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my blog to this link...come with me.
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We anticipate a cold (about 20 degrees), yet joyful Easter today. Eggs have been hidden. Ham is ready to go in the oven. Fruit salad is made. May the joy of Easter last with you for the next 50 days! |
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Besides focusing on the flowers of the field and their dependance on the Father to help them grow, we have been studying birds again in our family. They awaken me each day at their joyful surprise of the sun. I love collecting birds nests. I find them in trees and beg my husband to bring them down for me. It's even caught on with my 7 year old. She spots them in trees (way beyond my 5ft 2 reach) and encourages me to get them. Our collection in the school room continues to grow. We have nests of robins, cardinals, house finches and sparrows to name a few. We even have one with an abandoned blue robins egg still intact. I have added a book about spring and a book about the parts of a bird as well as my montessori three part cards for the kids to pratice their identification of birds. Last week we had a sink or float day at the lake down the street. We took bark and string and tried to make some things float out like boats. We had varied success.....we did make a raft out of dried weeds that had great success floating out. We brought it home to show daddy. I couldn't find it later in the day until one of the children noticed it in the top of pine tree near the driveway. Two grackles were building a nest and must have taken interest in the string. There was the string hanging from the tree with just a bit of the raft left connected to it! Yesterday my husband was out mowing and brought a bird's scull in. It seemed so tiny! I put it in a magnifiying box for the kids to look at. Here our heavenly Father too was remembered as he counted this bird when it died... Perhaps it was one we heard singing to us last summer. I wonder what kind of nests we will find this summer. |
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God has blessed us once again. Bernadette Lucia decided to make her appearance into the world very early on March 31st. Big sister Elizabeth was able to attend the birth to support mom and announce the sex of the baby. It was an intense, but joyful birth. It was a very wonderful beginning to Holy week here. I considered again what joy Mary must have had at the birth of our Lord and too more at how joyful Easter will be as we rejoice in our Savior's ressurection from the dead! |
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In the year of our engagment, Steve and I were handed a book called Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanuaken. It was read aloud (as well as many other books) in those moments we shared together. It became a stepping point as we reached toward what we hoped our marriage might become. Van (as Sheldon's friends called him) and Davy (the name he called his wife Jean) created an image of a marriage with a "shining barrier" around it which would protect it from outside forces. It was also a barrier to keep them connected to each other. Over the years they found Christ, and wondered if they had shut Him out of their barrier. Steve and I liked the imagery and took it for out own. We wanted to Christ to be inside our Shining Barrier and to keep us united together through the thick and thin of marriage. As we approached our 10th year of marriage, I encouraged Steve to find another copy of Severe Mercy so that we could re-read it aloud to each other. And soon after at a used book sale (oh how we love those sales!!!), we found one. Alas did we really think we could find the time to read it aloud to each other with three children? We did read quite a bit of it aloud last year, but today I took the chance to finish it myself. Oh the tears! And what a symbol of commitment to marriage. Van never did remarry, but it was quite amazing to look at the two years after Davy's death and the effect it had on him. I wonder how I can continue to develop this deep commitment to my husband...even if death would take us apart. Davy was willing to give up her life so that her husband would become commited to Christ...and he did eventually find that fullfillment in the Catholic church in 1981. Steve, like Van, lead me more wholly into the Catholic church and I pray that my effect on his life draws him ever more deeply into the heart of Jesus Christ as well. So finishing this book today made me wonder, did Van write other things? I'd like to read them....so off to the library reference desk I call to get them searching for me. Under the Mercy and Little Lost Marion will soon be coming...
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A marvelous thing about moving into a house is finding the treasures waiting for you. Our house origninally built in 1865 is full of interesting wall habits and tidbits. The yard is always giving us new things as well. From time to time the rain has washed up bit of old glass, nails, and shapely iron things. Today we have been blessed with flowers. Daffodils, crocus, and tulips are in the waiting stage....just need a few more days of sun. It makes me think of all the people that have lived here before us. Someone planted these flowers for another day not thinking that they may never see the beauty that was to come. I too had planted last fall in hopes that I could reap someday their beauty.....which made me wonder where that verse was in the Bible. The flowers of the field...they neither labor nor spin but their heavenly father looks over them. The birds of the air don't worry about where to get their food....Matthew 6. There it is. In high school I was on the speech team and had to memorize this passage of Matthew 6. It was a dramatic presentation for a contest in Chicago. It was my first lectio divina I think....without knowing the terminology and without being Catholic......I pondered that passage so many times that I came deeply into my heart, but here I am still pondering it today. What an amazing heavenly Father we have that had planned our life for us. All we have to do is rest in it and choose to remain in Him everyday. So " seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. "
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I found this blog yesterday and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It has made me look at the stuggles today in a new light. And given me hope to focus more on finding the good in my children. |
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As a homeschooling family we are always schooling. Some days it is learning about math. Somedays it's learning how to interact with the postmaster when we mail a violin back. Somedays it's helping a widow next door find some joy. Somedays it's just helping mom fold and put away the laundry. But we are ALWAYS learning something. For the last 7 months, three other moms and their homeschooling children have converged upon my home from three distant points (40 minutes one direction, 1 hour another direction and 20 minutes from yet another direction). We have a history co-op that we try to accomplish. It's based on Story of the World by Susan Wise Bauer. We try to cover five chapters a month to complete this in one year. Each mom takes a month and we do group activities based on what we studied. It's been a gentle chaos each month as 13 children (and now two more on the day) learn to learn together. We have the typical sibling troubles from time to time as well as the friendships that turn into battles. But it has been so fun to host this group. I enjoy too having the more or less uninterrupted time to once again connect with these moms each month. So here's to another week of schooling or not really schooling, but learning deeply about life and the things that history gives us. And patiently (but not really patiently) waiting for this baby to arrive. |
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Nearly 10 months ago we moved and during this time it has been a little difficult to break into the culture of this town. There are decades of family members that are tightly united with little extra time to spend with new comers. I haven't felt rejected, just understanding that with my busy life of homeschooling I too have little time to work on new friendships. Add to this my inability to get back to our old town for outings and bible studies, I have had less mommy support over these months. Last month our pastor stated he would do a bible study on Sunday mornings after church during Lent. I thought this might be a great avenue for me to get to know some more women (and their hubbies) in the church. Unfortunately our pastor's health took a turn for the worse and he decided Sundays were too busy for him. During this time I was silently thinking perhaps someone would be willing to let me host a Bible study in my home. God has blessed us with this bigger house, and it would be central for the others of this town to come to my house...... Last night our priest called and asked if Wed mornings would be conveinent to have our Bible study instead. It is a easier day for him (he is 80 years old!) and he thought the other women would find that day acceptable. So I offered my house...and he said that was what he was hoping to hear! Praise God. I got my desire without ever having to voice it to another human being. God was able to see the desire of my heart even before I was able to ask for it clearly. So beginning NEXT WEEK!!!! there will a study of the scriptures here in my house. Thank you God for answering my prayer. |
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Isn't is a funny term for mothers and their families as they prepare for the arrival of a baby? This week my husband has caught the bug too. I have been creating lists of things I wanted to finish...sew this, rearrange that closet, wash those clothes, get the Easter outfits ready....and he has made his list too. It just took him being home on Spring Break for it to be verbalized and worked on! It was amazing the transformation that his work room off the garage took this week! The yard and the 60 degree weather brought about completion of those things that had waited from last year! I see small green things sprouting out of the ground, but no green buds on the trees yet. Those will have to wait until the 21st of March....when the birds begin their nesting too. ......now to remember where I put my collection of bird nests that I brought when we moved to this house 10 months ago. It will help us wonder and ponder why mothers and their families feel like nesting as a new baby is soon to arrive. |
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After waiting and praying and praying some more, I am finally an aunt. My only sister gave birth to a beautiful boy, Liam, after way too many hours of struggling. I was there by her side to help as best I could. It was a difficult delivery and very strenous for all of us who endured it beside her. Now I wonder what joys I will be able to find as an aunt? |
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Today was the final day of my training to be a doula. www.dona.org It was wonderful to spend a weekend with other women who want to help mothers be supported in their choice of birth. The two trainers I learned under have been doulas for over 10 years. Their experiences and positive attitudes were so contagious! My own experiences of birth have been wonderful. I have supported friends at their births as well as had good experiences birthing my own three children. It saddens me of the tramatic birth experiences that women have had to endure over the last 50 years. It seems that the last decade has allowed more natural experiences for women and I hope to continue that trend by my support of gentler choices. |
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It's happening again. Seems like when I reach this far in a pregnancy (one month left to go), my mind begins to play tricks on me. I find it harder and harder to get to sleep and to stay asleep. Is it that my mind is beginning to wake easier to hear a newborn stirring? It is that I have so many things on my to do list that have not been accomplished? Could it be that I have a sister and a dear friend both due to have their babies within the next few days and I am feeling concern for them? So what to do with this *extra* time that I have been given? This morning I found some good reading by Elisabeth Leseur. I picked up a book by her years ago and have been able to come back to it time and time again with much joy. Read a little about her here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_Leseur In the book I have she gives her journey of a spiritual retreat for a whole year. Some of it suggests silence which I am able to finally find at this time of night! Perhaps this is God's little gift to me....some silence that I need for my soul. I pondered what Elisabeth's life must have been like. To sacrifice so much, to never know the love of a child of her own, to suffer in pain with her cancer and illness. I have other Elizabeth's in my life. One is my spiritual mother, Elizabeth. She lives a continent away in a little convent in France. She taught me silence. (and too suffers through breast cancer) Another is my dear daughter, Elizabeth, who teaches me self donation. She has been quite a help to me during this pregnancy. Lastly is my current study on St. Elizabeth of the Trinity. I have not been able to glean the depth of all I will learn from her. Elisabeth Leseurs resolution on silence(in part): Silence is good for the soul, essential to recollection, and conducive to humility. Remember our Lord's silence throughout His life and during the hours of HIs Passion. When I am in the company of other's for their good, I will talk freely on exalted and serious subjects, the discussion of which cannot fail to enlarge and strengthen both my own soul and theirs. I will talk about nothing trivial or mean, and no petty grievances. In a word, my speech, shall be recollected, and my silence living. So here's to insomnia that will help me to become more self donating and silent.
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I just finished reading aloud the Lenten Message for this year from Pope Benedict to my three children. (one listened! ) And it made me think how lovely it is that we have encouragement to prepare for Easter! So I did a quick google to see what other church leaders have sent out a Lenten message to their faithful.....after looking at more than 6 pages of links....sadly there was only one from an Episcopal bishop, but all the rest were from Catholic bishops! Is it any wonder that Christians have trouble focusing on the true meaning of the Passion of Jesus in these 6 weeks before Easter? Who is here to help us? To guide us on the way? Or maybe Jesus is there in the small voice of a child leading us......This week my husband called me on the phone to tell me what our dear 2 1/2 year old son had commented to him. For the past six months, every time we go to church our son becomes focused on the stations of the cross. First he found the picture of Jesus falling. And stated loudly during the service "oh no! Jesus fell down!". A few weeks later he identified the whip being used. again loud voice calling out " He's hurting Jesus mommy!" Yesterday our dear son found the hammer. "Mommy, look a hammer. A nail. Ouchie!" It seems to me that the passion will be dear to him his whole life. ( My second daughter has quite a focus on Mary...but that's another story for another time) So back to my husbands phone call. "you'll never guess what Silas told me just now" my husband exclaims. "what did he do now?" I respond. "He told me 'you killed Jesus'." my husband retorts. Hmm. Maybe there is some truth to that. Our beloved Pope Benedict tells us to remember this Lent : "Look upon him whom you have pierced"....and a 2 1/2 year old can help us remember in his own words "you killed Jesus".
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Today after Mass one of the chior members was taking down the green banners that hang in the front of the church. The hooks looked so empty there. I turned to my four year old and asked....I wonder what color they will put up for our preparation time for Easter? and she quickly answered Purple of course! What a blessing it is to have my children immersed in the Litugical Life with me. We have been talking about our Lenten sacrifices and activities. It will be the last legs of pregnancy for me. I have a couple more days to finish my purchases for Lent which begins on Wednesday. We are going to have a large grapevine in our house during all of Lent. During the weeks I will encourage my children to do either an extra prayer, a gift of almsgiving, or sacrifice for someone else and in return add a grape to the grapevine in our house. I have been meditating on John 15....where Jesus says I am the vine, you are the branches. Every branch that does my will, bears much fruit. I'd like our grapevine to be overflowing with fruit by Easter time. I can see that our Lenten walk with be full of purple. |
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Today we celebrate the Presentation of the Lord...the day when Mary and Joseph take Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem. There they find people who have been continually waiting for the Lord, Simeon and Anna. I wonder what that was like for Mary and Joseph to take Jesus there and find Simeon waiting. And what was it like to hear the words Simeon said" Behold this child is destined for the fall and rise of many....you yourself, Mary, a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed." How would I have responded? Granted this child hadn't had all the 'normal' pregnancy and birth experiences or attendances after this birth, but what was this like? It was miles away from Nazareth. And too here was Anna...a widow for some 60+years which the gospel says she NEVER left the temple, but worshiped night and day with fasting and prayer. When Anna sees Jesus she tells everyone that THIS child is the one she has been waiting for...it's the redemption that all of Jerusalem has been waiting for. As I reflected on the glory of Jesus coming into the temple, it reminded me of the glory of God from the Old Testament. And how his glory filled the temple. (Ezekiel 43:4-5 The glory of the Lord entered the temple by the eastward gate, and the house of God was filled with spendor. ) I suspect that when Mary and Joseph brought this very young baby, Jesus, that his glory filled the temple as well. At least those who had eyes of waiting and faith (Simeon and Anna) saw his glory and rejoiced in it. First Corinthians 6:19 tells us "Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit." When we allow the Holy Spriit to enter our souls, we personally become a temple for him. So I wonder what kind of glory we can give to God as our bodies are filled with His glory. Who is it that will be waiting with eyes of faith to see the glory of God in the temples of our bodies? Will our bodies glorify God in a way that others can see? I too want to be waiting with eyes of faith to see the glory of God in others. |
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This weekend afforded me a retreat. A local community hosted a retreat for women. www.communityofstjohn.com It lasted Friday night through Sunday morning. I came home for the nights, but spent a good amount of time in silence at the conference center and church. Some of the talks referred to this document http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_15081988_mulieris-dignitatem_en.html which encouraged me to drag it out and re-read it for myself. And then to look again at my life. God has called me to both be a biological mother and a spiritual mother to a few. How do I choose to live out this vocation of motherhood? Do I meet it with joy each day? Do I celebrate the lives that Christ has put in my life? Mother Teresa once said something like it isn't how much you do, it's how much love you put into it. So perhaps it isn't so much that I achieve as a homeschooling mother, but how much I truely care and how much love I put into what we do each day as a homeschooling household. I do want my children to remember me as a praying and loving mother. Not as one who gets uptight at a messy room or unfinished school work. I want my children to remember the moments of sitting on the couch reading living books and singing around the piano. I want them to remember the love that I was able to share because of God's love for me. Other joys of the weekend included my husbands wonderful role in allowing me to be gone so much. The three children were so joyful when I returned! I knew that they had been well cared for and tended to....they even had an indoor campout with daddy one night! As I step back from the retreat and look at the whole picture, I want this to be another step of growth in my life of faith. I want this to be more than just a small stop off. I wonder what God is going to teach me next?
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Whew! As I spent time reading my latest spiritual book (the writings of Blessed Elizabeth of the the Trinity), www.ourgardenofcarmel.org/e3.html I came upon her musings on predestination. As a child of a Protestant family, my mind goes fuzzy on the *teachings* that I got growing up. I knew other children of Christian families who believed there were others (non-Christians) who would never make it to heaven as they were not predestined for it. I always tried to come to sense with that in my mind.and compare it to Christ's teachings that "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" (Romans 10:13). Here's Elizabeth's focus (Ephesians 1:3-6) :"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, as HE CHOSE US in him, BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD, to be holy and without blemish before him. In love he DESTINED US FOR ADOPTION TO HIMSELF through Jesus Christ, in accord with the favor of his will for the praise of the glory of his grace that he granted us in the beloved. " My emphasis added. That means to me that before the foundation of the world (thousands of years ago) He chose me! Now the mystery begins at how I can be the praise of his glory of his grace..... Off to read more of Ephesians....This is deep stuff. |
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I wonder why it is that some homes that I visit just call to you to stay awhile. There are those spaces that have deep cushioned chairs, books strewn on the floor, subtle lighting and smells of cookies coming from the kitchen. I love to look at magazines of other persons ideas of the perfect place to call home. I see the stories of entry ways that invite, the stairwells that call for investigation, the nooks of imagination. I want a home that calls to others to come and visit. So is it the entry way that beckons? Is it the smells that remind you of grandma's kitchen? Is it the sounds of laughter from children? What is it that deeply calls me to want our house to be a real home? Perhaps it's just the fact that people live there...and truely DO live there. Not that just sleep there. In our fast paced culture, many families use their homes as a hotel of sorts. A place to sleep and once in a while eat a meal. But the meals are not eaten together at the table.
Here in this house we choose to live together. To wallow in each others piles of books, share the mystery of the nooks and crannies of an old house, meet each other over home cooked food at large tables, clean up after each other and to just live together. It is in this that we make our house a home. |
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I wonder why a scheduled break from school seems so different than those days that school just never happens? Last week and this week are Christmas holiday for us. We schooled right up until the day before Christmas Eve so make two full weeks of break for ourselves. Daddy was home most of last week, but this week as we began to get into the swing of life again the girls have found the desire to school again. Kiddingly I told them they were not allowed in the school room during our Christmas break, but I found them writing letters, making decorations, creating science experiments, and playing with their new learning games all this last week and a half. So here we are with two more days of break...and perhaps they are bored with no structured day of schooling. So I wonder how I can keep my calm of school break for the next two days? We will do some letterboxing with friends. www.letterboxing.org We will find science, reading and physical education there. We will also attend a homeschooling mass and begin our focus on Epiphany. The wisemen hiding all over the house will begin to move closer to the nativity scene to arrive on Sunday. We will collect our things for our Epiphany House blessing...this will mean digging out the chalk and blessing rite. And we will practice, practice, practice our violins.
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