Our month is flying by, how about yours? I think I'm going to start saying summer is dragging by and see if that helps it slow down. I know schedules and deadlines keep the world going around, and organized groups are essential to not just floating through childhood without any consistency...but still, sometimes I want all of life to be like summer, even summer with school. It's so freeform, why can't it always be like this? We are doing some work each day, we're keeping the house up, getting dressed, eating dinner each night at roughly the same time . I am enjoying my children, especially the girls, in a new way. Is it their age? Or my attitude? Is it a sudden realization of how fast this time is passing?
Today in church I started crying out of no where, although if you ask my oldest DD she will tell you the only time she sees me crying is in church. It is true that since being saved I've cried often in church. It took me YEARS to get ahold of the fact God truly loves me. He loves ME. He died for me. It was such a comforting and fulfilling realization. So anyway, what brought on the waterworks today? A young girl was beautifully playing the piano, and my mother came to my mind so strong, out of nowhere it seemed. Oh, how I missed her. It was nothing fancy, that feeling you can't desribe easily--that of missing a dearly departed loved one. It's not a missing with expectations, it's more of a longing from deep within to feel the presence of someone you can no longer feel the presence of. It's an ache, a hunger, far within. And sometimes it sneaks up and surprises you as it did with me today. It's been a long time. And I like those moments of clearly seeing her face and her seeming near, even though still out of reach.
You know, I actually have been taking photographs meant for the blog. No, not of the family since I'm a spaz on internet safety and people being able to cut and paste, but of food...the yard...the dog :). The food would have been a fun one to show tonight.
My dear oldest daughter has become such a help in the kitchen. We're entering more and more into the phases of life, particularly homeschool life, that will make it extremely painful when she leaves home one day. We're working together on meals, for example, tonight we made pita bread Indian style, which normally takes me 30-40 mins, not including the grinding of the wheat. Tonight, 11 mins. DD1 rolled them out and I fried them. A well-oiled machine! She didn't get in my way or anything, and all of it excites her, even cleaning up.
Last week she made a cake for the Fourth of July. She was adorable reading all the directions about handwashing and such :) :). It was a very SERIOUS event, let me assure you. She left no stone unturned in her endeavor. The cake was good. And she ate some and didn't get sick (it had eggs) Thank you, Jesus.
Tonight DD1 also made the biscuits for dinner. It was a bready night, but with hummus to dip into and a gumbo-ish thing I made, we needed to dip and use our fingers. The table was decorated with a wildflower collection from our yard--daisies, lillies, hosta flowers, and something purple that is kind of daisy-ish but I'm not sure what it is. It felt good to do that for once. We also cut the only rose on the property and brought her in.
So, our oldest who now has lost a top front tooth, has made me so proud. We're connecting in a way I love. This is the time when all that hard work, continual discipline, prayers (though I've needed to be more faithful with those) and love pays off. I'm getting glimpses of beauty and times of real enjoyment, and finding less desire to be "outside" of the house, whether it be through the Internet, phone, or at the Y (which I have to remember cannot be optional since it helps my moods so much). This time is going too fast and I want to hold on to every single moment. Somehow there are no more days of diapers, no more nursing an infant, no more carrying someone on my lap to the potty (while I go!), no more showering with someone right outside the door while I go as fast as I can, no more morning sickness...so many "no more's". I never thought I'd look back on those days, let alone that it would come upon me so fast to be able to "look back." But here I am, in a whole other world from where I began nearly 8 years ago. I'm so glad I had my kids close together even though it was hard. I'm so glad I had 3 of them. I've never met a parent who regrets having the kids they have, but I sure have met a lot of women who regret not having more.
Well, I finally did it. Our daughter is a member of Medic Alert and her ID should arrive by the weekend. It is nice to have this off the "to do" list, and it really is what is best for her. I hope she is happy with the look and feel. She chose, but I steered the decision to get what I had already picked as a good choice.
Doing what is best for our kids is a constant decision process. In the home it is my belief that the best thing for the children is a happy momma married to a happy papa. Sure I think homeschooling is great, being home with the children full time is great, not watching TV is great, going to church weekly is great...but none of those things is mentioned by God as tantamount, and none of these things will stick with a child the way a happily married parent set will. Nothing compares to the security of the home being peaceful and restful.
There is someone I know who I have always admired for her mothering. Her kids went to public school and she worked outside the home, but if she is saved, she will have a crown of glory for how she served her family and husband. Things rarely went her way, but she buckled down doing things the way her husband wanted, suffering quietly. Sure, she had her "rights" and there were decisions she'd of made differently if she could have, but she knew how much divorce negatively impacted kids for the rest of their lives, even into adulthood. I've been amazed to see how blessed her life is as her children have grown into lovely, responsible people. Even her marriage has finally brought her pleasure and joy, something that surely seemed impossible for more years than I've been married.
I've been realizing how so often the root of my problems are not very complex. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life are listed in the Bible as the root of all sin. It is indeed true in my own life, whether it be problems with my husband from time to time, problems in my thought life, or difficulties with how I'm relating to friends and family other than my husband.
It recently occurred to me that when I am annoyed with my husband, I often do not stop to take the log out of my own eye so I can clearly see the splinter that is in his. But, like chewing possum, the more I look at his splinter, the bigger it appears to be. Eventually I can deceive myself that I do not have nearly the troubles he does, so I wrongly conclude he is the one who needs to change.
But is that true? For the believer, we are called to a very high standard. We can easily forget just what it is God saved us from. But let us remember, let us be very careful to remember, we once were LOST but now are FOUND, were BLIND but now we SEE. Who do we give credit to for this miraculous change? If we think it has anything to do with ourselves or own willpower, we are sorely mistaken, and it will show in our witness. We'll turn people from Christ with our sanctimonious attitude. People will feel we look down on them for still being stuck in the same sin we were once stuck in. Can we honestly think better of ourselves than those who are lost when we had nothing to do with our feet being put on a straighter path? Let it never be! "Amazing GRACE, how sweet the sound, that saved a WRETCH like me." The line between where I am today and where I used to be is stained with the blood of the Savoir, and He didn't do it because I was some superstar, it's all about Him, and the sooner we "holy Christians" realize that, the better off we'll be.
God will not force Himself into any problem. We have to get out of His way, and humble ourselves. We can be right in our eyes, but that way will lead to death and destruction. What is His way? His way is to follow our husbands lead. Saved or unsaved. That is it. Unless he is directly asking me to sin, like have an abortion or rob a bank or abuse my kids, I have to follow his lead. That is opening the door for God's blessings. It is not easy, but it is simple. Yet, time and again the Christian wife refuses to respect her husbands God-given authority in their home. She puts her foot down, will not honor, will not obey the Lord, will not cherish the marriage God has given her and is holding her to. No, we get high and mighty thinking there are valid excuses to sin. We'll even put the kids out as an excuse to sin, doing it for their sakes. That is merely opening up the door to lost love in a relationship and going outside of God's hand of protection--a dangerous place for a wife to be.
I'm seeing afresh how to love my husband unconditionally. That means WITHOUT CONDITIONS, just how God loves me. Is that easy? No. Is it simple, well yeah, it's pretty cut and dry. It means I'll work hard each day to love him the way I want him to love me, for who I am, how I am, faults and all. That is what I promised right? And I'll be judged on holding to MY end of the bargain, regardless of what he does. One day I want to stand before God and here "well done good and faithful servant, enter into the presence of your king." I will not get that if I am right in my own eyes, and withholding love from the man I've been given to as a helpmeet. Eve was deceived, Adam followed her ill lead, showing how easily a woman can bring harm to her man. EVE WAS DECEIVED. How often am I the one deceived here? How often are you? Sure your husband may have sinned against you, but what about you? Can you honestly sit there thinking you are not at fault in a big way? I think this scenario is one reason God said for us to look to ourselves lest we be tempted. Tempted to what?? To sin--to wrongly accuse and lay blame.
The answers for our troubles are in God's word. I've realized my problems here lately go back to the basic tenets of appreciation and respect. Men NEED respect from their wives. God doesn't put ANY conditions on that. Just like husbands are to LOVE their wives, cherishing them, NO CONDITIONS. If we wives are withholding love, respect, sex, admiration, WE ARE IN SIN. Plain and simple, and we're keeping God from blessing us. I've been humbled recently, and suddenly the mass of sins I felt my husband had have shrunken as I've looked again to myself, still far from perfection, so I can step back and appreciate him for who he is, warts and all.
It's the 4th of July and I'm so thankful for our freedom and true patriotism (not Barak's redefining of it by the way). But what is on my mind today is that DD2 READ some words today, on her own!!
My dh and I were on the verge of tearing up as she read sat, cat, am, the....to see her pride and have all of us clapping wildly for her was a memory I'll hold onto forever. We've longed for this day. Nothing compairs to teaching your own children to read, to watch their faces light up with accomplishment.
It is indeed Independence Day...we're seeing it come into focus more all the time.
We started out rougher than yesterday, due in LARGE part to one of the children waking on the wrong side of the world. We pressed on and only 3 of us went for a nice walk, baby doll strollers and a real stroller containing one of my real babies :). It's been AGES since I pushed a stroller with one of my children in it. It brought back pleasant memories, though I do love having everyone able to walk and take hikes.
After the walk, since chores had been done, DD2 and I started in with our 45 mins of school time. Today we did what will be a bit more of our typical routine: Bible (Rod n Staff), Reading, Arithmetic, Handwriting, Arithmetic handwriting. There was no time for logic today. Math is definitely a favorite and this child is amazing us with a wonderful attitude. We NEVER saw that coming lol. By the 45 min mark the joy is over though. Today she performed her imitation of a whining worm on the floor, signifying all was done. It was good to have it confirmed that 45 mins is all we're going to get out of her, so even with Classical Conversations I need to pace her daily work (whatever that will entail if anything). A break midstream would not be a good idea for this little trooper. I'll lose her and have a fight on my hands. It's a blessing from God that I'm finally starting to figure this girl out!
DD 1 did a bit more today than yesterday, demonstrating the "gear up" beautifully. While she'd prefer to read and cross stitch all day, she did get through grammer, spelling, her book study, and arithmetic. I didn't time us today but will start next week so I can make sure we're doing enough. It can get hard to tell if I'm wore out like today.
Why was I wore out? DS3 was pushing and pushing this afternoon. He missed out on stories before nap which was disappointing. His sister sat and listened nicely to 4 books. The time with just her was sweet, though it is better with both littler ones.
Today was also the day our oldest baked a cake pretty much on her own. This really is a transforming and exciting time in life. The work of parenting is so very different, focusing on character development, life skills, social skills, academics, and most importantly, their understanding of Jesus Christ and a Biblical worldview. It is interesting to me how different parents look back on the various stages of parenting. There are those that just LOVED the baby days where concerns fit rather nicely into a box--they were hard and real, but not very complex. Then there are the preschool days, school years, and finally adult years. Broken down in the midst are various other stages and I'm sure folks get specific on years/ages they just adored.
Me? Well, I'll be honest. I don't love pregnancy like some women I know do. I also don't love the baby years. So far I'm loving where we are so much. Having a daughter to talk to sometimes, teach to cook and keep the home, who I know will spend eternity with her father and I in heaven, is a joy unspeakable. Having another daughter that has a gentle, tender side who has caused me much confusion but lives with a desire to serve in grown up ways (she'll never say no to helping in the kitchen) has made me grow. We're getting to know each other so much more now that she's gotten to "real school" age. And our son is in what I've found to be one of my favorite phases of life, though he is very close to leaving that point, as evidenced by his tantrums (something the girls never ever did). Two is an age I ADORE. I'd love to adopt a child that is about a year to 18 months old, just heading into one of most fun times of life.
Well, I have to clean the kitchen. My oldest's cake should be cooled soon--big girl :).
It is hard to believe, but today we started school back up. It wasn't my original plan, but somehow after 2 months of being off, we're all ready for some routine. My dh played a big role in us coming to this conclusion as he's noticed some traits in one of our children that we need to begin working on sooner rather than later. The necessity of daily work should help the problem.
So, how did it go? Well, it wasn't a full load, which is typical for me on the re-start. I just can't go full throttle suddenly after a huge break. I mentally like to ease into the bulk, and this way of getting my feet wet somehow doesn't really feel like hard work . There is something delightful in keeping to our own schedule and routine also. That helps me feel more in control of our school when we are participating in outside, consistent enrichment...which I feel is SO important. We all need deadlines and to be accountable to people besides our families.
DD2 and I did reading, arithmetic, logic, and handwriting today. We didn't do a Bible lesson but we did discuss faith and went to church. 45 mins is the time it took to do what all we did.
DD1 and I have some Language Arts to complete from last year's program. It isn't necessary given what we are changing to next year, the fact most schools don't get through everything in a book, we've done our testing and submitted it...but still, there is something to be said for finishing well, and to me, that means FINISHING . So, we are at work. I haven't decided when we'll crack into her new arithmetic book, but I confess I'm rather itching to do so. I'm going to open it tomorrow and that will probably lure me in sooner rather than later. If nothing else we'll start logic/deductive reasoning. Can we say FUN!?!?
DS3 wanted to do his 'school', so we worked on handwriting, numbers 0-2, and Beers' Cards for c and f. He wants to learn, and that is what I'm seeing here as key to being advanced-not that I know what path he'll take! My guess is that many above average intelligence people ARE gifted, but I also think that many of them are simply MOTIVATED. And that motivation is almost inborn. It doesn't mean we can slack in working hard to help our less motivated children not be lazy, we do. It's part of the responsibility we have. It is TOUGH though. Phew. And it takes 2 to do it IMO, even if one person is just encouraging and cheering us on.
We didn't snuggle and read as much today as we've been doing or as much as I like, but we got a little in plus a nice walk (with baby dolls/stuffed dogs and strollers). I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I don't have to drop off stool samples for any children or leave the house if I don't want to! My favorite sort of day!
In closing, I asked my beautiful children what kind of faith we should have? The kind where we feel we need to submit solutions to God to use to work our troubles out, or the kind that asks Him, not having any idea how He is going to work? I'll confess, the latter is where I am with asking for a brother for our son and a bigger house to accomodate it. And I'm ok with that. Better than ok. Because I serve a BIG God and I only want what He wants for my life, so whatever I'm asking, it's couched in "Thy will be done." It may seem impossible, but if there is a burden on your heart, don't spent time on how it can or can't happen, strive to have your will be His will, and ask in faith. In Jesus' name.
Do you ever wake up in a total mental fog? I'm sure you do...we all do some days for reasons that remain a mystery, at least to me. Sometimes it happens when we sleep in too long or are awakened in a midst of a deep sleep/dream. Both of these contributed to my woes today. Here it is 11:30 am and I still feel dazed.
It is surprising that some important goals are being met in spite of my feeling completely out of it. Still donning new favorite jammies and sporting quite an aroma, I've called the school board, resolved a billing issue with the bug guy, found an area already in the basement for my computer to have a docking station (praise God!), held a "towel folding clinic" which everyone gleefully attended, did more laundry, and got some mail off.
Yesterday we took down the bunk part of DS3's bed since we 1. don't have a mattress for it and 2. he's been having a scary nightmare we were able to help resolve by rearranging his room. It is so cute in there! He now has his own little reading nook in the corner. Soon we'll be shopping for decorations that are more boyish, like a football or baseball lamp and wall hangings involving all kinds of balls.
Our house is slowly but surely getting to where we are using all the space in a way that flows well and is orderly, but it takes time. The garage needs a fresh tackle and we still need to hang pictures that have been in boxes since we moved here. Even with all this progress, I have this stressed feeling when I think of starting school back up, all the extra curricular activities and parties we're hosting. I get very stressed with parties!
Jun. 29, 2008 - When Is The Last Time You Sung This??
Today at church we sung some wonderful patriot songs, reminding us what this country was founded upon. I love this land. I love the God who made us all in His image, meant to be free. I love that He has extended Himself to us out of His love for us...
You can listen to the music as you read the words by going to the official site.
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on.
I have seen Him in the watch fires of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps;
His day is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His day is marching on.
I have read a fiery Gospel writ in burnished rows of steel;
“As ye deal with My contemners, so with you My grace shall deal”;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Since God is marching on.
He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet;
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.
In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free;
[originally …let us die to make men free]
While God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! While God is marching on.
He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is wisdom to the mighty, He is honor to the brave;
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of wrong His slave,
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.
. I am enjoying my children, especially the girls, in a new way. Is it their age? Or my attitude? Is it a sudden realization of how fast this time is passing? 
. There is something delightful in keeping to our own schedule and routine also. That helps me feel more in control of our school when we are participating in outside, consistent enrichment...which I feel is SO important. We all need deadlines and to be accountable to people besides our families. 