Jan. 24, 2008 - The Importance of Standards and Philopsophies
A standard: a rule I make for myself, or a rule a family makes for themself
Our church has been learning and discussing standards, principles and commands on Wednesday nights as of late.
In preparation for last night's study, we teens were required to come up with our own "standards" when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. We were not to get mixed up or focused on terms. According to male and female relationships and serious bonds in the future: what are your standards? What are you planning to do and how are you planning to go about developing that relationship, not based on how you think the world should go about it or based on what everyone else does, but your standards for your own life.
I've always had my own standards, but I've never really broke it down like we did in systematic categories. I think it's very important to do so.
Coming up with your own standards is very important. We need to know what we believe and how we want to come about in and with certain situations. Whatever our standards, it's vital that they align with Scripture. But they're also important because obviously not every issue is not directly addressed in the Bible. Like should a couple kiss or hold hands in a romantic relationship? Obviously, there's not a verse in the Bible that states whether it's o.k. or not. That's why you develop your own standards and beliefs.
Here's questions we used to get us started and on track with developing and coming up with our standards on opposite sex relationships:
Whom should I date?
When should I date?
Why should I date?
Where should I go on a date?
What should I do on a date?
What should I allow on a date?
How late should I stay out?
Should I double date or single date?
Whether you are more inclined to courtship is not the point. Don't let the word "date" throw you off. Basically, how do you plan to go about in a relationship with the opposite sex.
Relationship terms can be confusing when it comes to detailed standards. Even if you lean towards one side more than the other, still, everyone goes about it differently and in their own way in each definition. Everyone has their own story.
We had a good and interesting discussion last night. Not that we all agree, nor are we supposed to. But that's the joy of standards. They are your own beliefs. One couple could lightly kiss each other in pure motives without any temptation but another may decide to not even go there to be shielding from any temptation and focus on other things in their relationship instead of the physical aspect. You see, there's not one right answer in certain subjects!
I encourage you to come up with your own standards. Most people just do what everyone else is doing. But what are your beliefs? What does the Bible say about it? Are they pleasing and glorifying to God? Even if you do already have some basic beliefs I would encourage you to detail it and break it down, and even back it up with Scripture. Just saying "I am going to date," or "I am going to court" or whatever leaves a big gap. Well, if you're dating, when will you date? Are you going to get your parents involved? If courting, what places do you think are appropriate to go together? Is it o.k. to be alone together? Things like that. But be careful not to get too wrapped up in the terms, or it might even be best not to mention them. Basically, start from scratch and write down what you believe for yourself.
Not just in relationships, developing your standards and philosophies are important for all issues of life. What are you standards in the way you dress? The movies you watch? The music you listen to?
Having your own philosophies and principles are important even for the future when your evaluating a potential life partner one day. Does his or her philosophies and standards match up with your own? If couples would compare their beliefs before marriage, I think they would escape a lot of heart-ache in the future. Simple, but important things as your standards of the TV shows you watch, how you plan to raise up children, how you plan to educate your children: the lists are endless. So many times a couple gets married and it finally clicks that their beliefs don't match. Not good. So many times I've read of a wife that said, "I wanted to have lots of children, but once I was married I realized he didn't like kids..."
So.....I greatly encourage you to write down your own philosophies and standards. Make sure it agrees with the Bible and honors the Lord. Also, it would be great and ideal to do it with your parents and to get their thoughts about certain issues. As you will find, it really makes you think, and it can be fun!
Oh, on a side note and in the mentioning of "kissing," you should read this article. It is entitled "What is in a Kiss?" and I found it very thought provoking.
http://blogs.modestlyyours.net/modestly_yours/2008/01/whats-in-a-kiss.html
Comments
Jan. 24, 2008 - <i>Untitled Comment</i>
Posted by Jocelyndixon
Wow, lots of questions. I think it is good to know what you believe and why. A lot of times kids believe something, but don't really know why. I think even it's a wrong believe, you should at least know why you believe it.
As for me... well, my parents and I haven't decided yet on what to do when He comes along. My parents will be involved. It's good to have a third party on things like this, and especially people who care the most about you and your future - because I can be a wishy-washy kinda girl and I will need someone who has a cleared head. This is a big deal in one's life because it has to do with the rest of your life. People have made it seem like dating/marriage is something you can do and then quit and do and then quit. It's not special anymore. You know in the Bible-times when you were betrothal it was as if you were married. It was a serious matter. To call it off was to sign a paper of divorce....
I want to keep myself as pure as I can before marriage - that includes not holding hands, being alone to get emotionally attached, and having the ever-watchful eye of my parents and the Lord on me and "him".
I've also started writing down notes that I want him to read once we're married... these I will need him to keep me accountable for because I have weaknesses i will need help with. I have also written down a list of things that I will have to know about him as to not let history repeat itself as in some cases.
I read a neat little story on betrothal http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/VirtuousMaidens/458774/
And I gave you an award dearest Brooke
Love you
Jocelyn
Edited by Jocelyndixon on Jan. 24, 2008 at 10:16 PM
Jan. 25, 2008 - Hey
Posted by dixiebeauty
Yep! I'm now 20!!! Goodness, no longer a teenager! :-)
Wow! I like what you wrote! Very good! And that article entitled "What is in a Kiss?" was great! I'm totally going to tell my mom about it. She loves reading stuff like that. :)
Well, hope you have a wonderfully blessed day!
lots of hugs,
Jordan Lee
Jan. 25, 2008 - <i>Untitled Comment</i>
Posted by pianolove
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I've been thinking I should ask my parents. I do know I'll be chaparoned. :)
I found your blog through Jocelyn. May I add you to my friends list?
Heather
Edited by pianolove on Jan. 25, 2008 at 8:39 AM
Jan. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by BlogBoy
I know someone who just wrote about this.... ;)
Good points, we do need to have standards. As I said, even though we may not date we still need to have standards and opinions on the subject.
Eric
Jan. 25, 2008 - Well posted...
Posted by DeusPrimus
(I am still trying to figure out whether it is more correct to reply to a comment, or comment on the current blog post first. Any thoughts? I think I will comment on this post first...)
This was a very interesting post, which is surely quite applicable to many of your readers. Second only to the choice to follow Christ, the decision of choosing a spouse is, in my opinion, the most important decision that a person will make in their time on this terrestrial sphere. Unfortunately, our fallen natures frequently make this a more difficult situation than we would like. Patience is a virtue that is especially valuable when assessing potential suitors, and suitees, sadly it is all to often is neglected.
The article on kissing was also thought provoking. Thankfully it is not currently an issue that I have had to deal with personally; but wisdom is still important, even when it is not immediately applicable. If not always for oneself, it may be needed to help others in the future.
Jumping off to the topic of sugar, my goal was inspired by our pastor, who was preaching on self-discipline. He pointed out that we often speak of our own "self-discipline", but how often do we actually deny ourselves anything that we want? It is not self-discipline to say that we do not drink, smoke, gamble, commit felonies, when these are not temptations for us. Painful though it may be to admit, I realized that my self-discipline was not as strong as it should/could be. I am a terrible sugar-holic, and this seemed a good front on which to to attack the fortress of my self-indulgence. Those are my reasons, for what they may be worth.
I am wavering on my date of ending the "fast". I am reaching the point where my cravings are less demanding, and can often be sated by a piece of fruit. My mind has been clearer, and I have generally just felt better. Feeling so much better is alluring, but as is the idea of a chocolate chip cookie. (I have not had your six years of discipline to fortify me.) At this point I am simply not sure what to do...
Later,
BFH
P.S. It was certainly interesting to read your 2006 post. I learned a few new things about you, and found out we have many similarities, love for the beach, driving barefoot, as well as many others. Strangely enough, I don't share your love for wearing skirts... That is probably a very good thing!
Jan. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by drgnfly1010
I was just looking through your "archives" and it cought my eye. :)
Jan. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by giftedgirl
Hey!
You're very welcome for the tag! :-D I look forward to reading your answer!
Mama is going to see if she can get my camera to connect to the computer... let's hope it works!
The slideshows are cool, aren't they? :-) I can PM you, or e-mail you the instructions, if you'd like.
Your post was really good!! I think a lot of people miss that - they have their beliefs and convictions and standards, but they fail to see that others don't neccesarily have the same beliefs, nor do they have to. I liked the list of stuff about dating and all.... really, the whole post was thought-provoking. Very nice, as usual. :-D
Hugs,
Becca
Jan. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by giftedgirl
P.S. I liked the What's In A Kiss post. :-) It was good.
Jan. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by giftedgirl
P.S.S. (My memory seems to be failing on me.... again.... as usual.... LOL)
Your blog looks very nice!! :-D
There! I'm done. I think.
Jan. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Caity
Good post!
I'm glad you like my blog title. :-)
Other than a cold I've been completely well. :-)
My siblings are all doing better, aside from Sara still having a touch of it. My mom is doing better too.
My dad is sick now though. The doctor says he has a touch of bronchitis. Other than that we're all doing better.
Thanks for stopping by. :-)
In Christ,
Caity
Jan. 26, 2008 - Hello....
Posted by Ebell1993
Hello there Miss Brook-
I would like to introduce myself first, my name is Miss Elizabeth and I love the Lord above everything!! I strive to have a better walk with the Lord everyday and I pray the same for you. (There is more about me at my blog). After saying that all, do I have the pleasure of being one of your friends?
Second, I would like to say that this entry was wonderful! I have read all your past entry's and thought they were just as good. Wonderful Job!!
Have a great weekend and God bless!!
Love, Miss Elizabeth
Edited by Ebell1993 on Jan. 26, 2008 at 11:09 AM
Jan. 26, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Liveforeternity
Very nice post! :-) It's always encouraging to read about/meet other young ladies who are interested purity! :-)
Have a great day!
Joy
Jan. 26, 2008 - Brooke
Posted by SuperAngel
First off I Love the new template. Very pretty!
This is a very thought provoking post. I will have to think over it and see what I think. : ) But from what I have read it looks pretty good.
Oh right... Gone With The Wind. Yeah... I didnt care for that one too much. It drudged on and on...
I didn't think you were commanding or being bossy. I liked your suggestion. Telling my favorite one is a good idea. I will add that to my list of posts to do. haha... I have a list for everything. lol I will try to do that soon.
I am very glad you get so much from my posts. I am so glad to have found such a kindred spirit with you!
If you want to be able to edit your comments, you can sign up as a subscriber on my blog and have a login where you don't have to add all your info when you leave a comment. To register, look towards the bottom of the blogrolls on the right sidebar where it says register.
Love, Prayers, and Blessings,
Amanda
http://superangelsblog.com
