Walking Therein

Summertime Learnin' - Manners

Summertime may be a time for a break from hitting the books, even for homeschoolers, but there is never a break from teaching manners and character in our children. Mainly because, to teach manners (or character, for that matter) in our children, it is an ongoing process. A friend of mine posted a few weeks back the question of socialization in the form of 'proper socialization'. Her children are not unsocialized, but she questioned whether or not their social skills were acceptable, manner-wise.

Teaching proper manners is important, because I think that we as homeschool parents are sometimes in danger of our children having an attitude of superiority, because our children's peers a lot of times are adults. I have been pleasantly surprised with meeting homeschooled children who call me Mrs. Dixon. They don't say it as though I am the queen and they are peons. They are showing me respect. This type of respect is not longer taught or even deemed necessary in most circles. My older children would prefer to refer to adults in this manner. Teaching this teaches that children are not of lesser value, but that there is a modicum of respect to have for adults.

So, to say that homeschoolers are usually considered odd, just on the basis that they homeschool, is an understatement Homeschoolers are considered odd, even if they aren't from a large, Bible-believing, dress-wearing, 15 passenger van driving, garden growing, organic food buying, home churching family. Lol. Ok... or any combination of those. Homeschoolers are odd because they aren't going along with the "norm"! 

This leads those "normal" people to think homeschoolers are either geniuses or nuts.. or a little bit of both. And, sometimes we are, but homeschooling is not the common factor in genius or nutty families.  I think everyone is a little bit odd when they grow up; it's just a fact. That's not to say that children don't need to learn self-control and discernment; they do. It's just that, since we usually get a lot of flack just because we homeschool, this is something we need to teach our children so they do have the social skills homeschoolers are accused of lacking.

Do you worry that you are going to "crush her tender spirit"? Don't. It is a necessary thing to teach children respect and manners - whether it is a common thing in this world or not. Children, being children, will act immature, but I am talking about something more than immaturity. Children are not supposed to stay silly and immature. They are supposed to grow daily in maturity, like we are. Childlike, yes, but not in a disrespectful or reckless manner.  As parents, we are not going to break the God-given bent our children have just because we teach them some discretion and self-control. If anything, their learning these virtuous qualities will better prepare them for any area in life.

We definitely need to teach our children about strangers. We meet people all the time in the grocery store who smile at or say hi to our children. I wantthem to know that you don't have to fear them, but you do not just carry on with personal information as though they were family. It is not a socially acceptable thing to just talk to strangers, because they *can* be dangerous. We teach them to be respectful and kind to strangers... always within Mom's reach and watching eye.

We also need to teach them to be considerate in speech and conversations. We teach them to not interrupt, especially adults. We teach them this at a young age so that they can be considerate, and we can be sane. lol. As they grow, they need to know that yes, they are becoming young men and young ladies, and in the adult world, people don't just interrupt each other, they say excuse me - after someone is finished talking. As Believers, we teach them to do to others as they would have be done to them.  

It may be hard as they grow up to know when to let children sit in on or take part in a conversation with adults. It is not always necessary that they do, but they will, and they need to learn how to socialize in a respectful manner.  At first, they should pretty much just sit and be quiet and listen. Most of the time, children have more listening to do than teaching. We teach them to honor parents and elders that it may be well with him, and he may live long on the earth. Besides that, no adult should feel like they are subject to a child in a conversation.

As our daughters are nearing adulthood, it has been interesting to experience and a challenge for us as well as them to find those boundaries of what they believe and how they express themselves. You really have to look at the maturity of the child to know if it is an attitude of superiority or a real belief they are trying to express. It is discomforting to an adult to have a child always questioning his authority. It is also discomforting to an older child to not be able to express herself in a manner that she will in turn be respected and understood. Please note that by authority, I do not mean beliefs, I mean that you are the adult and she is the child.

We homeschool year-round, so teaching manners or science, math, etc..... it never ends!

blessings!!

-Jacque

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9:21 PM, Monday, July 9, 2007 .. Posted by H0MEFree

When I read your blog it is like reading in a mirror. LOL!

Anyway, amen!

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9:39 PM, Monday, July 9, 2007 .. Posted by quietcajun

GREAT post.

The area that we are currently focusing on is interrupting! They are TERRIBLE about it... and truth be known, I do it too! YIKES! I hate it when I realize that I do the very thing I am harping on in them! *sheepish grin!*

Thank you for the encouragement

11:39 PM, Monday, July 9, 2007 .. Posted by AmandaAxelby

Dear Jacque,
I really enjoyed your article and just wanted to add a couple of thoughts.
Regarding children interrupting - I read or heard somewhere that it is a good idea to train the child to stand by your side and wait until you acknowledge their presence (with a nod or smile or just something to let them know you have seen them) then you go ahead with your conversation until you can politely excuse yourself, then you speak with your child. This may take a bit of time to teach a child, but they will eventually learn not to interrupt. Younger children take more time to learn this.
We have found that most people love being called Mr or Mrs. They love the respect that the child is showing toward them. This has been good for a number of reasons. Firstly, the children are respecting an adult and secondly, the adult see that homeschooled children are different to other children. We have had so many positive comments recently (mainly from workmen at our home) about how different homeschooled children are. I am not sure what type of behaviour they have seen elsewhere (it must have been bad) because our younger children aren't always model examples.
But we have also seen in other areas of the homeschooling community a few negatives. Some children aren't learning the proper way to speak to an adult, or to look an adult in the eyes when they speak to them. They tend to hide their heads and mumble a few words, hoping to get away as soon as possible. So for children who are naturally shy, training may take longer or have to be more intensive.

We found with the couple of shy children in our family (depending on age and capability) that it really works to have them pass around food or drinks when you have visitors. Eventually the shyness wears off and then you have the trouble of them wanting to talk too much:-)
Have a lovely day.
Amanda

Yep!

12:52 AM, Tuesday, July 10, 2007 .. Posted by ThreeLittleLadies

Good thoughts.

Carol

Oh yes!

1:55 AM, Tuesday, July 10, 2007 .. Posted by nancysnook

We've had quite the go-round with the interrupting issue. Not only from our daughter but from other people's children who come to visit. I have to admit though that my daughter has improved dramatically...what worked for us, I had a tape recorder using it to teach Kelsey her memory verses, she's an auditory learner, and I caught her interrupting a conversation between two friends and she was shocked when she heard how she sounded...it worked though! Thanks for the great read~
Nancy

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1:19 PM, Tuesday, July 10, 2007 .. Posted by DarthYxpu

Hey there, thanks for the comment!
I posted a new entry!
...

Hmm... sorry I don't have much to say.
:D

Have a good week!

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9:10 PM, Tuesday, July 10, 2007 .. Posted by giftedgirl

Hi Mrs. Dixon!

Thank you for your prayers! Mama's doing better, thankfully! :-)

And thank you for saying I did great. :-) I didn't break down like I thought I would..... Yet I know that if I'd been going on my own strength, I would have. I had God, so I didn't have to worry. :-)

Blessings,
Becca

Hi:)

11:21 PM, Tuesday, July 10, 2007 .. Posted by His4life

Thanks for the great post on manners! We are working on sooo many of them all of the time that my head is spinning! And I find that I am often guilty of some of the same that we are working on! Ugh!! Thanks for the great post!

Have a great week and God bless!
Angie:)

Just what I needed!

4:53 PM, Thursday, July 12, 2007 .. Posted by mommajo94

Oh, Jacque - this was so timely! I am so grateful for the encouragement - and the knowledge that I'm not the only homeschooling parent who has to deal with this issue! Sometimes I feel like my homeschooling friends' kids were just "born good," and knowing that I am not alone in the character-building arena is such a blessing!