His Abiding Love
• Mar. 12, 2007 - Velvet over Steel
I first read about the Velvet over Steel concept several years ago in a book called When You Feel Like Screaming. I don't remember a lot about this book except it was about the effect screaming and yelling has on our children. I remember I wasn't crazy about most of their discipline ideas. But this concept of Velvet over Steel stuck with me.
The concept is this: When you parent your child you can't be all soft 'velvet' mommy. You can't be soft all the time. Velvet is soft, bendable, changeable, etc. You cannot be 'bendable' or 'changeable' all the time. If we were 'velvet' mommies all the time, our children would have no consistency at all, the rules would be out the window, because they were always subject to change, etc. Your children would be confused, because you never stuck with anything, and were soft and bending, and changing to their whim or you whim all the time.
You also can't be all 'steel' mommy. You can't be rigid and firm and unchanging. Steel is unmoving, it does not move. It stands firm and unbending. (At least you can't bend it without some serious heat :) ) If we are 'steel' mommies all the time, our children see us as a drill sergeant. Someone who is always barking commands and refuses to be flexible in any way shape or form. Your children will obey you, but only out of fear,(not the respectful fear they are supposed to have, but seriously afraid of what will happen if they don't) unwilling to face mom's wrath.
So what do we do? The Bible speaks of both the 'velvet' and the 'steel' parent. It tells us to rejoice in our children, that they are blessings. It speaks of a mother comforting her child at her breast, etc. But it also tells us to discipline our child, to use a rod on our children to save their souls from hell. It tells us to not let our soul spare for thier crying. But it also tells us to provoke them not to wrath, to teach them God's words in everthing we do. To be an example to them.
The Bible teaches us that love is patient and kind, yet it tells us to 'beat'(spank) our child with a rod. So how do we reconcile the two pictures painted here?
We become velvet over steel. Picture that. A bar of steel with a velvet covering. Soft on the outside, yet firm. We can be firm with our children, and still be their 'soft place to fall'. We can be comforting and loving, and hugs and kisses and all that wonderful stuff :) . But we can also be the firm, in control mommy that will spank if we need to, or rebuke with a verbal word if we need to, or whatever other discipline we need to apply.
And let me address this as well. I don't mean to imply that spanking is not loving. Because a spanking is VERY loving to our children. The Bible tells us to spank them, to teach them right from wrong. It is a loving thing to apply a spanking to a child who needs one. I will address spanking in more detail in another post.
So to be a velvet over steel mother, we need to be soft, yet firm. We need to be flexible, yet unchanging. How can we work that out? Well we definitely need the Lord's wisdom. We need to listen to that still small voice I spoke of in my other post, and ask His guidance every single time we discipline our child. Sometimes He may lead us to show mercy, and other times we may mete out justice. Sometimes we may see the need to be flexible and change our plans, our rule, etc. Does that mean we are not consistent? No. Consistency is important, to be sure. But being consistent means that we simply require our child to obey our word, every single time, whether that word be 'yes you may' or 'no you may not'. We need to make sure we have the Lord guiding us and helping us in every step of our parenting, because without God's love, we cannot parent properly.
God shows us an excellent picture of velvet over steel all through the Bible. He is our comforter, yet he is also a God of wrath. He is love, the very definition of it, yet He destroyed cities and killed people. He administers discipline to His children, in a loving manner, although it may hurt them, because he knows what is best for them
Like the Lord, we too, can see the consequences of the things our children may do and we must discipline in a loving manner. We must be velvet (lovingly applied discipline) over steel(firm and unyielding in our requirement of obedience).
In Christ, Samantha
|
Post A Comment! :: Send to a Friend!
|
|
|
|
|
• Mar. 13, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Blessings,
Kristine aka MamaArcher from CMOMB!
visit my blog
www.mamaarcher.blogspot.com