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Secrets of family successFirst of all, let me emphasize that I do not agree that women should be combat soldiers--now that is my opinion, but it is based on many things, partly on Biblical convictions, and partly my own experience in the United States Army.With that out of the way, let me also say that I probably would not be the person I am today without the good ol' army training I received some 24 years ago. God works all things for the good, and this has become part of His plan for me. Among the things I learned that I use today are the ideas that a person can do more, faster, on less. I never knew what it meant to be "fast", or to truly clean, or how to function on less than 5 hours of sleep for weeks on end, until those fateful 8 weeks. We ran everywhere we went--we forgot how to walk. I suffered from tendonitis in my calves, but still ran, marched for miles at a time, and performed all of the other exercises and duties. I went to bed at 9 pm, woke up for 2 hours of guard duty, went back to bed, and awoke again at 4 am. I contracted bronchitis and held a fever of 102 degrees or so, but I still ran 2 miles at my greatest speed in only britches and a t-shirt in 50 degree weather. I crawled on my back through mud under barbed wire, and then had an officer command that I should wear my rain poncho so that I wouldn't "get wet". I got yelled at constantly, had to follow orders that made no sense, and still had to render respect and obedience. Does this sound familiar? Doesn't it sound like motherhood and being an obedient Christian and wife? There are many things I use from those days even now: 1: I can still be thankful, even without a full 8 hours of sleep, even with pregnancy sleeplessness and newborn interruptions. 2: People (my children) will conform if they have to, it just takes firm, confident leadership and the willingness to take the measures necessary. The army trains soldiers for combat, and combat is a life-or-death situation. You can't allow yourself to constantly be second-guessed when lives are on the line. You can't take little "half-measures" either--you have to be firm and go on the offensive with behavior problems. It is unwise to wait until the problem escalates and then take action--set the standard up front and then make sure the consequences are painful (not necessarily in the physical sense) and meaningful from the outset, instead of waiting until you get mad enough to do something about it. 3: Teamwork and commaraderie are vital to the success of any mission. Even though I had very little in common with the other women in my platoon, I found myself crying, praying and cheering them all on. You can't have a functioning, happy family without being a team; without being each other's greatest cheer-leaders. You have to get rid of things like competition and petty jealousy, and practice handing out praise in large doses. You have to have an objective before you, and realize that all else is secondary (in this case growing in Christ's love). You have to clap and whoop and holler over the accomplishments of your spouse and your children. 4: The "buddy system" works. I had a buddy, and we looked out for each other. Around here we have buddies, albeit not in a formal, assigned sense, and they watch out for each other and care for each other. This is not to say that we leave the parenting to the children, but we allow the sisterhood and brotherhood that God planned to take its proper place. 5: The job gets done better and faster if you get everyone involved. If you have a large brood, get them all to help when it's time to clean up or do other chores. Make it a party--plan some celebration afterwards. 6: Idle hands make mischief. In the army, if there wasn't anything happening, they found jobs for you to do--even if it meant painting tree trunks and rocks. It didn't matter what sort of "special training" you had, the army had its way of finding menial things for you to do, right along-side the higher ranking sorts. We picked up cigarette butts, raked leaves, painted curbs, polished doorknobs, etc. Children do need time to just "mess around", but if things get out of hand, I hand them a broom or a bucket and give them things to do. 7: Always salute the officers and great the sergeants. Do we want to raise respectful, honoring children? Then we have to become the same, and then expect the same. Children don't necessarily want to operate with honor--they must be trained to respond with respect and even given the words to say. Honor is something that must be addressed directly, since it goes against the grain of our flesh, and honoring begins with honoring older brothers and sisters. 8: Never leave a man (woman) behind. If someone was lagging behind on a 10-mile march, another soldier was assigned to carry her pack so that her burden would be lighter, and a few other soldiers got on either side and lifted her up. If you are a team, you carry each other's burdens and lighten each other's loads. You don't make fun of the weak or the downtrodden, you lift them up. Everyone finishes victoriously together. This is the balance to expecting more than a person thinks he/she can do. It deals with compassion and self-sacrifice for the good of the mission and the team. 9: Meetings and announcements keep the team focused. Taking the time to assemble the family and address issues of concern or praise is a vital practice. You need to cast a vision of the goals of your team and make sure that everyone is on the "same page" as it were. Just as there is a "place for everything and everything in its place", each family member needs to know their function and what is expected. Leaving these things to chance only leads to chaos and feelings of isolation and frustration. 10: Showing a little passion now and then lends credibility and gives the team the vision it needs to get through the rough times. Whether it's positive or negative passion, the children need to see that the parents are seriously involved, that they are engaged on both a logical and emotional level. It is unwise to be constantly cheerful or angry--but use emotional responses when they will serve the greater good, always balanced with self-control. 11: Organization and planning keep the team on track. Any organization that does its job well has procedures that must be followed for different scenarios. There are rules that must be followed which keep things from being fowled-up due to knee-jerk, emotional responses. Even when cleaning a bathroom, it is good to have what is referred to as an "SOP", or "Standard Operating Procedure" manual, which gives the person a specified list of what is expected. These are some of the obvious things that have become part of our daily lives here--I'm sure there are more that I don't readily recognize. Especially when a family is large, you can't just live and expect things to "fall in place". You need a plan of action, or you will end up with a handful of nothingness, like sand through your fingers. Leave a Comment { Last Page } { Page 30 of 84 } { Next Page } |
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