Behind the Garden Walls
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Sometimes a vacation can be a very good thing. It can help smooth out the changes in life, making sure that everything stays connected. People, present, past. It can be a rest from the ordinary and increase your appreciation for the ordinary. It can be a chance to get some distance, to evaluate, to make resolutions in more effective way than at new year's. I knit in the car, and read. We visited the church in Akron, the Creation museum, and most wonderfully, my family. I saw my father, my mother, my youngest sister..... my grandfather and his wife. We saw the new and shining Greenville Seminary building, and visited the home where we had had our wedding reception. We went to the Scottish Games on a very hot day. When we left the South the temp was 100 degrees. The Lord watered my garden for me while I was gone, and when I returned it was to a revealing of mysteries (what is this plant? I will weed around it in theory that it is not a weed) I discovered that our bulbs were irises, that there were gorgeous red poppies in the back, some pink flowers that look like a yarrow, and something purple and spikey. Also many of the seeds that I had planted had sprouted....sunflowers, sage, parsley, oregano, summer savory, purple basil. The lettuce had grown enough so that we could make salad. The air here is cool at night, and the days have been pleasant. I love our little home. I love how the clouds are low in the sky in the evening, how they peel away in layers, white on grey on pink. I love our church, and our people. When we got home, the round of sickness started, and there has been a lot of nursing to health, and bathing, and extra laundry. There has been another migraine, and the smell of wet summer wafting through open windows and memories of how I used to sleep when I was single, at the "ranch", with my head on the window sill so I could go to sleep to that smell and wake up to the sight of the woods.....Such a time that was, a mixture of exquisite loneliness and of making new and dear friends, of opening truth from the Word and how keenly I felt the Lord's kindness fall on me. ... each time of life has its own blessings and struggles....the beginning always looks fresh, the middle looks riddled with error, but the end is maturity.... and it is all Coram Deo, when I feel it and when I do not.... the end of a thing is better than the beginning, and the middle is on its way to the end. |
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Last week was Benjamin's birthday. He got a little truck which he likes a lot, with a little Diego with his pets, a fox, a monkey, and a maned wolf. The fox's name was Sammy, the monkey's Amy, and the maned wolf's was Sam. He also got lots and lots of cards, and a cute little shirt and a pair of navy shorts from Grandma. We had the party at breakfast time. The cupcakes were going to be a breakfast dessert. They were carrot, with vanilla frosting. After the cupcakes he opened the presents. Four days after that was my birthday. I got a pink dress and a green dress(also from Grandma), a kite(which didn't fly because there wasn't enough wind), a set of jacks, a book called Kid's Weaving, and a game called Cadoo. And a necklace and card from Mercy. My party was at lunchtime. I made my own cupcakes, except for the hard parts, which Mommy did. They were yellow with pink lemonade frosting. I would have eaten Mercy's frosting, but I was full enough already, so Peace ate them. |
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We have a Venus Fly Trap that I bought at the grocery store. We touched it with a toothpick to watch it close. We watched an insect land on it, and nothing happened. We saw a halo of light around the moon, a wide strange halo. I got the children out of bed and we looked up at it. We planted lettuce, tomatoes, and peppers, and we watch them come up. We have picnics on our sandy lawn, and the children bring out blankets to drape over the swing set and turn it into a house. The babies discovered the out-of-doors. They like it. Very much. They escape out the door whenever possible. Jonathan can climb to the top of the slide. He toddles over to a lamb's ear plant and touches it. Charity twists the swing around and around since she is too small to swing in it. I try to decide on the best place for the garden. Slowly we get back into reading aloud. The pile of school books that we have not read dwindles. It is time to order more workbooks. We go to the park and play with friends. The children wade on the sandy edge of the lake. Jonathan sits down in the water. Looks surprised, then does it again. When we leave he is encrusted with sand. We saw violets today. |
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We went to the C's and to the backyard. We got there a few minutes early, for they hadn't started sledding yet. It was so much fun. I went on a blue sled at first,that didn't go as far as the other, though I didn't mind it and the spills that I got. It seemed worth it just to have another ride. I didn't even mind it when it was time for a snack, one, because I was so hungry, and two, because my ride with another girl on our pink sled was so long. On some of our rides, we went down, down, up, down, and across.(imagine sledding up a and across a hill!) Soon we went inside for some snacks. We had cheese, some kind of fruit cider, and our Sweet&Salty nut mix. There was a really steep hill and when you went down it you got kind of scared, but when I had the other girl with me, we didn't have as many spills. |
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For the first time, I am not floundering, wondering if I should have brought plates, or where we should sit. I know that fellowship dinner is the second Sunday, every other month. I know, and I have brought food, and I help make lemonade. Scripture is read. You cannot serve two masters. Love and hate, cling and despise. Prayer. We get our food. Jonathan is sleeping, and one of the young girls is eager to feed Charity at her high chair. I look at the faces around me, and they are familiar. The snow is whirling and blowing outside the windows all around, the trees are snowy and the air is snowy and I know it is cold, very cold out there. But here it is warm and we talk comfortably of getting out of driveways and exploring new roads and of crunchy snowdrifts on the trip back home. Of sicknesses and body aches and health and God's gifts that go unnoticed until they are gone. Of how children get home from fellowship dinners and complain of hunger. |
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There is a farm. A farm with a cow named Melody, a cow who supplies our whole family with milk, good rich milk encased in shiny glass with the cream slowly floating upwards. A farm with bees that fill a big jar full of honey for us to take home, amber honey behind the glass, glowing in the sun. Marble white and amber. ************************************* The glass doors in the kitchen look out on the back yard, all surrounded with pines laden with snow. Snow falls in light flakes, the sun catches the glint of them; the trees shake off snowflakes in shining clouds. Still they are dressed and laced in snow. The sun sets behind those trees, and sometimes I catch a glimpse of the show, in pale pastels or glowing pink. There is little traffic through these doors in the winter, and so I push my kitchen island up against them so I can watch it all while I cook. My spindles and fiber are there, so I can spin in those minutes when cooking means waiting; here I feel my inner letter-writer awakening. I put the stamps here, my address book, and some note cards. I can write while I am standing, looking out the window. The moment, caught on the paper. |
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I have a migraine. The kids have been sick for a few weeks, the strain of extra activities around Christmas time has taken its toll. Even though I had tried to cut back, no cards, no presents for extended family, no professional photos, all the things I used to do. I even skipped wrapping presents. The house is at its worst. A late Christmas letter straggles in, with a note that has been sent by one who only knows my life through my blogs. "You are so organized." My migraine pounds me. Liar. Liar. Why do I make my blogs so upbeat? Why? I know the culprit, the schedule, the schedule that I tried to fit onto the family like a shoe onto the wrong foot. Everybody read it and thought that was the way it is. But it isn't. My blogs are the only pristine place in my life, the only place I (seemingly) control. Nothing happens to them while I am gone. No toys strewn there, no dust settling, no coffee spilled. I want to keep them beautiful. Why shouldn't I? But not at cost of truth. This has been a hard year, a one foot in front of the other kind of year. All the changes are good, blessings abound, but even good in this fallen world comes with many pitfalls and challenges, and my weakness and inability and sin have never been more apparent to me. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hope that things will grow easier. Sometimes I take a few steps without thinking about it, and grow a bit giddy about it, and the glass is all half full. The babies had their birthday. One year passed us, and we move on. Am I getting more energy? Is less time spent nursing going to help? Is my soul waking up? I clean the master bedroom and organize it for the first time since the move. The whole mood of the room changes. It smells good, faintly of lavender where I have spritzed the pillows, and I even wax the headboard til it shines. I haven't done that since we were newlyweds. The kids' rooms are cleaned, and then the toy area in the basement. The house seems almost like humans live here now. I pick a chapter from James for us to read daily, to memorize, like we used to when there were only three. I am building a new schedule, slowly, a schedule not to fit my dreams but to fit the family. I take a breath. Perhaps...perhaps I will walk, perhaps we will walk together, perhaps we will dance. Perhaps it is too soon to tell. But I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, and we will see. It's all about sowing in tears, and reaping in joy. In patience. Hope in what we cannot see. |
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We went to the D's (all except Mommy, Peace, and the twins). The sleigh ride was fun, and we would have gone on the second ride, except we were much too cold. We had real jingle bells, and we sang Jingle Bells on the way. After both rides, we had supper at the D's. The supper was meat, baked beans, apples, bananas, cookies, apple cider, and hot chocolate and marshmallows. Then we played with a toy farm for a while, and then went to see the farm's only cow, Melody. She was pretty, light brown with a white upper face and a few white spots. Then I watched Chris and Alan play a game for a few minutes, and then we went home. |
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I have fifteen minutes to write this entry. Usually I niggle over my entries, and niggle. It takes a while. But today, I must try to make the last month fit into fifteen minutes. The snow, the melting, the snow. The caroling at different homes, and nursing homes, the crowding of many merry carolers into our home afterward for fragrant spiced apple cider and hot cocoa and cookies. The colds, the fevers, the upset tummies. The cuddles that go along with sickness. The precious friends who sent Christmas greetings. Next year perhaps we will return them? The washer that broke and was fixed again. The pile of laundry is finally getting back to normal. The twins. Jonathan whose smile grows chubbier and Charity who can now balance her whole self on two tiny feet. The tree. The twins eyeing the tree as if eager to dismantle it and consume all of its little brightnesses. Benjamin. Talking well now, growing out of the chubbiness of toddlerhood, but still sturdy. Peace. Reading words here and there. Mercy. Devouring whole books as if she must make up for lost time. Verity. Making looms out of stiff paper and weaving. Bruce. Growing more and more pastoral. Me. Trying to manage all the myriad of details that are mine to manage and feeling very very inadequate to the task. The Nativity service at church, Christmas dinner with friends, a sleigh ride to look forward to this weekend. A new year, full of more changes, and more time to settle in to our new place in life. The changing, the settling. Wherever we live, wherever we go, our God dwells with us. God with us. What a precious comfort. |
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We go to bed, turn down the heat, snuggle into our beds. In the morning we wake to snow dust on the ground, and the children dance and shout with glee. They look out the big glass sliding doors at the lace that fringes all the evergreens that line the back yard. The trees dip slightly to bring our eyes to the sky, the wintry powdery sky that in its pale blue pink grey says snow. The sun comes out pale, chases the snow away and turns the sky a brave light blue. With streaky white clouds. Dripping ensues. The children do their jobs and set to their schoolwork, chuckling and whispering loudly about how they secretly will finish all their workbooks today, and won't Mommy be surprised? Benjamin colors, and spreads crayons all over the place. The babies crawl around underfoot, getting into this thing and that thing, trying to scavenge for food (crayons are yummy) , or fun, as the case may be. They make a lot of messes. I skip around, feeding babies, cleaning, solving school problems, and kissing a lot of bumps. Mercy is reading like crazy these days. Suddenly she can read most anything, and does, most voraciously. Verity is learning to type with help of a fun computer program, and is learning to use Microsoft Word. South American geography, the wonders of the digestive system. Learning spices our days, and occupies us....I sigh happily. No one has asked me today, "Mommy, what can I do?" |
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Yesterday was Peace's birthday. She got an Amish doll which we had bought for her, a little book called The Three Billy Goats Gruff, and a shirt, pants, shirt, and jumper. She liked all of them, but almost right after breakfast she got her doll, (whom she called Rebbecca) and started playing with her. The doll had a little black bonnet, red dress, dark brown shoes, black apron, and white socks. Peace had a vanilla cake with vanilla frosting. In the evening we went to Reformation Day party. There was a play, and me, Mercy, Lydia, Alan, Warren, Chris, Katy, Kendra, Vanessa, and Daddy were in it. There was also a movie about John Hus. Then there were some snacks: donuts, popcorn, crackers, cheese and fruit. |
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On Monday , Daddy, Mommy, and the twins went to Travers city and the rest of us went to the R.'s house for the day. We played with yo - yo's, balls, and games, milked cows, drank cows milk, and splashed in mud puddles. And also, Mercy and Peace did silly things -of course.Ha,ha! To milk a cow, first I washed its four teats, then dried them, and then squirted milk out. Then you attached the milkers to its teats.To open the gate for the cows to go out, you pulled on a string. I opened the gate two times, and Peace opened it once. Warren helped her. Warren and Lydia were a lot of fun.Once Lydia pretended to take Peace away, and once Warren let me open the door. For lunch we had pizza, noodles, apples, and bananas.For dessert we had pie and ice cream.Splashing in mud puddles was fun.Since my shoes were dirty, I had to wear a pair of their boots. We also fed the calves.I would say,"come on," and the calf would back away so that I could I could put some food in its food bucket. |
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On Tuesday we had our very first school day with a new core. It is so good to be back on a schoolday schedule. I missed school! Here is how our days go: I am up at five. First exercise, showering, sprucing up the bathroom; then get a start on making breakfast and supper as well, starting a load of laundry; then devotions. These quiet hours are like jewels. At seven, rousing the rest of the family and serving breakfast. Very busy, well nigh hectic. At eight, Bruce holds down the fort, dressing the little ones for me, while I go on my daily walking/shopping/praying expedition. One day a week I plan to take a child with me, so everyone get turns. So far Verity and Mercy have each had one. The older girls do their chores while I am gone. At nine, I finish any morning chores that I left hanging, and we get a start on school. First prayer, then math. Peace has a Singapore earlybird math book and pattern blocks, which she loves. I go through it with her. I have a feeling that the rare bit of individual attention she receives from this time will outweigh any value of mathematical knowledge. But if so, it is time well spent. Then through Mercy's lesson with her, and being available to help Verity throughout. Next up is handwriting. I have so neglected handwriting in the past. Even when Verity had the book, I was not diligent about it and we may as well have not done any at all. So I am starting all three older girls off from the very beginning with Italic handwriting. All three doing the same thing, and I sit with them and help them. So far it is working well. When we finish math and handwriting we take a twenty minute break, and then it is time for all the read-alouds. The fun stuff. First we read the Bible. Right now we are studying South American history and geography. Reading about Simon Bolivar. For science we are studying the human body. And our fiction is an adventure story of a trapper in the early 1800's. We wrap up around noon, when Daddy comes home for lunch. The kids play outside while I keep busy with the babies and household stuff....then at one thirty Daddy heads back to work, and we read a Bible story before naptime. Naptime....I have a bit of computer time, a bit of a nap, a bit of time to help the older two with any school projects they might have. Then after naps, afternoon chores and supper prep. Supper is at seven, then family worship, and then bedtime for the kiddos. And then comes my time for spinning and knitting and visiting with Bruce....all too short, and to bed by ten-thirty. I love the new structure of the days. I am thankful for all the peaceful times in the day that God allows. I am glad for grace to get through the impossibly hectic times and forgiveness when I stop trusting God during them. I am thankful for a husband who is willing to help me so much, because I sorely need help. Change is so hard, and this year has been one of many changes. Many times I have felt as if I were in over my head, and I am. In a way, we all are. It is good to feel it, because it makes us lean on God. Life continues to change, but in a very real way we are now finally settling in to the changes that have already occurred. And that is very, very good. |
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I am stealing a few minutes during the children's naptime to write. It is Mercy's birthday, and her cake is wafting warm chocolate smells from the oven. The kitchen has been put to rights. The sun shines in, the older children are playing at sailing in the back yard, Mercy in her rose-colored colonial dress-up dress that someone in our new church passed on to us...they climb on the new swingset, another gift from church members. The steering wheel is the ship's wheel and the rope net is the rigging. I made maple custard for a special birthday breakfast, and then we opened the presents. Mercy got a new outfit from Grandma B, a porcelain doll like Verity's, the aforesaid dress-up clothes, a Mary Frances book, and a cut-out doll and stitched felt sampler from Verity. So she had quite a big variety. As soon as the presents were opened, I headed out the door to walk to the store. It is a pleasant walk down to the town, a few houses, many trees, down past the lake, swans, ducks, peaceful water shimmering with its fringe of trees. I stop, surprised at the jet black, glossy squirrels urgently gathering in their stores.... I have never seen black squirrels before. I pass the little barbershop, little news shop, and here I am at the little grocery store. I like to make this walk almost every day, to pick up the few things that we need for the day. This keeps me from finding forgotten items in some corner of the fridge, far past their prime; and pleasantly combines a little exercise with a useful task accomplished. Besides, it makes me feel quite European. I do get some odd looks. However, I shake these off, as my eccentricities cannot be hidden and so may as well be flaunted. Today, I get a smile from the cashier. I put my groceries in the backpack and head for home. Dark dutch cocoa, powdered sugar, butternut squash for tomorrow's soup. This and that. The children have vaccuumed and done the dishes while I was gone. Bruce has given the babies their breakfast and changed a few diapers. He goes off to the church, and I am left to keep our house. Our new home. |
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We went to the Amish Country , and it was soo much fun! We also went on a tour of two houses and a barn and saw all different kinds of animals - ( mostly horses ) and four puppies in a cage were so, so, pretty and cute! Then we went to a Amish school and an Amish schoolteacher was there. We answered some questions and then after a kind of 'school', I pointed out the letters of the German alphabet. I don't know if Mercy did or not. Then we had a buggy ride. Daddy and another man sat in the front, while Mommy, Mercy, and me, were in the back. and the seat was so soft! I leaned back as the wheels started to roll. And then we went to a restaurant where Amish people worked. I had salad, crackers, fruit salad, and bread and butter. Then for dessert I had a little bit of each of these : jello, pudding, and ice cream. To drink I had water. |
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We made mosaics on the First day of VBS. They were made with noodles, macaroni, and beans. We got shirts on the last day, but the funny difference was that the kindergarten class had a song on the back of their shirt , and the primary and junior class had their memorized verses on the back of theirs. ooh, and we made flower pots on the Fourth day; it was so much fun! I plan to plant flowers in them if I can. The Kadlechek girls and Bibby came over yesterday. Daddy's birthday is in a few weeks; maybe less. We are going to make birthday cards for him. Mommy brought ''Calvin and Hobbes'' books upstairs and we are going crazy over them. Ha,Ha! |
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Verity has been encouraging me to write an entry for VBS, which was last week. For five days the four older kids left the house and went to learn and have fun at church. I wasn't there much this year so it is hard for me to write about it....I only see the results....the t-shirts, the singing, the paper bags full of treasured crafts. It was Peace's first chance to be in a class, so she was excited about that. The memorable thing about the week for me was that I was left alone at home with the twins for four days. And I discovered a few things. 1. The twins take a lot of time. 2. My older kids are a big help to me. 3. Except for eeking out some basic chores, I was utterly without a routine, and had no idea where to start when presented with a few extra minutes. Part of the problem with lack of routine is that our lives have been so uprooted this year, anyway. We took 5 major road trips, spending more than a month away from home, in the first 6 months of the twins' life. Right now I feel like I am coming out of some sort of hazy daze. Well, I have set out to remedy the lack of routine.....I made up a job chart for the two older girls. We tried it out this week, and it is working beautifully. They rotate among the jobs of vaccuuming the kitchen and dining room after meals, wiping the table and chairs, washing the dishes, and drying them. The chart has especially helped me in the mornings, when there are so many demands on my time....breakfast, cleanup, feeding the babies, and getting the four younger ones changed and dressed. I am also feeding the babies more formula. I nurse them, then give them a couple ounces of formula, and the girls rotate days of baby duty of feeding them their bottles. This is helping to save me some time, too. And I downloaded a weekly chore list from motivatedmoms.com. That is just what I need----someone to tell me what to do! I have definitely benefited from the focus that the list has provided. I post it on the refrigerator and make little happy tick marks when a job is done. We are moving in a little more than a month, so there is plenty of packing and organizing to do. This week we have been blessed with help from the dear teenage girls in our church. They have come to watch the children for me (and do some bonus cleaning!) while I have spent time in the basement sorting and packing. It was a mess down there, and I have derived great satisfaction in the heaps of things sent to Goodwill and more heaps of things sent to the garbage. I am almost done sorting through all of our boxes. Bruce has been called to a church in Michigan....and we are very excited about our move there. To me, it is especially sweet to be moving to a rural area, as I so love the countryside. It should be good blog fodder. We will start our school year after the move. In the meantime, Benjamin is learning his alphabet and numbers and every shade of color (he seems so be fascinated with colors), and Peace is sounding out words left and right. Everyone devours the "new" books that I bring up from the basement. And so it ought to be. |
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We have had road trips and road trips and we are heading out on another. We've given up school for the summer. But somehow the kids keep learning. Mercy's reading gets smoother and Peace starts sounding out words. Verity flounders a little for things to do, picks up her math books, and does some subtraction. We keep up our weekly art lessons and the refrigerator looks cheery. Benjamin talks. Jonathan gets up on all fours, poised to crawl. Bruce and I took the twins and went to visit my grandparents. Spending a quiet day with Grandma, going to visit Grandpa in the hospital. The twins tried fiercely to lift up the place with their smiles. One evening Bruce and I took a walk down Orphan School Road, holding hands, the dark trees overarching a sky lit darkly with stars and waning moon. And all along the depth of those dark trees were fireflies, more than I had ever seen, tiny lights popping silently all around us. We went to Bruce's 20th high school reunion, and I met his old friends, I continued in my growing into his history, and it was fun. I took a long solitary walk along a lake on a sunny breezy day, daringly going with bare feet on the clipped grass, watching the people, an old lady in a dress with picnic basket, a girl catching a butterfly over the water, the bicycler family, the man running impossibly fast and gasping as if he were at death's door. Many, many people. Many, many stories. And no one could tell mine, by looking at me. How could they know that my twin babies and husband were there across the lake, that my life is full, so full? All they could see was me, growing pinker of the skin, carrying a water bottle and my sneakers, skimming my feet along the tips of the grass and sinking them down in to the ground again. And again.
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We are done with school for the year, I have decided. There is enough to do to keep us busy! There are more candidating trips to be made, spring cleaning to do, organizing in the basement....I did get some organizing done down there this week, and I have a big pile of bags and boxes to go to Goodwill. It grows little by little, and it is a good feeling to get some of this much need sorting done. I planted in the garden this week, marigolds and tomatoes. There are some volunteer tomatoes as well, some of which I rooted out, and some of which I will leave to see if they flourish. The dianthus is back that I planted last year in the front flower bed, and the calendula has reseeded itself. But the front flower bed is in need of a good weeding, so that is on the list for the coming week. I baked bread on Tuesday for the week, the buttermilk recipe from Nourishing Traditions, and it turned out better than any other yeast bread I have made. I think I will make Tuesdays a permanant kitchen day. I think the ginger carrots fermented properly but somehow I used way to much salt, so I am trying again this week. On Saturday we took a trip to a sheep and wool festival near here. We had a good time as a family there together......If you want to see pictures, check out my new fibercraft blog at www.spinningdaydreams.blogspot.com/ It is easier to add photos on the blogspot blog, so those of you who are family members may want to bookmark it.....I will try to keep it well peppered with photos of the children. The children are all doing well. We are enjoying the sunshiney days, spending more time outdoors. This week the kids made "kites" out of paper, and spent a lot of time running around the yard trying to get them airborne. They are not exactly aerodynamic and there was no wind to speak of, but the kids got plenty of exercise and had fun too! |
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Well, life has seemed a whirlwind lately, but a colorful one. Verity's birthday was last Monday. She had a very happy day. She got the Ruby doll kit from Doorposts from us. This is perfect for her, as she can assemble the little dolls from wooden beads and pipe cleaners and felt, and make all of their clothes and accessories.....fulfilling all of her "crafting" genes. It is a really cute little kit to make the Proverbs 31 lady and her family. ( Which, coincidentally, includes 6 children, but only one baby!) Then the neighbor delivered a cake for her, complete with blue roses, and brought Benjamin a car toy belatedly, and counted out 7 dollars for Verity, one for each year.....and then a package from Grandma and Grandpa Buchanan came, with a beautiful dress that fits her perfectly.....so it was a good day. Also last week was the mother- daughter banquet. I had a lovely time chatted with Dawn at the meal, and then distinguished myself by creating a social faux paus involving a cell phone in the middle of a sweet ladies' presentation on manners. The next day we thought we lost Peace. Surreal, surreal as we searched everywhere for her. We finally found her asleep in her bed with her comforter over her head. Later that day, Benjamin got into the peanut butter and Peace cut her own bangs.....simultaneously. I am outnumbered. But thankfully, not all days are stressful. Today has been going well....making it a kitchen day, and am getting ready to pop some bread in the oven. I am trying to ferment vegetables for the first time, making ginger carrots....then going outside to plant some marigolds and dahlias.....did you know that marigolds can be used for a dye? I'll be saving my spent flowers! |
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