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Tia posted and important message today about Private Messages on HSB. Did you even know they are a feature? I remember when I found out about this feature, and I was not happy with it. To me, it is like their own email account, and at that time, none of our children had their own email account - not even our 17 year old. Now, Amanda and Jocelyn are the only ones who do have private email accounts.

In regards to Tia's post on URGENT HSB NEWS! Monitor Your Child's Private Messages!, here is what I have to say about our responsibility as parents who allow our children to blog. Please know that this is not about control or trust. This is about protection and responsibility as parents teaching and training our children to be responsible and Godly. This is not to say that our children have always posted or commented to perfection (neither have I), because they have made blunders. And some, I have allowed so that they may learn... but it was done under MY supervision. When they have posted or commented without it, there have been problems.

We cannot let our brains tell us that because we have such good and moral kids that they no longer need us to parent them. We cannot allow our culture to give us a set age at which they magically become responsible to have an email account or a blog or even drive! we know better than that in our homeschool, and we have to apply it to the rest of their learning.

My admonishment to parents in the case of reading our children's PMs it to not only read their PMs, but read their blogs, their comments from their friends, their friends' blogs, and the comments on their friends' blogs. This is a real place, the internet - the blogworld. We have to know them as well as we would know their circle of friends... only better.

Our children are relying on our discernment until God gives them more. We are to protect them from everything that is harmful, even if it isn't blatant like an inappropriate comment or post. If it isn't something we would agree with, we need to know what they are reading.

We allow our girls who are 16 and 18 much more liberality than our 14 year-old. She has no unsupervised blogging and commenting time at all and is not allowed to be on unmonitored chatboxes. Our 10 and 8 year olds have blogs here, but rarely blog. I also have complete access to every one of their blogs and their email accounts. And they know it. They want that protection. And, only our 16 and 18 year olds have email accounts. That will not change.

All posts are submitted for editing and content, because they need to also be responsible in what they blog about and the manner in which it comes across to their friends.This is all a safety for our children and for their friends. They also are not allowed to link to sites that may post material that is either unbiblical or unsavory or just plain foolishness.

We MUST be responsible as parents. Yes, I know we are busy, but we cannot let them go out on HSB any more than we can just let them go up and down the street, visiting around the neighborhood without our protection. :)  Who would do that??

Oh, and by the way, our children are not allowed to receive PMs or send them without express permission. That is one of our blogging policies. Both they and I have PMed members back to let them know that. There really is no reason for our children to Private Message. There should be nothing they need to tell each other that can't be left in a comment (except for a surprise or something, but that is rare).

Parents, this is part of training our children. They must be supervised. Let's do it.

So, please go read Tia's post; it is a case of which you need to be aware of personally!
Hopefully I can get a post up of all of the positive ways blogging has affected our lives, and the effects it has had in the way we homeschool. We use blogging as a big part of our homeschool, and it can be used for so many subjects, even if it is a private blog.

blessings!

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Comments

Wednesday, April 2, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by drewsfamilytx

Very well said, Jacque!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by BeccaBeard

Absolutely! It can be a bit hard to stay on task, as a parent. There are no other parents that I know of that have their thumbs on their kids as my husband and I do ours, and our kids know it. Well, my oldest seems to know and feel it the most. LoL Sometimes I'm tempted to let things slide a little, but haven't - it was nice to read your post and know that my husband and I aren't the only "freaky" parents out there. ;-)

Love,
Becca

Thursday, April 3, 2008 - :))

Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

Thanks Marshie!!

Becca~ I totally understand. It is hard to be 'the only ones', and sometimes it seems like it would be easier to let things slide.... until we do.... then we have to correct TWICE as much as before! sigh

You are not the only freaky parents!! LOL :))

~Jacque

Thursday, April 3, 2008 - Fully agree

Posted by Anonymous

It drives me nuts when parents seem to think that once their children hit the teen years they (the parents) have no say so over the children's actions. All of a sudden its hands off and just watch them sadly shaking your head.

I completely agree that we need to keep a tight hand on what our children see, do and hear, etc. My children are only allowed to go online to sites we have bookmarked for them and if the older two (10 and 9) need to do any research I will sit with them and we google it together.

My older two have email, but they can only send and receive email from people I have entered into their address books. Any address in their book has to be approved by their parents.

My sister gave us a second computer (used) so the kids could use it. We will not be putting any internet access on it as it will be in the basement where we cannot monitor its use.

Kate
http://reflectionsofcalm.blogspot.com

Thursday, April 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by kittyqueen

Hello Mrs. Dixon.
I have not commented in ages! I apologize for that. I liked your post very much, but I disagree with one aspect of it. You said about the pms that "There should be nothing they need to tell each other that can't be left in a comment." I disagree. Twice I have pmed very good friends because of some personal problems that I don't want the whole blogworld to know. Pms are nice, becuase I don't have to give me email adress out, something my parents don't like me doing all the time. I completely agree that you have to be careful who you talk to, but I really do like the pm's for communicating with other older Christian girls (which is something I don't really have in real life). I hope none of this came across as impertinent or disrespectful. If it does I completely apologize.
Luv,
Miss Kitty

Thursday, April 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

Whole-heartedly agree!

And sometimes I wish someone would monitor mine...I don't even like reading the titles of some of what gets through. I certainly don't want my children reading that sort of thing!

Dana
http://principleddiscovery.com

Friday, April 4, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Sisterlisa

No matter how secure a site can be it's always best to have the strictest guidelines in the home especially with children.

I'm glad TOS does everything they can to keep kids safe.

Thursday, April 10, 2008 - Thank you

Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

Kate, for your comment! You have some great ideas to keep children safe on the internet!

Dana, I totally agree. Sometimes we need people to preview for us! :))

Miss Kitty~ I left you a comment on your blog. I agree; it is up to each parent to set protective rules for their own children. I said that "our" children did not need to PM, as most of what is passes as info can be left in a comment. If there is such an issue that must be private, I will personally email the other blogger myself as the parent, except for Amanda and Jocelyn, who cc: me on their emails and check with me for content. I do believe PMs should be very limited and most are unnecessary.

Frankly, I received a PM on accident from two girls who blog on a joint blog, whose pc messed up and they thought they were PMing a 12yo guy. They were being quite flirtatious and overly seductive, to the point of embarrassment. I re: back to them and told them I had received their PM, and perhaps they should rethink what they were putting out there to young men. It was NOT appropriate at all, and that is what a lot of PMs are. Unimportant junk mail. Comments, that is the safest way to go. Besides that, I don't have to login to their accounts and go to their PMs to read. I can read their blogs. :)

Lisa~ I appreciate posts like what Tia wrote, but I think the safest way on the internet is parental involvement. I know you agree!! :)

I am mainly speaking to parents who have more trust than safeties in place. I want to trust my children. I trust them as much as they need to be trusted. It would be negligent of me to let them make some of these decisions on their own. Even at 18, decisions are just too complicated sometimes. They still need our guidance, and we can only do that if we are "in the know" all the time.

You know, the big thing I used to hear, before I ever let my children on the computer, was that it should not be accessible anywhere that they can be online by themselves. Good rule. Good start. But, it has to remain, even or especially after they are more familiar with finding their way around the internet. Children are still learning. Children are in need of parental overseeing. We have to know where our children are and be able to see the computers at all times. Period.

We can pour the Word into them and pray for them, and in a single instant, all that can be gone, because we trusted them because we should be able to at that point. Don't deceive yourself. They are responsible and sweet, and they DO love the Lord. And that is why the enemy is so treacherous. He needs that little glitch in their hearts so you can't have them and neither can the Lord.

This is not always the case, but, know your children so you know. Don't just expect them to monitor themselves and their time and what they do online. Don't place them in the way of temptation. You must be an ever-presence!

~blessings!

Thursday, April 10, 2008 - totally agree

Posted by Sisterlisa

We have strict guidelines and rules at home about the Net.
No internet when I'm not around. *I* have the passwords, not them. We even have a no cable TV rule too without my password, which they don't know. And I change frequently.