry miss, but you do not have what was necessary to board this train.”  She had a look of shock and disbelief on her face.  She looked on to her friends and family as they made their way inside the train.  They looked at her with such grief and sadness.  She wondered why they couldn’t help her to board the train; their eyes told her they already knew that  there was nothing they could do to help her on.

Overwhelming grief took over her and she collapsed, son in arms.  She began to sob….grievous sobs, such as no one had ever heard before.  As an on looker I could feel her heart, which was being ripped out of her chest.  The man stood silently, as did the long line behind her, for quite some time.  Eventually he kneeled beside her and said, “I am so sorry.  You must let your son board the train now.”

She looked up and realized the grief she had been feeling over the past minutes was nothing compared to the grief she would forever feel now.  She knew her son would be boarding this train without her and she would never see him again……….

When I awoke from the dream it would be a lie to say I went about my day normally.  I began with a good cry.  A cry for what I knew the dream meant.  When I told my mom of the dream, I cried again because I could just FEEL, for the first time in my life, what a person left behind is going to feel.

I know for a fact that some who read my words here would find, that if the train arrived this very second, they wouldn’t be getting on L.  Time is running out and you must make the choice now to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior.  If you want to do this but do not know how, please contact me or someone you trust to lead you in this way.  I am praying for you, even if I do not know you.  GOD knows you and loves you and He wants to see you home with Him for eternity more than anyone does!

If you do know the Lord, I REJOICE with you!  What a wonderful day it is going to be when all our sorrows and cares are behind us and we know we are going on to our TRUE HOME!  Let’s be sure we are doing what we need to be doing while we are here waiting.  Many are still needing to hear……….the harvest is plenty, but the workers are few!  Let that not be so!  Let’s do our best to take advantage of every moment here on earth so that we aren’t standing behind a grieving soul when they realize they aren’t going on with us. L  More than anything, may they not be left behind because we were negligent to do what God wanted done while there was still time.

Yes, we must get to work!  No matter where we are, God has a plan for us in His work.  Let’s all ask Him this day what He might have us do to increase His Kingdom!  I am tempted to apologize for such a grim post, yet I will not…….for I know in my spirit that the train is coming soon and we must ALL be ready!

Blessings and care for you all!

“LET YOUR HEART NOT BE TROUBLED; you believe in God, believe also in Me.  In my Father’s House are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you , I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.  And where I go you know, and the way you know……………………..

I AM THE WAY AND THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.  No one comes to the Father accept through Me.”

John 14:1~4&6

I am overwhelmed this day with joy.  I feel so much thankfulness in my heart for how good the Lord has been to us over these past years.  Whatever there is to feel, my family has felt it.  We have experienced pains so deep, we have felt we might die from the sting of it.  We have felt joy so abundantly, there was no possible way to contain it.  We have wept so bitterly, we weren't sure the clouds would ever part and WERE sure the tears would drown our souls.  We have laughed so freely, we were sure the whole world might hear and think us crazy! 

Yes, God has blessed indeed.  He has proven Himself faithful, no matter the "feeling" we are experiencing in this life.  There have been times for sure, when I begged Him to show me where He was in my suffering.  I have always looked back after the storm, and seen in the light of the rainbow, that He was indeed there!  I have just learned to simply trust, no matter what I am feeling.

I pray, this day, that if you are suffering, you will be comforted.  If you are joyful, that you will somehow spread that joy to others this day.  When we are heart broken, there is always someone praying us through, always someone who cares.  When we are joyful, we must seek to find ways to give that joy to those who are heart broken.

I have opened up my email feature, for those who have wanted to email me.  I am able to see where my readers are at and wonder about you and pray for you.  Feel free to give me your own prayer requests, if you feel led to do so.  May the Lord bless you richly, where ever life may have you right now.

In His Love and Care............................

This time of year for our household is a BUSY, yet lovely time!  It is HARVEST TIME!   The children and I spend our time after school tidying up the house and preparing to settle in for a cozy winter. I have been reorganizing, rearranging, dusting...well, nesting really :).  My husband spends many hours bringing in our crops AND our meat! 

Harvest time means more hours to our day.  The children stay up later so they can see daddy when he comes in from the fields.  Last night I treated the children to a trip to the playground after we brought daddy and big brother a lunch.  On our way home we stopped by to watch a bit more of the harvest activities and then went home. 

Here is my husband.  He is a goof and can make even the hardest work a blast!

Right after we arrived home we learned that everyone was moving on over to our fields around our house next!  This is a pic I took out our front window last night.

This morning the children were eager to wake early and finish school up early.  My oldest son is quite motivated to do so this time of year, as he doesn't want to miss out on working next to daddy.  After dinner he cleared his plate, looked at his daddy and said, "Well farm boy, you ready to get back to harvest?" He gets SO excited about it!  I LOVE the gleam in his eye!  

Everyone, including the baby, enjoys pitching in a little this time of year.  When my husband brought in the first load of meat this morning, our little girl was right there helping him unload it into the freezer!

Harvest time means so much to us!  We not ony thoroughly enjoy the season, but it means our time to settle in as a family has about arrived!  We love late fall and winter because things on the farm slow way down....just in time for the holidays!

Happy Harvest!!!!!

Well, Dutchess and I are settled in to our normal writing spot.  She is purring away, curled up in between my arms as I type.  All of the boys and the baby are down for a much needed nap.  The girls are doing artwork and I am sipping a cup of hot French vanilla coffee.  It is a perfect Autumn day with a bit of chill in the air!

I haven’t had any extra time for writing lately, as the Lord has been dealing with me in some things in my life.  He is always faithful to show me where He is wanting to grow me next.  He has shown me some areas where I was dealing with great pride and although it hurts when He reveals these sorts of things to us…I am always glad He has done so.  I share this, because I know how easy it is at times to read about other’s lives and feel discouraged about how far we have to go!  I have had some of my readers communicate these feelings with me.  If I, myself, didn’t have miles more to go I would no longer be breathing.  SO, journey on my sisters in Christ!  JOURNEY ON!  And rejoice when God shows you yet another area where He is ready to grow you!

We have been delighting in our school work lately.  The weather makes it so easy to nestle down with the books.  After Math and English were done and put away this morning we made a “Blessing Tree”.   I will have to take a picture of it.  I actually made two and hung them in the windows.  The children each cut out 4 leaves that I drew on construction paper and a pumpkin.  On the pumpkins I wrote verses from the Bible on harvest.  Then on the leaves the children each told me a blessing in their lives for which they are thankful.  It is all put up and the leaves are falling from the blessing tree and the pumpkins are settled underneathe.  Now, every time we sit down to eat a meal together we will see our blessing trees.  J

Other than the the Lord’s dealings with me J and our school work, I have been sewing and reading.  I am sewing some skirts that I will be selling to another mom for her little girls.  I am also sewing some Bible covers for the children’s Bibles.  We were blessed recently to be able to buy the same Bibles for all of us so when I do Bible with the children we are all on the same page and of course, reading the same version (NKJV).  The children share in the reading while all others follow along.  We start our school day off this way.  It is so fun to watch the children excitedly highlighting their favorite verses as we read along.

The house, lately, has smelled of banana bread, baked apples and wonderful spices!  A friend of ours blessed us back for our giving of meat to them with TONS of homemade applesauce, so our taste buds are loving that as well!

I love to write here at my blog, but today I feel a pull to take this hot coffee and special kitten to a comfy chair and read my TOS magazine.  It just came in the mail yesterday!  I also received the 2007 Vision Forum magazine, so these will keep me great company on these chilly Autumn afternoons (not that I am truly suffering for company around here, lol).  I better go now!  When the boys awake it will be time for some reading!

May the Lord richly bless you all!

If you are tempted to believe that while writing this message I somehow find myself higher up than most women.....please stop and pray, asking the Lord to open your heart.  I, in no way, believe I have it all figured out.  The Lord above knows I have a LONG way to go!  Yet, I am deeply encouraged to look back and see where He has led me....where He has changed me, and to know He is working on me still...until my very last breath....

I am quite convinced those in marriage will never get one another 100% figured out, BUT the blessings come when we realize that we don’t have to!  There will be those times of enlightenment, however. 

One of the greatest things I ever figured out about the husband gifted to me was his NEED to know his wife was not just home, but that she was home and busy.  During the time in my life when I was struggling with an idle spirit, there was GREAT tension in our marriage!  I can now see the joy and confidence in his eyes when he comes home and sees the other part of him has been accomplishing things throughout the day. 

May seem pretty tough to others, but I have found the more I seek to serve him in this way, the less he expects.  He use to be VERY demanding about housework, cooking…..PERFECTIONIST to the tee!…..now he comes home and I know he is proud…whether I am sitting and reading a book to the children or scrubbing a floor. 

I delight in the fact that my husband has a deeper confidence and sense of self worth because his wife is busy caring for the things of the home.  Today is one of those days when he popped in late afternoon to pick something up here at home.  When he walked in I was making a new batch of cloth napkins. 

I started making napkins, table cloths, runners, placemats and tea cozies about a year ago to sell.  My very first batch of napkins made was for my family, but we have learned in the past few months that 15 for our family size just doesn’t cut it.  SO, today I decided to crack down and make some more.  When my hubby walked in and inquired about what I was making, I told him I had just cut out 20 more napkins to sew.  His eyes lit up and I could see how much joy he felt!

Yes, he likes the cloth napkins…we will never go back to paper ones again, but truly I know in my heart it wasn’t about the napkins at all.  His wife was busy doing things for the home and family and it delighted his spirit.  His heart was trusting in me.

Of course there are times when he comes home and due to some unforeseen circumstances my being didn’t accomplish much in a physical manner.  The difference now, though, is that he is understanding.  He knows that when things return to normal, whether it takes 5 months for “morning sickness” to pass, or a week waiting for tiny fevered brows to heal…he knows in his spirit that I am doing my best to be about the business the Lord has in store for me…in this life, as his wife.  His heart safely trusts in me and he knows HE will have no lack of gain. (Proverbs 31:11).  I am not claiming to have all of Proverbs 31 down….nope, not me…BUT I am striving for that goal, as should we all be doing.  When we realize that it is attainable one step at a time, we can find joy each step of the way.

“….the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things~that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands so that the Word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:3~5

~~Thank you to all the Titus 2 women in my life, who have taught me to keep striving towards these things!  God knows who you are….may He richly bless you!~~

Ahhhh….today my heart is feeling much brighter.  We have been spending the day in books and keeping laundry going.  We are SO behind in laundry! J  We are even stripping all the bedding and throwing it all in.  I think we will be having a folding party later this afternoon and watch “A Christmas Carol” while we fold.

 For now we are enjoying a bit of rest.  The children have a train set going close by.  My son built a tunnel for it out of an old wall paper box I had.  The babies are asleep and my 6 year old is actually the only one not involved in the train play.  She is sitting in front of the corn stove reading a book to her “baby”. 

 I have been doing some ‘catch up’ online, as I haven’t been around the email/internet much at all!  I do miss writing!  My hubby brought me home a new kitten a couple weeks ago and she has just now joined me, as she always does. J  She chases the curser around on my screen for a while and then curls up next to me as I type.  Her name is Dutchess and she is SUCH a sweet addition to our family!

I thought I would recap some on our past week with some pictures.  The first great event for the children was a trip to the zoo!  In the past we have always visited when the weather was hot.  This time the weather was so wonderful and we spent MANY hours, getting MUCH sight seeing in this time.

 My mom with our littlest one.

Part of our zoo crew J enjoying the lions!

We were also able to go to the Fall Festival Parade.  We came home with GOBS of candy and my little brother thought it would be enough to last a week!  I say more like a YEAR!!!!!!!!!!  I regret not getting a picture of everyone at this occasion. :(  All the pics I have are individual faces, so I think I will pass on posting pics of this fun event.

Our oldest turned 13 during this time so we had a big party for her. 

We had an old fashioned theme and she was delighted to not only receive her very own prairie dress, but find her sisters had one as well!  She also received a Laura Engalls Wilder cookbook from her Grandma in which she has been devouring over these past few days!  Per daddy's request I am not going to post the pics of the girls, BUT I have one of our littlest girl that I thought would work okay, so my readers could see what the dresses are like!  They each have a doll dress to match their own.

I gave my daughter 2 journals, in addition to the dresses.  One is to record her blessings and the other is called her "Mommy Journal".  We are writing back and forth to one another in it!  What joy to have a teenage daughter who delights in following the Lord!  Thank you Jesus!

One  evening I was able to steal away with my Mama, thanks to my dear husband.  We went to a coffee house and visited for quite some time.  We arrived back home early enough to go in and kiss the children before they were asleep, and then enjoyed a movie with their "baby sitter".  My oldest daughter was struggling to sleep so she was allowed to come out and join us!  Was sort of a new special teenage privelage she was able to enjoy, and one I am sure she will ALWAYS remember! 

It was such a sweet, blessed time for which we are so thankful to have been gifted!  Such times are things to keep us going when those storms in life come!

Many blessings!

Well, I am back to the blogging world J.  My mama and little brother left yesterday afternoon.  It was so hard to say goodbye L.  We had such a blessed time and are left with such delightful memories!  I will share pictures as time allows this next week.

Thank you to those of you who let me know I was missed here!  Those of you who take the time to read the writings on my blog will never know how you bless and encourage me!  And it is so very encouraging when I get to hear from you as well!

As I sit here now my three oldest children are enjoying a game together.  The three littlest are sleeping.  We had a busy morning moving back into our routine.  We tidied up our home and just finished off a pot of chili and spiced oatmeal muffins.  I will leave you with the recipe for the muffins at the end of this post.

We were challenged with finding seating space in our dining room while company was here.  We have more company coming in a couple of weeks so it really got me wondering how I can prepare a better seating arrangement for our meals.  What we have is a oval oak dining set that seats six comfortably.  No…sure didn’t leave much room for even a family of 8!  We still have the one and two year old in high chairs…at least until today.

What I decided to do was bring in our “craft table” from the school room.  It is actually a lunch table we bought at Sam’s quite some time ago.  With the chairs it seats 8 comfortably.  I remembered, though, in the old house I still had some brick and boards in which I used to make shelves for organizing our shoes.  I went out and brought those in and created a bench for one side of the table and then put chairs on the other side.  I put my husband’s chair on one end and a baby seat that hooks to a table on the other end.  SO,  now, with the bench, we can fit 10 comfortably.  We tried it for dinner today and it worked SO nicely and we were ALL at the table!  I took the leaf out of the oak table and set it up in the corner of the dining room with a few of it’s chairs.  That will work for an overflow if needed and the children are enjoying it for games now.

I am now enjoying a bit of rest with a cup of hot cocoa, a kitten demanding my lovins and memories of time with family.  We spent much of the time at home, which is what we wanted, but we were also able to visit the zoo, watch a fall festival parade and enjoy one very rainy day chatting and sipping coffee together.  The nights were ever so late, but filled with lovely memories!

When my mom drove away my children cried, as did I.  It was drizzling and so I decided to take them for a bit of a drive.  We went and filled the van with gas and then drove over to see daddy.  He asked me to go to town to get him some supper and told me to treat the kids to supper as well.  We drove to town and the children got their very own kid’s meals at Sonic.  Boy was THAT a treat!  We came home and all retreated to our beds quite early. 

There is still an emptiness in my spirit this day.  Aside from my husband, children and my Lord, my mom is my very best friend.  The goodbyes never get any easier….they only make me long more for that home I am heading for……………the one where there are no goodbyes…no more tears.

Spiced Oatmeal Muffins

2~2/3 cups flour

1~1/2 cups rolled oats

2/3 cups sugar

4 tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. salt

½ tsp. cinnamon

½ tsp. allspice

2 beaten eggs

1~1/2 cups milk

½ cup oil

First of all, I wanted to update on the mother, Katie, whom I asked prayers for.  I just received news from my mom this morning and things are not looking good.  Here is the update.  PLEASE remember this woman and her family in prayer!

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They found yet another pocket of infection and are wanting to operate again.  She is down to about 90 pounds and not doing well at all.  I also just found out that she is 19 years old and this is her first baby.  They haven't been able to transfer her, as they are an army family and the army will not allow a transfer unless they can prove that another hospital has more to offer her.  The family is feeling quite desperate.

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In what situation has the Lord moved in a way that you struggle with. How did that circumstance bring you closer to Him?

The following is my own testimony of how the Lord moved in a great time of struggle and grief in my life.  I am convinced I would not be who I am today in the Lord, without the struggles I have faced along this narrow way.........

I was feeling so complete in my life.  The Lord had carried through on His promise to me and gave me another son, after my husband had said he didn't want any more children.  The Lord was doing major heart surgery in our lives and for the first time we were feeling so much joy!  Our hearts were finally in sync and we were BOTH desiring more children.

One night, after my husband had returned from a trip to Haiti to do mission work and visit the little girl we were adopting, I had a dream.  I dreamt we were dining out somewhere and among our children were two little boys, about 18 months old.  I can still see their little faces when I close my eyes.  One of them was stockier than the other one was.  He was a go getter.  The other was quiet, thoughtful and complient.  I woke up right after the dream and knew that moment,that I was carrying twins.  I had never had a dream about twins before.  I hadn't ever even had a thought that I would like to have twins.  When I told my husband about the dream he believed right away, as well, that we were being blessed with twins.

After telling the children that mommy was going to have another baby our oldest son, who was 4 at that time, said, "No, mommy, you have TWO babies in your tummy."  My children didn't even know that could happen!  This was comfirmatioin for me.

As the weeks went by I grew quickly.  We finally decided to go in for an ultrasound, as a family, to comfirm what we already knew.  We were not expecting what we were hit with that day, though.  I can still feel it.  I can feel how cold the room was...death and grief hit me when I wasn't even close to expecting it.  There were no heartbeats.  I tried my hardest not to cry right in that moment but when I looked at my little girl and saw her confusion and tears welling up in her eyes, I lost it.  I sobbed and sobbed.  This really wasn't happening!

I had choices to make.  I had to choose whether I wanted to go get it all “overwith” and have a D&C or if I wanted to wait until my body let go on it's own.  I chose to wait and did so for a few more weeks.  My body didn't want to let go.  I was so torn because I knew that when it finally did decide to let go that it was going to have to all be final for me.  I still felt they were apart of me, still close to me and I didn't want to let them go.  On the other hand, others were noticing my pregnancy and asking when I was due and offering their congratulations, not realizing that my body was not carrying  life any longer.  So, when I started to labor, part of me was relieved that I was going to be moving on to the next step.

I truly didn't expect an actual labor, but that is what happened, only it was more painful than real labor.  I truly think it was this way because as I labored, there was no joy, nothing to look foward to.  Just pain and agony in my ripping my heart out!

My grief went on and on and on.  I didn't think I would ever survive this.  I was not only grieving our boys but I was wrestling with the Lord.  Why did He give me the dream I had and then take my boys away from me!?  I was so confused. 

Each day I faced I kept hoping would be different.  I finally realized one day that I needed to force myself to do more than just survive, for the sake of my children.  I remember laying on the couch one afternoon, just feeling like I wanted to die, when I picked up a devotional on our end table.  Admittedly, it had been months since I had even touched my Bible.  I did a lot of talking with God but don't think I was doing much listening. 

I opened the devotional (by Mrs. Charles E Cowman) and read words that saved me that day.  I read about how someone who is grieving the dead may become so wrapped up in this loss that they forget there are others around them still living. 

 I looked up, for the first time since my boys' deaths, and looked out the patio door and noticed the little ones as they were sniffing wonderful spring flowers.  I realized, then, that I had forgotten all about the beautiful people surrounding me! 

 It wasn't easy, but that day I made myself get up and take the children for a walk.  It was then that I really noticed it was springtime.  I still felt grief, but I knew I had to trust the Lord would carry me through it.

A few months after I lost the twins I became pregnant again.  I was still really struggling and was completely detached emotionally.  I couldn't bring myself to believe I would be holding a live, healthy baby at the end of my pregnancy.  I was still waiting for joy but still felt so empty.  My day to day life, serving my family, was a daily decision...definitely not something that came from a feeling. 

 Most of my pregnancy was filled with grief.  I was due with this new little one in May but God had much different plans. 

My oldest son, the one who told us we would be having two babies, told me our baby was going to be born on Easter Day.  Two days later, on Easter Day, labor began.  Something else was happening though.  I could feel it strong.   JOY was beginning to birth inside of me.  Everyone at my birth recalls this day.  I was LAUGHING!  In the middle of labor I was laughing and feeling so much JOY! 

After a few hours I gave birth to a healthy baby boy!  After three days of praying about what to name him, my husband and I decided part of his name needed to be Isaac, for laughter.  Little Isaac was sent as our JOY after the Mourning!  The best part of it….Not only was our little Isaac born on Easter Day, but April 11^th …the same day our precious twins were born, the year before!!! 

Sometimes I still cry for Gabriel and Zachary.  I still have days when I feel my heart may fail me with the grief that rushes in.   I miss them incredibly.  Recently, when  I realized I was losing another  baby (my fourth), I cried again for the twins and for little Faith, remembering they were gone from me for now. 

God is so good and brings us comfort when we need comforting.  He has used my little Isaac to bring me His comforting many times in the past two years.  Just yesterday I was feeling so heavy with grief and it was as if he sensed it.  He separated himself from the activity of our household and he lifted up his chubby little arms to me.  I picked him up and he laid his head on my chest.  I stroked his soft little face and remembered that I had hope because God IS FAITHFUL in bringing us joy.................. when we never think it will come again.

“Like cold water to a weary soul, So is good news from a distant land.”

Proverbs 25:25

(testimony to follow) 

The Lord brings good, refreshing news to me in many different forms along this pathway of life.  One of those is the Above Rubies magazine!  It arrived in my mailbox a couple days ago and couldn’t have come on a better day!  It always seems to be that way.  It always seems to come when I am weary and in need of refreshment!  Praise the Lord for this good news from a distant land!  If you haven’t subscribed to their magazine, please do so TODAY!  It is free to subscribe.  Once you receive this and find it full of the blessings it offers to me….perhaps you will feel led to support their ministry in some way.  They are only able so send out the magazines as finances allow.  I was SO pleased to get one last month AND this month!

Some things covered in the magazine this month:

Training a Champion

Does Breast Feeding Space Babies?

Healed from Eating Disorder

Memorize Scripture (wonderful ideas for ALL ages)

Peace in the Home

Waller Family Adventures (about a family with 11 children who lived off the land here in America before the Lord led them to live and minister in Israel!)

The Marriage Question

Training Young Children to Work

Also:

Ideas for prettying up your mail in a frugal way

BEAUTIFUL poems and sayings

An opportunity to bless orphans by way of knitting/crocheting squares for blankets

Home Etiquette poster

A Baby in the House!

Not only This Life (a story of one couple’s surrendering their fertility over to the Lord, losing a baby through miscarriage and another born still)

An article on  rebuilding a broken marriage

Thank you ABOVE RUBIES!  You bless my home!

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When I was struggling this particular day, I just kept crying out to the Lord to help me to be strong.  I was struggling physically, dealing with contractions along with leg pain.  Satan uses these times to really jab at me.  My older children were downstairs folding laundry, while I was upstairs feeding the babies a snack.  I could hear the children downstairs singing 'God Sent His Son' together.  They were on the second verse.....

How sweet to hold a newborn baby

and feel the joy and pride he gives

but greater still

the blessed assurance

This child can face uncertain days

because Christ lives!!!!!

The Lord used the children to remind me I needed to remember the song in my heart!  I started singing too!  I thought how worth it this time of suffering will be when I hold this precious baby in my arms.  Better than that, though, how wonderful to know that my precious child can face these sort of uncertain days because of ONE hope alone!!!  CHRIST LIVES!

I kept singing.  I started singing....

Come let us worship and bow down

Let us kneel before the Lord our God our Saviour.....

The babies sat in there high chairs soaking it in.  My one  year old even lifted her chubby little arm up in the air, as though she knew our family worship ushered in the Holy Spirit and scattered the evil away!  My 2 year old just sat smiling a precious and peaceful smile.

Sometimes it is so hard to remember what we must do when we feel that heavy oppression.  The Lord used my children to whisper His love to me, to reveal His presence and to remind me to just SING.  My day wasn't peaches and cream after that, but I had a different frame of mind and kept focusing on the fact that HE was right along beside me.....even carrying me through some of it!

I just received news from my mother that a woman in her church is calling out for prayer for her neice, Katie.  Her neice is in her late twenties.  She went in for a cesarean and came out with a life threatening staph and strep infection.  She has undergone FOUR surgeries since delivering her baby two week ago!!!!!  They are now talking about doing a FIFTH surgery!  Her family is trying to get her transferred to another hospital.  For those of you who do not know, staph is LIFE THREATENING!  I developed a systemic staph infection 2 years ago and almost lost my life.  This woman NEEDS OUR PRAYERS!!!

May the Lord bless you for caring for and praying for those you don't even know!   I will keep you updated!

Hello my faithful readers! :)  I thought I best post and let you know I am still alive!  We have been busy getting ready for a long awaited visit from my Mama, little brother, sister and neices.  They will be coming the first of October!  YAY!!

Today I am feeling nautious and having some back pain...hoping it is NOT pregnancy related.  I have started having my faithful intense contractions so am trying to take it easier.  I will try to be back to write again soon but for today, I need to get off my feet completely and read to the children!

Many blessings!

My head and heart has been spinning with so many thoughts on Biblical womanhood and beauty in the Lord!  I believe so much of the downfall of our country is because women have turned their hearts away from the home.  There is so much joy to be found in what the Lord designed for us as women! I do not apologize EVER for the role I have as a helpmeet and keeper at home.  It is a LOVELY, beautiful life!  

 I recently found a special blog that has so encouraged and uplifted me.  Today Peggy at Home Made Simplicity has a post up called "keeping hearts" on some very thoughts I have been thinking on!  I encourage my readers to stop by her blog, as I truly believe you will leave feeling VERY blessed!

We are having a blessed day today.  My four year old is now FIVE!!! 

If you are interested in a testimony about this little boy of mine you can read it at "No More Children?" .  The children have been adoring him and spoiling him ALL day!  We had cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting from the country cafe nearby...boy was THAT a treat!  Then for dinner we had pizza pasta.  We will have his party this evening when daddy gets home.  He hasn't mentioned his presents AT ALL....he is so pleased and content with the cards he received in the mail from his Grammy and Aunt Julie. 

My oldest son celebrated his 8th birthday just last week!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PRECIOUS SONS!!!

I am afraid my blog has been a sad little place the past couple of days.  You are getting a real taste of who I am.  I am very passionate about things the Lord weighs on my heart .  When my heart needs to grieve, I have learned to just let it grieve.  When it rejoices, I want to shout it from the mountain tops!  Today I will show a bit of my heart.....the heart I am pouring out before my Lord today......

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Although I am VERY tired this day after caring for the sick little ones through many past nights, I have much rejoicing in my heart, My Lord.

  I have a baby growing within me, now reminding me with it's kicks and wiggles that it is there..very much a part of me.  You know that I know the grief of losing not one, not two, not three but four precious little ones and it is in this great loss that I have learned to just sit back and enjoy my only chance in life to assist YOU in a miracle!  I am not always physically comfortable, but this, too, I have learned is ever so fleeting and will matter VERY little in the end.

So....thank you Lord, this day, for yet another life within me!

I am rejoicing because YOU have held on to me, even in the many times in life when I pulled away from You.  You loved me enough to NEVER let me go!  

Thank you Lord, for never letting me go.

I am rejoicing as the autumn breezes usher in the laughter of my children.  How could I ever feel empty?  Sometimes we just need to open our eyes, look in front of us and then we would see, "I, the Lord your God, LOVE YOU!" all over the place.

Thank you, Lord, for the ways you reveal your love to me....through the kicks and wiggles of my baby, through the autumn breezes and laughter of my children, through the needy toddler hanging on my leg, through the baby waking me in the night, through the husband who works so hard to provide for us AND loves us in his own special ways, through the friends who have been by our side through so many trials.....YES, everywhere I look today I see that You do, indeed, love me and you are INTIMATELY acquainted with my heart, my life and the things that I love!

There will always be praise upon my lips for you My Lord!

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What we are up to today.....

I am run down physically today, as I have caught the cold my children have and I am still getting little sleep.  SO, I am taking this day to just make it a fun, fall day.  After this refreshing time of writing :), I am going to bake some cookies, make some hot apple cider, light the candles and we are pulling out our Fall decorations.  We don't have MANY fall decorations, so it won't be that big of a task.  It will be enough, though to be a wonderful treat for my family.

As I write, the babies are tucked in for naps.  My one year old had to be pried away from her daddy, whom was home for the dinner meal.  She cried some when I laid her down, but was so tuckered out from HER long night, she settled down pretty quickly.  I haven't heard a peep since.  I just laid the 2 year old down, looking so precious all bundled underneathe a warm quilt while hugging his own special blankie.

My "older" children are outside building a fort in the woods around our house.  They just came in giving me a list of tools needed that would make it just the perfect thing! :)  I thought I could spare a tarp and portable bunny fence so I gave my okay. :)

We celebrated my oldest son's birthday last week.  He is now eight!  Where, oh where did the time go!?  God has used this child to challenge me and to grow me!  I praise the Lord for his life!

My middle son turns 5 this week!  This is always tough one for me...it marks the end of the "baby days".  He is acting so big now, but still remains such a child, for which I am ever thankful!  He brings so much joy into our home!

I must be off to attend to the small list of things I have for myself to get done today and then it is a "Fall Party" for the children and I. :)

Many blessing friends!

The following poem was on Stephanie's blog tonight.  I cannot write about anything else because I cannot THINK about anything else! 

I just read the whole account of Baby William's story tonight and am in tears. 

I am sure I will not sleep tonight....Baby Emmie Rose needs an miracle!!!!!!!!!

I only have a little slot today for computer time, as I have a house full of sick people.  Everyone is sick but my oldest daughter and I.  Colds and fevers seemed to move in overnight here and the household is down and out.  I am thankful to the Lord for sustaining me on such little sleep.  Little sick people do not sleep well, and of course want Mama in those night hours.  God is always so good at giving me just what I need to keep putting the other foot forward after nights like the past 6 I have had.

Right now the babies are fast asleep and the four oldest children are watching a movie.  We don't do much of that so it brings something new and fun into days like today when everybody just feels sickly and low in spirit. 

I have beans slow cooking so I can make 3 gallons worth of White Chili.  I think it will be just the thing for my poor sick ones today and tomorrow.  My husband is napping now too and I am hoping he sleeps as long as he needs to.  He has some work and deadlines bearing down on his shoulders and he really needs the rest to get well. 

I must put all else aside today.....lots that needs to be done but none of it more important than loving on and nurturing those who need me.

Have a blessed weekend!

Yes, I have been asked before why I have so many children.  Truth is I always have a hard time NOT laughing when asked this because I do not feel like I have that many children.  I have friends who have many more children than I do!  Yet, I know in this world it is not the "norm" to have 6, almost 7 children.  According to professionals, I wasn't even supposed to be able to have children....so today; I thought I would share my story. 

I was a sickly child and teenager.  By the time I was 17 I had suffered numerous infections, finally leading to a necessary uterine surgery.  After the surgery my mother was told that due to extensive scar tissue (from the infections and then the surgery) it was not likely I would ever conceive a child. 

When I learned of this news, I was devastated.  I was the girl who grew up with big dreams.  Dreams of climbing a corporate ladder?  No.  My dreams were to be a mother.  I remembering at one time telling my mother of my dreams to be a wife, mother of many children (both adopted and by birth) and live on a big farm.  She told me to take that dream and write a letter to the Lord about it.  That is what I did.  So, when I was faced with this shattering dream, I went on the run. 

I left home at 17, after graduating high school early.  I moved 1,000 miles away from home and became very career oriented.  I had new dreams.  I would never marry and I would find fulfillment in some successful career.  God had much different plans, but I fought them all the way!  I met a wonderful man, whom I called "friend", and when I felt I might be falling in love I packed up my whole apartment....and prepared to leave.  My wise mother told me over the phone, one night as I sat in the middle of mounds of packed boxes, "You are running.” 

I knew it was true so I told the Lord that if He wanted me to stay He was going to need to provide a place for me to live and find me a new job.  I thought for sure I was still on my way after that prayer.  I had already given my move out notice to my landlords and gave my notice at my job....so; I had no place to live and no job.  I got up the next morning and went to work my last day at my job.  I wasn't there a half an hour when my phone rang.  It was the director of a Christian academy close by wondering if I could come in for an interview!  She said someone highly recommended me for a teaching position there.  I agreed to come in for an interview.

On the way there I found myself wondering what in the world I was doing!  I STILL had no place to live and I was on my way to interview with a woman about teaching a bunch of little kids!  Nevertheless, I went and I got the job.  I went home to a place that was no longer my home.  As I was waiting for friends to come and help me load up my things my phone rang.  It was a friend asking me to come stay with her and her family until I could find a place to live.  I sighed.  God wanted me to stay and He took care of the things that would keep me from leaving.

I spent the next few months working as a preschool teacher and.....falling in love.  The man I was trying to run from just wouldn't let me run and not many months later, we were married.

I thought I hurt over the news of my infertility before, but now that I was married it began to be like a huge knife in my heart.  I ached and ached for a child.  It hurt even more that my husband did not share my despair.  He was content and I was at war within me!  For the next year and a half I was reminded month after month that I might NEVER have a baby of my own. 

One night as my husband was out in the fields working late, I felt I couldn't go on with the terrible ache in my heart.  I remembered our pastor's words from the Sunday before, "take that heartache, write it down and seal it up.  Hold it up high, close your eyes and pray.  Keep praying until the tears come flooding out like never before, until your whole arm aches like the pain in your heart.”  I went and got my pen and paper.  I did just that.  I didn't cry, I sobbed!  That night I didn't beg God to give me my way....I just prayed He would take this burden from me and help me to remember His promise "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."(Jer. 29:11

When I was all finished I felt FREE!  I could breathe again and the burden was literally lifted off of my chest.  I knew whatever God decided for my life, it was going to be okay.  I also knew that He was going to help me when my heart hurt at times, if I might never conceive a child of my own.

I mentioned how my husband was content.  He never talked babies.  I knew he really would be okay if we never had a child.  This is why I was completely taken off guard one night when he presented me with an early Christmas gift.  He led me into our living room and stood me in front of a large object covered with a blanket.  I removed the blanket to find a rocking chair.  I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes....he said, "This is for you....to rock our babies in someday." 

We spent the evening talking, for the first time, about children.  I shared my grief with him and he told me he felt God would give us a child.  He read the Bible with me, something he didn't do very often in our first years of marriage together.  We read a story about a wonderful man in the Bible and when we were finished my husband looked up at me and said, "We will name our first son ________" (sorry, don't share names on the net).  My heart was overjoyed, not because I had any feelings we might have a child, but because my husband’s heart was finally with mine!

Three weeks later, on Christmas day, we were visiting my moms.  It was on this blessed day we found out we were going to have our very own baby!!!  Not only a baby....but we knew in our hearts we were having a son!

Now that my mess of a room is back in order I feel I can go on with my thoughts on managing the home in good conscience J.

One of the greatest things you will ever do for your family is to train your children to help in the home.  My children are an asset to my home!  They are my helpers and so much JOY comes out of that!  There was a time, not so long ago, when all of my children were VERY small.  Remember, I have only had an ‘older child’ for two years.  I went from 3 to 6 children in 13 months! J  My 5 birth children came in 6 years.  Our 7^th is on the way now and so that will be 6 births in 8 years (not counting my 3 miscarriages).  I don’t mention this for any sort of credit, but I do hope to encourage those mothers who have VERY young children and let you know I DO know what it is like to try to keep things going with SO many little ones. 

It has only been in the last year that I have enjoyed the luxury of having a much older child to help out in BIG ways.  That being said, even my little ones are a big help in our home.  My 4 year old can clean up a whole room on his own.  My 1 and 2 year old pick up their own toys.  My 6 and 7 year old keep their own bathrooms cleaned up (I do the toilets J).  Little ones CAN help out and lift some of Mama’s load too!  And if Mama trains them to do so with a cheerful, loving attitude, then the children will learn to do these things with a cheerful and loving attitude. J  (One point I am always working on in my OWN life!)

For those of you who DO have older children…..are you taking the time to teach them to cook, to bake, to deep clean, to…..do some of the things that pressure you?  In my home we have to have a hot meal on the table by noon.  We are a farm family and my hard working husband needs that hot meal.  I have little by little taught my oldest daughter (12) to be able to make meals on her own.  I can now tell her to go to the kitchen and prepare spaghetti, tacos, chili, mac n cheese, meatballs and meatloaf.  Any other meals that we eat she is working at learning.  She also make muffins, biscuits, eggs, pancakes and waffles for a breakfast.  We are now all enjoying the fact that she can make bread, cinnamon rolls and cookies on her own. J

I do believe a child can learn all these things way before this age.  My daughter has only been with us 2 years and didn’t speak English when she arrived, but was showing great interest in helping in the kitchen already when she came to us.  She is not only good at helping out in these ways but she finds great joy in doing them!   She has recently started teaching her 6 year old sister to make her own cookies.

All that to say one of the HUGE reasons my home runs well (most of the time J) is because our children are being raised to be a part of this family.  Remember….this will NOT work if you are not also taking time to PLAY with them, to laugh with them and to love on them.

This afternoon I have been thinking back to a time when things were much different in our home.  When the house was always chaos and my heart was very unhappy.  It isn’t too difficult for me to look back on this time and pin point some things I was doing wrong. 

I said I would touch on “being content”.  I could touch on many areas where we, as moms, need to be content, but the one that sticks in my mind most is being content AT HOME.  Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies says, “You are not a taxi service, train your children to be content at home.”  I 100% agree with this statement!  First, though, we must be content at home ourselves!

There was a time when I was unhappy, unsettled and bored with my life.  I was ALWAYS going somewhere.  I was involved in other activities…justifying what I was doing….”It is a ministry for the Lord.”, “It is for my children.”.  When, in actuality I was NOT doing what the Lord wanted ME to be doing and I was NOT putting the best interest of my children first.  Beside all of this my husband was VERY unhappy.  There was NO peace in our home at all in this time of our lives! 

To change this was NOT easy at all for me.  I was accustomed to running.  When I finally began forcing myself (and yes, at first I really was FORCING myself) to stay home I felt miserable because I had to face myself, before my Heavenly Father.  I started watching TV to fill in those times when God was holding up a mirror to get me to examine my life.  When I wasn’t watching TV (which I always did when the children napped) I was spending an EXHORBENT amount of time on the computer.  I couldn’t just be still and let God change me.  Change hurts and I didn’t want any part of it!

It wasn’t until one morning I actually opened up my eyes and not only SAW my oldest son’s eyes but HEARD what they were saying to me!  I began to feel so much grief over my wasted time running and then my wasted time right at home (running once again).  From that day forward it took WORK to be freed from such bondage, but God is FAITHFUL and He walked me through that. 

SO….a great part of my ‘success’ and joy here at home is the fact that I am TRULY content being home.  I love caring for my home, my children and my husband.  I took those times I was giving to television and my computer and began giving that time to the Lord.  It may sound strange to some, but it was so painful for me.  Standing before the Lord and facing myself, my past….it was a deep thorn in my heart.  I am so thankful to the Lord!  He freed me!  My heart is finally home!

I going to end there with my own thoughts and leave you with a list of stress savers for Mothers from Above Rubies.  I have colored the things I try to implement in my own life in green. :) Feel free to ask me any questions.

Many blessings to all!

Okay, so now I am ready to share some practical ways that I manage my home.  Some of these I am a pro at J, some I am still working on….always a work in progress!

I have noted some basic things here on a piece of paper, and even asked my husband what he thinks I am doing to make things work fairly well around here.  Mentioning my husband, and his advice brings me to my first, and I believe most important avenue to peace in my heart. 

Seek your husband’s advice. 

Ask him what things are most important to him in the education of your children, the keeping up of the home and your role as his wife.  A couple of months ago I had ANYTHING but peace in my heart.  I was really struggling with pressure from the world in the educating of our children.  I was feeling greatly overwhelmed by the tasks before me in ONE single day (I was still VERY sick with this little one growing inside of me) and I was struggling with anger as a wife (the anger was coming from pure selfishness). 

So, in my hour of desperation I begged God to take me back and show me where I took a wrong turn.  The answer was simple, really.  I was trying, once again, to carry it all on my own shoulders.  That evening I went to my husband, had a good cryJ and asked him for help.  He told me exactly what his expectations were for the children’s learning each day and explained which things were important for him to see done once he came home each night.

Some days my husband will add something he really wants to see done and I do my best to see to it that it is done.  This gives me such a peace….even if the dusting wasn’t done or the floors mopped on their specific day.  Knowing my husband, the King of our home, is relaxed when he walks through the door, gives me so much peace.

Do your very best to get organized.  This has not always been my strong point and I still find myself, from time to time, looking around my house and wondering when the tornado hit!  The good thing now is that MOST of the time we are keeping things tidy so when it does seem to completely fall apart, we can get it put back together in a day’s work. 

I do NOT do all the work in my house.  My children are a part of this family.  A loving family PLAYS together AND WORKS together.  Not only are my children to a point where they do much of the work in the house, but for the most part their attitudes are very pleasant when it is time to do so.  We have trained our children to do what they are told, when they are told, with a happy heart.  Just this morning I reminded my son that when he is doing his normal morning chores he needs to imagine he is cleaning God’s Kingdom.  We wouldn’t want to leave a filthy sink for our King, so we work and make sure it is done right.  Of course, there is still room for remembering that a 5 year old is NOT going to do the same kind of cleaning job a 13 year old will do.  We have to know our children’s abilities and then expect them to do their best.

SO, one of the things we do in our house several times a day to keep a tidy, peaceful home is chore time.  We have 5 chore slots in our day.  We have before breakfast chores, after breakfast chores, after dinner (lunch) chores, afternoon chores and before bedtime chores.  Because they are split up like this they do not take very long and our home stays pretty put together.  Keep in mind….not EVERYTHING is in tip top shape in our home.  There is always something to be done, but may not be done in a day.  I have learned over the years to be able to let some of these things go and still have peace in my heart.  I am just not a strict, schedule oriented person and I begin to feel overwhelmed if I try to make myself to be that way. 

I will share my most recent schedule AND our chore system in a later post.  We use a bright colorful chore chart that the children have loved! 

One of the main things is to learn to be able to relax and just let some things go.  I use to stress about cleaning windows, dusting high shelves and on and on….but I finally asked myself, “In 20 years am I going to care so much about those things….what will I remember????  Time with my children, or being obsessive about cleaning the things that CAN wait?”  The trust is the time will come when those things WILL need to be done but we do not need to stress about them.  It is best to make a time for these things to be done (and be flexible as well because…life happens!) and then put it to the back of your mind until it is that time.

This is all the time I have for now.  I will begin a part three hopefully later today touching on things like ‘being content at home’ and training your children to be an asset to the home. J

Many blessings to all!

This post is per request of some moms out there wondering how I manage everything that involves being a homekeeper, helpmeet and mother of many.  I must start with a disclaimer though J. 

Disclaimer:  I am a child of God, striving every day to put away the old and put on the new.  I am human and deal with the same struggles that many others experience on this narrow path.  I have days when I feel weary, overwhelmed and completely incapable of doing what has been set before me.  I am in no way claiming to be perfect or to have all the answers, but sharing the things the Lord has shown me to manage the great responsibilities set before me….praying it will encourage others!

That being said, J here is what I have to offer…..

I know at times, when I am feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, I go out seeking spiritual encouragement AND practical encouragement.  I am praying I can offer both of these to women seeking out ways to improve the manageability of their homes.  I am speaking from the experience of managing a home with many children so it may seem like I am reaching out to only those who are also trying to manage a home effectively with many children running around, BUT my heart is for all moms!  If you have 1 child or 10, my heart is for you!  You are doing wonderful work for the Kingdom!

First I will begin with my thoughts on handling my busy life spiritually.  I start with this because, even with all the practical advice to be given, none of it is worth anything without the guidance, strength and wisdom freely given to us by our Heavenly Father! 

I honestly do not know what I would do without Jesus Christ to lead me on this journey I am on!  I can often be found on my knees, begging the Lord to give me wisdom…..to teach me, Himself, how to be a Godly wife, a nurturing, patient mother and an efficient homekeeper.  I have cried out many tears of feeling completely incapable and overwhelmed and it is in these times when He gently reminds me that I have been trying to go about it my own way…..to do it all on my own.  It IS easy to get so busy and wrapped up in this life that I begin to run ahead of the Lord!  He is so gracious to pull me back to His side and lead me forth in peace.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; SEEK, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives, and he who SEEK, finds and to him who knocks it will be opened.”  Matthew 7:7

I would ask Moms out there today…..do you have a place to run to the Lord??  I mean a REAL physical place? 

“For I know the thoughts I think toward you,” says the Lord, “thoughts of peace and NOT of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and GO and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  And you will SEEK Me, and find Me, when you search for me with all of your heart.  I will be be found by you,” says the Lord……

Jeremiah 29:11-14a

I have come to believe that this sort of place is so important because it is not only in the morning, afternoon or evening….whenever you choose to have a ‘quiet time’ with the Lord, but those moments come when we need a place to run to Him.  Yes, sometimes I lay my head in my hands on the kitchen counter, in the midst of the daily cleaning and ask Him for strength….but lately it has become so special for me to have a special place to go and speak to Him.  I cannot explain the peaceful presence I feel when I do this, when I enter this place.  It can be any place…your bedroom, your closet, a corner in a basement room…anywhere.  I usually retrieve to a room in my basement.  If I am feeling a need to have a moment with the Saviour, I tell the children I am going to talk with Jesus a while.  Usually I am not gone for long, for the Lord is so good at bringing comfort and strength in the time that I have to steal away.  We must be able to do this, in order to fill up our cups….for the many demands of life can leave our cups feeling empty.  Going to the Lord, drawing His precious waters, being reminded by Him how FULL our cups really are, is something that can keep us going!

“Depart from evil, and do good, seek PEACE, and pursue it.”  Psalm 34:14

We MUST seek peace and PURSUE IT, for it IS God’s will and His design!  Part of our “success” is to continually be on our knees…we must SEEK, SEEK, SEEK.

“But from there you will SEEK the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and all your soul.” Deut. 4:29

“Let the hearts of those rejoice, who SEEK the Lord, SEEK the Lord and HIS strength; SEEK His face forevermore.” 1 Chronicles 16:10

“But those who SEEK the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” Psalm 34:10

And when pondering the thoughts of having a special place to meet Him….REMEMBER….your life began with HIM in a secret place!

There is no way to manage this sort of life effectively and peacefully, without the guidance of our Father.  He guides us through the reading of His Word and through prayer. 

“Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105

 How true this is.  If we are not reading His word we are attempting this journey, this narrow path in the darkness.  The Word is our LAMP, our LIGHT….we MUST use it! 

One other important thing I do in my home is praise and worship….EVEN when I do not FEEL like doing it.  For instance, one day I was having a VERY rough day.  I just could not get myself focused on the things of the Lord….which, in actuality, are my children, my husband and my home.  I gathered my children in the living room, busied them with things to do on the floor, such as coloring, building with legos, writing etc…and I put in a cd called “When Christ Comes” by Max Lacado.  I laid on the couch and allowed my soul rest in worship of the Father and before I knew it, I was refreshed and refocused.  I didn’t FEEL like doing that…but I KNEW it needed to be done.  My children do often see their Mama singing, dancing and praising the Lord.  It is one thing that gets me through this heavy life and has been a ministry to the lives watching mine.

The last thing I would like to add on managing my life is my need to seek out encouragement from others.  Many mothers out there have been so gracious to reach out to me and encourage me as a young mother.  One of the greatest sources of encouragement for me has been Above Rubies.  www.aboverubies.org  They offer a magazine FULL of encouragement at no cost.  I just finished going through all my issues again….reading and gleaning ideas from other moms.  The website also has many wonderful articles and stories.  Ask the Lord to lead you to people who will encourage you in your walk with Him and in your BLESSED life as a mother and wife!  He will be faithful to do just that!

For now I must go….the Lord has blessed me with some time this afternoon to write, but I can no longer do so knowing the other responsibilities awaiting my attention J.  I will write part 2 at a later time addressing practical ways the Lord has helped me to manage my home, making it, for the most part, a peaceful place to live!

Many blessings to all!  Take courage! 

Note: all verses are NKJV

Today my husband and I are celebrating ten years of marriage to one another!  This is a big thing to me, as I was a child of a broken home.  I truly believed at one point in my life that there wasn't a man on the earth who was true...I was wrong.

 God has used this unity to teach us both so much over these past years.  Together we have walked the path the Lord has laid out for us.  Things have not always been easy.  We have experienced many a trial, tear, sorrow, heartache and frustration along the way....but we have also been gifted many dances, much laughter and many a joys!  The Lord has used my husband to teach me so much about love, forgiveness, healing and trust! 

I am so thankful for these ten years gifted to us and am praying for many a more!

September 7, 1996

My Grandma is gone now, but never forgotten.  I will always hold a special place in my heart, just for her.  My Grandma was known as a tough, gruff woman, but I knew her to be gentle, fun loving and a joy!  My memories of her are wonderful memories of just loving her just as she was.  I miss her and I will until the day we meet again on Glory's side!

In Loving Memory of My Grandma

Born September 7

Gone, but never forgotten.  Forever missed!

I hope to encourage those of you who cannot leave home for a vacation...for whatever reason.  We have been in the position of having to forgo vacation year after year, but it doesn't mean we aren't making them for ourselves....right here at home!

Over the weekend, while a lot of our friends were away on vacations, we had a campout in our backyard!  It was so enjoyable!  While daddy and the boys prepared firewood outside, the girls and I prepared our camp food.  We made a BIG pot of sausage chili and prepared homemade french vanilla hot chocotale for later on. 

Once we were all set up, daddy took the children for rides on the four wheeler. 

(I wish I had taken a pic of this...I do have one with my hubby still in his riding shirt, loving on his baby girl)

When that activiity was through, daddy took the children for a ride in the car down to the creek to watch for the Sunday afternoon freight train to pass through.  When the baby woke up I put her in the ERGO baby carrier and walked down to meet them.

When we came back the children were eager to get all their blankets and pillows out to the trampoline...their bed for the night.  I made my bed on the deck on a foam matress (don't be too hard on me :).  Remember I am pregnant!).  We then ate our chili supper on the back deck.  By this time, this was our back deck view....

The breeze was lovely and cool!  We pulled out our hot cocoa and drank it by firelight. 

At one point the children scattered off to the trampoline and could be heard singing praise songs......

 as the sunset above become more and more stunning!

Daddy later took the children out spot lighting in the fields.  They came home with lots of stories.  My six year old needed FULL attention while she shared of their finding of two deer along the way back home!

It was about midnight when everyone settled in to sleep.  The children were out VERY quickly, with daddy not too far behind! 

Now, this Mama was a different story!  There was an irritating cricket nearby...normally I really love the sound of a cricket in the night, but this one was so close at one point I was SURE it was under my pillow!  I finally tracked the thing down and got rid of it.  I actually laid in bed for the next 15 minutes feeling sad and guilty for my choice of ridding of it....then I settled back in just in time to smell the not so welcome smell of a skunk!  I got up once again, looking all over the yard for the culprit...with no luck!  I finally let it go and got back under the covers.  Just then one of the barn cats decides to join me and finds my neck the perfect place to lay and PURR.  I love my kitty cats, but my need for sleep was first on my mind!  I shooed her away and covered up once again....a mosquito starts swarming around my face...the only skin it could find on me!  I covered my face and eventually fell asleep, but I  think I was only asleep for five minutes before the freight train went by....louder than I ever remember it sounding!  Everyone slept through all of this!!!!  Everyone but me!  I drifted off again once it went by, only to wake up an hour later to my 2 year old crying.  I went inside to care for him and OH it was so warm inside!  I decided I had had enough of the outdoors for one night, took up my pillow and curled up in my warm bed! 

The laughter my sweet family got out of it, as I recounted my "in the middle of the ngiht" adventures, was worth it all!  It also helped that my hubby snuck in when he heard the baby wake and took her out so I could sleep longer.  I woke up to the smell of coffee and an egg casserole still hot on the counter!

Truly, I am not sure any vacation away, could have ever compared with our memories of just being home...sharing home together.  I wouldn't trade the past few days for the best vacations out there!  Thank you Lord Jesus!

The following is an old post from my old blog.  I thought I would put it up here on my new one. :)

I said I would comment on the book I have been reading called “Home-Making” by J.R. Miller.  Never have I read something about a family so beautifully, delicately written!  On that same hand, it is SO honest!  I find myself being so encouraged to keep moving forward and striving to be the woman of God wants me to be and to fulfill my God given roles in my family with delight!

I am not completely finished with the book and will actually be going through it all over again, as my husband has great interest in reading it along with me now.  I have ear marked some of the pages that really stood out to me.  I put in quotation marks statements that are directly from the book.

“Where ever a child grows up, it carries in it’s character the subtle impressions of the home in which it lives.”  He then goes on describing beautiful things that surround us in our home are really actually important!  No, he is not talking about things that cost an arm and a leg…not at all, yet he is saying that things such as flowers, pictures, wonderful smells and so on help determine the final shaping of a character.    He says that these things should never be overlooked when preparing a home and the surroundings of a child should always be cheerful and attractive.

“The rooms in which our children are to sleep and play and live we should make just as bright and lovely as our means can make them…the educating power of beauty must never be forgotten.”  He talks of how paintings and pictures make a huge impression upon a child’s soul and they will never forget them.  After having read that my mind really start reeling. 

About 2 months ago something really bad happened to our family.  We had absolutely no control over the situation and it affected every one of us.  Our 4 year old son started having nightmares and every night, without fail, ended up in bed with us. We prayed with him, talked with him, read the Bible to him…but the dreams kept coming.  A couple weeks ago though, after reading Miller’s claim that a child’s surroundings make a huge impression on them and their lives, I remembered a picture I had seen in a calendar I have on our wall.  As my husband was tucking our son into bed I ran and took the calendar down.  I flipped to the picture I was thinking of and showed it to our son.  It was a picture of an angel holding a candle in one hand and a sword in the other.  He was standing over the bed of a sleeping little boy.  I could see it in my son’s eyes!  Something happened right then!  He went to sleep quickly that night and has not had a nightmare since.

Miller goes on to express the importance of a home being neat and tasteful.  I am NOT a neat person by nature.  I have to really discipline myself to keep up with our home, keeping it attractive and tasteful, but the scripture, Hebrews 12:11,“Now no chastening (discipline)  for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yeildeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”, has held true in my own life!  When I discipline myself to keep things in order, neat and tasteful for my family (and others who may enter) I am yielding the PEACEFUL fruit of righteousness! 

There is just something about waking up to a cool September breeze.  A wonderful time for outdoor fellowship!  Where we live, it is usually October that brings in the cool fall breezes, but this day September seems to be the one ushering in fall....MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR!

The children and I took a nice walk this morning and enjoyed being able to breathe (due to the lack of the normal humidity).  I am looking forward to next month when the colors turn to absoloutely gorgeous colors of red, orange and yellow, yet instead of wishing this day away, we chose to take full advantage of it!

I was pretty camera happy this morning and thought I would share some of our place.  This is our barn. 

Right now it is just housing cattle.  My husband is working on rebuilding the corral system around the place so we gave our horse away.  It is our plan to get horses again and to possibly board some as well in the future.  This being a busy year for us, building a new house, moving, new babies etc...we have stayed low on the animal side.  We have 97 cattle and they keep my husband plenty busy. :)

Here he is....it is feeding time! 

Oh, looks like he picked up a little hitch hiker on the way in!

See him waving good bye?!

Had to take some pics of the cattle.  This particular one is VERY onery!  She loves to chase and play, but would never do anyone any harm.  I keep trying to talk my hubby into keeping her, but this is the farm life *sigh*.

This is the children's favorite climbing tree!  And OH is it fabulous when the fall colors move in!

This is our driveway. 

It has felt many footsteps along it's path.  We love to walk along it, pick flowers and admire the seas of crops!  Today my 6 year old shared her own flower arrangement picked along our home entry.

And now.....it is time to tidy up the house and go back out.  The children seem to have some more plans for me this day! :)

Many blessings!

We have been so busy!  Thought I would post a family update today, a full one, for the enjoyment of family and friends far away (I am not using real names but think those of you who know us can figure out who I am speaking ofJ) those who know us know we are NOT a perfect family.  I certainly do not want to make it seem I am trying to portray that in my post today.  I am just reflecting this day on the beautiful things about each person in my family and what they have been up to as of late….so here goes….

I, myself, am doing fine.  I have struggled greatly with “morning” sickness again this time around, but God is ever so gracious to me!  I had a day of great discouragement in the way I was feeling and He lifted me up!  He promised me in His word that He hears my cry for help and I know that He does…so sometimes I just find myself crying out and then waiting to be rescued.  He never fails.  He is never too late!

We were blessed with TWO beautiful days of cooler weather here.  We opened up the house and the fresh smelling breeze was just what my soul (and my tummy) needed!  It is back to summer again, but those days reminded me that fall, my favorite time of year, is right around the corner!

I had an appointment yesterday for the newest little lamb on the way.  I am now 17 weeks along and measured about a week over (normal for me).  I quit breathing for a time as they tried to find the heart beat.  My little precious one didn’t want to hold still long enough to be found, but they were finally able to corner him/her and count the heart beat at 160.  I can tell already that this little one is very active!  I have been feeling movement for quite some time now, not every day just yet though.  Lately, when I do feel movement, I am getting hard kicks and lots of wiggling.  J  What a blessing to feel life within me again!  Praise Jesus!

Hubby has been very busy with farm work.  We are excited he will be around closer to the house this afternoon though!  He is going to be pouring concrete to set posts, as he is rebuilding our corral by the barn.  We will be shipping out cattle soon and he wants to be sure the corral is strong enough to withstand that big day.  He is looking forward to cooler weather and days when life on the farm slows down a bit more.  Summer and fall is a VERY busy time on the farm for us and we really enjoy the winters, when there is more time for other things.

Onni will be 13 soon!  I can hardly believe it!  When we first started our adoption proceedings she was 7!  UNREAL!  She is such a blessing in all of our lives!  She loves the Lord with all her heart and seeks to please Him in all she does.  She enjoys school and finds Math and Spelling to be her favorite subjects.  She has come SO far in her education!  She wasn’t able to read at all when she came to America and now she does most of her learning by READING!  She loves all the things about being a Home Keeper.  She laughs about the things she maybe doesn’t enjoy so much and would say, “Well, we there will always be something we don’t particularly like, but we can do it as unto the Lord.”…I wonder where she heard that from! J  Of all the things there are to do in keeping a home she much prefers making bread, being in the kitchen and taking care of babies.  The Lord knows what He was doing when He sent her to us….I always tell her she was born of my heart!

Bubs will be 8 in less than two weeks!  He LOVES the farm!  He enjoys Math, Art and Building things….he made an AMAZING rubber band gun out of K’Nex yesterday.  He is the designer of the family.  If someone has an idea but needs help in making it happen, they go to Bubs.  He is most joyful when he can be right with daddy working on the farm.  He also is a big help to me and loves his brothers and sisters tremendously!  He can often be seen putting on his little 2 year old brother’s shoes, walking away with him hand in hand, to take him for a time of play in the sandbox under the Bradford Pear trees.

Onna is 6 and is an avid reader!  She always has her little nose in a book or her hands wrapped around a pen to write or draw.  She, just like her older sister, enjoys home keeping.  Her favorite activities in a day would be making bread and caring for the little ones.  Just this morning she had the babies all entertained in playtime with her.  She came and took her baby sister from me and said they needed to spend some time together.  She and her siblings are the best of friends.  She and Onni are 6 and a half years apart in age, yet are completely INSEPERABLE!

JJ will be 5 soon!  He is still the life of the party around this household…just like his daddy.  He is seldom seen without a HUGE smile on his face!  He is such a joy to be around.  He is ever so active and has to be kept busy. J  He was SO excited to be a kindergartener this year.  I didn’t think he was ready, but he proved me wrong!  He loves being read to and is looking forward to reading on his own.  He is enjoying having school books now to call his own.  JJ has begun to enjoy following daddy around when he is close by the house.  He wants to be considered a big boy now!  He is thoughtful of others and plays wonderfully with all of the children!

Ossie is 2 and a busy one at that!  He has such a sweet spirit.  This morning I was taking a short break on the couch and he came pulling a huge pillow saying, “Mama….need pillow???”  Then, after giving me the pillow, he ran off and came back dragging a blanket. “Mama, need blankie” and he covered me all up.  He found this a perfect time to get in some snuggles and crawled under with me.  His 6 year old sister took the opportunity to run over and read us a book. J  Ossie is VERY close to his baby sister.  He absolutely adores her.  I am surprised, at his young age, that he often puts her first.  If he has a cup of water and she wants it…he gives it to her.  He cares so sweetly for her as well.  I guess he figures he gets enough of what he needs from the 6 older people in the house. J

Little Elle is 15 months old now and such a dear!  Lately she is really into snuggling, to Mama AND Daddy’s delight!  She wants NOTHING to do with ANYBODY as soon as Daddy comes through the door!  She adores him and cries each time he has to leave back to work.  She plays well with Ossie and also enjoys being the baby of 6 children.  She likes to be back packed around in the Ergo baby carrier too!  She can often be seen running around in some sweet dress up clothing, thanks to her sisters….who are DELIGHTED to have a baby sister!

That is life with the nine of us right now. J  We are thankful to the Lord for all He has done for us!

Many blessings all!

Can a heart be full of joy and sadness at the same time?  I think it is possible.  My heart is full of so much emotion right now.  Yesterday I met, for the first time, one of my online friends.  We have “known” eachother online for over two years, but have never met in real life.  Yesterday she came to our home, bringing along with her…her husband, her 8 blessed children and showers of BLESSINGS for my soul!!!!!!!!!!

Ed and Jen came into our home with so much grace and ease….they encouraged me to rest and took over everything!  I LOVED IT!  They cooked for everyone, they cleaned, they laughed with us, they cried with us…The Lord used them to refresh and renew our souls, as the battles of life have been strong!!!!!!!!!

They don't know it yet...but loving on and holding their twin babies healed a part of my own soul that is so raw..........

One might think that a home filled with 18 people would be chaotic, but I could feel the Holy Spirit’s presence strong!!!!!!!!  The Lord used them in so many ways while they were here.  When the drove off today my children cried.  They took a piece of us with them L.

SO, I am so joyful for the time we were able to spend together…and so sad they are gone.  I will write another time of the wonderful memories of our time together…but for now…..Ed and Jen….Thank you for blessing our family!  We love you and your children so much!  We look forward to heaven when we can spend ALL of our days together!

Thank you so much for praying for me!  I am feeling SO much better!  We got an earlier start than usual today, so we were able to do a lot of catching up in our school work.  It was busy, but we had a lot of fun!  We were able to get it all wrapped up by dinner time and everyone is enjoying some free time as I write.

My oldest daughter seems to always disappear to our library when it is her free time. :)  She loves reading and it so delights my soul!  She came to us just over 2 years ago unable to speak a word of English and now you can hardly keep her little nose out of the books!  It looks like today she is reading through "Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends" .

My oldest son is out helping with harvesting the corn, a place he would choose to be more than any other place in the world!  He was diligent in his school work this morning and so this afternoon he is reaping the rewards.

My six year old is now enjoying her free time setting up her sweet street town.  She has already devoured a book and even had some tea time with her little 4 year old brother.  She was delighted to serve him!

My 4 year old has needed great direction this afternoon.  If kept busy he does well. He seems to be happy to be his big sisters shadow today!

The babies are napping.  I just finished catching up on our timeline notebook so we can go through it in school tomorrow. 

I am hoping it will cool off this evening so the children can go out and enjoy the big sandcastle city they built in their sandbox last night.  They stayed up later last night, as daddy didn't get home until later.  It was a nice change so they could enjoy a bit "cooler" weather.

This evening the plans are to make some bread.  While it is rising I plan to play some games with the children until daddy and Bubs come in from the feild. 

It has been a delightful day and I am SO thankful to be feeling better again!

I cannot sleep tonight.  Do you ever have an overwhelming feeling at the reality of how fast children grow!?  My first born daughter is no longer a baby!  When did that happen!??!?  As I let my thoughts go on this I began to greatly worry about the time I have left with them....the desperate need to get this all right!  I got up from bed to pray and opened my journal to write to the Lord.  Out fell a peice of paper I had written on some time ago.  I cried reading the words I had written and remembered once again where it was I needed to be.  Tonight I am sharing what I wrote many months ago.  I wrote it after a time in my life when I faced Death's door.  I had been bitten by a brown recluse spider, developed a staph infection in my blood leading to toxic shock.  I still praise the Lord that I am alive today to tell my story................................................

On a "normal" day in my busy, somewhat crazy life I would have risen early with the children, responded sleepily (as I am NOT a morning person) to their many claims of starvation by preparing breakfast.  Now mind you...I am usually only awake enough at this time to pour cereal and milk into the bowls and stir some juice.  Fancy breakfasts are a novelty to my precious family.

After breakfast we would prepare for our morning of homeschooling and by the time school was done it was time to prepare our lunch...this one being a more hearty meal for my hungry farm bunch.

I must admit I never took much time in my busy schedule to ponder the "what ifs", or even think about the next day, let alone the next hour.  That is........until the day I woke up to a whole different kind of a day.  It was my death day.

In one breath I was giving bedtime commands, saying goodnight prayers and sleepily kissing my husband goodnight and in the next I was waking up in bed in so much pain I could hardly move....and so ill I could literally feel death gripping at me and life slipping away from my body.  I sang a lullaby the night before to my sleepy baby and now my heart and lungs were working too hard for any sound to escape my lips at all. 

For the first time in my life I found myself facing letting go and the possibility of saying goodbye to my husband, my children, my family, this world.

Obviously God chose to intervene, as I am here today to write this story, but I am not the same person I was before entering those hospital doors.  I laid for days in that bed knowing not a single doctor or soul knew what to do with me in my condition.  It was real to me that I was nearing that place where one draws their last breath.  It was in those days when life started to mean something so much different to me. For the first time I found myself asking, "God, what do you want me to do with my next heartbeat?"

He granted me more days and I eventually walked out of that hospital.  I found myself praying the same prayer every day.  "God, what do you want me to do with my next heartbeat?"  Sometimes His answer was, "work on respecting and honoring your husband" or "put the work aside and hold your children a little longer today".  Sometimes He simply said, "Rest.".  Sometimes I felt Him putting it on my spirit to say the things I had left unsaid, "I'm sorry."  "I love you."  "You are so very special."

It wasn't enough for me to just live anymore.  I could no longer fathom not getting up and asking Him what His plan in His book of my life was for that specific day.  I realized that it wasn't my right at all to go on without consulting Him about what to do with my next breath.

Most of our days will be the same ol' same ol', which I now see as a true blessing, but we are missing those extra ordinary moments when God has a divine plan and we don't stop to listen.

It is foolish to assume your next breat will be the same as the one before.  Let God start leading you on this journey of life.  Let Him help you carry out His purposes in creating you.  Take a cleansing, life giving breath and let the next one be HIS alone!

No, not the kind of longing for home "home sick"...not today anyways.  Today I am home sick from church.  It hit me about midnight last night.  My stomach just started churning and aching and I couldn't sleep.  It was hurting really badly this morning and I also woke up with terrible congestion!  SO, my husband insisted on me staying home to rest and he took all six of the children on to church with him.

As bad as my body feels, my heart is full of joy.  This has been a blessed, quiet morning.  I was able to give my Mama a quick call and ask her to pray for me.  Hearing her voice always uplifts my heart.  Then I cuddled up with a cup of tea and my Bible and read some chapters in Deuteronomy.  I wrote in my journal some too. 

I worked on our new school schedule which we will be implementing on Monday.  I will share about it in another post.

After that I put together a pot of taco soup for my family to enjoy when they come in.  They will love that as I found a hidden bag of fritos to go with it! :)  I decided I just couldn't stomach standing there and frying up hamburgers.  I am notorious for changing my mind about meals anyhow! :)

So now I sit and wait for my family to arrive home.  After such a wonderful morning I am ready for the noise level to be back to normal around here!

Thank you to those of you who have asked about my pregnancy compared to how my last pregnancy went.  SO far everything is going quite well.  I still dealt with some not so fun morning sickness but when I compare it to not even being able to get out of bed last time....I can handle it!  I have a had a few"knock me down for days" migraines, but those are very common for me in pregnancy.  I was really struggling with overwhelming fatique but now that I am on extra iron I truly feel like a new person!  I can breath now, which I was greatly struggling to do before the iron.

I do feel, praise the Lord!, that I have come a LONG way since my illness in 2004.  I had an erruption of the old infection (which is very common after a brown recluse bite) after my last miscarriage.  It was at that time I was told my body was possibly experiencing early menopause.  Traumatic illnesses can cause a woman's body to shut down and move into menopause.  My hormone levels were very low.  My progesterone was 1 and my estrogen was 20.  With other symptoms and problems I was having my doc thought it was highly possible my body just gave up.  I was placed on hormone therapy and 3 weeks later found out I was expecting another baby!  I also began to feel better than I had felt for a year and a half!!!!!!!! 

God was good in leading me to the right doctor and for helping us find solutions. 

SO, to answer in whole....I feel really great....thankful to be alive, feeling another baby growing inside of me again and ready, knowing the Lord will get me through whatever trials are down the road. :)

Blessings to all!

Fridays are a special day in our household.  We set the school books aside for the day, do some cleaning and make homemade pizza for lunch.

I remember the days when making a pizza was SO much work and took so much time!  These days it is a family affair.  Today my 6 year old (we will call her Onna) helped mix up the dough for the crust, my 12 year old (Onni) shredded the cheese and I made up the sauce while the crust baked.  When it was finished Onni put the cheese on, Bubs (my 7yo) decorated the pepperoni pizza and Onna, my 6 year old decorated the sausage pepperoni pizza. :)  We started at 11:15 and were done on time, pizzas cooling on the table by 12:05!

And so where were the other children???  Well, you see, to get a job like that done the babies have to be corralled and kept happy......Meet Madame Blueberry and Sir Blueberry.....

So, after dinner (and a MAJOR clean up :)), the children and I rest...sometimes play a game, watch a movie, go for a walk(when it is cooler) or read.  We call this day our home blessing day so when the house is nice and clean (which it doesn't ALWAYS get done!) the weekend goes so much smoother.

Friday evenings are date night.  My hubby and I stay home but the children go off together and play games.  They get popcorn and healthy snackie foods.  My hubby and I then go off together and watch a movie or just sit and talk.  Sometimes he brings home take out and other times I make fried tacos.  It is a night when the children get to stay up a tad later.

SO, that is our Friday in a nutshell.  A day that we always wake up and say, "YAY!  It's Friday!"

This would explain my oldest son.  Since I am careful about using the names of my children on the web...we will just call him Bubs.  Today he needed my full attention.  Before sitting with him to listen, I busied his younger brother, JJ, so I could give my listening ear to Bubs.  Sometimes my "little man" has trouble with the light heartedness...."life is a party"....way in which his little brother charges through life.  When Bubs has something on his heart it is best to busy my little ball of energy with other things. :)

So, I sat, looked him right in the eye and asked him what was on his mind.  He begins to tell me he has a plan.  He is going to get some property and begin digging a well.  He tells me every last detail of how he is going to get this done and you know what?  I KNOW he will!  Whether it is in a couple of years or ten, I know he is the type of person to set his mind to something, work out all the plans and details and get it done!  Today he discovered that if you dig a hole big enough for a balloon in the sand, put the balloon in, cover it up, jab it with a stick, it makes a deeper hole!

Anyways.....

At the tail end of our conversation JJ comes in.  Bubs gives him a quick recount of our conversation and explains that he will hire JJ and Ossie to help him.  Four year old JJ stands up tall, with his huge "life of the party" grin and says, "Well, all right, but I'm gonna need to be paid in cash!!!!"

This is our little one at 12 weeks.  It was SUCH a relief to see the heart beating and to see him/her wiggling around!

This poem was written by my Mama of the old home I grew up in.  I still cannot read it without tears coming to my eyes.  It has even more meaning now that I know my children have an old home to wonder about.  I thought I would share.  The picture below is my children's first home and the first home my husband and I shared together.  We had to leave this home due to mold infestation, but it still holds in it's walls, many dear, sweet memories.

The Old Home

I wonder if the old home weeps

The way I sometimes do

As I recall spring birthing there

Mornings drenched in dew

Does it miss the bluebirds

That nested by the door

Not doubting for a moment

That's what the hole was for

Can it hear the cattle lowing

Gentle songs to newborn young

Does the breeze still play the music

Round the place where chimes were hung

Do the stairs ache for the padding

Of the feet that use to climb

Does the kitchen miss the cooking

Does the house go back in time

Hearing laughter round the table

While outside a brewing storm

Does it feel the fires burning

In the stoves that kept us warm

I watched my children grow there

And I simply can't believe

The walls that wrapped us closely

Do not in our absense grieve

Does it understand that changes

And the passing of the years

Cannot alter what we found there

All the laughter, joy and tears

They are ours to hold forever

Moments stamped and sealed within

Cherished as we ponder them

Time and time again.

Written by Cherry Bieber

Copyright 1999

Written about my 6th child:

I cannot believe she is 10 months old already!  It truly seems like just yesterday I was finding out in the wee hours of the night I was expecting her!  Here is her story requested by many of my online friends.  She is a major part of our testimony for the Lord.

It was about two o'clock in the morning.  I had taken several pregnancy tests in the past couple of weeks (all negative), not necessarily because I thought I was pregnant but because I was fearful that I was. 

I had only been out of the hospital, after coming very close to losing my life, two weeks.  I was still struggling to walk and couldn't see clearly.  On top of all of this our baby at this time was only 4 months old!

So at this dark hour, when the rest of the house was quiet, I took another test and it was positive.  There it was.  What I hoped was not happening was happening.  Please do not get me wrong.  I wasn't dissapointed about another life being gifted to me, although I was feeling quite inadequate in this moment to have another baby so soon.  The main reason I was fighting this was because of the many drugs I had been on during and after my illness. 

I had had a pregnancy test done in the doctor's office some time before this night and since it was negative my doctor okayed me continuing with my medications for treatment of my illness.  I was terrified now that by doing so my baby had been harmed.  I really wrestled with God at this time asking Him a lot of Why's and telling Him this didn't make any sense at all.  I knew He would never give me more than I could handle and that He had my in the palm of His hand but....well there were a lot of buts....

By the time I crawled into bed I had resolved the issue with the Lord, trusting Him to care for it all.  My sleepy husband rolled over and asked me if everything was all right.  I told him I didn't know but that we were going to be blessed again in 7 more months.  He wrapped his arms around me and said, "we can do this honey".  And we both went to sleep.

The pregnancy was very hard.  For the next 4 months I was so sick I could hardly stand upright.  I spent even the nighttime hours up sick.  I was getting vitamin shots as part of the treatment of my "morning" sickness and by the time my doctor stepped in and decided it was time to put a stop to it the Lord took it away Himself. 

I had about a month of feeling really great.  Things were looking up and I was getting excited about a new addition to our family.  Things went downhill again as I started to labor prematurely.  I was bleeding off and on and started to fear again for the baby's life.  I was on bedrest off and on and we felt great relief when we got to 37 weeks when we didn't have to worry quite as much any more.

In my 37th week my labor really picked up and after four days of it I was exhausted.  It was off and on and wasn't progressing at all.  I went to see my midwife and she told us the baby had turned breech.  She attempted to turn the baby but to no avail.  We saw a professional who specializes in turning breech babies still to no avail.  After much prayer we knew we needed to get to a hospital.

It was there in the hospital that we were left with the decision to try a normal birth with the baby being breech or to opt for a cesarean.  I cannot explain what I felt in my spirit.  Never in a million years would I have gone for a cesarean unless I was told it was life and death.  Still, I felt that is the choice we needed to make.

I was taken in for the cesarean and there our daughter was born into this world, lifeless and blue.  Her shoulders had gotten hung up and it was difficult for the doctors to get her out.  I kept asking why I couldn't hear her crying but the staff kept telling me everything would be all right.  Finally I heard her faint cry and later learned she had to be recussitated.

And what of the decision we made to have a cesarean.  God knew that it was a matter of life and death.  Our daughter had one foot in the birth canal and the other foot up by her head.  Her cord was presenting and down under her one foot.  When my water would have broken the cord would have flushed, leaving her little chance of survival.

When we named her we named her a name meaning God is Gracious.  For in those dark night hours when I was so afraid of the future ahead of me God held me.  He held our baby and He proved Himself Gracious!  I only have praise on my lips!

This morning I awoke with a list of things needing to be done running through my head. Funny as it sounds, coming from a mother of 6, I had MY day all planned out. I wasn't far into my day at all when I felt tension and impatience taking place on each side of me, ready to be my companions for the day. Today was obviously going to be an "everyone needs mom" kind of day" and I was not happy about it at all! My oldest needed to know the correct spelling for every word in the English dictionary, so it seemed. The toddler was into everything five minutes into the day. Both of the babies were fussy and clingy...one sick with a cold and the other seemingly content to nap ONLY in my arms....AND a husband, not feeling so well himself (yet still working) hoping to have my assistance in a few projects. It was clear to me by 9:00am that I was going to get nothing done. Or was I? It is almost 9:00pm now and so I can certainly give a fair account of how the day went afterall. What did I get done??? I rocked my 7 week old baby and noticed she was smiling, REALLY smiling, when kissed and talked to. I noticed her eyes were more alert than ever and her skin was losing that newborn color. I realized, during this forced rest time in my rocking chair, that her tiny days are slipping away quickly. I watched our one year old walking with great pride all over our home. I noticed there were actually some words behind all of that cute babbling like "dat?" for "what's that?" and "ta-ta" for "thank you". I soaked up all his baby kisses and remembered they become fewer and fewer as they age. I spent an hour watching him splash in the tub and laughed at all his silly, yet precious little antics. My mind traveled back, as I watched him, and I thought of our twin sons (lost in pregnancy a year to the date before Joshua was born). I remembered that it was okay to cry. It was okay to still ache for them. And so I cried and let myself hurt again. I went outside in the yard and settled into a lawnchair, babies in tow. I could not miss the twinkle in the older children's eyes when they saw me sitting STILL, watching them building mountains out of dirt to ride their bikes through. I was then, at this time, rewarded by my three year old with a bouquet of dandelions and a generous kiss! And...so I sit here, lap still full of baby and thinking of all I would have missed had it all gone my own way. I might not have laughed when my spirit needed laughing. I might not have hurt or wept, when my spirit needed to remember. I might not have sang praises for all the things for which I am thankful! No kisses. No droopy dandelions. No "mommy, look at me's!". And what if tomorrow, they never came? I know every day cannot be this way but now I realize God was wanting to give me a gift today...I almost refused to receive it!!! Lord, may my heart be so in tune with yours that I will wake up every day at peace with YOUR plan for my day! Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself... God has so many gifts to give to us. He offers them so freely, yet sometimes we get so busy that we miss out on them and we never get a chance to receive them again. They are lost.

One night, after my husband had returned from a trip to Haiti to do mission work and visit the little girl we were adopting, I had a dream.  I dreamt we were dining out somewhere and among our children were two little boys, about 18 months old.  I can still see their little faces when I close my eyes.  One of them was stockier than the other one was.  He was a go getter.  The other was quiet, thoughtful and complient.  I woke up right after the dream and knew that moment that I was carrying twins.  I had never had a dream about twins before.  I hadn't ever even had a thought that I would like to have twins.  When I told my husband about the dream he believed right away, as well, that we were being blessed with twins.

After telling the children that mommy was going to have another baby our oldest son, who was 4 at that time, said, "No, mommy, you have TWO babies in your tummy."  My children didn't even know that could happen!  This was comfirmatioin for me.

As the weeks went by I grew quickly.  We finally decided to go in for an ultrasound, as a family, to comfirm what we already knew.  We were not expecting what we were hit with that day, though.  I can still feel it.  I can feel how cold the room was...death and grief hit me when I wasn't even close to expecting it.  There were no heartbeats.  I tried my hardest not to cry right in that moment but when I looked at my little girl and saw her confusion and tears welling up in her eyes, I lost it.  I sobbed and sobbed.  This really wasn't happening!

I had choices to make.  I had to choose whether I wanted to go get it all “overwith” and have a D&C or if I wanted to wait until my body let go on it's own.  I chose to wait and did so for a few more weeks.  My body didn't want to let go.  I was so torn because I knew that when it finally did decide to let go that it was going to have to all be final for me.  I still felt they were apart of me, still close to me and I didn't want to let them go.  On the other hand, others were noticing my pregnancy and asking when I was due and offering their congratulations, not realizing that my body was not carrying  life any longer.  So, when I started to labor, part of me was relieved that I was going to be moving on to the next step.

I truly didn't expect an actual labor, but that is what happened, only it was more painful than real labor.  I truly think it was this way because as I labored, there was no joy, nothing to look foward to.  Just pain and agony in my heart.

My grief went on and on and on.  I didn't think I would ever survive this.  I was not only grieving our boys but I was wrestling with the Lord.  Why did He give me the dream I had and then take my boys away from me!?  I was so confused.  Each day I faced I kept hoping would be different.  I finally realized one day that I needed to force myself to do more than just survive, for the sake of my children.  I remember laying on the couch one afternoon, just feeling like I wanted to die, when I picked up a devotional on our end table.  Admittedly, it had been months since I had even touched my Bible.  I did a lot of talking with God but don't think I was doing much listening. 

I opened the devotional (by Mrs. Charles E Cowman) and read words that saved me that day.  I read about how someone who is grieving the dead may become so wrapped up in this loss that they forget there are others around them still living.  I looked up, out the patio door and noticed the little ones as they were sniffing wonderful spring flowers, and realized that I had forgotten all about the beautiful people surrounding me.  It wasn't easy, but that day I made myself get up and take the children for a walk.  It was then that I really noticed it was springtime.  I still felt grief, but I knew I had to trust the Lord would carry me through it.

A few months after I lost the twins I became pregnant again.  I was still really struggling and was completely detached emotionally.  I couldn't bring myself to believe I would be holding a live, healthy baby at the end of my pregnancy.  I was still waiting for joy but still felt so empty.  My day to day life, serving my family, was a daily decision...definitely not something that came from a feeling.  Most of my pregnancy was filled with grief.  I was due with this new little one in May but God had much different plans. 

My oldest son, the one who told us we would be having two babies, told me our baby was going to be born on Easter Day.  Two days later, on Easter Day, labor began.  Something else was happening though.  I could feel it strong.   JOY was beginning to birth inside of me.  Everyone at my birth recalls this day.  I was laughing.  In the middle of labor I was laughing and feeling so much JOY! 

After a few hours I gave birth to a healthy baby boy!  After three days of praying about what to name him, my husband and I decided part of his name needed to be Isaac, for laughter.  Little Isaac was sent as our JOY after the Mourning!  The best part of it….Not only was our little Isaac born on Easter Day, but April 11^th …the same day our precious twins were born!!! 

Sometimes I still cry for Gabriel and Zachary.  I miss them incredibly.  When I realized I was losing this baby, I cried again for the twins and for little Faith, remembering they were gone from me for now.  God is so good and brings us comfort when we need comforting.  He has used my little Isaac to bring me His comforting many times in the past two years.  Just yesterday I was feeling so heavy with grief and it was as if he sensed it.  He separated himself from the activity of our household and he lifted up his chubby little arms to me.  I picked him up and he laid his head on my chest.  I stroked his soft little face and remembered that I had hope because God is faithful in bringing us joy when we never think it will come again.

Children"

Posted in Testimonies

We had come to a major crisis in our marriage.  We were both angry about a lot of things.  We had two children and my husband was saying, "NO MORE!".  I was broken hearted.  My childhood dream of having many children AND a happy marriage was shattering! 

One night, while my husband was away, I cried out to the Lord and told Him of my deep hurt I was feeling.  I sat down, pen in hand, and started writing the Lord a letter.  I begged Him to heal my marriage.  I cried out and told the Lord that I ached for more children and was heart broken at the thought of never having another baby to hold!  After some time of writing I put the letter in an envelope and sealed it up.  I opened my Bible and my eyes fell on the very words "THIS TIME NEXT YEAR YOU WILL HAVE A SON"!  Right then I felt peace.  My heart wasn't feeling at war any longer.

A few months went by and soon I realized I was feeling "different".  I took a test and it was positive.  The months before this, though, my husband and I had been doing a lot of rebuilding in our marriage.  I knew when he found out about this baby that his heart would be rejoicing WITH ME!  When the test showed up positive I knew in my heart I was having a son!  I wrapped up a baby boy outfit and put it on my hubby's pillow.  When he opened it he just wrapped his arms around me and shared in my joy!

The pregnancy was uneventful and wonderful and my labor was the best experience I had had yet!  We could feel the Lord so near to us!

The story doesn't end here though....one day I was cleaning our bedroom when I found an envelope that had fallen down behind the bed.  I opened it and read the date at the top of it.  September 20, 2000.  I fell on my bed and wept.  On the outside of the envelope read, "This time next year you will have a son."  Our son?  He was born on September 20, 2001.  God not only gave me a promise, He was sure to keep that promise to the very day!

The following is something I wrote some time ago.....

Romans 8:26

"And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness.for we do not know how to prayas we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

Oh how many times this scripture has brought comfort to my soul.  Sometimes we are just tired.  Sometimes we need rest but ask ourselves if it is even right to seek such rest...but it is right, the Lord expects it of us.  When we are tired and feel our whole being begging for rest we must trust it is okay!   I certainly don't mean it is okay to give up, but rest is so necessary and the Lord does grant us this!

I really don't have much to say today.  The scripture above and the poem below...well...they pretty much speak for themselves.  Our Heavenly Father wishes for us to come and rest at His throne when we are battle weary.  He takes care of things while we "sleep".  If you are in need of  rest, fall asleep on Him today so you can regain strength to get back to His work.

A Poem by Ella Conrad Cowherd

I'm too tired to trust and too tired to pray,
Said one, as the over-taxed strength gave way.
The one conscious thought by my mind possessed,
Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.

Will God forgive me, do you suppose,
If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,
Without an asking if I may,
Without every trying to trust and pray?

Will God forgive you? why think, dear heart,
When language to you was an unknown art,
Did a mother deny you needed rest,
Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?

Did she let you want when you could not ask?
Did she set her child an unequal task?
Or did she cradle you in her arms,
And then guard your slumber against alarms?

Ah, how quick was her mother love to see,
The unconscious yearnings of infancy.
When you've grown too tired to trust and pray,
When over-wrought nature has quite given way:

Then just drop it all, and give up to rest,
As you used to do on a mother's breast,
He knows all about it---the dear Lord knows,
So just go to sleep as a baby goes;

Without even asking if you may,
God knows when His child is too tired to pray.
He judges not solely by uttered prayer,
He knows when the yearnings of love are there.

He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,
And He knows, too, the limits of poor, weak dust.
Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,
For His chosen ones in that midnight tryst,

When He bade them sleep and take their rest,
While on Him the guilt of the whole world pressed---
You've given your life up to Him to keep,
Then don't be afraid to go right to sleep." *3

"Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a double-edged sword in their hand." Psalm 149:6

Last night I was having trouble sleeping.  I was so tired!  I closed my eyes, imagining the Lord stroking the hair back off of my forehead.  The more I thought of Him loving us this way it got me thinking even more....

I am quite certain that the Lord stands beside us as we fall asleep each night and whispers "Rest, My child."  When the sun begins to rise again, bringing with it new joys, new fears, new laughters, new tears, He is still there.  He says, "Arise," In His rays of sunlight and glorious colors splashing on the horizon.

If, at that time, I reach for my Bible upon arising, it is as if I am reaching for a magnificent sword, ready to face my day.  If I choose to leave my sword in it's sheath (my Bible on the shelf), then I am going forth unarmed onto a narrow, dark path....for the path we walk is indeed narrow

 and can be very dark at times!  We must be prepared!

"Narrow is the gate and difficult is that way which leads to life, an there are few who find it." Matthew 7:14

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

"For the Word of the Lord is living and powerful, and sharper than any double-edged sword, peircing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

I am not new to blogging.  I had my own full blog some time back but let it go after losing my fourth child in the womb.  I needed a time to just grieve and I just didn't seem to have any more words.  Now I feel like I am breathing once again and ready to share.

I am a Mama to 6 beautiful blessings AND the Lord has seen fit to bless us with another little one sometime this winter.  I am starting to feel the little flutters of life in me, which is an unexplainable feeling after letting go of two lifeless babies in the past year.  I am so thankful to the Lord for ALMOST four months with this precious child within me!  I look foward to holding this little one in my arms and remember what it feels like to have joy over the birth of life again!

I am 29 years old and am clay in the potter's hand.  I find every night when I lie in bed I am asking the Lord how I can grow and change.  The Lord knows me better than any and knows that I have ALOT that I need to change.  Thankfully He knows and looks at my heart, because despite my shortcomings, I desire to do my best for Him.  I often fail and find myself at the foot of the cross but one thing I know for sure is He DOES love me and won't be giving up on me! PHEW!

I homeschool each of my little lambs and find great joy in it!  This year I will have a 7th grader, a 2nd grader, a first grader, a kindergartener, a 2 year old, a one year old and a newborn learning right along with us!. :)  We decided to take much of the summer off, so the children and I are VERY excited about starting up school again!  MOST days we find it a wonderful privelage to be able to learn together and be together.

My greatest priorities in my life, and in this order, are my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ, my role as help meet to my dear husband, nurturing and mothering my precious children and keeping my home.  At times in my life when I am becoming overwhelmed and harried, I realize it is because I have these priorities all out of order.  I am trying to do my best to keep them straight so our home can be as peaceful as possible.

SO, that is me in a nutshell.  I am glad to be back a~bloggin...my head is swarming with things I want to write about!