Angry Moms, Mean Angry Children (Repost)

Dearest sisters are you an angry mother, wife or person?    I cannot emphasize enough dear mothers how anger is like an infectious disease.  It usually spreads quite rapidly to those who are closest to you.  There are rare occasions that a child will be the complete opposite of their angry parents. But the most common practice is if the parents have issues with anger the children will follow suit.   So what does that mean for you if you are an angry person?  You say yes I get angry about things but where do I go from here.  Well I must first encourage you by letting you know that you can change!  You can learn to be a peaceful, meek and quiet person.  But like anything else it takes work, patience, perseverance and endurance if you want to truly change you must endure the process. You will have your up and down days the key is to not give up until you have succeeded!  The Lord wants peace for you more than anything so be sure to seek Him in this time of need!   It is definitely beneficial to all if you did take the time to get rid of your anger.  Anger causes so much damage.  It leaves scars and damages a child’s soul.  It teaches them the wrong way to respond to situations.  It teaches them that it is okay to mistreat other people because something is not going their way and I am sure you know mothers that all these behaviors are absolutely wrong! 

So what do you do to change if you are angry?   Do you find you lack patience? You tend to have a short fuse in response to things especially in regards to your children and your husband?  I know many times we blame our children and even other people for how WE respond to things but anger is never anybody else’s fault and it is never okay to be angry at anybody, not the lady next door, not your children and certainly not your husband.  Anger is a selfish and prideful response to things that don’t to go our way.   Do you find that you get upset at your children for not doing what it is you expect them to do mom?  There are other ways of handling those types of situation ladies.  One of the main keys is to first, keep your children with you as I said in my previous post mothers.  When your children are with you, you will know immediately when they are not following your commands with first time obedience.  A child should give you first time obedience always! There should be no exceptions to that rule ever!  If they do not obey you the first time, don’t get mad, don’t count, don’t blow up.  Just get up and do something about it mom.  Always be sure they know your expectations!  Don’t just assume they know all the rules now and then start dishing our consequences.  Take the time to talk with them first and be sure you lay down all the ground rules with them.  This is especially true if you were lax on rules before, they won’t believe you at first mothers.  They are definitely going to test you and you must be sure to show them that you mean business without getting angry!  Please don’t take this wrong ladies but it is your fault they are not obeying you right away.  They think you are a liar mother because up until now you let them get away with things and all you did was get angry if they didn’t obey.  Why should they think this time is going to be any different? So that is why it is up to you to show them that things are going to be different.  Not getting angry will be their first clue that you are serious and you mean business!   Be sure to tell them that first time obedience is what you are going to expect from here on out. When you will tell them to do something you expect them to obey it as if it was the law!  If they decide to not obey you the first time you will be forced to discipline them in love and the key is ladies, to follow through with your word and always be sure you are doing it in love.  If you don’t follow through with what you said you are going to do then your children will think your word is worthless and they will not put any value in obeying it.  They will not believe that you mean what you say if you don’t follow through with correcting them for their disobedience. With things continuing in that direction they will never get better they will only get worse ladies.  Your anger will only increase due to your circumstances instead of decreasing due to perseverance.

The key to all correction is to always do it in love mothers!  Always!!! You can correct your children in love ladies it is true!  You don’t have to be a raving maniac to get them to listen to you.  When you yell in anger you look ridiculous.  Would you fear a policeman who was yelling and out of control?  Or do you fear them more when they are completely calm when they pull you over, walk up to your car window and calmly write you a ticket?  If a policeman came to your car window yelling in a fit of anger telling you off and cutting you down, meanwhile he is flailing his arms in-between writing you a ticket?  After all was said and done, wouldn’t you pull away thinking he was crazy and completely out of control?  Wouldn’t you wonder how he is even competent enough to be doing his job?  Would you have any respect for him at that point?  I doubt it.   Children will usually always respect a cool, calm and collective parent far above one who was always angry and yelling at them.   I can assure you ladies that your children surely think poorly of you also whenever you are in a fit of anger.  They will never respect an out of control angry person!  To be truthful ladies there is nothing to respect.  You are obviously not respecting yourself enough to behave in a decent manner.  Doesn’t that tell you something?  But it doesn’t have to be that way ladies!  I am telling you the truth; there is hope for you!  Do not despair!

Wouldn’t you just absolutely love to have your children to obey you, as quickly as the words just fell out of your mouth?  They obey you on the first time request with complete obedience in their hearts, a smile on their face and hugging you in the process.   You will be able to correct them in love when you are expecting and requiring first time obedience without ever being angry with them.  It is when we allow our children to push the limits and trip all of our buttons that we will find ourselves becoming frustrated and angry when it is us that we are truly angry at.  If our children obeyed the first time you would not find yourself frustrated over repeating the same instruction over, and over and over again!  After repeating ourselves many times we begin to feel taken advantage of and most likely you are right you probably are being taken advantage of.  It is human nature to try and get away with being lazy and get away with doing or not doing things when we weren’t trained properly from a very young age.  That is why ladies the younger you start tomato staking your children the better it will be for you and your end results.  You will enjoy your children, they will be a blessing to you and you will treasure them beyond belief  Anger only leads to destruction in both you and your children and that says you are not taking the time to parent your children if you are an angry and or frustrated mother. When you take the time to train your children, from the start not only do you benefit but most of all your children do.  You will not have to retrain them or try to overcome obstacles caused by not training your children in first time obedience. Take the time to enforce some rules and stop getting angry over things that are totally and completely within your control.  Sit back mother and watch yourself radiantly glow over how your children were told to do something and they answered you with a, “Yes Mommy” while wearing a smile on their face and not only did they do an awesome job in the task at hand but they did it quickly and promptly while speaking to you with the honor you so deserve.  Now they are back and want to know what else they can do to help you mom?  As they are hugging on you and showing you how much you are loved while you love them back.  If we are not giving our children boundaries and guidelines how can we expect them to know where the line is drawn? 

So many mothers blow up and say, “if only my children would obey I could be happy”!  Well the honest truth is mothers; if you only could be happy and consistent then your children would obey!  Anger is never the answer to any of our problems ladies!  NEVER!! Anger only causes more problems and anger not only causes us to be unhappy but it also brings unhappiness to those around us.  Anger is not only bad for us emotionally but it also takes its toll on us physically too. 

Mother do you truly believe you have a right to get angry because your child spilled a glass of milk?  May I ask if the reason you are angry is because you now have to clean up a mess?  Don’t let that create anger in you dear ladies, instead of getting mad that you have to clean up the mess may I suggest that you turn it into a training session for your child instead?  Teach your children to clean up their own messes!  Yes it is true that young children can clean up their messes.  I have had my 1 to 2 yr olds help wipe up a mess they made on the floor.  Will it be great quality work?  Of course not but we are not to expect that from them if they are at a young age.  They are in training mothers and you should look at every opportunity as a training session.  When you have a large family like mine ladies you have to train your children to do things from a very young age. There is no way I can do everything by myself.  Everybody has to do their share even the young ones.  Are you maybe doing too much mother and not expecting enough of your children?  If so that could and will trigger anger in you too.  If you feel like you are carrying the complete load yourself that can make a person angry if they have anger issues.  If your young one makes a mess and you find you don’t have the patience at that moment to help teach them to clean it up then may I suggest for you to enlist one of your older children to help the younger one.  It is great teamwork when an older child works with a younger one.  Be creative mom just don’t get mad!  Anger is never the solution, anger only creates more problems.  Anger doesn’t solve anything it only creates problems and puts a breach in relationships of all kinds.  Are you looking to build relationships or are you trying to tear them down?

Pr 14:1 ¶ Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.  Which are you doing mother?  Anger will always do the latter part of that verse!  Think about what it is you truly want to accomplish.

I once heard a story similar to the one I am about to tell.  I think it is a good word picture for you so I am going to share it.  There you are speeding down the highway.  (Lately in my blogs I have using getting tickets an example.  This is not because I get a bunch of speeding tickets LOL I just think using the law is just a good analogy in helping explain points.)  There is a policeman standing on the side of the road.  His sole job is to yell, in anger, at all the speeding cars that go by.  As you speed by he just screams words of anger towards you while shaking his fist at your speeding vehicle.  He is raging mad, you can see the veins popping our of his neck as he screams in a total fit of anger   Never once does he pull you over, never once does he take any action to get you to stop speeding.  He just yells as you and everybody else breaks the law.  Do you think anybody will ever stop speeding?  Why should they?  There is no consequence.  You may not like his anger but over time you will learn to ignore it and it probably won’t even phase you over time.  It is the same with your children.  You are the policeman and they are the speeding cars. If you want to make an impact on them stop getting angry and start making calm choices.  Learn to control your anger and set the law of first time obedience.  You will begin to start seeing the fruits of your labor mothers. 

Please remember mom as I said before it is not anybody else’s fault you get angry except your own!  The sooner you realize this and admit it the sooner you will be taking your first step towards change.  If you grew up with anger than you should know first hand how damaging it is and how ineffective it was.  Don’t use that as your excuse.  That should be your reason for not doing it!  Do you want your children to remember you with a smile ladies and not with a scowl or a mad face?  Do you want them to cringe when they make a mess or do you want them to see you smile and to know that you will only expect them to clean it up there is not any  anger to endure.  You may even help them because they know that mom is so great and she is fun and she is loving and she is ever so kind!  She is so patient, happy and joyful. She never gets angry or mad at us children and she is especially happy to daddy!  You can be viewed that way ladies you really can!  But you have to want it in order to make the changes! Do you want it mothers?  Do you want your children and your husbands to view you as happy and joyful or mean, grumpy and angry?  Make changes today ladies!  It is never too late!  If you fail, pick yourself back up, ask the Lord to give you the strength to change and keep trying!  Don’t ever give up, keep on getting back up until you succeed!   

What are we teaching our children when they see us angry with others and with them?  We are saying, go ahead take your mood out on others.  Live by your emotions and by your moods.  Allow your circumstances to rule you.  Do you really want that for your children mothers? Or are you willing to say NO I won’t live by my emotions.  I will rule my emotions and I will live in the spirit.  I will be joyful, happy and content and I will teach my children to treat others the way they would want to be treated!  It is in your hands mother. You may say, “Well my husband is an angry man”.  Well so what if he is ladies?   Do you like his anger?  Do you wish he would change?  If that is the case, then you change first ladies.  If you are the loving patient wife/mother then your man may just change too.  But don’t change in order to change him. Change yourself and let the Lord change your man!    Now go smile at your man and your children and make anger a part of your past! Admit your wrong doings to the Lord, your husband and your children!  Repent of your anger and move on into a new future!  You can do this mothers, you truly can!

Dearest Lord, please help change any ladies who have anger problems!  Lord I know you want better for our families.  I know you want us to release our anger and to live by your spirit. But those with anger problems have to want it in order for it to happen Lord.  They have to have a willing heart in order for you to be able to change them!  Give them willing hearts Lord and make them into joyful, willing, happy, content, peaceful, meek women Lord!  I know you can do this Lord and I know you want it for each and every home so please give the desire to those who need it and then help them follow through!  I know they will be glad they did Lord and most of all I know their families will be glad too!  In Jesus name I pray Amen!