Walking Therein

Homeschoolers Who Want To Go to (Public) School AND Growing as a Young Adult

2:15 PM, Friday, January 26, 2007 .. Posted in Training Hearts and A Heart of Wisdom Education .. 10 comments .. Link

    This post has come out of a question raised by Jay about homeschooled children who become young adults and decide they would rather go to a conventional school setting.
We have experienced something very similar. 1dd17 went through this when she was 15.

    So, these are experiences and convictions we faced and walked through. If you are experiencing any of this, please don't take this as any kind of indictment, but rather, an example of something one God-Fearing famiy has already walked through.

    I hate writing posts like this, because I always feel like I sound so knowing and holy, and believe me, I am not. I, of all people, know this!!   A lot of this could have also been avoided if her father and I were walking as mature in the Lord as we should always. We don't. We are learning, and failing, and learning.

    As far as where we were when we were faced with her desire to go to public school - Christian school to be with her friends:
    It was all very innocent. We let her go down to the local Baptist church and work in the Awana program that she had participated in for a few years. Her 2 younger sisters also went and were around her some of the time they were there. We knew the pastor and his family. Some of the families were homeschool families who went to the church, some were in Christian school. She decided she no longer wanted to be homeschooled.
    She did not do anything grave, in an outward sense, mind you; she wanted to be with her friends and act like her friends. However, she was beginning to despise the very life and family God had put her in, because she wanted to be with and like her friends. Perhaps that made her sin all the more grave. It was a heart issue.
    These children were allowed by their parents and the church leaders to do as they wished elsewhere when they were supposed to be leading in Awana. Some were making out in another room, some were just being foolish, and many were flirting, just 'being teens'. Not what we wanted for our children. We wanted her to experience a leadership role, in a good progam, leading younger ones. She, in her youth, wanted to be like her friends, after all, they were Christians and good kids.

To sum up what took a year to overcome, here are the main points of what we did:
1. We gave her no option on the homeschool front. Homeschooling is not optional. It is necessary.
    We knew then that we are called by God and Scripture to be the parents, the ones who are responsible to teach her not just in book education, but in His Ways.
    We knew that this desire (to be with and like her friends) was not borne of a Godly heart, but one pulled to the world and its desires.
    We felt responsible not only to get her onto the right path, but for the path she was on. Yes, she made her own choices, but we had not guided her in this area of her life.
    Obviously, this state of rebellion, due to her desire to be like the worldliness of her Christian friends was just a bit of a small taste of what she would be like if she was under the influence of a Godless, rebellious, society of public school faculty and students. After finding out what some of the Christian school students had advised her in, we knew they were no better an influence. We knew God has a bigger plan for her life than to be caught up in that cesspool of worldliness.

2. She rebelled against this decision. We prayed and sought God through it.
    Her heart was hard toward us and God's plan for a Godly young lady. We had not met the burden to prepare her for the sinful pleasure even her Christian friends would experience. Her worldview had completely turned in this time. It was like talking to a child someone else had raised. Her judgment was completely clouded by the words her friends had put into her mind. I didn't understand how she could place such value on things that were so worldly and materialistic. All I could do was pray for understanding and little moments to teach her and draw her back. -And patience to not go completely nuts when she 'didn't get it'.
    I was, by her measurements:
     *the worst parent in the world and all I wanted was for her to be my clone.
     *not concerned about who she was and what she wanted to be, just what I wanted.

3. We had to re-evaluate what, how and why we did some things we did.
    We had never allowed them to do a whole lot of 'teen activities', for obvious reasons. I think that led to a feeling of guilt that they 'really didn't get to do much' and maybe we were 'keeping them from things'. So, for that reason, we felt guilty if we should keep them from Awana and their Christian friends. Besides that, we had already experienced the feeling of outcast in our community for homeschooling and doing it in a much more conservative manner than most. This was our mistake. God was opening our eyes to His Word as we had never known it. We were gaining an understanding of the difference between being a Christian and being a Biblical Believer.

4. We had to put her on a very short leash as she grew in the Lord.
    Much to her dismay, she spent the majority of the next few months in my presence. She was not allowed to be in her room alone or outside alone. She did not do it happily in the least, but she did it. There were things we dealt with, like sneaking a phone call to a friend and having an unknown email account. She even packed her bags and walked to the neighbors, only to turn around at the futility of this choice. God was good to allow us to find out these things and confront her and let her know how much we love her and what a dangerous path she was walking. We faced things we never thought we would have to as Christian parents, much less as a homeschool family. Don't be fooled.

    She started reading the Word. I prayed for her at the foot of her bed, behind closed doors, in her presence.I prayed with her, though she didn't like it. Her heart started changing. There was an experience that I am not sure even she knows how it affected her, but the day her favorite baby brother fell down the stairs and she saw his eyes roll back into his head, I think it changed her life and her heart profoundly. I think she gained a dose of life and reality in that moment she thought he really could die. God changed her in a way we never could have. It was hard as a parent to hear the things she had to say, the feelings she had that needed to be addressed. It was very hard, but it was our responsibility to hear them and bring them under the authority of scripture, praying with her and for her. It was hard. We prayed like we never had. It broke my heart to think we could have spent all of this time with her and still lose her to the world.

5. We waited and learned to trust each other.
    "We waited" is probably the biggest thing. I guess we thought that once we pinpointed the problem and showed her Truth that she would 'snap out of it'. Wasn't gonna happen. The worldliness had wrapped itself around her spirit and her heart and we had no chance unless we went through it with her and waited on the Lord. We had no choice.

    Today, she is a totally different young lady than she desired to be then. Amanda has personally seen how these "friends" really are as she tried to keep a friendship with them, calling them, visiting them and taking them baked goods when a family member was ill. She has been snubbed by the whole group and very hurt when she didn't receive a wedding invitation. It has been another chapter in her growth in the Lord. I went to her blog the other day and read her sidebar. It brought me to tears.
    This post   -in the middle - is her version of some of the events. It is amazing to hear the wisdom in her now. The struggle and supposed disappointments were worth going through. God says His Word will not return void.

    We still don't participate in extra-curricular activities. We focus on the Lord, our family and the things that need to be taught and done around our home. We have cultivated a realtionship between our children and our parents and grandparents. We have made them do some things - like listening to Vision Forum Cds, and encouraged them to do other things - like written correspondence with great-grandparents. We try to keep our speech so that we are saying who they are in God's plan - "You are going to be a wonderful husband, Eric." or, "What if God gives you a husband who...." It sets their sights on God's plans.
    Today, they all speak of their futures in this manner. Today, we do not have to remind them to call or write to their Grandparents and Great-Grandparents. They desire it.

    I have no idea where your children may be. Keep their hearts. If you sense a spirit in this manner, take note and re-capture their hearts! Don't let the seeds sown by the ideal of today's teens and what they should be ruin the glorious plans God has for your child. Satan wants him. He is a jewel in Christ's crown, and satan wants him. You want him more. So does the Lord.

Be Blessed In His Plans for Your Lives!!!
-Jacque

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I just want to say...

2:57 PM, Friday, January 26, 2007 .. Posted by mominpa
Thank you for sharing this story.

I am not there yet (only have a 4 and 5 year old) but I thank you for sharing this with us, as I was just like your daughter about 14 years ago and it is so vivid in my mind. I too had a praying mother who I have shared about in my blogs...she stormed heavens gates for me...and in the end...things turned out well.

I enjoyed this entry and your one on your other blog about Deuteronomy in everyday happenings.

I LOVE your blog!!!

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4:22 PM, Friday, January 26, 2007 .. Posted by TNMOMTOMANYBLESSINGS
Thanks for sharing this story. Unfortunately for our family we did lose our daughters heart and she left home last spring. Perhaps I will be able to share our story in more detail one day. For now I just keep praying for her. I do see the Lord working and seeing the changes in her heart. He is faithful. We have made some changes in our home. One being friendships. We are keeping our focus on family relationships. We are doing very little outside our home. That may one day change but for this season it is peacefilled.

I am looking forward to meeting you at the Ig's party. It's almost here! : )

Be blessed,
Maria

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5:22 PM, Friday, January 26, 2007 .. Posted by Galatians69
God is so good! I am so glad you shared ... what a wonderful testimony. We must guard our families and keep their hearts. We must pray, pray, pray. Thank you so much for this reminder to not fall asleep on the job.

I have enjoyed reading your blogs (this one and the one at homesteadblogger), we seem to have many thing in common. I love finding others who do things similar to us ... it helps me not feel so alone in the world! :)

Have a wonderful, blessed day,
Rachelle

Thank you

6:43 AM, Saturday, January 27, 2007 .. Posted by JocelynJames
Dear Jacque,

Thanks so much for sharing some of the path that you have taken. It can be so easy in the online world to talk about all the things that should happen and what the ideal might be without stopping to confront reality. I'm sure this was tough for you and I'm so glad you shared that soul-searching time.

Ours are a bit younger and so we have not had to deal with this situation - perhaps we won't confront it in our firstborn but another child.

May the Lord continue to give you His wisdom as your blessings grow. May they see parents who seek to honor Him, to put His ways first (though it is imperfectly).

God bless,

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11:46 AM, Saturday, January 27, 2007 .. Posted by SchoolZone
Thank you so much for sharing, Jacque. I know this is a hard thing to put out there for the world to read.

My daughters are younger, 9, 8, and 6, but I know that this situation is a possibility and I need to be prepared, both to avoid it (better), or deal with it (if we must.) Thank you for your testimony and wisdom. (Wisdom in hindsight is the easiest, eh?)

I pray that God leads the parents to your post who NEED to read it, now and later.

Kim in MS

I Understand how Difficult HS can be...

10:32 PM, Saturday, January 27, 2007 .. Posted by Kevin Scott
I had a few questions about your post:

* Other than your belief God asked you to, do you have any other reasons why you won't send your child to public school?

* If you had the opportunity to send your children to a private Christian school, would you?

* Did you see your 17 year old's actions as being normal or abnormal for a girl her age?

* How do you see the role of adult Christians living with and working with non-Christians? What level of interaction is good or harmful?

* Do you believe your children should be given ever increasing control over their lives as they approach adulthood, or do you believe they need to have their lives completely controlled until they are on their own?

Thanks for making a thoughtful post.

Kevin

Parent of two grown young men and a previous home schooler.

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3:56 PM, Sunday, January 28, 2007 .. Posted by curiouscat
Hey Jacque, thanks for sharing that. I can see some of that beginning in my oldest DS :( We haven't been getting involved in youth groups but I was like you said starting to feel guilty about their lack of participation. Thanks for shining the light! yikes~! Both older boys are grounded from PC right now.

PS. Read my post and get the free pdf on how Dr. Seuss books and sight words cause dyslexia. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/curiouscat

blessings
Denise T
aka /HeartnSoul

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3:58 PM, Sunday, January 28, 2007 .. Posted by elljazz
Thank you for sharing this. I am struggling over public school or homeschool for my 14 year old boy. I think maybe I was meant to read your post today! Thank you for sharing it.

I hear that soo much

6:17 PM, Thursday, February 1, 2007 .. Posted by LindaI
What if my kids decide they dont want to homeschool.

What if my kids decide they dont want to go to church will I let them? No. What if they decide they want to drink and smoke will I let them in my house? no. What if they decide they want to go on a date with a satanist who is "the one" will I let them? NO! My kids and my job to raise them. My job is not over until they are 18 (wishful thinking huh? wink) So I do not think it is their decision. It is their parents.

I think what you did was great! I love how you stuck to it. Seeing my own mom struggle with my older brother. I know how hard it can be to try to raise Christian kids who rebel. You can only hang on for dear life and pray your heart out.

But summing it up, I agree. I dont think it is their decision when our parenting choices end. Just because they THINK they can do it better.

Now I know why I was anonymous

3:57 PM, Thursday, March 8, 2007 .. Posted by Whore.Church@Gmail.com
In order to "log-in" it looks like I had to register a blog here. That's why you had trouble finding me--I only wanted to post a comment, not sign up for a blog.

Kevin Scott

http://*****church.wordpress.com

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Walking Therein

Homeschoolers Who Want To Go to (Public) School AND Growing as a Young Adult

I just want to say...

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Thank you

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I Understand how Difficult HS can be...

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I hear that soo much

Now I know why I was anonymous

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