Homegrown Thoughts

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 - Choosing Home, my version

Posted in Deep Thoughts

I was reading through this entry on the spunkyhomeschool blog and realized that although our opinions on the matter are very similar, we got here in rather different ways.  So I will share here how I "chose home" and what that means for me. I also grew up in the 70's, a little later than Spunky did, in a small suburb in Iowa with a lower middle class old-fashioned church-going family.  My mom stayed home until I was old enough to take care of myself after school, and even then was working only a block away at a grocery store where she was always accessible.  My mom and I haven't always had the closest relationship, but one great thing I remember from my angst-ridden childhood was always feeling safe and secure, knowing my mom was close at hand if I needed her and that it was important to her to be there for me. I did the college thing...for awhile.  But it was always a struggle because I could never settle on what exactly it was that I wanted to do when I was done.  I had an interest in many areas, but nothing that screamed, "Pick me!".  After a semester away from home and three more at a local community college with the vague 'liberal arts' major, I finally realized that I was wasting a lot of time and money on something that obviously wasn't all that important to me.  I also realized that all I'd ever really wanted to be I couldn't achieve through a college degree. I wanted to be a wife and mother - and I wanted to always be there for my kids as my mom had been for me. Fortunately, my future husband - who had also grown up in a Christian family - was in complete agreement with me on this.  I married at age 20 and went to work full time.  The plan was for me to work until we had a child.  I was just biding my time until I could do my 'real' job.  I had little ambition career-wise and any promotions I got were instigated by my managers.  The money was nice, but I didn't want to rely on it too heavily.  It was a blessing while it was there and we weren't sure how we'd manage on one income when the time came, but we felt it was the right thing to do and were determined to do it.  God would provide. I was in 'wait' mode for 9 long years.  Finally, our first child came along and I was FREE.  I had my dream job at last.  I was so happy.  And so scared!  I had wanted this so badly for so long - what if I was a total failure at it?  What if the one thing I wanted to do with my life wasn't something I was any good at?  The truth is, I don't think I'll ever be awarded "Mom of the Year" and I don't necessarily feel gifted in the parenting area most days.  I have a hard time remembering what it's like to be 6 or 4 years old, let alone imagine what it's like to be a little boy.  I like to spend time on my freelance work and other interests, sometimes to the detriment of my attention to my family.  Sometimes I have to be forcibly reminded that my number one priority is to be the wife, mother and homemaker in our family, and that it is and should be my Full Time Job.  (It's a humbling experience that I get to go through more often than I like, being reminded that I'm not SuperMom and really *can't* do it all if I expect to do any of it well.)  And yet, by the grace of God, I'm not a failure! Yes, I fail at many things, many times a day - but that means I'm always challenged to keep trying, changing and growing.  I have a husband and two little boys who know beyond a doubt that I love them more than anything else in this world.  I get to spend precious time each and every day with my family that I wouldn't trade for anything.  I have the honor and responsibility of raising and teaching this next generation of godly men.  I'm challenged every day to be a better person and a better example for them.  They watch me constantly and learn from my experiences - day by day and moment by moment. This really is my dream job and, God willing, I get to keep it for the rest of my life.  How cool is that?

[Post A Comment!]

Comments

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 - Choosing Home

Posted by spunkyhomeschool

Great post. I wrote mine for an "Choosing Home" celebration. You can get all the details of how to get yours in by going to http://threepennies.blogdrive.com/archive/134.html But if you decide to do it you better hurry the deadline is today. Spunky

[Permanent Link] [] [