His Abiding Love
• Dec. 11, 2009 - Pray for the Duggars
The Duggar family welcomed baby #19 Thursday evening. Baby Josie Brooklyn was born 15 weeks early at UAMS in Little Rock, AR.
Please pray for Michelle and Josie, and the rest of the family during this trying time. The negative and ugly comments are already all over the internet and they are very hateful. Please help by posting your loving and prayerful thoughts instead!
Praying for the Duggar family,
Samantha |
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• Sep. 2, 2009 - Too many babies?
Well, the Duggars are expecting number 19. Praise God! Of course all you read online is negative and hateful comments, mean and nasty things. Sadly, even other 'Christians' think that the Duggars just 'take their religion too far' and are 'overdoing it' etc. Many Christians make ugly jokes and comments about Mrs. Duggar and refer to their family in a derogatory manner.
This should not be. If we are truly Christians, should we not see children as the blessing the Lord says they are? Should we not believe that the Lord knows what He is doing when he gives someone a child? Do we not trust the Lord to provide for and care for that child?
Or do we make ugly and vile comments? Do we say mean and hurtful things to others about their large family? Do we make worldly jokes about getting 'fixed' or 'getting snipped' or 'knowing what casues that' etc?
I really hope that you don't. I hope that you thank the Lord for every baby and every family. I hope that you believe God knows how to plan a family and that He alone opens and closes the womb.
I hope that if you have made a thoughtless or insensitive comment to a mom over her pregnancy or a dad upon announcing his wife's pregnancy, that you will go and apologize to them.
I told my dh this when we began getting hurtful comments after we announced our 5th: "The only correct response to a pregnancy announcement is 'Congratulations. Even if you are not happy, even if you don't *feel* happy, smile big and say 'Congrats!'. No one wants to hear anything else. '
My children will be writing a lovely Congratulations card for Mrs. Duggar and family tomorrow for an art project. I figure she's getting enough hate email, hate snail mail, and hateful comments at her blog that a nice card of Congratulations will be welcomed.
Love Samantha |
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• May. 23, 2008 - My Heart is Breaking
My heart is breaking tonight. It is breaking for 400 something children that are not with their mothers, who are in foster care and group homes and don't understand what has happened to their lives in the last 6 weeks or so. It is breaking for mothers whose arms that were full of beautiful children are now empty as they cry themselves to sleep each night, as they wake up empty each morning. It is breaking for each and every father who has done nothing wrong, but is paying the price anyway. It is breaking for the mothers who have to explain to their children each and every time they get a 'visit' that 'no, honey you can't come home with Mother.' I am imagining the pain in your heart every time your child must be pried away from you at the end of these visits, it must be an almost physical pain.
My heart is so heavily burdened for these children in Texas tonight, and for their parents and grandparents and other family members. I am up at 2:30 am praying fo these people because I could not sleep for thinking of these mothers and their children. Please Lord, allow these children to go home. Please soften the hearts of someone, anyone and let these mothers have their empty arms filled up again. You can work miracles Jesus, perform one now, please Lord. I ask in your Holy Name, Jesus, Amen.
For more information on the cases of the FLDS children please read at www.heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com (for some reason I cannot get a link to work for this, so you'll have to cut and paste) for daily updates
What truly broke my heart was this absolutely beautiful song on the FLDS website
(Be warned, if you listen, you'll need tissues, it's just a heartbreaking song/video)
Meant To Be Together Video
Click the above link, then click on the video called Meant to Be Together
Please pray
Love Samantha |
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• May. 9, 2008 - CONGRATS to the Duggars!!
Just saw this on the Today show website:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24537885/
They are family that the Lord has mightily blessed, and I praise God for their wonderful example daily. I'm working on a post right now about how horribly people treat Mrs. Duggar, and how disrespectfully she is discussed in the world wide web. Sadly, the vultures began circling minutes after this announcement, and the horrible comments are already out there. So Christian ladies, UNITE!! and post blessings and congrats for the Duggar family galore, so we can outweigh the negative element.
Praise the Lord for new babies!!
Love Samantha |
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• Apr. 3, 2008 - How I Won the Heart of My Mr Command Pt 1
My dh is a Mr Command type of man. If you don't know what that is, then please go to this page:
Three types of Men
and read that article.
Anyway, when we were first married, I had no clue what a 'command' man meant. I knew that a man was supposed to be the 'head of the household' but I was not really sure what that meant. I kind of thought it meant the 'spiritual' head, like he was supposed to lead us in spiritual things, but if he didn't, then I should. And really, when we first married, I wasn't all that interested in church or God anyway. I did know one thing. My dad had once stated that when he married my mother, they'd made an agreement. He'd always listen to her opinion, but when the decision making time came, he made the final decision. I knew that *I* was never going to put up with that. That was ridiculous. I had a *brain*. I even foolishly quoted Laura Ingalls Wilder's book These Happy Golden Years, telling my dh that I would not promise to obey him in our wedding vows, because I could 'never obey you against my better judgement'.
*note* I now understand that Mrs. Wilder was making that statement out of a knowledge that she did not want to make a vow before God she was sure to break, not because she was some kind of feminist. ****
So we entered into our marriage, each with a 'command', need to be in charge, first born child personality. We both liked to have our way, we both wanted to be 'large and in charge'. Many fights ensued. Nothing huge, but fights, none the less.
Then something happened with my dh, that caused me huge concern. I was 7 mo pregnant and I did not know how to 'fix' this. I don't like not being able to fix things. Someone tells me a problem, I want to figure it out, give them the solution, fix it. This problem was not like that. I could fix nothing. I could not make my husband do anything differently. So I stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretended everything was a-ok.
We had our first dd. She was gorgeous, and tiny, and she couldn't survive without us. Everything about life changed for me that day. I couldn't do the things I used to do, I was someone's mother now. I had to set an example. It was then that I realized we needed to get back into church. After all, we needed to take our little one to church, right? So we dutifully began trying different churches. We finally settled on one. We attended every Sunday, and then lived how we wanted during the week.
We continued to struggle for control. My dh did whatever he wanted, and I threw fits because he wasn't doing what I wanted him to do. I did not understand, didn't he SEE how wrong he was? I was sure if he'd just listen to me for a few minutes, he'd see I was right, and he was wrong, and all would be right with the world. LOL, I certainly was living in a dream world, hmmm? My dh still had the same problem he'd always had, and I ignored it pretty much 95% of the time, pretending it was not happening.
We had more children, and eventually we moved to a different state. By this point, I had read about submission, but still thought it meant to obey him, but not if I *knew* that his way was just wrong. (Oh, I am shaking my head at my arrogance. I cannot believe I was so self righteous) I seriously thought that I was some holy person, but my dh was just a sinner and needed to change. Oh dear LORD, forgive me my self righteousness. I could cry when I think of my pride. It makes so sad now.
I took to piously praying in front of him, insisting on praying with him, praying for him, etc. I would deliberately start up conversations with him about sermons we'd heard at church on topics I thought he needed to hear. I wrote notes for his lunch with scripture on them that I thought he needed to hear. I was so throughly convinced I could just talk him into changing, that I could just *make* it happen if I tried hard enough.
We struggled for control constantly. Oh, I appeared submissive on the outside, but my heart felt that he did not deserve control of our family, that *I* knew better than he did. I would not have said this of course. I read Mike and Debi Pearl's articles, and I knew he was the 'boss'. But still, I thought 'they don't know my dh'. "they don't understand how things are"
I was subtly showing him I didnt' trust him fully in many little ways. I never obeyed on the 'little things'. I knew he wanted clean clothes in the drawers in the mornings, but many many times(virtually daily) he had to go out to the cold garage and get them from the (by then) cold dryer. I knew he liked a clean house, but ours was far from clean, it was totally filthy at most times. I knew he didn't want me sitting on the computer or watching tv all day, but I did it anyway, doing the bare minimum to care for the kids, and keep a few dishes clean.
I put on a good show, my friends. People thought I was so submissive, and he was so demanding. I would talk about how demanding he was, roll my eyes, complain, etc. I didn't realize these things to a Mr command are a betrayal. They mean his wife does not trust him to know what's best.
I heard Debi Pearl was writing a new book, Created to Be His Help Meet. I thought "I would like to read that, I bet she has some good things to say, and then I can recommend it to Sister Smith, Sister Jones, Sister so and so, etc etc" Oh, goodness, I was so FULL of myself!!!!
You see, I really thought I was submissive. I would *never* go against anything my dh flat out told me to do. I wouldn't have rebelled against him. I was obedient, but not submitted in my heart.
Please don't think our marriage was awful. It wasn't. We had a wonderful family, and many good and wonderful times together! But on my part, my attitude was often "If only he would......." or "I wish he'd ....." etc. I wanted him to change into what I thought was the way a good man of God was supposed to act. I have always loved my husband very much, and never could make it without him. The good in our marriage has far outweighed the bad. He has always always been my #1 advocate, always having my back. He's always been a wonderful provider, and never misses work unless he just cannot get up out of the bed. We're talking about *MY* wrong attitudes here, and *MY* failings, not him or how wrong and awful he was. Because things would have changed SO much if I had changed my own self. It is my shortcomings.
I read books on marriage, I read articles, I tried this method and that method, thinking if I did them, they'd change him. He'd start acting the way I wanted and doing the things I wanted him to do. Do you see how self righteous I was? I would ask friends to pray for us, to pray for him, I'd share shortcomings with them so they'd know how to pray, etc. I'm so ashamed of that today, and I wish I could recall those words with all of my being.
By this time I had an online friend whose dh has a similar personality to my dh, and whose personality was similar to mine. She helped me so much, challenging me, showing me that I needed to work on myself. She challenged me to read my Bible, to stop relying on the church (a church that taught false doctrine, and was undermining my family greatly) for my relationship with the Lord, and to develop it myself. To make my relationship with God real, regardless of how things were at church. To get into my Bible, to pray without ceasing.
I read Created to Be His Help Meet. I got to Chapter 8, and I began reading about the Mr Command man. I started nodding, 'yep, that's him' and 'OH, has she got dh pegged!' Then I read this "He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out." and tears came to my eyes. It always hurt me so much that it seemed that except for the children, dh really seemed to not need me. He could do all the things I did for him if he had to. He didn't really *need* me for anything. He loved me, I knew that. But I didn't feel that he really needed me or that he'd be lost without me, at least not very often.
I kept reading. I read this sentence, and my very soul cried out 'THAT IS IT" Here is the sentence that changed my life. "A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme."
Do you see that bolded part? "earn her place in his heart". That never occured to me. NEVER. I never thought I had to earn his heart. I thougth I had it, just because I was his wife. I started to think about it. He always backed me up. I could say or do anything with the full confidence that in public, at least, he'd never side against me, or tell me I was wrong. He would not deliberately embarass me, or make me look bad. Did I do the same? Well, sometimes. But I didn't always take his side when we'd be debating something with friends. After all, I had my own opinions. And I had scripture to back them up, and.....well....I was *right*. Of course then I remembered something I'd heard on Dr Phil of all places. "Do you wanna be right, or do you wanna be HAPPY?" I wanted to be happy. I wanted to have that glorious marriage that Debi Pearl talked about. I wanted to be the wife God wanted me to be.
I read that book til the pages were worn. I think I read it 5 or 6 times in the first month I had it. ( I read fast, so I read the whole thing in 2 days after I had gotten it in the mail, but I read it over and over to make sure I got it all. I forced myself to read it slowly several times) I cried til my eyes were swollen.
I finally got it. I got why things were tough. Dh didn't feel like I trusted him totally. He didn't feel like I was truly submitted to him. He felt that I was submitting because I *had* to, not because I wanted to. About this time, we started discussing this book online at one of my forums I visit (Raising Godly Tomatoes) It was so interesting to hear the other ladies talking about their dh's and how the pictures of submission looked different in every home. See, I'd tried different things ladies had talked about to 'submit' before.
Once, for example, I did what someone suggested, when dh was home, I referred every decision to him. I had the children ask daddy for *everything*. I thought I was respecting his authority. I did this for several days. One night my oldest dd asked "Can I have a cookie" and I said "Ask you dad--" and he burst out with" ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF MAKING ANY DECISIONS AT ALL???????????//!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" LOL!! I jumped, startled and said 'well, no, but I was trying to be respectful of your authority and show the kids you're in charge and--' he rolled his eyes and said "well knock it off. I work all day, I dont' want to make every little decision all the time. You have a brain, use it!" I grinned at him and said 'Ok'.
Another time, I was reading a book on scheduling your life, and it said to ask your husband to help you with your schedule. I kept asking (nagging) my dh to help me set up a schedule. I was being submissive, right? I mean, I wanted him to tell me how he wanted it done. He finally said one night "Look, you're not a little kid. You know what I want done. I shouldn't have to tell you what to do every second of the day"
(sidenote; Interestingly enough, this also drives him nuts at work. He is driven insane when he has to 'babysit' a crew member, when they won't do anything without him telling them exactly what to do every second of every day. He wants them to show some iniative, to prove to him that they *can* do their job, and don't have to be told exactly what to do every second)
So I was at a loss. I didn't understand, I was trying to submit the way everyone told me to, but it didn't work, my dh didn't like it. But then I read Created to Be His Help Meet, and it was like a light bulb went off in my head!! I wasn't supposed to submit like that author said, or this lady told me to!! I was just supposed to do whatever it took to make *my* dh happy. I wanted his heart to safely trust in me. (Prov 31:11, " The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil") I wanted to prove to him that he was more important than anything or anyone else, besides God. That no one else on earth mattered more than him and our family.
Love Samantha
P. S. See Pt 2 , below................ |
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• Apr. 3, 2008 - How I Won The Heart of My Mr Command Pt 2
Part II..................
So I set out to figure out what he wanted me to do for real. And that is where the true journey began. The journey to being a true help meet to my dh.
So I started listening to the wives of other Mr Commands, especially my online friend. I started praying hard that God would show me how to make my husband trust in me, and know I was his biggest advocate. That I trusted his decisions, even when others said they were not right, that I believed he knew what was best for our family.
I did this by proving faithful to obey him in the 'little things'. If he expressed that he didn't like something, I changed it. When debating things with friends, I never ever took sides against him. I did not engage in 'man bashing' talk with comments like "men, you can't live with em, you can't shoot em" or talk about how stupid men are, and if they 'd 'just listen', etc.
One of the first things I tried my best to change was to never ever complain about anything he did. It was *hard*. It was so hard. I have a bad complaining habit, I've had it since I was a little child. I tend to complain an awful lot without even noticing I am doing it. But I tried really really hard to not complain, even if it was a little thing.
If something bothered him, I tried my best to find a way to fix it. If he wanted to blame me for something that was not my fault, that was fine, I let him. If he wanted to make demands I felt were unreasonable, it was okay, I'd do it anyway, and with God's grace and help, with a SMILE on my face, and all the while praying hard for the Lord to change my heart.
I am in NO WAY, shape or form saying I was or am a perfect wife. I wasn't, I messed up plenty and still do. But somewhere along the way in the last few years, I have finally convinced him. He knows his heart can safely trust in me. He knows he can share anything with me. He knows that I will back him up, no matter what.
I remember one of the first days I found out his heart trusted in me. We were about to move, and some friends that he had had while we lived in New Mexico(not my friends, I was never invited along on the outings they went on, or get togethers they had) had insisted on throwing us a going away party. I had met these people maybe once in the entire 3 years we lived there. But I went, to make dh happy. And surprisingly enough I had a great time! When we were about to leave, his friend's mother pulled me aside and said to me "I want you to know, we were all nervous to meet you" I said "why?" , kind of surprised, as I am not an intimidating person at all, and I'm pretty friendly and try really hard to be nice to everyone. She said "Well, the way your husband talks about you, we thought you'd be so perfect none of us could stand you. He brags on you all the time, tells us what a great mother you are, and what a good wife, and he tells us how he could never live without you. We were all nervous to meet this perfect Supermom person." (of course she went on to say how nice it was that we'd all met and she was glad I'd come, etc) I was floored. I almost cried with happiness. He *did* trust in me!! He *needed* me!!!!
We moved back to our home state, and found a home a month or so later. My marriage is not perfect. But it is glorious. My husband's heart has been won, I've secured my place there. As long as I do nothing to make him doubt my loyalty, my trust in him, it is secure forever. I pretty much do whatever I like, always keeping what he prefers in mind. He's much less demanding than he was when I kept asserting my 'rights' and fighting for control.
The things that concerned me about him, they're still there. But I see them changing little by little. I am still not as submissive and obedient as I should be. God continues to reveal to me areas where I try to control things. But we're happier now than we've ever been.
I had to realize that I had to totally die to my 'rights' and how he was 'supposed' to treat me. It doesn't matter. My so called 'rights' don't matter. In fact I don't have any. I have biblical instructions on how I am to act and what to do, and i am to follow it and do those things. I had to realize that submission to my dh is not going to look like submission to your dh. It's unique to my marriage, to my dh. Most importantly I had to give up all my stupid notions on how a Godly dh is 'supposed' to act, and decide that if God wanted my dh to act a certain way, He could take care of it himself. On the same note if God didn't want my dh doing certain things, then He could handle that too, without my 'help'(nagging, LOL) Let me say right now, that I truly believe that NO man has ever truly changed for the better due to his wife's nagging. So stop it, ladies.!!!!
I set out to change my husband. I ended up finding out that *I* was the one that needed changing. I am still being 'refined' in the 'Refiner's Fire' daily. I still mess up, I still don't submit fully, don't obey all the time (now, now, all you who just fell over from shock, get up and dust yourselves off, it's ok, I am trying to do better LOL) and still question my dh's decisions sometimes. I am far far from perfect, and I don't want anyone thinking otherwise. But if I can help someone have a more glorious marriage, I'll sure try.
Here are a few things I suggest to start with:
Pray hard, without ceasing
Read your Bible as often as possible
Read the Help Meet's Cheat Sheet (posted below, apply it to YOUR marriage as your dh would prefer. Remember submit to your dh, not in the way someone else says, but how YOUR dh prefers)
Read Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Purpose never ever to say a word of complaint against, nor criticize, your husband.
Find *one* good, Godly lady to help you with your marriage issues, and then keep your mouth shut about it to anyone else.
Show your man a happy face and a cheerful attitude
Brag on your dh to anyone who will listen
Die to self.
And, don't forget, no complaining, and keep your mouth shut :)
I'll close with this quote as it describes our marriage now:
" If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart."
and another last quote :
"Make it your life’s goal to become his queen."
Love Samantha
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• Apr. 3, 2008 - Helpmeet Cheat Sheet
I first read this list on Camilla Anderson's old blog, which is now gone. I don't know who the original author is, but if someone else does, please tell me and I will properly credit them.
HELP MEET CHEAT SHEET
1. Refuse to miss a day of Bible Reading
Do not read in front of your husband – keep it private so that you don’t appear
more spiritual.
2. Pray before reading your Bible, “Open my eyes, Lord.”
3. Teach the Word to your children
4. Make a commitment to prayer.
5. Make a habit of prayer.
6. Acknowledge any sin God reveals to you and confess it to the Lord.
7. Pray for your husband.
8. Pray for your children.
9. Seek to know your God-given role as a wife and mother.
Find books, sermons on CD or DVD and study and meditate on God’s Word and
the teachings that apply to the most important things in your life: being a wife
and mother!
10. Keep a song of praise in your heart at all times.
11. Keep a prayer in your mind at all times.
“Lord, be with me at work at this moment and let me be a testimony.”
“Lord, give me the energy to joyfully do my job for just five more minutes.”
“Lord, thank you for the home you have provided me.”
“Lord, thank you for this hot running water.”
“Lord, thank you for a husband and children. Help me to be the wife and mother
You want me to be.”
“Lord, bless my child and help her to grow to be a strong Christian.”
“Lord, bless my husband wherever he is at this moment.”
“Lord, I am so angry right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
“Lord, I am so hurt right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
12. Study and know your husband.
13. Be a servant to your husband.
"Let me get that! (water, keys, coat, shoes, seconds at dinner, ketchup, dessert, the
remote, a snack, a tool, etc.)"
Keep his clothes clean and put away so that they are easy to find.
Keep his “area” neat (favorite chair, desk, his side of the bed, his toiletries)
14. Follow his leadership at the slightest opportunity (where to eat out, how to handle a home
situation, whether or not to go somewhere, whether or not to buy something, what to
watch on TV, how to fix something, etc.)
15. Readily accept his advice for any situation and acknowledge that it is good advice, and
thank him for it.
16. Don’t be contentious or resistant to him in your spirit.
17. Don’t embarrass your husband (your speech, appearance, behavior, neglect of your
family or home)
18. Prepare for his arrival each day (make sure his first perception of the house is that it is
clean—even if it’s only the entry way and the area where he sits to relax, have a smile on
your face, freshen your hair, clothes, or make-up, have the children clean and occupied,
and have a smile on your face.)
19. Never belittle him or make cutting remarks of any kind, even in jest.
20. Speak a sincere word of praise or appreciation whenever possible:
“I don’t understand how you can fix a car like that. I’m completely clueless.”
“Thank you for fixing that. I’m so fortunate to have a husband who can do that.”
“Absolutely you made the right decision.”
“You are absolutely right.”
“You couldn’t have handled that (work situation, etc.) better.
“That was very smart.”
“That was totally the right thing to do.”
21. Meet his gaze showing your love and acceptance of him—do not avert your eyes to show
your hurt or disapproval and to punish him.
22. Respond readily to his physical affection.
Do not be stiff when receiving a hug or a kiss.
Do not resist sexual advances: Pray instead. God will provide the grace.
23. Offer a warm hug, a warm smile, and an unexpected kiss of approval and appreciation.
24. Do not be financially independent. Let him control the finances.
Even if you have always controlled and balanced the checkbook, start checking
with him on budget amounts and spending decisions. Immediately concede to his
input of any kind.
Look for every opportunity to praise his wise financial decisions.
Do not spend his money foolishly—make sure he never has to worry about how
his wife will spend his money.
Check with him on any purchase that is not a necessity.
Do not argue or resist his financial decisions, even if you know they are bad ones.
Pray instead. (Your silence and support is actually more powerful of an influence
—try it and you will see!)
Remember that whatever decision your husband makes, it is God’s will for you.
Your resistance and interference will actually cause more problems.
25. Do not take matters into your own hands. Defer to your husband’s decisions whenever
possible.
26. Do not be your husband’s conscience.
27. Do not nag. Ever. It is never a life or death matter.
28. Show loyalty to him at all times.
Never seek counsel outside of him without his approval.
29. Encourage and wholeheartedly support any idea or goal he shares with you.
30. Listen with your eyes, your ears, and be aware of your body language. It doesn’t matter
how busy you are. He cannot talk forever. Stop and listen and show him he is important
to you and that you support him.
31. Share his excitement over anything.
32. Laugh at his jokes
33. Look at him with admiration when he is around his peers to inspire their respect. (It is
your job from the Lord to reverence him and to make him look good at all times.)
34. Always seek to make him look successful.
35. Spend the time and effort needed on your appearance because it shows you reverence
your husband.
36. Dress to please your husband.
37. Dress modestly so he does not worry that you may be trying to attract other men.
38. Remember what your husband likes:
Cook his favorite meals.
Keep his favorite snacks handy.
Keep his favorite beverages handy.
Keep his remote handy and the batteries working.
Wear clothing you know he likes on you.
Wear your hair the way you know he likes.
Wear a perfume you know he likes.
39. Care for your clothes and his clothes. Eliminate unused clothes.
40. Create order in his environment (one step at a time is fine)
Organize the bathroom cabinets
Organize his socks and underwear and keep it that way.
Make a permanent and tidy place for his pocket stuff (wallet, keys, change,
receipts, screws, batteries, business cards).
Keep track of his “stuff” however you can
41. Keep the home free of clutter
42. Train your children to be neat, clean and organized
43. Keep a meek and quiet spirit
44. Do not speak in anger
45. Stop a backbiting tongue by silence (Proverbs 26:20)
46. Ask your husband your spiritual questions.
47. Expect nothing from him (put all your expectation for fulfillment on the Lord, especially
in moments where you feel empty or alone)
48. Do not have the “marriage is teamwork and you’re not pulling your share” attitude. YOU
commit 100% to your husband, regardless of how you think he is performing (you will
only answer to God in the end for the kind of wife you were to your husband).
49. Learn to prioritize (quick prayers often clear up moments or days of confusion).
50. Organize one drawer, shelf, or area a day until your home has a place for everything and
everything in its place—then keep it there.
51. Train the children so that they make him proud.
52. Train the children to love him and respect him.
53. Never say a bad word about your husband to your children. Don’t even suggest in any
way to them that he is not the “dad” he should be.
54. Do not try to solve any of his problems without his consent.
55. Overlook his faults.
56. Overlook his little mistakes.
57. Overlook his big mistakes.
58. Forgive any offense that hurts you as quickly as you can (urgent prayer will take care of
this—pray until you feel your anger subside and your pleasure in your husband return.
At first this may take a few days. After a while, you will cut it to a few hours. With
continued practice, you will be able to forgive, with prayer and God’s help, within a few
minutes to a few seconds)
59. Remember DAILY back to the beginning of your relationship and all the things that
attracted you to him. Recall the smiles you had for him them and smile them all again.
60. Stop for one minute and thank the Lord for your husband.
61. Pray for God to bless your husband as the leader of your home and as the provider for
your family.
62. Smile.
63. Laugh.
64. Have joy.
65. Be lighthearted and create a lighthearted mood in your home.
66. Make him proud of his home, his wife, and his children.
67. Make sure that he would be proud to invite his boss to dinner.
68. Ask him for advice whenever you can, and always take it seriously—and tell him what
good advice it is.
69. When he tells you about his work, tell him how good he is at his job, in his position, and
praise his strengths at work (his leadership, his diligence, his honesty, his integrity).
70. Try to make all your words positive.
71. Never talk bad about his friends or coworkers. Do not affirm when he talks bad about
someone. You can nod sympathetically, but do not verbally agree.
72. Do not be negative.
73. Keep your speech clean and pretty—becoming to a lovely wife with a sweet spirit.
74. Do not correct him. Especially in front of others. Let it go unless your life is on the line.
75. Do not criticize him about anything. Not even about a shirt, how his hair looks, how he
spends his time, what he spent his money on, or…anything.
76. Pray for God’s strength and grace whenever—WHENEVER—you feel tired, angry, or
that you just can’t do it. Even if it means praying 2,000 times a day. All you have to say
is one word, “HELP!” He will.
77. Pray for God to reveal to you the opportunity to do something on this list whenever
possible.
Love Samantha |
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• Dec. 22, 2007 - God's Gift to Me
God has given me a wonderful gift. This gift is my most wonderful husband. I met him eleven years ago last August. I told my friend who was with me "I will marry that guy" on the way home that night. She laughed at me. I sent her a wedding invitation nine months later  LOL
My husband is a wonderful gift because of many things, but I want to take the time to list them here:
My husband gets up every single day at 6 am and goes to work. It does not matter if he is sick, he goes anyway. It does not matter that it is 20 degrees outside and he will have to work in the cold all day, he goes anyway. It does not matter that it is 105 degrees outside and he must wear a t shirt *and* a long sleeved 100% cotton shirt, and he will work outside in the heat, he goes anyway. He goes because he is a good man, who understands that a real man provides for his family in whatever way he can. He goes and he lets me stay at home in bed sleeping for another two hours. He goes because he loves us.
My husband is my most fierce protector. He will not allow anyone, not his parents, not my parents, not friends, *no one* to speak badly of me. He will not allow people to upset me. When he came home from work and I was crying one day because someone said something hurtful to me and tried to bully me into doing something I did not have the means to do, he immediately called said person and ordered them to never discuss finances with me ever again. He loves me so much, he won't allow people to treat 'his wife' badly. OOOH, I love him!!
My husband backs me up 100% in public. He would never leave me hanging. He always backs me up. I can depend on that, like I can depend on the clock striking every 60 minutes. I love that!
My husband backs me up 100% with our children. It does not matter if he totally and completely disagrees with me, he backs me up in front of them, and then goes and discusses the issue with me in private, later on.
My husband is a strong, "mr command" man. (Read Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl to learn what that is) He is *in charge* in our home. I *love* that. I know exactly what he expects 99% of the time, and how he wants it done. This type of man is given a lot of 'bad press'. Don't believe it. Mr Command men love their families like nobody's business and will protect them to the death.
My husband is trustworthy. I have no fear that he would ever cheat on me. None. I am not naive. I know affairs and cheating happen frequently. But not my husband. He loves me too much.
My husband expects me to have a brain and be able to discuss things with him. He loves to have a good debate about the 'issues' of the day, or the government or politics or theology. He even likes to play 'devil's advocate' to make it a good debate. LOL I love this! It challenges me and keeps my brain fresh! It is teaching our children how to disagree without being judgemental or disrespectful and how to concede to another when they've 'won' the debate.
My husband loves his children and takes great pleasure in them. He plays with them, plays music so they can dance, sings silly songs, rough houses with them, watches movies with them. He talks to them as if they are adults and takes their thoughts and feelings into consideration. At the same time, he is 'no nonsense' and expects obedience and respectful attitudes from them.
Now for the 'little things':
He cooks, and he's *way* better than I am at it, so I love it when the weekends roll around and he wants to cook for us.
He bathes the babies and they *love* it.
He helps me out all the time even when he's tired.
He takes care of all the yardwork because I don't like to.
He takes care of all the car things because I don't like to/don't know how.
He brings me sodas.
He brings me chocolate.
When I see him in a room, I am overwhelmed that *I* am blessed enough to be married to him!
When he looks at me I can tell how much he loves me.
I love that he is blind to the fact that I don't look like I looked when we married.
I love that he tells me I'm beautiful and s*xy and desirable.
I love that he loves children and wants more.
I love that he sees children as a wonderful blessing and can't imagine saying 'we're done'.
I love that he and I agree on almost everything.
I love him because he's mine.
I love that he never ever complains about me to others, or says anything negative about me to anyone else.
To borrow a phrase from a movie that might sound corny, he completes me.
He is the half that makes me whole. He's the only person that 'gets' how I think, understands what I mean before I say it. He can practically read my mind.
Is he perfect? Nope. He has his faults. We have had some rough times. Some really rough times. But we went into our marriage with the agreement that divorce was never *ever* an option. So we either had to work it out, or give up. Giving up wasn't an option, so we worked it out. He has faults and things in his life I wish he'd get rid of. But guess what? So do I. I am imperfect. I have things in my life that he wishes would change too. I love him in spite of, and even because of sometimes, his faults. My marriage is not perfect, but it is a glorious, wonderful marriage. Not because we're some sort of 'super christian' couple. We're your average Christian couple. We have a glorious marriage because we have a little secret. Want to know it? It's really simple.
Die to self. Yep, that's it. Lose the 'me first' attitude. Put Jesus first, Others Second, and Yourself last. Put your spouses needs ahead of your own *all the time*. Do not be selfish and petty. Keep that sharp angry word back. Bite your tongue when you want to pop off with that smart remark. I see so many people that fight literally all. the. time. with their spouses. It makes me sad, because the reasons that they fight are so totally obvious. It's one reason and one only. Every word they say to one another could be replaced with these two words "Me First". As long as people have a 'me first' attitude, their marriage is not going to work as well as it should.
Am I saying that I never have a 'me first' attitude? Well of course not. I am not perfect. My husband sometimes has a 'me first' attitude too. But I'd say 90% of the time, we put one another first. And it works out so beautifully. I love my husband so much, and feel so blessed by God to be chosen to be his helpmeet. God gave me a precious wonderful gift, and I thank him for it every single day.
Merry Christmas to all,
Samantha
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• Dec. 21, 2007 - The Homeschooler's Wish List
Read this online somewhere. Don't know who wrote it, but I thought it was very funny. It's very tongue in cheek, by the way, so no one get offended ;)
ETA: The author of this emailed me, so I will now be able to give credit where credit is due. The author of this is Deborah Markus, and the site where this originally appeared is www.secular-homeschooling. com I will state upfront that I do not agree with everything on this site and am in NO WAY endorsing it. :) Thanks for emailing Deborah!
The Homeschooler's Wish List
1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?
2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.
3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.
4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.
5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.
6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard.
7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.
8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.
9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.
12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.
13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.
14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.
15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.
16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.
17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you.
18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.
21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.
22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.
23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.
24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.
25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, don't say anything...it doesn't concern you.
Love Samantha |
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• Oct. 13, 2007 - Dying to Live
We should be dying. We should all 'die' to live. What do I mean? Well, we need to die to self. Only by dying to ourselves can we truly live as we should. Most people look at all that 'dying to self stuff' and think "Oh great. Yeah yeah, die to self. Whatever. That's a great sentiment but no one really does it" or "Well that just means to put others first. I do that. No really I do. Except I really have to take care of myself, or I can't take care of others, right? So I need to take this 'alone time' for myself. " or they think it's just some far off concept that no one really knows what it is.
Dying to self means you always without fail put God first. That's all it means.
Now practically what does that mean? Well it would include submitting to your dh. It would include putting aside your own desires and putting others first at all times. Yes all times. That's hard to hear isn't it? I know it was for me. I've really been struggling lately. I've been in a 'valley' for some time now, in a desert area in my spiritual life. I could not hear the Lord, I could not seem to 'feel ' God's presence, etc. :( It's been very hard, and I will admit, to my shame, that I have been doubting my whole experience with the Lord, and that I've even back slidden some and done some things I knew to be sinful. Satan has truly attacked me over the last 4 months and I am only now beginning to repent and pull out of it :(
A few days ago, I was on my knees in tears, pleading with the Lord to show me his presence, to allow me to hear His voice, to feel his spirit, etc. I had given up and stood up to go and I heard once again that still small voice (referenced in a previous blog further down). The Lord said quietly "die." I brushed it off, and began to walk out. A louder voice resounded 'DIE. Die to yourself." I went back in and sat down on the bed. I asked "What do you mean?" The Lord said "You're asking me to tell you what you must do to fix things. You're asking me how to make your children obedient and respectful. You're asking me for help with *censored to protect our family's privacy* :) with your marriage and with your dh. You want to know why your housekeeping doesn't go well, why your schooling isn't working, why the children are acting terrible, why your spiritual life is in the desert. It's b/c you won't die to self. DIE TO SELF. Put everyone else's needs ahead of your own and just die." I sat there kind of stunned. I mean I knew I had to die to self as a Christian. We all know that. So I then asked "how? I don't know how to do that Lord!" He again said "Die. Simply die to self. Put me first at all times. Put me first, others next and yourself last. That J>O>Y acrostic is right. Jesus first, others second yourself last. Do it literally all the time. It will change everything, daughter. everything." Whoa. I did know this. I really did. I just couldn't exactly figure out how to do it. I didn't know how to put it into practice. But this laid it out clear for me.
It seems so simple to think of. Just put God first, and others second and yourself last. But it's not so easy to do. :( But thank GOD we have Him to help us, to carry our load for us, to bear our burdens, to make our yoke easy and light. Praise GOD for that. It is impossible as a human to do this, but we can do 'all things' through Christ. Praise GOD!!!!
As I sat there and thought about it, I realized, I had to die. Die to live. So that is where I got the title to this post: Dying to live. We all need to die. Only through dying can we truly live the wonderful life the Lord truly wants us to. He doesn't want us to be unhappy or miserable here on earth. A true Christian shouldn't be walking around miserable, they should always have the Joy of the Lord!!! So die. Die so you can live. It truly will revolutionize you!! It will change you so much when you take the focus totally and completely off yourself and put everyone else's needs ahead of your own, in fact stop worrying about your so called 'needs' altogether. The Lord will give you what you 'need' and even what you want in His time if it is His will. Trust Him to supply your needs at all times, He is faithful!
I read this on the back of a magazine and it fits this discussion:
Dying to Self
When you are forgotten or neglected,
or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting
and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy,
being counted worthy to suffer for Christ,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When your good is evil spoken of,
when your wishes are crossed,
your advice disregarded,
your opinions ridiculed,
and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart,
or even defend yourself,
but take it all in patient, loving silence,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder,
any irregularity,
any impunctuality,
or any annoyance,
when stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility,
and endure it as Jesus endured it
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation,
or to record your own good works,
or itch after commendation,
when you can truly love to be unknown,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you are content with any food,
any offering,
any raiment,
any climate,
any society,
any solitude,
any interruption by the will of God
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met,
and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God,
while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself,
and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly,
finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
Christ's love to all,
Samantha
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• Aug. 19, 2007 - My Children Are My Ministry Pt 2
Last April I posted an article written by someone else about Women in the Ministry. (my April 9th entry entitled My Children are my ministry) I also posted my thoughts about the subject. The same lady has written a second article answering a letter written to her by a critic of her first article. It is just as excellent as the first. This time I have nothing to add, except my wholehearted agreement.
Women in the Ministry Pt 2
Love Samantha |
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• Aug. 6, 2007 - CONGRATULATIONS
Congratulations to Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar on their 17th blessing. Jennifer Danielle Duggar was born August 2, 2007 weighing 8 lbs, 8 oz at 10:01 am.
Praise God for all those beautiful blessings, and parents who JOYFULLY accept them each time. Praise God for two parents who are training up their children 'in the way they should go' and doing their best to show a Godly witness to the world.
Love in Christ,
Samantha |
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• Apr. 9, 2007 - My children ARE my ministry
Someone posted this article on a message board I'm part of and it is so wonderful, I'm going to share it here.
Women in Ministry
Now that I've offended most of you feel free to comment.
It's so sad that most churches don't see our family and our children as an 'important enough' ministry. If we say 'my family is my ministry' we are placated and patronized with 'of course, dear!!' and then told to put the children in childcare/nursery/with a sitter, so we can get on with 'real' ministering.
My family is important enough. My family is my first and foremost ministry that the Lord has given me. Nothing else comes ahead of it. God, family, then other things if the Lord allows for it. The church does not equal God, and doing things for the church is not the same as doing them for God. Put your kids ahead of 'ministry'. Make them and your husband your ministry. Don't try to divide your time between the two. Do the ministry has provided right in front of you. The Bible says what good is it for a man to gain the whole world but lose his own soul?. To paraphrase, what good is it for a woman to gain the whole world and lose her own children to the world because she didn't take time to 'bother' with them because they were in the 'way' of her 'ministry.
In Christ, Samantha |
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• Apr. 7, 2007 - Blessings or Curses
How do you see your children? Oh certainly when the pastor says "Children are a blessing" everyone nods and agrees. But to really understand how a person 'sees' these 'blessings' we need to listen to how they speak about them. Ever heard these statements coming from YOUR mouth?
1. My kids drive me crazy
2. I can't WAIT for (public/private) school to start.
3. I put her in daycare b/c I needed a 'break'
4. I work b/c I'd go 'nuts' if I stayed at home with my kids all the time
5. You hear someone is expecting their 5th, 6th, or 7th. "She must be crazy. I can barely handle my two."
6. You kids are driving me nuts.
7. Can you just GO PLAY already?
8. I need some 'me' time
9. My kids are different. Yours may have first time obedience, but MINE are strong willed.
10. I get so sick of pickign up after them, doing things for them. I'm tired of being on call 24/7
11. They think I'm their servant or something!! When do *I* get some 'service?'
ugh. We've all at least thought one of those statements.  Yes, even me. This is NOT a Biblical way to view our children. We may say they are blessings, but we ACT as if they are curses, crosses to bear, nuisances, and that each 'stage' is something to get through.
Watch what you say. Please mothers. You do not see that little child's face when you brush them off and tell them to 'go play already'. You do not see that crushed look on a litte 8 yr old's face who thinks she is mom's pride and joy, her biggest helper, when her mother says she is 'driving her crazy'.
NEVER say a negative word about your child to anyone. Unless you are asking advice on parenting, and even then, never say or ask it in front of your child. It is so incredibly hurtful to them. Ladies, I'm preaching to myself here too.
It hardens our child, every time their parents talk about them as if they are nuisances, every time their parents say they need a 'break' from 'these kids', every time mom says she 'can't wait til school starts again'. It hurts them, and they start to build a protective wall abou their hearts. They become hardened to pleasing their mom and dad. They become hardened to wanting children even. They grow up with the attitude that children are a 'bother'.
I am not saying it is wrong to want to go out alone with your husband ocasionally. I am not saying it's wrong to want to take a bath without 4 people knockign on the door and saying 'mom!!' etc. What I'm saying is that we should be careful to not say we 'need' to get away from out kids. We should make it a 'fun' time for them with grandma and grandpa (i don't use sitters, EVER. Grandma and Grandpa are trustworthy, no one else. That's just how we are in our home), and when we pick them up it should be with great expressions of 'Oh we missed you SO much!!' and 'We are SO glad to see you' etc. Make them feel as if you just couldn't make it without them.
Treat your children like blessings, not curses. Talk about them like they are wonderful blessings in your life, a gift from God. Not a bother and a curse from satan.
In Christ, Samantha |
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• Mar. 20, 2007 - Whining and Complaining
Whining and Complaining. UGH. How many of us hate that? Drives us crazy right? But surprise! I am not talking of children whining and complaining. I am speaking of the whining and complaining parents I see and hear nowadays.
Here's a scenario I overheard: In the food court at the mall, a mother was telling her son it was time to go. He was pushing a little car that he had gotten in his 'happy meal' on the floor. His mother was finishing her lunch. When she had thrown away the food, she turned to her son and said 'Son, it is time to go.' Her child gave no indication at all that he had heard her, and continued to play. She went closer to him and said "Son, pick up your toy, it's time to go" By the way, the child was approximately 5 or 6 yrs old. He again ignored her and kept playing. She got down into his face and said 'SON. It is TIME TO GO.' And he very calmly looked up at her and said 'no. I am playing' and went back to his little car. Now watching this (I couldn't help it, we were sittng right there) I thought , surely she won't allow him to get away with that!! But I was wrong. Not only did he 'get away with it', but something much worse happened. Mom began saying 'son, now come on honey. Please, pick up your car and let's go. Come on now, darling." She was actually pleading with this child, begging him to obey her. Then it got worse. She began to whine at him "Honeeeeyyyy!! Mom has to get to the house and do some things. I neeeeed to go HOoooooommmmeee." She whined and complained at him for a long time, and finally began to drag him away by his arms. He began whining and kicking. To a passerby, the mother commented "I really really hate it when he whines! It just drives me crazy." ARGHHH. Who taught him to whine? Mom did of course.
Another scenario: At church, I was in a class, and heard 3 or 4 moms discussing their 2 to 3 yr old children. All I heard (sadly) was complaining. Several key comments: "He drives me crazy. He just will not obey me. I just get so sick of it, I have to have a 'break', so I leave him at so and so's house for a couple days every week." and "I could not stand to be at home 24/7. It would just drive me batty. I'd lose it if I had to be around my kids 24/7." and "I never get any help. My husband won't help at all. He knows I'm at home with the little 'heathen' all day and that he has fits and screams and I have to chase him around all day and he still expects me to do this this and that."
I was sitting there thinking, wow. What a sad, sad conversation. All complaints, all considered 'normal' by the world.
Now, many times today we hear parents whining at their children to get them to obey. Many times we hear them complaining about how much work their kids are, and how much trouble it is to have them, how much they cost, and how they drive them 'crazy' etc. I have four children, soon to be five. The usual comment I hear when people find out how many kids I have is "WOW. I could never have that many, my two drive me crazy." or 'WOW. I could never have that many, my two are ENOUGH." with the kids standing right there.
How sad. I do not consider my children 'work', 'trouble' or 'expensive'. I consider them what God tells me they are, a blessing!! A blessing God has given me, and a responsibility too.
The parental whining should stop. You need to say what you mean, and mean what you say. Follow through every single time. Don't wait til they 'annoy' you, tell them one time and follow up with your consequence. Don't whine and plead and beg your child to obey you. That is so ridiculous. It looks so silly to see a parent whining and trying to bargain their child into obeying. Simply tell them what you want them to do, and expect them to obey.
As for complaining: NEVER EVER COMPLAIN. It goes against scripture. I am going to make a bold statement here, one you will rarely hear. Complaining is a sin. Yes I said it, a sin. The Bible says in Phil 2:14 (KJV) "Do all things without murmurmings or disputings"
Phil 2:14 (NASB) "Do all things without grumbling or disputing;"
Phil 2:14 (NKJV) "Do all things without complaining and disputing,"
and in Phil 4:11 (KJV) "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content."
Phil 4:11(NASB) "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."
Phil 4:11 (NKJV) "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:"
So the Bible tells us to be content, no matter what state we are in. It tells us to do all things without complaining or arguing(disputing). It is sinful to complain and be discontent.
We must not whine or complain. We must parent properly, according to Scripture. We must discipline when it is necessary. We must instruct our children properly and then follow up with discipline when they do not obey us, when they whine or complain.
Our complaining is sin. We should not EVER be heard to say "My children drive me crazy." or "I can't get him to obey him" or " I cannot wait to get a 'break' from them." :( How sad. We should love and enjoy being around our children. We should delight in them!! If we don't, something is wrong with our parenting, and with our mindset.
Take joy in your parenting, in your child. Do not beg him to obey you. Do not complain about him, complain about your stage in life, complain about parenting him, or all the work you have to do, etc. Be content. Be joyful. Be happy. Count your blessings and be thankful.
In Christ
Samantha
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• Mar. 20, 2007 - He Thought of ME!!
I was feeling discouraged yesterday. Seemed as if nothing could go right. I couldn't do anything right. Then I was hit with an old temptation, and instead of fleeing temptation, I gave in :( . I felt miserable all evening, like I was the most awful sinner alive. I beat myself up very very well.
Before I went to bed I began to pray, but of course I wasn't in tune with the Lord. Suddenly I just broke and began crying out to God to forgive me for the sin I'd committed. I remember saying "Lord, I don't know how you can keep forgiving me, when I keep failing over and over. I cannot do anything right." and He said to my heart "Daughter, when I was there on that cross, I thought of you. I held you in my mind's eye and I saw every sin you'll ever committ. I thought of you, and I loved you so much, that I died for you so that your sins could be forgiven every time. Every time you ask me for forgiveness, my blood covers that sin. I loved you then daughter, and I love you now. Trust in my forgiveness, and let me have control once again. And remember daughter, I thought of you."
WOW. Jesus Christ, Almighty God in flesh, thought of ME. ME-- while he was hanging on that cross in agony, dying even, he thought of me. Praise God for His goodness, his mercy and his grace. Praise God for forgiveness and for his everlasting love for me!!
It's hard to comprehend that Jesus really thought of me personally, but He did. I have no doubt that He thought of me, and every sin I ever will commit, ever have committed, and even though he saw how black my heart was, how sinful my flesh was, he died for me anyway. He loved me too much to leave me in my sins.
Here's something for you, my dear sisters today: He thought of YOU too!!
In Christ, Samantha |
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• Mar. 12, 2007 - Velvet over Steel
I first read about the Velvet over Steel concept several years ago in a book called When You Feel Like Screaming. I don't remember a lot about this book except it was about the effect screaming and yelling has on our children. I remember I wasn't crazy about most of their discipline ideas. But this concept of Velvet over Steel stuck with me.
The concept is this: When you parent your child you can't be all soft 'velvet' mommy. You can't be soft all the time. Velvet is soft, bendable, changeable, etc. You cannot be 'bendable' or 'changeable' all the time. If we were 'velvet' mommies all the time, our children would have no consistency at all, the rules would be out the window, because they were always subject to change, etc. Your children would be confused, because you never stuck with anything, and were soft and bending, and changing to their whim or you whim all the time.
You also can't be all 'steel' mommy. You can't be rigid and firm and unchanging. Steel is unmoving, it does not move. It stands firm and unbending. (At least you can't bend it without some serious heat :) ) If we are 'steel' mommies all the time, our children see us as a drill sergeant. Someone who is always barking commands and refuses to be flexible in any way shape or form. Your children will obey you, but only out of fear,(not the respectful fear they are supposed to have, but seriously afraid of what will happen if they don't) unwilling to face mom's wrath.
So what do we do? The Bible speaks of both the 'velvet' and the 'steel' parent. It tells us to rejoice in our children, that they are blessings. It speaks of a mother comforting her child at her breast, etc. But it also tells us to discipline our child, to use a rod on our children to save their souls from hell. It tells us to not let our soul spare for thier crying. But it also tells us to provoke them not to wrath, to teach them God's words in everthing we do. To be an example to them.
The Bible teaches us that love is patient and kind, yet it tells us to 'beat'(spank) our child with a rod. So how do we reconcile the two pictures painted here?
We become velvet over steel. Picture that. A bar of steel with a velvet covering. Soft on the outside, yet firm. We can be firm with our children, and still be their 'soft place to fall'. We can be comforting and loving, and hugs and kisses and all that wonderful stuff :) . But we can also be the firm, in control mommy that will spank if we need to, or rebuke with a verbal word if we need to, or whatever other discipline we need to apply.
And let me address this as well. I don't mean to imply that spanking is not loving. Because a spanking is VERY loving to our children. The Bible tells us to spank them, to teach them right from wrong. It is a loving thing to apply a spanking to a child who needs one. I will address spanking in more detail in another post.
So to be a velvet over steel mother, we need to be soft, yet firm. We need to be flexible, yet unchanging. How can we work that out? Well we definitely need the Lord's wisdom. We need to listen to that still small voice I spoke of in my other post, and ask His guidance every single time we discipline our child. Sometimes He may lead us to show mercy, and other times we may mete out justice. Sometimes we may see the need to be flexible and change our plans, our rule, etc. Does that mean we are not consistent? No. Consistency is important, to be sure. But being consistent means that we simply require our child to obey our word, every single time, whether that word be 'yes you may' or 'no you may not'. We need to make sure we have the Lord guiding us and helping us in every step of our parenting, because without God's love, we cannot parent properly.
God shows us an excellent picture of velvet over steel all through the Bible. He is our comforter, yet he is also a God of wrath. He is love, the very definition of it, yet He destroyed cities and killed people. He administers discipline to His children, in a loving manner, although it may hurt them, because he knows what is best for them
Like the Lord, we too, can see the consequences of the things our children may do and we must discipline in a loving manner. We must be velvet (lovingly applied discipline) over steel(firm and unyielding in our requirement of obedience).
In Christ, Samantha
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• Mar. 8, 2007 - The Still Small Voice
"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." I Kings 19:11-12
Have you heard that voice? The still small voice of the Lord? I have found that so many Christians today don't even believe that God could speak to us at all!! They think He only speaks through His Word(which He definitely does!), or that the time for God to speak to us is over, and we are only to get His 'voice' through His chosen speaker (usually the pastor or priest). Or maybe they believe that God just gives us 'feelings' that we're in His will, etc.
I used to even belive this. That it was only through a ' feeling' or through the Bible or through someone else. But all that changed. I had read of others speaking to God and 'hearing' from Him. I thought they must be super spiritual, or had some special 'connection'. They certainly had a different relationship than I did with Him, because I certainly wasn't hearing from Him like that.
For many years I struggled to pray, feeling like my prayers were hitting the ceiling. I never felt 'satisfied' after I prayed, or even answered. Oh I gave it lip service. I said i knew God heard me. I said I knew He was answering, etc. But really deep in my heart I thought "Nothing ever changes. It doesn't really matter if I pray or not."
A few weeks ago, I was just fed up. I'd had it. I was exhausted, things were in chaos. My dh was doing something that upset me greatly, and no amount of praying was changing it. My children were acting wildly, no matter how much 'training' and 'disciplining' I did.
I'd been reading another blog at www.homeschoolblogger.com/CamillaAnderson . Let me just say, if you haven't been there, read her articles, you are MISSING OUT!!! This woman's blog is AWESOME!! Anyway, in one of her articles she speaks of a time when she simply told God 'i quit. If you want things to change, you'll have to do it, because nothing I'm doing is helping. I just quit.' and God said 'duh'.
I fell down on my knees and said 'God, I've tried for years to discern Your will. I know you want me to do the things the Bible says. I know you want me to be a Godly wife, and a Godly mother. The day I married, your will became for me to be a Godly wife. And the day my first child was born, your will became for me to be a Godly mother. But I can't. I've tried. I've prayed, I've cried, I've tried so many differnt methods, and I've read every book. I've tried to figure out HOW to go about accomplishing your will and I just can't do it. So I just quit. I quit trying to be the perfect wife. I quit trying to be the perfect mother. I quit trying to be a perfect Christian. I can't do it. So I'm just doing nothing until you speak to me so clearly I have no doubt AT ALL that it is you. I want to hear an actual voice in my head or out loud or something." And then I just knelt there and cried. Minutes passed and I heard nothing. Then I heard a still small voice say 'Get on your face before me'. I did that and I prayed much the same as I had just prayed before, with much weeping. Suddenly I heard God say 'All I ever wanted you to do was give up control."
Since that moment, God has spoken to me every single time I've asked Him anything, and sometimes when I don't!! LOL He has told me what to do with my 21 month old son, what to do to fix things with my dh, exactly how to keep my house clean, what to read, what to watch on televsion, and what things to do online. Giving up control meant asking God before doing anything at all. That was difficult for me, but a good lesson. He's been teaching me so much, my heart is overflowing, and sometimes my brain is on overload LOL.
It has been the most amazing few weeks of my life. I have never felt so at ease, or at peace. Praise God that He DOES still speak to us in that still small voice. He can speak to you too, if you simply humble yourself to give Him total control and give all to Him.
In Christ,
Samantha
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• Mar. 8, 2007 - Our Family
Our family consists of myself, Samantha, my dh, G; my children, dd8; dd6; dd3; and ds 21 mo.
We are conservative christians. We homeschool our children and try our best to live for God. I am just now learning what it is to live in His perfect peace, and would like to share the things that God places on my heart with others.
I am not sure how often I'll be able to post, but I will post the things God lays on my heart to share.
I try daily to think on Isa 26:3 " Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." I try to keep my mind focused on God at all times and what His will is for me and for my life.
Things that interest me that I will write about are most likely:
mothering
being a Godly helpmeet
being a stay at home mom
learning more about God and His word
Homeschooling
Organization and Housekeeping
In Christ,
Samantha |
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