In the movie the football coach has been coaching for 6 years and he continually loses.  His wife can't get pregnant...he basically feels like his life is falling apart and he is a total failure.  He turned to God and said he is going to give God the glory whether they win or lose and he truly released everything to God and God blesses him.

Two weeks ago my counselor asked me if I completely trust God and my response was, "Of course, I do.  He is my everything.  I totally trust Him."  Well, Eric and I have been arguing so much lately and Eric's common response to me, "Liberty, you have to trust God with that". (Example: me being paranoid that our children are going to get kidnapped so I don't let them out of my sight EVER when we are outside of the house).

Last night during the worship and prayer time God told me, "You do trust Me, but you are hanging on to one last piece that is keeping you from trusting Me completely."  He then went on to tell me that the part of me that has to plan everything to the very last detail/minute is keeping me from totally surrendering my time and myself to Him.  He also showed me that I am trying to be so good all of the time and it is not through my own efforts but through Him that I am redeemed.  I did not die for my sins, Jesus did so I need to stop trying to take credit for something I did not do and I will never do.  I don't know if that just made any sense to you but it sure did to me. 

I was prophesied over about 2 and 1/2 years ago and I had gotten a tape of that service and transcribed it and wrote it into my journal.  Last night God told me to go read that journal entry...I will share it with you.

Prophecy 8/22/2004

Six years ago one of my friends had gone to a church and there was a guest preacher with the gift of prophecy and he prophesied over her. She couldn't believe it and she said that he was totally right on. Well, ever since that happened to her I had always hoped that would happen to me someday. I had prayed for it to happen a few times, but I have never been around anyone with that gift.

Last Sunday, our interim preacher said that he had a woman's name on his heart and when he got there he asked one of our elders if we had a woman in our church by that name. During the service he called her up and he started prophesying over her. It was really awesome. Well, that stirred that old prayer/desire in my heart. I didn't think anything of it until at the very end of the service he just walked up to me and started prophesying over me. I just started bawling and I didn't really hear what he said, but my husband said that everything he said was so true. I finally got a tape of it (Luckily they still had the tape recording for the sermon) and I wrote it all down. When I heard everything I was truly shocked. I started crying all over again. This is what he said,

"Surely, surely the Lord has laid His hand upon thee
thy handmaiden of the Lord. I have seen how that in
your heart you've cried out and in the depth of your
being you've cried out and you've said, 'Oh God, how I
want you. How I need you in my life!' I say unto you
today, fear not, for even as it was in the days of
Esther when Esther dared to come into the presence of
the King, the King extended the sceptor because she
was loved and accepted. So have I the Lord thy God
extended My sceptor unto thee cause your loved and
very accepted. I have called you sayeth the Lord to
be an Esther. Called you to be an intercessor. I
have stirred your heart within you sayeth thy God to
intercede and to cry out in the night seasons on
behalf of my people. Nay, and when you cry out sayeth
the Lord, I the Lord thy God will run and respond to
the cries of your heart. I have raised you up for
such an hour as this sayeth the Lord. The tenderness
of your heart and of your spirit is because of Me
sayeth thy God. Therefore my daughter be encouraged
this day and know the surety that I have called thee
and I will do the works sayeth the Lord. I will do
the work. It's not man doing the work. It's not by
power nor by might, but it's by My Spirit sayeth the
Lord. For I do an inner work in your life that is
eternal sayeth thy God. So respond to me my daughter
sayeth the Lord. Come. Surrender to me. Let me
intercede in you and through you on behalf of my
people sayeth the Lord. Thank you Jesus. Glory to God."

I wish I could explain how deeply this touched me and how true this was in my heart. Ever since I was 17 years old Esther has been my role model and favorite woman in the bible. That is just one of the major things that stood out to me. There was so much more.
~~~

I put the part in bold that God really touched me with last night when I read it.  What is interesting is after I had received that prophetic word I started studying intercessor and what that means to be one and it wasn't really speaking to my heart and last night God said to me, "You can't put being an intercessor into a box.  It doesn't look like what you think it is supposed to look like for you, that is why you need to trust in Me."  So then I was thinking about what Beki (my bible study leader of a mothering bible study I am in) said about me being a harvester and I feel like that was another piece to what God is using to show me the complete picture.

I am sorry if this doesn't make any sense, but the bottom line is I need to totally trust God in ALL things and realize that I can NEVER be good enough to get to heaven.  It is only God through me; abiding in Christ that makes the difference.  Thank you Jesus that it doesn't have to be me.  This is why I can never be supermom either which is one of my biggest struggles.  God is good...ALL the time!