"you might not finish this chapter".......hmmmm....interesting title for a chapter....what's it suppposed to mean? I asked myself.

It means that at any given time, every single one of us will meet one-on-one with death, be it sudden and unexpected, or drawn-out and anticipated for months or years. Either way you look at it, we're all going to die.

It's a morbid thought that most of us don't really like to think about. The funny thing is, we'd rather spend our days consumed with our living. Even consumed so much that if we're honest, we spend entirely too much time worrying and stressing about what the day is going to bring....should bring....what if it doesn't bring.....what will tomorrow bring??? Instead of shining for Jesus, and bringing God glory in everything we do, we almost scare others away with our complaining, and arguing, and worrying, and stressing, and looking as if our lives are more out-of-control because  we're spinning so fast.

About two years ago, Bruce's granny died at the full-life age of 92. She's one of the few people I've ever really heard say "It's my time and I want to go to be with the Lord....I'm tired of being down here." And although the process of seeing her go through the highs and lows in the hospital were hard for all of us, her passing away and funeral were one of the most peaceful celebrations of life that I've ever had the honor of attending. It's something quite different when you've walked with the Lord for as long as she had. I vividly remember her telling every person she came into contact with how "Every day was a pure blessing and that she's so proud of how her entire family is serving the Lord.....I know I'm blessed." she'd say.

One year ago, a 40 year old mother of two boys...long time member at our church....Christian counselor.....dating a fine Christian man and looking forward to beginning a new life with him.....was sun-bathing in her back yard. She had been experiencing migraines for quite some time and was on medication for it. On that day, she had upped her dose a little because of the intensity of the pain. That, crossed with not drinking enough water and being out for an extended period of time in the sun (she'd fallen asleep), brought her sad and unexpected death. I think they said she had a cardiac arrest. It was a devastating day in the life of our church. And although we knew she was with the Lord, and there was no doubt in our minds, for some, there was no fighting the feelings of resentment. Lord, how could you take her now? She had such a promising future and she touched the lives of so many people in our church and community with her gift of counseling. She was a bright light in our lives.

Only a short seven months ago, one of the boys in my Cub Scout den and his older brother, lost their mom in a fatal car accident. Brett and Jessica were driving down the same road they drove down every other day. They were on their way over to his parents to pick up the boys. It was raining and the roads were a little slippery. They came up to a curve, lost control of the car, and crashed into the entrance of a subdivision. Brett lost his wife. It was so sad, and still is, to know that this man and his two sons would be beginning a whole new chapter of their lives that they didn't choose....with one less loved one in their midst. You could tell that Jessica was loved much and had an impact on the lives of many people in her community and synagogue. She loved to volunteer for different organizations. As a matter of fact, she used to be the den leader for our den before I was. This fall we will be planting a tree over at the school in her memory....something to remind the kids of a faithful servant that once walked the halls of their school.

So why are we talking about all this??  Frederick Buechner wrote, "Intellectually, we all knw that we will die, but we do not really know it in the sense that the knowledge becomes a part of us. We do not really know it in the sense of living as though it were true. On the contrary, we tend to live as though our lives would go on forever."  We tend to go about our day more interested in just getting through it. Francis talks about how we tend to go about our day subconsciously justifying our stress and worry.

"When I am consumed by my problems -- stressed out about my life, my family, and my job -- I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsiblities.....Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."

I know what this means. I know first hand what it's like to allow a week  to pass by as a blur because I'm so caught up in what needs to get done. I'm ashamed to look back and think about how many times I yelled at the kids, or judged a stranger, or argued with my husband. I'm ashamed when I realize that my so-called divine light, was nothing more than a dull, 10 volt glow. Did I live to bring glory to God in every move I made (as the song goes)? Were my actions and words something I know brought someone closer to knowing Jesus? I don't think so.

Francis says.....and this is good...that 

 "The point of your life is to point to Him."

I started something new this flag football season with my son Connor. I've started asking him before each game, "Who are you playing for?"  The first time I asked him this he answered with all the "right answers"....for you and daddy....for the coach....for my teammates.  But, when I told him what the Bible said in First Corinthians 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.", his answer has changed significantly.

"God is love. Crazy, relentless, all-powerful love..."

When I read these first words vertically laid out across the back flap of the new book I brought home, more than my interest was peaked. I felt a tinge of something deep inside my soul that fluttered.....I almost felt like one of Pavlov's dogs salivating from the mouth when food was presented before them.  Ha! It was physiological. I knew I needed to read it. It spoke truth to my heart. And it quickened my spirit. Do you ever find a book like that?

I knew I'd been in a valley for a while. Not quite satified with where I was with God. Feeling like there should be something more. Knowing that there was something more. I haven't talked about it very much. But it's there.

Being in the valley doesn't keep me from talking to God, or going to church, or singing those awesome worship songs on Sunday mornings, or even reading the Bible. But I know better. Really knowing God takes more  than that.

Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but do you ever feel like you need to "force-feed" yourself? You don't feel like going through the motions, but you do it because you know it's what you should do. You know that even though you don't feel God's presence, He's there. And you want to do whatever you can to keep that connection. I lift up prayer needs of others, listen to friend's struggles with an open heart and mind, continue to serve in various capacities. But, something is still missing. It just doesn't seem like enough. I feel like there has to be something more than this.

It hit me like a ton of bricks when I opened to the first page of the Preface...

"We all know something's wrong. At first I thought it was just me. Then I stood before twenty thousand Christian college students and asked, "How many of you have read the New Testament and wondered if we in the church are missing it? When almost every hand went up, I felt comforted. At least I'm not crazy."

Okay, that means I must not be crazy either, right?

 "It's crazy, if you think about it. The God of the universe -- the Creator of nitrogen and pine needles, galaxies and E-minor --- loves us with a radical, unconditional, self-sacrificing love. And what is our typical response? We go to church, sing songs, and try not to cuss. Whether you've verbalized it yet or not...we all know somethings's wrong. Does something deep inside your heart long to break free from the status quo?  Yes. Are you hungry for an authentic faith that addresses the problems of our world with tangible, even radical, solution? Yes! Yes! God is calling you to a passionate love relationship with Himself. So that's what it is? How have I been missing it? " (emphasis all mine)

It's not as if there's no need around here staring us in the face. We see it everywhere we go. Just on my street alone, I think the other night on my walk about the widowed man living with a his practically non-existent, promiscuous teenage daughter....they pass eachother like ships in the night as he lives out the reality of being alone and she's looking for love in all the wrong places. (Been there. Done that myself.) A young couple with a toddler up on the hill....we can hear them from our house in the evening hours screaming and cussing at one another. The elderly couple on the corner...a retired pastor, blind, and dutifully working in his yard a few times a week....he waves when we go by even though we've never met. The homosexual couple who's lives appear to revolve around the walking schedule of their dogs. The man and woman next door who we only see when they come out to mow the yard...his little girl comes to visit them a couple times a month. The divorced woman on the other side of us  --  she puts an unbelieveable amount of time into her perfectly manicured yard. The woman living with her boyfriend and her four children fathered by four different men....she claims they are all on medication for depression and schizophrenia. The empty house in foreclosure.

I think I covered everyone on just our street.

It's so sad........Is there not enough need in the world? We all have it. We all know someone who experiences it. We see it in extreme all over the world. Jesus said, "The poor you will always have with you," (Matt. 26:11) Who am I to passively think that there's nothing I can do to make a difference?

Francis writes, "God is calling you to a passionate love relationship with Himself. Because the answer to religious complacency isn't working harder at a list of do's and don'ts -- it's falling in love with God. And once you encounter His love, you will never be the same."

So when I really fall in love with God, I can learn to love all these people and situations the same way.  Okay....  I think moving beyond talk is the challenge here. God is seemingly giving me the desire of my heart as I speak. 

I illustrated it to my kids like this: What if we compared a life in Christ to a ball game....any ball game. We could go to the game and sit in the bleachers and just keep being a spectator. It'd be fun to watch for a while. But sooner or later, we would probably realize that the game would be a whole lot  more fun if we we were actually in it playing, ya know? With a life in Christ Jesus, we should come to The Game with more in mind than being a pinch hitter or bench warmer or even part of the group sitting on the bleachers. Maybe we can actually be a player and make a difference to the home team!

In this scenerio, Francis would call those on the sidelines, "lukewarm, halfhearted, or stagnant Christians". He would say that they have an "inaccurate view of God" who we assume is "satified when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way."....maybe by just going to church and singing those songs.  God wants us to get in the game. He wants us to be an actual, contributing player.

So what have I learned so far from this Crazy Love book?

I want to learn to take the old truths of the Word and apply them to my heart and life in a fresh new way.

I want to have a crazy love for Jesus.

Listen to this....

This is how we know what love is; Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us love not love with words or tongue
 but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:16-18