I've gotten in the habit of staying home Wednesday evenings while J takes mom and the girls to church/Awanas.  It is the one evening I get alone in the house (if mom goes...) 

But last night, I knew the Lord was prodding me to go to church....and well...considering the way the day had gone, I was grateful that my Dad was tapping my shoulder!  ;)

I'd been so weighed down by just the circumstances of life....my dad's recent drunken phone calls on my cell , mom's constant woeful state..., my inner heartaches with Mary with the direction I see her heart is going.  Her struggles in school and I feel like I am failing her...the house, just the lot of it...overwhelming.  Then I thow my ebay business into the mix of it....just to tighten the screws a bit more..but finances are screaming....

.........and that leaves me dry, thirsty, and near tears.

Then I find out my dear friend may be miscarrying, we talk and pray and know God is in control.

But I don't see it in my own life.....it all feels like it is spinning out of control.

So...I go to church...in my thick two sizes to big brown sweater....wearing my security blanket... lol..

......and there is Debra H.  simply sitting there in the back....and the sweetness of Christ.....just radiates from her....

I wish I could remember word for word of what she said, but it began with her asking about my mother and I told her that it seemed that every day for my mom seems like a ..........(can't remember the word I used) but basically a cheerless trial.

This is what I remember her saying...

'Mmm.....You know, I have learned to thank God for the little things.  Not to focus on what I can't do- but to thank Him for what I can.

It's ok if I can't do it all......I can be thankful.

Thankful I can simply hold a potatoe, or dress myself.

I can be thankful I can walk.

And really, Isn't Christ enough?

That we can know Him and love Him....isn't that enough?

(this is where I melted into a puddle of tears....)

Last week was good.  I felt on top of things and the girls were excited about beginning school.  Even with my oldest having been given a week of grounding, it seemed to settle her.  I remember mentioning to her that she acts so good when she's grounded...that I should ground her all the time!  We had a laugh...   The week was filled with some great family times....games, cooking together, reading and running errands together. 

This week....well....here it is, Monday....lets just say my oldest is seriously trying my patience....again.

All morning she has had a bad attitude.  I have been praying with her and by myself for  patience.  I even broke from our school routine to give her a snack break...when it still esclated, I stopped again to give her a chore to do, hoping to let her work out some of her aggrivation. 

But no.  Now her unkindness to her sister and her sass to me has earned her another grounding for the day.  I told her if she keeps it up she'll know where she's headed. 

Lord, please do your work in Mary's life.  She needs you.  I don't know that her accpetance as You as her Saviour has translated into a relationship in her every day life.  Please Lord....show Yourself to her as someone she can turn to in times of trouble.  That she would lean on You and find peace.  Give me wisdom, Lord....I desperately need it.  Amen....

I had a really nice talk with a fellow homeschoolin mama who has amazing kids. Something just clicked when she said "We're always on track when we're following our passion."

So, aside from a page of math, we baked cookies (and learned measurements in the process). We went to the library, where they each took a turn reading aloud to me. Then they got down to the business  of choosing a load of books. I put the limit at 10 each. "Aw, mom...how about 12?" Heh...oh....alright! ;)

I grabbed a few back issues of Home Education magazine and a few poetry books and we were back home.

Mary and I practiced violin for about 20 minutes, and now a bunch o neighbor kids are in my backyard and eatin us outta popsicles!

My sweetie is taking me out for a early dinner/ mini-date and tonight the girls start their next round of swim lessons.

What a great day.

I am feeling the hot breath of summer on my neck.

  Yes, it's March, and we are having spasmodic bouts of rain, snow, or sun.  It has little to do with the weather.

The realization struck that June is just 2.5 months away!

Wowza!

Time to 'run the race with endurance'!  These days of keeping  on task with math and spelling are coming to an end!  I see the light at the end of the bookwork tunnel!

Otherwise, it excites me because I see sunny days ahead!!(well...maybe by July here in Oregon!)  We'll be switching from our usual curriculum and going into Stealth Schooling.

What is Stealth Schooling?  Technically it is my term for 'unschooling' that we do in the summertime! 

I have never quite felt comfortable with unschooling all year around,but this really works for us.  So, the Math and English books get put away.  They think they are 'done with school'!     Muahahahah.... 

Only two and a half months!  Only Two and a Half Months!!!!!!!

I've been having lil snippets of awareness where I see my daughters, and how they are growing....and how little time I truly do have with them. 

I took Mary to get her ears pierced to celebrate her upcoming 10th birthday.  She chose a delicate pearl stud and she was finally ready!  She squeezed my hand as the lady counted one...two...and on the inbreath of three, it was done!  Mary was a bit suprised that it didn't hurt as much as she thought it might.  After the second one was done, she smiled, let go of my hand, and took the hand mirror to see.

 I stepped back and was suprised by this sudden rush of feeling.  My little girl!  She's growing up!  In eight years, she will be 18.  Eight years.....suddenly it seems such a short time!

Her birthmother contacted me a week ago.  I was happy to hear from her for it had been several years since we had talked.  We caught up on each other's lives a bit, and I told her  "Can you believe our little girl is going to be 10?"  I think we were both a bit teary eyed at the thought. 

I recently found a podcast on itunes called Homeschool Helps by David and Shirley Quine.  They read a poem called  Children Won't Wait by Helen Young.

It spoke my heart...  Here is an exerpt from the poem

I will not exchange this birthright for a mess of pottage called social position, or business or professional reputation, or a paycheck. An hour of concern today may save years of heartache tomorrow. The house will wait, the dishes will wait, the new room can wait, but children won't wait... May I know that no other career is so precious, no other work so rewarding, no other task too urgent. May I not defer it nor neglect it, but by thy Spirit accept it gladly, joyously, and by Thy grace realize that the time is short and my time is now. For children WON'T wait.

....and just now I was about to type more when Mary came in and said, "Mom, let's go to your bed n snuggle".  I was about to say 'Wait a minute, sweetie'..... but this is just one of those precious moments I need to enjoy while she is here.  So....I will write another time! 

Mary and I had a conversation.  Both of the girls had done something naughty.  Namely, after building a bird house (which was ok) they decided to take the hammer when we didn't notice and hammered chunks n chips off the edge of my concrete steps on the front porch   .

I was not happy.

But they apologized....

As we came back to the house after dinner, Mary was acutely aware of the marks they had made and tried to block me from seeing them.

I told her...

Hon, it's kind of like sin...   Jesus see's it, and He forgives...but sometimes the marks from the sin are still there.  You know I forgive you, but the chunks of concrete are still missing...

I left her with that and a pat on the shoulder...   I could tell she was thinking about it.

Sigh...

Now, I need to really let it go.....  But oh...I am so not happy about what they did.  I don't know if we'll ever be able to fix it.

I had women's bible study this morning.  The message was regarding prayer and particularly intercession for others.  It seemed a timely thing, for I know a few of the ladies in my group were dealing with some things where they simply needed to be quiet about the details and simply pray. 

I know in my own life, I need to work on leaving those things at the alter of the Lord.  He is in control.  I shouldn't fret....but I do....and then a verse pops into my mind...  "Anxiety in the heart of a man weigh's it down, but a good word makes it glad. "  I need to find the address to that one....I memorized it off a scripture memory song years ago.  LOL  Well....I guess it stuck! 

As for the children, we took a few of their friend's from church home with us for a few hours of playtime. We usually don't 'do school' on Thursday, but because of my trip, I feel a bit of pressure (from myself of course...) to get-er-done, so to speak.

I've been pondering why I am so fatigued, and then it hits me that I've not taken my meds for almost a week  (!!!) and I hadn't intended to do that!  No wonder my joints ache and I feel so tired!   Called the pharmacy and will get that refill today.

I have to admit, almost every year I wonder if I am still going in the right direction with the girls.  But last week, I passed by a local high school and it had on the sign:  'Diversity Week'.....I have to say, that cured my doubt right there!  Because we all know, everyone else can wear it loud n proud, but mention Jesus, and they want us to shut up.  Well....forget that.

I came out of school afraid to speak my mind because what I believed didn't line up with the majority.  I want my girls to know their mind....to have a firm foundation grounded in Him and to not be afraid to speak up about Jesus and what He means to them. 

Thursday's are always a bit relaxed around here.  I have women's bible study in the morning, so we don't do much regular book work.  I needed to run some errands alone, so I had them both do their spelling while I was gone.  Now, they are out playing ball with their friends.  I'll likely read our history and science books to them later.  Before bed, I'll have them read to me. 

The Valentine's Party went well.  Heh...except we had some tearful moments during 'Hot Heart' game (aka hot potato w/ a heart shaped pillow).  Finally, the second round of that, I made them promise that they would be good sports if they lost. 

I suppose it's one of those 'life lessons'....sometimes you win, sometimes you don't!  I just hated to be the 'teacher' during that one!  lol

They did better for the other games.  Heart bingo went over really well.  Decorating the boxes was fun too, but next year I might let them do that at home like we used to.  After the party was over, I had the kids suprise their sunday school teacher, Karla with a bunch of balloons and they sang 'Happy Valentines Day to You'.  She was totally taken by suprise which made it all the more fun to bless her!    She sent me pics this morning, and I'd post them if I knew how!   

  Anyways, I'm hoping to catch a date w/ my sweetie tonight.  We both want to see the new Harrison Ford movie. 

   Aside from that, I'm flying to CA tomorrow night.  I am going to miss my hub n girls something fierce, but a little time away fills my tank!  I am looking foreward to seeing my two dear friends I've known since 3rd grade.  Wow...that's a LONG time!  We're staying at my sis-in-law's cabin in Tahoe.  I hear it's cold n snowy....hopefully sunny as well!   One of these years we need to meet somewhere warm like Hawaii. 

A girl can dream can't she?  hehe....

Lesson learned....

Don't write a nice long wordy entry, then click over to your email box.

I clicked back and the whole entry is gone! 

Waaah!!!

And of course, now...it's time to make dinner!  lol....

My daughters are happily riding bikes up n down the sidewalk with the neighbor girls while James is out working in the garage.  It is a beautiful sunny day here in Oregon.  A rare thing for the middle of February. 

I have been contemplating the true meaning of joy.  I remember when Pastor Doug first told us this.  'JOY means Jesus, Others, and You.'

Putting Jesus first, taking care of others, and self last.  But the funny thing is that is contrary to what the world says.  If I were to heed the world, it would say I should put myself first...after all, I deserve it!  But when I am in that mode, I have little to give to others and God quickly takes a backseat!  Because my flesh is always wanting something else!

But I find that when I put Christ first in my day, and serve others with a willing heart, my 'Self' is then in check.  How much happier I am for it.

Speaking of others...I better get dinner ready!