A Mom Just Like You.....My Journey through Life with 8 Children....

• Nov. 12, 2007 - Teaching our Children how to Properly Say, "I'm Sorry!"....

Teaching our Children how to Properly Say, "I'm Sorry!".... It is important to me that our children understand that apologizing to someone consists of more than the simple words, "I am sorry." We teach our children that in order to make a proper apology you must first take the following steps..... We start off by teaching our children that the gesture of giving a peace offering to someone, before they begin their apology, is not a requirement but it is a nice opening gesture and a sweet added bonus. It is as simple as giving the person they offended a hug, a kiss, (Note: This depends who the person is.) some wild flowers they picked, a cookie or even just a smile before, during and after they begin their apology. In doing so it may also help make the other person more open and willing to hear and accept the apology they are about to receive.  This gesture is most certainly done in love and is never in anyway done as a manipulative action. Then we teach our children that while apologizing to someone it is important to give that person eye contact. Giving people eye contact is important for many reasons, here are just a few.......... It shows respect to the other person, it shows you care, it shows the other person that you are focused on them and nothing else, it shows interest in what is being said, it helps you understand and hear the person you are talking to better.  There is so much more but that is all I will list in this post. NOTE: See my previous post about looking others in the eyes while speaking to them or while they are speaking to you. When we teach our children how to apologize to someone, the most important thing we focus on is that they learn to verbalize exactly what it is that they are sorry for.  Instead of just saying the words, "I am sorry" we teach them that what should be said is "I am sorry for being rude to you and for hurting your feelings when I called you a _____."  "What I said/did was wrong, will you please forgive me?"  Verbalizing the offense is the key part to the apology. When our children learn how to outwardly admit their wrong doings, it helps teach them humility, while also helping protect them from becoming prideful people. It also helps prevent them from trying to push the blame off onto someone else.  When they learn how to accept the responsibility for their wrong doings, especially from an early age, it will always be the first step they will ever take in changing whatever their shortcomings may be.  The only people that they are responsible for working on and changing is themselves.  We can teach our children how to do this successfully by first teaching them how to take responsibility for their actions and admitting they indeed were wrong. After they verbalize the offense they committed and say they are sorry, the next step in the apology process is to ask the other person for forgiveness. Once their apology has been accepted, and they have been forgiven, (Note: We have the offended person look the offender in the eyes and say they forgive the offender in the same way.  They name the offense they are forgiving the offender for and holding a grudge is never acceptable.) the next important step for them to take is to pray to God. They need to confess their sins, apologize and repent to Him.  After they do that it is always wise to teach them to ask the Lord for the strength to not commit that same offense on anyone again. Here is an additional step I like to take.  It is not a necessary step but it is an effective one.....  If the person the child offended was a close friend or a family member, I like to have the child, who did the wrong, ask the person they hurt to hold hands with them as they pray together.  In the process of praying for one another it opens up their hearts, removes bad feelings while knitting their spirits closer together.  It also encourages God to step in and heal their relationship from the inside out.  You can gage, as the parent, whenever you think this is an appropriate step to do. We also teach our children that apologizing to someone is a great thing to do.  Unfortunately if they apologize to someone and then they turn right around and do the same thing again, then they were never truly sorry in the first place.  True repentance comes from within their hearts.  Causing them to desire to never make that same mistake again.  A genuine apology is one that they work on making it last. These simple and practical steps have helped enhance all relationships in our children's lives, especially sibling relationships.  Many times, depending on the offense, if the offended was a sibling, we will also have the offender be in service to that sibling for the day.  This is another way of bringing them closer together.  We are always looking for ways to knit our children's hearts closer to one anothers and most of all bring their heart's closer to God.  Knowing how to make a proper apology in life, is so very important!!  Something we want our children to learn, from an early, is how to care about others.  We want them to be selfless and not selfish!  We also want them to know how take responsibility whenever they do something wrong.  This is the best way to teach them that.  So if you find that your children are bickering a lot with each other or with others. If you find that when you tell your children to apologize to someone and all they do is throw out the words, "Sorry!"  without ever even glancing in the direction of the person they offended.  Those are signs, dear mothers, to stop and teach your children the proper way to administer an apology.  The people they come in contact with, throughout their lives, especially their future spouses, will appreciate that you took the time to teach your children to do that. Happy Apologizing!!!  Dearest Lord, I thank you for teaching me the importance of a proper apology in my life.  This is not something I learned until much later in my life but it sure has benefited myself and my children once I learned it.  I pray for all those people who have never learned what a proper apology was until now.  I pray that they too will benefit from this knowledge while taking the time to pass it onto their children.  Thank you for all your love, your patience and your understanding that you give me so generously in my life.  Thank you for teaching me all that you do and helping me learn new things all the time!  I thank you and praise you today and forever!  In Jesus name I pray, Amen~

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