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Quote of the Day: The truth is that there is no more hostile and humiliating social environment than grades K through eight. - Judith Martin (a.ka. Miss Manners)
Here's a possibly controversial question: have any of you ladies ever discouraged someone from homeschooling their children? Well, just this morning, I did. A woman I know well called me and said, “I really think I should homeschool my kid, but I just can't.” I was very taken aback by that statement, as the person in question always seemed rather apathetic to this child's education. So I ask, “Why do you want to do that?” “I don't.” “Well than why are you calling me?” “I don't want to homeschool him, but I think I should.” “Why?” I ask again. “Because it's a week into the school year, and I thought I had registered him at a charter school, but they told me I am still on the waiting list. I don't know how long it will be before he gets in, and so now he's just sitting at home." And then, as an afterthought, she adds, "I think I'm going to make him write a report.” “Why?” “Because that is what he'd be doing if he was in school.” “Well, maybe. But what does your husband think?” “He was homeschooled, and so he knows better. The buddies you make in school are so important in life.” At this point, I want to ask which of her sixth-grade friends she still hangs out with, but I let it pass. “I don't think you ought to do this,” I say. “But he needs a good education! It's just that I don't think he is disciplined enough to be a homeschooler.” “That has nothing it do with it. The parent has to be disciplined, and teach it gradually to the child.” “No, he just doesn't do what I tell him.” I couldn't disagree with her there. I have seen enough scenes unfold in this household to know she was right. Everyday she yells at him to do things, then walks away to go do her own thing, or even leaves to go shopping leaving him there alone with the younger children and his friends, and comes back much later to find the things haven't been done. Suprise, suprise! This pre-teen is acting like a pre-teen... “He'll do what you tell him if you model that behavior for him, and help him stay on track,” I reply. “Uhm,” she said in a tone that made it very clear she thought that was crap. “So what about the middle school by your house? That's a public school. They have to take him.” “They only have one class in his grade with room in it, and my older son had that teacher. She's a real b--ch.” I sigh. “Well, than what do you want to do?” “Well, I should homeschool him.” Silence. She's waiting for me to say something. What can I say? She has already admitted she doesn't want to homeschool, that her husband thinks its a bad idea... I can tell she's waiting for me to agree with her, so that she can argue all the reasons why she can't do it. She wants badly to believe that she would take charge of her child's education if she were in a position to do so, and wants me-- a homeschooler-- to see that she just can't. I wouldn't agree to that just to make her feel better, but I am secretly glad she doesn't really want to homeschool. I can't think of any of my friends who would do a worse job of it, which is unfortunate because her child desperately needs help. He's failing badly in the public system. “I would love to, you know I would,” she goes on, and I let it pass that in all the years I've know her, I have never heard anything about complaints about being “stuck” with her kids, At this point I offer to teach the child here with my kids for the rest of the week while she finds something for him. She declines, stating again that her husband doesn't think homeschooling is a good idea. So I ask, “Well, what is it you want from me?” “I dunno...” At that point she changed the subject in a hurry. She called hoping for absolution for her guilty conscience, which I had no interest in giving her. I was torn: on the one hand, I didn't want to tell her that the second-rate education her child was receiving in the public school was fine because she was too busy for anything else. On the other hand, I have never known a mother to be less interested in spending time with her kids! She reminds me of that awful commercial for Staples office supply stores, (isn't that the one with the “easy button?”) that shows parents dancing around to the Christmas song, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” while they buy their kids school supplies. She was always so eager to get rid of them, that she put her 3 year old in full time daycare while she was unemployed, saying she was “too busy!” Who would, in good conscience, encourage a mother like that to homeschool? Well, I suppose the question is moot. She will do what is easiest for her regardless of any advice I give, so my own conscious can rest easy.
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