Walking Therein

A few weeks back, Deb W. wrote Am I a Saint or am I Insane?, and Deb T. wrote  "I don't know how you do it!"

I can't tell how many times in 14 years I have heard, "I don't know how you do it," and, "I could never do that." I can even remember, of the people I knew well, who it was that said it. I remember when Amanda was about 5, Jocelyn was 4, and Rachel was a newborn, and I told one friend, after she said "how patient of a Mom I was": "That's because you aren't home with me all day!"

Matt calls me SuperMom and jokes about my hidden t-shirt with the big S on my chest. Haha. Sometimes he calls me that, and other times, not so much. I am glad that most people don't see my bad days, but it doesn't mean I am always the Happy Homeschool Mom. I mean, can you all attest to that in your own lives?

I have always hated it when someone addresses those 2 ominous subjects: "How do you do it?" and anything about patience. Why? Because some days are like yesterday. Some days I don't read my Bible, and it shows. Some days I am still in my pj's at 7pm when Matt gets home from his 2nd job..."um, yes, I thought I'd get ready for bed early, dear..." Ahem. Or, some days I want to lock let my children go outside and play all day (them, not me), as long as they stay out of the fridge, leave the videos on the shelves and quit bugging me for a snack.  Yup, that's me, SuperGrouch. Paint me a great big S on my chest, and scribble a BIG Capital G on there, too!

I don't know how I do it either. Amanda is going to be 18 this month. 18. This is her 'last year' of formal education. Almost a graduate. Did I say 18? Where did all of that time go? And, what did we do? In the middle of all we are presently doing, it all seems a blur.  Have I really taught her the obligatory 12 years? Have I taught her all she needs to know? What have I taught her that I'd like to take back? What do I have yet to teach her? And what about the next 7 ? I look at this almost-adult, and I see her holding Little Lucy, this precious little 6 month old, and I wonder... how did we get here? What year is it anyway? If I stop and look at her and listen to who she is, I can see that God has done a great work in her, inspite of me. Then, snap! back to reality: "Isaac, you do not retaliate when Caleb jumps on top of you, son."

This is life. Homeschooling is life. Have I taught everything I could have? Of course not. And of course I have. Our children are always learning. Whether I have taught it or not, they learned it. Whether I have taught it properly or not they have learned it. They are learning it. I am learning it. This is why it is important to me and important to Matt to keep them home. Life is learning, as designed by the Creator.

I wrote, in my Saturday Psalm & Praise last week that I just needed simple. Simplicity. I think I make things way too hard sometimes. I want to do it all, teach it all, learn it all. I want to teach, blog, have a farm, be a Godly woman, have a daily Bible study and pray with each child, be a super wife, get those weeds in that garden pulled, pick the rest of the veggies and can them. The list goes on and on... I want to get everything done everyday. I am constantly feeling unaccomplished.

Then, God reminds me through a blog essay one of the girls wrote or when Eric stands up and offers his chair to a sister. Isaac comes to me out-of-the-blue with a big hug and an "I love you Mom, you did a great job!!" or Hannah tells me that she typed up her blog description all by herself as Jocelyn told it to her.  I am amazed at what God has accomplished through me - through our children - through our family.

That is my passion. Not to be accomplished, but to allow Him to accomplish through me. Whenever anyone says to me, "Wow... how do you do it?" I say, "I don't. He does." Or, they say, "You have such wonderful children, are they always this well-behaved?", and I change the subject - no, not really. I say, well, most of the time, but, we are still learning." Every moment is a lesson disguised as an experience. My Grandmother, who does not know the Lord as her Saviour, tells me, "Boy, you've got your hands full; I don't know how you do it." (She had 2 boys)

I do have my hands full; full of love, hope, and the future. I don't know how I do it either, because I don't know how to do it. If it weren't for Him, I wouldn't do it at all. I would more than likely succumb to the status quo.

Lamenting all the work in the garden, around the house, the animal pens needing to be built - AND homeschool subjects "musts", I said to the girls the other day, "You know, if I put you all in public school, stuck the Littles in a daycare and Lucy in the Ergo on my back - or in her jumpy in front of a video... I could have a clean house and a weeded garden." A look of,"yeah, right, Mom, public school, daycare - as if."

      "I could even blog."

                 I got a raised eyebrow and a, "You do blog."

                               "But, I could blog uninterrupted - and during the day!"

And, yet, all of that is so miniscule compared to the Living Learning Moments I get to see in my children's lives. Lucy, "Seeing" things for the first time. I can tell she now knows who is who; Caleb, smiling at me everytime he hugs Lucy and saying, "gin, gin"(gentle), because he knows it and remembered it... a myriad of moments I get to experience with these precious children I am a steward of.

        A steward of.

                      Am I a good steward or a bad one?

Let me encourage you, whether you have Littles who are not yet in school, school-age children, high schoolers... whatever age child you have: do keep them home with you. Don't entertain the idea that your life will be better - or they will get the education they need - away from you. They will get the education they need at your side. Whether it's just 1 or a whole bunch- they will learn what God has for them learning with you. How do I know this? Because God said so.  Do not give up the privilege and responsibility to teach them everything so lightly.  Life is life.  Life is learning.  It is what God gives us.  It is what He gives our children.

Sometimes it is discouraging. Sometimes, you want to scream. Sometimes people say, "How do you do it, and you want to say, "Hmmmm... I don't know. I really don't," but, you don't have to know. All you have to do is trust the One who does know.

Deuteronomy 6:20-25

And when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What mean the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD our God hath commanded you? Then thou shalt say unto thy son, We were Pharaoh's bondmen in Egypt; and the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand: And the LORD shewed signs and wonders, great and sore, upon Egypt, upon Pharaoh, and upon all his household, before our eyes: And he brought us out from thence, that he might bring us in, to give us the land which he sware unto our fathers. And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day. And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments before the LORD our God, as he hath commanded us.

Blessings! -Jacque