> 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
> 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
> I just finished cleaning.'
>
> 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
> 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
>
>
> 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
> 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
> you into the middle of next week!'
>
> 4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
> ' Because I said so, that's why.'
>
> 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
> 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
> you're not going to the store with me.'
>
> 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
> 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
> in an accident.'
>
> 7. My mother taught me IRONY
> 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry
> about.'
>
> 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
> 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
>
> 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
> 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your
> neck!'
>
> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
> 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is
> gone.'
>
> 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
> 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through
> it.'
>
> 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
> 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
> Don't exaggerate!'
>
> 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
> 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you
> out.'
>
> 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
> 'Stop acting like your father!'
>
> 15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
> 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this
> world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
>
>
> 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
> 'Just wait until we get home.'
>
> 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
> 'You are going to get it when you get home!'
>
> 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
> 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are
> going to freeze that way.'
>
> 19. My mother taught me ESP.
> 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when
> you are cold?'
>
> 20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
> 'When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't
> come running to me.'
>
> 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
> 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never
> grow up.'
>
> 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
> 'You're just like your father.'
>
> 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
> 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
> in a barn?'
>
> 24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
> 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
>
>
> 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
> 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out
> just like you.'