His Abiding Love
• Apr. 3, 2008 - How I Won The Heart of My Mr Command Pt 2
Part II..................
So I set out to figure out what he wanted me to do for real. And that is where the true journey began. The journey to being a true help meet to my dh.
So I started listening to the wives of other Mr Commands, especially my online friend. I started praying hard that God would show me how to make my husband trust in me, and know I was his biggest advocate. That I trusted his decisions, even when others said they were not right, that I believed he knew what was best for our family.
I did this by proving faithful to obey him in the 'little things'. If he expressed that he didn't like something, I changed it. When debating things with friends, I never ever took sides against him. I did not engage in 'man bashing' talk with comments like "men, you can't live with em, you can't shoot em" or talk about how stupid men are, and if they 'd 'just listen', etc.
One of the first things I tried my best to change was to never ever complain about anything he did. It was *hard*. It was so hard. I have a bad complaining habit, I've had it since I was a little child. I tend to complain an awful lot without even noticing I am doing it. But I tried really really hard to not complain, even if it was a little thing.
If something bothered him, I tried my best to find a way to fix it. If he wanted to blame me for something that was not my fault, that was fine, I let him. If he wanted to make demands I felt were unreasonable, it was okay, I'd do it anyway, and with God's grace and help, with a SMILE on my face, and all the while praying hard for the Lord to change my heart.
I am in NO WAY, shape or form saying I was or am a perfect wife. I wasn't, I messed up plenty and still do. But somewhere along the way in the last few years, I have finally convinced him. He knows his heart can safely trust in me. He knows he can share anything with me. He knows that I will back him up, no matter what.
I remember one of the first days I found out his heart trusted in me. We were about to move, and some friends that he had had while we lived in New Mexico(not my friends, I was never invited along on the outings they went on, or get togethers they had) had insisted on throwing us a going away party. I had met these people maybe once in the entire 3 years we lived there. But I went, to make dh happy. And surprisingly enough I had a great time! When we were about to leave, his friend's mother pulled me aside and said to me "I want you to know, we were all nervous to meet you" I said "why?" , kind of surprised, as I am not an intimidating person at all, and I'm pretty friendly and try really hard to be nice to everyone. She said "Well, the way your husband talks about you, we thought you'd be so perfect none of us could stand you. He brags on you all the time, tells us what a great mother you are, and what a good wife, and he tells us how he could never live without you. We were all nervous to meet this perfect Supermom person." (of course she went on to say how nice it was that we'd all met and she was glad I'd come, etc) I was floored. I almost cried with happiness. He *did* trust in me!! He *needed* me!!!!
We moved back to our home state, and found a home a month or so later. My marriage is not perfect. But it is glorious. My husband's heart has been won, I've secured my place there. As long as I do nothing to make him doubt my loyalty, my trust in him, it is secure forever. I pretty much do whatever I like, always keeping what he prefers in mind. He's much less demanding than he was when I kept asserting my 'rights' and fighting for control.
The things that concerned me about him, they're still there. But I see them changing little by little. I am still not as submissive and obedient as I should be. God continues to reveal to me areas where I try to control things. But we're happier now than we've ever been.
I had to realize that I had to totally die to my 'rights' and how he was 'supposed' to treat me. It doesn't matter. My so called 'rights' don't matter. In fact I don't have any. I have biblical instructions on how I am to act and what to do, and i am to follow it and do those things. I had to realize that submission to my dh is not going to look like submission to your dh. It's unique to my marriage, to my dh. Most importantly I had to give up all my stupid notions on how a Godly dh is 'supposed' to act, and decide that if God wanted my dh to act a certain way, He could take care of it himself. On the same note if God didn't want my dh doing certain things, then He could handle that too, without my 'help'(nagging, LOL) Let me say right now, that I truly believe that NO man has ever truly changed for the better due to his wife's nagging. So stop it, ladies.!!!!
I set out to change my husband. I ended up finding out that *I* was the one that needed changing. I am still being 'refined' in the 'Refiner's Fire' daily. I still mess up, I still don't submit fully, don't obey all the time (now, now, all you who just fell over from shock, get up and dust yourselves off, it's ok, I am trying to do better LOL) and still question my dh's decisions sometimes. I am far far from perfect, and I don't want anyone thinking otherwise. But if I can help someone have a more glorious marriage, I'll sure try.
Here are a few things I suggest to start with:
Pray hard, without ceasing
Read your Bible as often as possible
Read the Help Meet's Cheat Sheet (posted below, apply it to YOUR marriage as your dh would prefer. Remember submit to your dh, not in the way someone else says, but how YOUR dh prefers)
Read Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Purpose never ever to say a word of complaint against, nor criticize, your husband.
Find *one* good, Godly lady to help you with your marriage issues, and then keep your mouth shut about it to anyone else.
Show your man a happy face and a cheerful attitude
Brag on your dh to anyone who will listen
Die to self.
And, don't forget, no complaining, and keep your mouth shut :)
I'll close with this quote as it describes our marriage now:
" If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart."
and another last quote :
"Make it your life’s goal to become his queen."
Love Samantha
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• Apr. 12, 2008 - Wonderful wonderful!!!