Walking Therein

Asking the Tough Child-Training Questions, Part 1

I received an email from a friend, and after I sent her my reply, I asked her if I might share it. We all struggle with questions about training our children, being Godly wives, homeschooling.. The question is, "Are we willing to ask those difficult questions to find the answers?". Vicki loves her girls, and is willing to open herself up and ask the difficult questions. I have older and younger children, and I still sometimes struggle with my days. I still pray and trust God to show me what to do so that my children will be strong in Him and be who He created them to be.

Thank you, Vicki, for letting me share this on my blog. I hope it will encourage other young as well as seasoned moms in their mothering and their homeschooling. God gave us community to encourage each other and love each other. Here is her email, paraphrased:

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How do you handle a situation where one does not want the other one playing with them, or anywhere around them?? At some moments, I tell Meg that Desi would like some "alone time", but Des has really been pushing the issue lately. A couple of weeks ago, she would just do this, well not even once a week, here lately, it's been an everyday occurance that she doesn't want Meg anywhere around her.

 

Something else is that Des has been wanting to do things on her own, like put together puzzles, but Meg always wants to help....Des will tell her that she does not want help, which results in Meg crying....Do you think I should let Des continue to do that, or should I intervene and tell Des that Meg can help??....I try to get Meg to do something with me, but a lot of the time, she wants to do what Des is doing...

 

... I would like your take on the situation....

 

they have done EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to NOT do their work!!! I don’t know what to do, except to press on, stay on them to get it done, and hope that it gets easier again….

An even bigger frustration for me is Meg. She turned 6 in May, and this will be her second year of schooling….BUT progress is slim to none!!! She is doing Kindergarten work again, because I didn’t feel that she had a firm understanding of it to be able to move onto the first grade work….Reading/phonics is a struggle….She can sound out the same word a million times, and than the next time she comes across that word, she has to sound it out again….And she knows her letters…..When doing flash cards, or when I write the letters out, she can recognize them, but when sounding out a word, she will almost always mix up d and b, and sometimes p……Writing is deffinetely my biggest frustration right now…..I have had her writing since she was 3 or 4, but the neatness/conformation of her letters have not shown much improvement…When I pulled her out of public school this last January, her writing sometimes couldn’t even be read, and it has improved a little since then, but not a lot…..No matter how many times she traces a letter, when she goes to write it on her own, she will inevitably do it wrong….

Am I expecting too much of Megan?? Is this normal for a 6 year old?? I am just at the end of my rope of patience!!! I feel like I am doing something wrong, like I am not a good enough teacher for her!!!!!

I mean, she’s always been slower at picking things up than her older sister, and her cousin, which are the only kids I can really compare her to….And I hate comparing, because every child is different, but the fact of the matter is, that she is slower at “getting it” than other kids I’ve seen!! It doesn’t matter if it is physical activity, or book stuff, she always seems one step behind….Which I don’t care, I know that she will “get it” eventually……But what do I do in the meantime??? Do I keep pushing her, or do I back off, and let what she does pass for now?? But if I let it pass now, how is she ever going to get better at these things???  

God Bless!!!

Sincerely, Vicki   www.prairierosesamongthorns.com/vblog

"Ok... and please do not be offended - I am going to tackle the hard stuff first!! For starters... is your relationship right with God? I mean right. And, do you have a Biblical view of womanhood and parenting? Do you truly consider your children a blessing from God Himself or do you just believe it because the Bible says it somewhere? Do you know your worth to Him as a woman? Do you know your worth to Him as a trainer of these children? Do you know that He has not given you more than you can handle in these two little bundles of love and energy?? Are you being obedient in your own life so that nothing will hinder them from knowing true obedience?

Is there sin in your life that God will have to deal with before He can give you a clearer understanding of His will for your girls? If so...repent and pray for wisdom. Pray for God to show you. And, btw... if you can't think of any sin... ask Him to show it to you, because there is... in all of us. I know, you already know that!

Ok... I do not know your devotional life, but get out the Word and read it. Search online at Biblegateway.com... Try the King James Version. Don't listen to someone else's interpretation... use that or NKJV. What is a Godly woman? Not TODAY's Godly woman.... the church is full of pagan practices of womanhood. Period. No sense mincing words about it. Many church leaders' teachings are no better than public school teachers. Look at Scriptures according to the Old Testament law. Really... yes, we live in 2007, but we dilute the Word so much to fit into our own wants... we excuse so much!!!"

"Now, that being said, and out of the way, I was hoping that you could possibly go more in depth regarding your comment on my blog. How do I let them know that it is not acceptable for them to argue?? I already tell them to stop arguing, and that they shouldn't argue with each other...I am lost as what more to do!! I, myself, argued or was upset with my sister quite a bit in our younger days, and we still don't see eye to eye on many things, and still sometimes get upset with each other."

It sounds like you are more in need of character training than academics. Let me tell you... academics is easy to catch up on... character training is not. You must stop your academic emphasis and concentrate on character training. If there is anything hindering you from doing that, evaluate if it is a necessity; drop it if it isn't. I am not saying to stop teaching them academics altogether... you can count the petals on a flower and teach them math and God's design in a simple way... and it is more fun! I don't think doing a workbook page will set you back, but I think character training is first and foremost.

You asked, "How do I let them know these things?". I tell them. I sit down with them, and I tell them. I pray with them for understanding. They know the rules and the reasons. I don't just give them my reasons. Jesus taught in parables and analogies, because we can better relate to them and understand them in our own lives if we can relate to them. I bring it to their level and let them be involved... "How would you feel if.."; "What would you like to have happen..?"; "Do you remember the time when.." BTW... I have to tell them daily... all of our children... my children have not arrived, and I am not under the illusion that they have.

There is great value in teaching a little one the Bible. We underestimate that value and teach them Bible stories in baby words. They need real words and the real WORD. The Bible was written so your children can understand it, and you need to read it to them and with them and let them ask questions. If you don't know the answer... tell them that you really want to know too and seek it out with them.

If I can interject right here..... cut out kiddie movies and books. Read wholesome books, based on the Bible. Cut out all nonsense videos and movies - anything with sarcasm and a hint of self-centeredness or rebellion. Start taking notice. The tv and movies are THE WORST babysitter that was ever introduced. That goes for video games too. Don't buy them character clothes or backpacks... toys... you get the idea."

Hooray For the Truth!

6:51 PM, Friday, November 16, 2007 .. Posted by classymom07

It was really refreshing to read your post today. I agree with quite a bit of what you said to your friend. My husband and I have been hsing for about 8yrs now and have "discovered" that many of our social ills (in and out of the church) are due to the departure from scripture of self-proclaimed Christians. As our pastor has said many times, those who do not love the truth will be easily decieved. We understand that we cannot love what we do not know. Your friend has been truly blessed to have a wise woman of God to steer her toward God's Word. There really is nothing in this world that can compare to it, for nothing else is "profitable for reproof, rebuke, instruction in righteousness...." Thanks for sharing and God bless!

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6:57 PM, Friday, November 16, 2007 .. Posted by jillconnelly

Great! Thank you for the post! It is so easy to let the academics overshadow the character training. Character training is harder. There's no check list or scripted lesson plan!

Jacque

11:15 AM, Saturday, November 17, 2007 .. Posted by ThreeLittleLadies

I didn't see a reply to her first question about what to do if the girls didn't want to play with each other. That is one that we are constantly working on too!

Carol