His Abiding Love
• Mar. 20, 2007 - Whining and Complaining
Whining and Complaining. UGH. How many of us hate that? Drives us crazy right? But surprise! I am not talking of children whining and complaining. I am speaking of the whining and complaining parents I see and hear nowadays.
Here's a scenario I overheard: In the food court at the mall, a mother was telling her son it was time to go. He was pushing a little car that he had gotten in his 'happy meal' on the floor. His mother was finishing her lunch. When she had thrown away the food, she turned to her son and said 'Son, it is time to go.' Her child gave no indication at all that he had heard her, and continued to play. She went closer to him and said "Son, pick up your toy, it's time to go" By the way, the child was approximately 5 or 6 yrs old. He again ignored her and kept playing. She got down into his face and said 'SON. It is TIME TO GO.' And he very calmly looked up at her and said 'no. I am playing' and went back to his little car. Now watching this (I couldn't help it, we were sittng right there) I thought , surely she won't allow him to get away with that!! But I was wrong. Not only did he 'get away with it', but something much worse happened. Mom began saying 'son, now come on honey. Please, pick up your car and let's go. Come on now, darling." She was actually pleading with this child, begging him to obey her. Then it got worse. She began to whine at him "Honeeeeyyyy!! Mom has to get to the house and do some things. I neeeeed to go HOoooooommmmeee." She whined and complained at him for a long time, and finally began to drag him away by his arms. He began whining and kicking. To a passerby, the mother commented "I really really hate it when he whines! It just drives me crazy." ARGHHH. Who taught him to whine? Mom did of course.
Another scenario: At church, I was in a class, and heard 3 or 4 moms discussing their 2 to 3 yr old children. All I heard (sadly) was complaining. Several key comments: "He drives me crazy. He just will not obey me. I just get so sick of it, I have to have a 'break', so I leave him at so and so's house for a couple days every week." and "I could not stand to be at home 24/7. It would just drive me batty. I'd lose it if I had to be around my kids 24/7." and "I never get any help. My husband won't help at all. He knows I'm at home with the little 'heathen' all day and that he has fits and screams and I have to chase him around all day and he still expects me to do this this and that."
I was sitting there thinking, wow. What a sad, sad conversation. All complaints, all considered 'normal' by the world.
Now, many times today we hear parents whining at their children to get them to obey. Many times we hear them complaining about how much work their kids are, and how much trouble it is to have them, how much they cost, and how they drive them 'crazy' etc. I have four children, soon to be five. The usual comment I hear when people find out how many kids I have is "WOW. I could never have that many, my two drive me crazy." or 'WOW. I could never have that many, my two are ENOUGH." with the kids standing right there.
How sad. I do not consider my children 'work', 'trouble' or 'expensive'. I consider them what God tells me they are, a blessing!! A blessing God has given me, and a responsibility too.
The parental whining should stop. You need to say what you mean, and mean what you say. Follow through every single time. Don't wait til they 'annoy' you, tell them one time and follow up with your consequence. Don't whine and plead and beg your child to obey you. That is so ridiculous. It looks so silly to see a parent whining and trying to bargain their child into obeying. Simply tell them what you want them to do, and expect them to obey.
As for complaining: NEVER EVER COMPLAIN. It goes against scripture. I am going to make a bold statement here, one you will rarely hear. Complaining is a sin. Yes I said it, a sin. The Bible says in Phil 2:14 (KJV) "Do all things without murmurmings or disputings"
Phil 2:14 (NASB) "Do all things without grumbling or disputing;"
Phil 2:14 (NKJV) "Do all things without complaining and disputing,"
and in Phil 4:11 (KJV) "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content."
Phil 4:11(NASB) "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."
Phil 4:11 (NKJV) "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:"
So the Bible tells us to be content, no matter what state we are in. It tells us to do all things without complaining or arguing(disputing). It is sinful to complain and be discontent.
We must not whine or complain. We must parent properly, according to Scripture. We must discipline when it is necessary. We must instruct our children properly and then follow up with discipline when they do not obey us, when they whine or complain.
Our complaining is sin. We should not EVER be heard to say "My children drive me crazy." or "I can't get him to obey him" or " I cannot wait to get a 'break' from them." :( How sad. We should love and enjoy being around our children. We should delight in them!! If we don't, something is wrong with our parenting, and with our mindset.
Take joy in your parenting, in your child. Do not beg him to obey you. Do not complain about him, complain about your stage in life, complain about parenting him, or all the work you have to do, etc. Be content. Be joyful. Be happy. Count your blessings and be thankful.
In Christ
Samantha
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• Mar. 23, 2007 - Untitled Comment