A Mom Just Like You.....My Journey through Life with 8 Children....
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Dec. 6, 2007
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Giving my Children Permission......
Giving my Children Permission......
I always want to be the best mother that I can be. So in one attempt to accomplish this in my life I have learned to give my children permission to tell me the areas that they feel I am weak in or failing in. The reason why I chose to do this was because I know that I have blind spots. I have areas I need to be working on but I am not always aware of them all. Occasionally I will ask my children questions and they have my full permission to answer the questions openly and honestly. I never make them regret doing so. I hug them and thank them for being open enough to share with me what they see.
Believe me dear mothers, it is not always easy to hear, from your children, the areas you are failing in. But I choose to hear them because I can never change if I am unaware of what my blind spots truly are. My children are always gentle and kind when sharing those things with me. As a matter of fact I usually have to pull it out of them lol. They are the most loving and forgiving people you will ever meet in your life! They are also the most gentle and compassionate people you can choose to share that insight with you. Who sees you at your best and your worst the most? Your children!! They will never do it in a hurtful way it is just not in them to purposely hurt you when they are still young like that. I have never walked away feeling cut down or inadequate. I am also always sure to make them feel safe in sharing because I never want them to be afraid to share with me again the next time. I always want to have that option I don't want to ruin it.
I also have the advantage of asking my oldest son, who is now 20 yrs old, areas he feels I could improve upon. Things he felt I did wrong while I was still training him up that I could of done differently. Areas I could improve upon with training up these younger ones. I see it as a blessing to have that option in my life. It saves me a lot of time in not having to go through as many trial and errors as you do when you are going it blindly. I also ask him to point out areas he feels I could improve upon to make me a better person. He is also very gentle, kind and loving. He acts as if I am perfect but I know better so I have to pry things out of him lol. He doesn't point out much but there are a few things he has helped point out over the years. If one of my younger ones, who are similar in personality to him, is doing something he used to do, when he was younger, he will point out what their true goal is. It is nice to have that insight as to what is going on in that child's mind.
On the flip side I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to also hear your grown children say to you, you are someone I want to be like. You are such a wonderful person! You are the most caring, loving, forgiving, gentlest, kindest, most giving, non-judgmental person I have ever known. You live out what you believe in and I love you for that. When I hear my oldest son say that to me I totally melt inside. I know I have areas to work on, plenty of them but for him to mostly see the good in me is a huge return on all my years of raising him up. Nobody in this world is perfect but I want for people to always see the good in me more than the bad. My goal is for the good to outshine the bad on any given day. It blesses me to know that is what my children are seeing for the most part, when they look at me.
Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
By allowing my children to help me see what my blind spots are I believe I am building up my house. I want to build it up and not tear it down. I never want to appear so prideful that I am unwilling to hear about the areas I need to grow in. Another thing that comes out of my willingness to hear about my weaknesses is that when I need to show my children the areas that they are weak in they too will be open to hearing it from me. When they see me willing to face my areas that need growth they will learn to do the same. So I strive to being open to hearing the truth and my children in turn do the same.
I am thankful I have such precious children! I also work hard on building them up as well as showing them their weak spots. It is important to me that they don't see themselves as failures. I want them to know they have a lot of good in them and that being we are all human we will never be perfect. We need to always be working on our areas of weakness and we should keep flourishing in the areas that we have mastered. It is hard to change the areas we are weak in if we only see ourselves as complete failures. We need to see our good as well as our bad. I believe it is a tool of the devil to crush us so that we see no hope to go on. So always be sure dear mothers to build your children up as well, while you are pointing out areas they need to improve in. It is truly necessary a must! They will be just as kind back when they point out areas you are weak in. If you allow them to.
Another thing I have learned throughout my life is this. If someone says something to me, even if it is out of anger, I will still evaluate it. I will always take into consideration what was said to me and I will determine if there is any truth to it or if it was said just to be hurtful. I will watch my actions and see if there is any truth to what was said and if there is I work on changing it. I am never closed minded to anything that is said to me before first evaluating it or asking others if there is any truth to it. I never want to be so close minded to how others may be seeing me. Even if I am not purposely doing what they have accused me of doing I still feel a need to evaluate why that is what they are seeing in me. That doesn't mean I have to please everyone, it just means I will always take into consideration what others say before just dismissing it. I will be sure it isn't a blind spot before moving on. I want to always do my best for others to see Christ in me!
So are you game mothers? Give it a try. Give your children permission to respectfully share areas they feel you need to improve in. See how it goes you may just be glad you did! Try it once if you don't like it you don't have to do it again. Hugs to you all! Happy changing to those of you who take the challenge on. Share with us how it goes!
Dearest Lord, thank you for my precious children. Thank you that they have such true and precious hearts. I am thankful that they are so loving, caring and a true blessing in my life. I pray you will continue to use them in my life in helping me while I am always striving to be the best mother and person I can be. I never want to be a mother or person who is unwilling to hear about the areas she needs to work on. I never want to be closed minded or so full of pride that I believe I am perfect and make no mistakes. Continue to work on my heart oh Lord and keep it open to all corrections wherever and whoever it may come from! Help all the other mothers out there who are also willing to hear about what their weak spots may be. Help them change too, oh Lord I know you wish for us all to be the best we can be! In Jesus name I pray, Amen~
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