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Checklists For Parents

  “Pray without ceasing.”  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Did I pray for wisdom in my role as parent, or did I attempt to lead my child in my own strength?

“Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?” (1 Kings 3:9)

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”
(James 1:5)

 Did I pray for my child (for understanding of Scripture, for relationships, behavior, problems, future spouse, etc.)?

“Moreover as for me, God forbid that I should sin against the LORD in ceasing to pray for you: but I will teach you the good and the right way.” (1 Samuel 12:23)

“Grant to Solomon my son a whole heart that he may keep your commandments, your testimonies, and your statutes, performing all, and that he may build the palace for which I have made provision.” (IChronicles 29:19, ESV)

Did I lead my child in praying to our Lord, teaching him to look to God to supply our needs, and to thank Him for His many blessings?

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
(Hebrews 4:16)

“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 5:20)

Sometimes Doing Good Is Disobedience

New lesson for the week: Disobedience is still disobedience. Just because the disobedience involves doing something good or helpful does not mean you are obeying. So, when Eric is asked to help Jocelyn pick up the floor, and he decides he is not going to do that, but he is still being helpful by holding and rocking Lucy to sleep, he is still practicing disobedience.

Proverbs 10:17

He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth.

Let's take another scenario. Eric is 22 and is working on a cattle farm. Really, this is his dream right now, and I am not discouraging it.  He wants to own, some 3000 acres and cattle. Anyway, he is working on this cattle farm, and the owner tells him to take 100 head of cattle to wherever. So, Eric decides he can do that tomorrow, because he had already planned on prepping some other stock for something else. Now, that is definitely needed, but it was not what he was told to do by the authority in his life. If the cattle owner needs them there, that could cost him money and Eric his job or even his dream.

Hebrews 13:17

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

So, when Eric is a married adult.... not sure after that if he got his cattle ranch or not .... but as an adult, he has a relationship with the Lord, and feels that it is time to move, so he prays and really feels God is directing him to northeast Texas. Well, Eric doesn't like northeast Texas. He wants to live in southwest Texas. After all, there are many reasons southwest Texas would be a good place to live: family, the weather, friends. He knows of a good church there that needs good families to move to the area, so that is where he plans to move his family.

Proverbs 28:9

He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination.

Well, you can see why he would choose to do what he sees as best, instead of God's actual best, if we allow that in his flesh now. I feel that we are preparing our children daily for their future. Their future tomorrow, and as young adults, and even as parents and grandparents, training future generations for the Lord.

Some examples of disobedience in the Bible are:

Eli's sons, Hophni and Phineas: 1 Samuel 2:12-4:18

Adam and Eve: Genesis 3:6-24

Lot's wife: Genisis 19:26

Jonah: Jonah 1-2

Moses and Aaron: Numbers 20: 2-13, 24

I do believe in instant obedience. Sometimes it is an instant protection for a child at a stove or one walking toward the street. Sometimes I have found, it is me telling them to finish a task that "they forget to do". Many times they later wish they had completed it when they have to miss out out on an opportunity to do something else. Regardless of whether we see that protection immediately or not, it is protection and preparation for adulthood. It is protection from a disobedient heart toward God. It is preparation for God's plan. Will they choose to listen to Him and trust Him or will they rely on what they think is necessary and important at this time? That answer lies in the here and now. It lies in the hearts of fathers and mothers to lovingly convey this to their children, younger and older.

God give me wisdom and discernment to see this in our children and teach them as you would teach them.
blessings!

Shame and Discipline

Excerpt from Mama, We've Got Ourselves A Selfish Little Girl Here

[EDIT: ADDED] Of course, right now a lot of you reading this are thinking, “Well, from a Christian perspective, you ARE bad. There’s no one righteous, no not one.” That’s not the kind of bad I’m talking about. I’m talking about the kind of thinking you’re bad that causes you to believe deep down inside that you don’t matter, you’re worthless, you don’t deserve to be here, you don’t deserve to be loved, and there is some external standard that you are supposed to live up to that no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough, never measure up. It’s a combination of shame and performance mentality.

"But the worst thing about shame if you’re a Christian is that you tend to think that God has the same feelings about you that you have about yourself. This creates a huge problem. How in the world are you supposed to have a deep, intimate relationship with a God you think has written you off as worthless and unloveable?

As John Bradshaw says, "When I feel guilt, I feel that I have made a mistake, and when I feel shame, I feel that I am a mistake." How can you believe God loves you if you feel like you're a mistake?

Shame takes six common forms and does not have to be blatant like the Red Lobster incident. In fact, it can be more damaging when it's subtle because then it's not obvious what is happening, so our defenses are down.

The six common forms of shame are:
1. The put-down: "You naughty boy!", "You're acting like a spoiled child!", "You selfish brat!", "You cry-baby!" "You're mean!" "Rug rat"
2. Moralizing: "Good little boys don't act that way" "You've been a bad little girl" “God isn’t pleased when you act that way” “Angels are crying right now because of what you’ve done”
3. Age-based expectations: "Grow up!" "Stop acting like a baby!" "Big boys don't cry ” "You're 10 years old--you should be able to do this by now""
4. Gender-based expectations: "Toughen-up and take it like a man!" "Don't be a sissy!" “Stop being so emotional!” “Don’t be such a silly girl”
5. Competency-based expectations: "You're hopeless!" “You’ll never be good at anything” "You should be able to do this math by yourself " "You should know better than that" "Any idiot could have figured that out"
6. Comparisons: "Why can't you be more like so-and-so?" "None of the other children are acting like you are" "You're not as _____as your sister (brother) "

Shame not only makes us feel like we intrinsically have no value, but it also gives us a distorted perception of what love really is. Why? Because the people who shame us the most tend to be the people who tell us they love us. So we get mixed messages about love. On the one hand we are told we are loved, but on the other we are made to feel like we are not worthy of love."