Walking Therein

The Blind Leading the Blind

4:28 PM, Thursday, May 10, 2007 .. Posted in Training Hearts and A Heart of Wisdom Education .. 4 comments .. Link

I sent an older child (Jocelyn turned 16 today, as I write this) in to get Caleb away from the glass decor in the parlor today. I said, "Jocelyn, go get Caleb now." She looked at me, got up from talking to her friend on the computer and went into the parlor and got Caleb. She didn't think about it; she didn't ask me why or what's wrong or do I have to. She got up, without thinking if she should do it or ask about it, and saved my pretties and her brother, who surely would have been hurt had he fallen with one in his hand.

This is not blind obedience; this is loving obedience. She knew I asked her for a reason, and she did not have to ask me why. She trusts me. She loves me, so she listens when I ask her to do something. She knows I would not ask her to blindly do something that she would 'need' to question. We won't ask our children to do something that would harm them in any way. That, in itself, protects them from blindly trusting *just anyone*. They trust us because we are their parents; they don't trust *everyone*.

The post I did about obedience without asking or back-talking has been totally miscontrued and taken out of context by some. Those who understand, realize that I am not referring to a mild response or a different idea. I am talking about a child who rolls his eyes out of an arrogant attitude. Or one who scoffs at me and turns their head, because they know better than "Mom and Dad". Or, as Sylvia, a 14yo homeschooled young lady, pointed out in her comment, a child who determines exactly 'when' they will do what they were asked... if at all. The thing is, if you do not live as a Believer and Follower of Jesus Christ and the Most High God, then you will have a hard time understanding the reason for this act of obedience. I am not training my children to be blind in their obedience, but rather, to be intentional in it.

On the contrary to "not thinking"... I am a meticulous-type when it comes to using common sense. We teach thinking in most activities around our home, from washing dishes to building barn stalls to grocery shopping. Of course we apply it to when they are told to do something... just not if it done disrespectfully, i.e. back-talking.

Today, Amanda asked Eric to get Caleb's clothes from his dresser to re-fold them (because he had unfolded them when he was looking for some), and he started to tell her why he didn't need to bring them down here; he could just fold them upstairs.... I stopped him, because the 'back-talk rule' is that he answer her in the affirmative and do what she says. Period. I pulled him to me, as he was standing real close, and I said, "Eric, it's fine to have your own idea of how to do something differently, but you first need to do what she told you. If, after you do what you were told, you want to ask her if you may do it differently, that is fine. What are you supposed to say to your older sisters when they ask you to do something?" He said answer yes and do what they asked. He went upstairs, got the clothes and came down and folded them on the floor.

The issue is not a thinking issue, it is a heart issue. It is an issue of his rights to 'not' have to do what he doesn't want to do. As a Believer, he does not have that right. I don't either. Boy do I wish I did sometimes. I am the world's worst at being a titus 2 wife. The worst. I know what I believe, and I cannot just shut up sometimes and do it. (See where our children get it from??) I know too well, unfortunately, how hard it is to *not* back-talk. I know, because I did it as a child and 'teen'. Sarcasm was also an issue. I outlawed that a L-O-N-G time ago. No sarcasm... it leads to meanness and makes people feel stupid and hurt. Nothing that is worthwhile comes from sarcasm.

When we demand our rights, where does it stop? And, who gets their demands met? Usually whoever can overpower the other - in speech, in strength, in wit. Any way you slice it, someone ends up feeling like they are less than the other person. Sometimes, someone ends up dead. But, when we willingly lay down our rights, we have lost nothing; we have gained. We may gain self-respect or respect from others or just the feeling that we did something to help the situation rather than *have* to stand and be right. What good does it do to constantly be right and have no one who wants to be your friend? Laying down our rights for others shows them we don't think we are better than they are.

That is what Jesus did. He laid down His rights, and it looked to the human eyes like he 'lost'. We who are Believers know He won. By His win, we won. That is why my training children to obey looks like a horrible loss to our children through human eyes. Eyes of faith know that one day, perhaps everyday, our children will be asked of the Lord to do things they don't want to do or feel like doing. The Bible is full of examples of getting all our wants and desires under control and to esteem others before ourselves. If our children are trained to think about it, mull it over and eventually come up with something they 'want' to do, they will be walking in disobedience to their Lord God. That's fine and dandy in some cases, but the consequences of disobeying God will, more than likely, not suit what they want either. I would rather train their hearts to obey the human authority as children and young adults so they are willing to follow the leading of their Lord as He calls them in their adult years.

In addition to that, we know that there is a hierarchy in society. We obey police officers when they tell us not to go down a road. Do we stop and say, "Um, *why* can't I take this route???" Would you drive on anyway or do as he asked? We do it because they are the authority. Don't kid yourself, we "obey" authority as adults -or pay a high price. Why not teach that to our children? Imagine what the public schools would be like if children actually thought they had to obey authority without questioning it. Imagine if people thought about others first and didn't demand their rights, but respected others before themselves. Society would be a different place... like it was when children were taught to obey and people were respectful of one another.

I expect our younger children to obey their older siblings, too. They are in authority over the Littles, and that is life. Hannie has a problem with that. Hannie is 7. She does not have a clue what her face looks like when she is asked to do something she would rather not do. It is horrid. It has embarrassed us more times than I can count. *How* did she get this attitude? *When* did it come in? The only answer I have is: early, very early. The *real* question is: HOW do change it?

I discussed this with her today when she had a problem doing what she was told. I asked her, plain and simple, "Why do you hate me?".

She was astonished and horrified at the implication. "I do not hate you," she said.

"Yes, you do."

"I do *not* hate you," she said, as I saw the tears well up in her eyes.

"Do you hate Amanda?"

"No."

"Yes you do hate her. You must."

"I do not," she said.

"Then, why are you treating us like this?", I asked.

"I don't know. I don't hate you."

Well, are you treating us like you love us?

"No."

Then, how are you treating us?

"Mean."

"No, you are either being loving or hateful. How are you treating us?"

"Hateful."

This child, this 7-year-old child understood deeply what her actions meant when I asked if she hated me. She could not bear to think I thought she hated me. Of course she loves us. She doesn't hate us. But, her desire to do what she wants and not be told what to do is stronger than her love for us. However, by the end of the conversation, she understood and decided she did *not* want to be hateful and unloving, but kind. She wanted to show everyone that she loves them, not have them feel as though she hates them.

The moral of this story is this: By training our children to obey, we are actually teaching them *to* think. We are teaching them to think of others, rather than only themselves. We are teaching them to think of how it feels to be treated the way they are treating others. It teaches them to think they are not an island. It teaches them to keep their mouths shut and actually think before they sarcastically blurt out whatever pops into their little heads. It makes them better children, better adults and better citizens.

I suppose, if this is teaching "blind obedience", then I hope to encourage "the blind leading the blind".

Walking Therein

The Blind Leading the Blind

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Trust and obey/for there's no other way/to be happy in Jesus...

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HELP...

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