MI-OR-IDA-CO Minitaters

Nov. 11, 2009

and Cancel Christmas.....

"Where are you Christmas, why can't I find you. Why did you go away?".... the words sung by a child in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" (Jim Carrey version).

This song starts running through my head about this time of year. I could weep in my coffee and complain that we don't have enough money for this, that or the other thing. I could complain that my unemployed husband has ruined it for us because he hasn't landed a job all year, or I could just hang my head down and hide away from the crowds because they truly scare me. In my book all very valid reasons. But that's not why I canceled Christmas.

The last few weeks has truly been a testament in pain for this family, both physically and emotionally. We were willing to rip each other to shreds in front of the children, revert to very unchristian like behavior, all to get in the last word. And all due to lack of respect.

We had to come together and make some very tough decisions, pull this family together or sacrifice everything we worked for and walk away. Battered, bruised and damaged we took a vote (all nine of us) to decide whether or not we give in and split the families up or remember what brought us here in the first place. I have to admit we never really came to an all out answer. What we decided was to put the puzzle pieces back in place to find out how we all fit. The first step was to remove all outside influences. We have allowed so many people to come in and be disruptive towards our life, that we didn't see that the behavior of our children was actually working against the parenting model that we had laid out.

We have strict policies when it comes to child behavior in public as well as home. I'm not saying we don't have fun, we have truly laughed till milk spurted out our noses at dinner, but I am saying that there are behavior's that are not allowed in this household. Disrespect of adults being one of them, the second is disrespect of someone else's property.

My sister and I finally hit our braking point when while all the entertaining was going on, one of us was always cooking and the other was always cleaning or chasing down other people's children who were disrespecting property. All the while the teenagers (who begged to have the company over) were no where to be found when it was time to clean up or serve, my husband (mr non social) was usually off reading a book somewhere and ignoring everyone, and the attitudes and whining of the younger three reached ear shattering proportions because they were fighting over toys.

Boiling points reached peak level last Tuesday when two fights broke out in front of our kids (one was my husband and my sister, the other was my husband and myself). My husband didn't realize just how ridiculious he was being until he heard the 8 year old and the 5 year old the next afternoon repeating everything he was shouting at me VER BATEM! It was eye opening for him to say the least.

We had lost, respect wise, everything we had worked for the last five years to achieve. So we had come to a crossroads of sorts and had to decide. This is a mutual list between all of us:

1) No outside entertaining of friends or family through the end of the year. If we can't entertain each other through family interaction and enjoy each other, we sure can't allow others to bring their ideas of fun and entertainment in until we know that EVERYONE will be having a good time.

2) No electronics. We removed all of the TV's, radio's, ipod's, computers, DVD players, PS2's out of the kids rooms and my husband's office. It seems that respecting the educational requirements of this house has been ignored and needs to be re-established before these are reinstated.

3) Learning to love each other's company. We established family game night as Saturday after chores. Once all the daily chores are done and the church is cleaned, then we will, as a family, pick a game and sit and play. We did this last Saturday and had a blast.

4) School work and chores will be done in a timely fashion and there will be no exceptions. One person shouldn't be reponsible for cleaning up after, or cooking for nine people. There are five old enough to share in the duties.

The decision to cancel Christmas was for material purposes only. We celebrate the birth of our Lord and we will remember it that way, but there will be no purchasing of material possessions this year in any fashion. This family needs to redetermine why we are a family and we have to come together and love one another (as we are commanded by God). That in and of itself is the greatest gift of all. And it's one we can give each other without attaching a $$ to it.

All I ask for this year is prayers. Pray that this family can work it out and get back on track.

Thank you,
~jaimers~

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Jul. 14, 2009

Pedestals of Glass

Posted in Rambling On

Have you ever been put on a pedestal? What was it made of? Glass, stone, marble? Did it crush under the weight of your responsibilities or did you fall from grace and it tumbled down around you?

During my short years on this planet (all 41 of them), I've been put upon many pedestals by people who thought they were doing a good deed. Why am I sharing this? Because I've recently been reminded by someone I love deeply that I've mistook a lot of my accomplishments and kicked them off the pedestal because I have an aversion to accepting them.

The Marble Pedestal - this is the one that our parents put us up on. It's shiny and exotic and it stands out (that's why the Greeks and Romans use the material for show pieces). They put us up there for all the world to see. Look at our accomplishments, see what we made? As children we accept this, as teens we loathe this, as adults we are ashamed of this because no one can live up to the marble's gloss and polish. These are the most fragile of pedestals. These are the pedestals most easily crushed by the weight of the person trying to stay standing on it.

The Stone Pedestal - this is the one that we put ourselves up on. See what I accomplished at work? See what material possessions I have that you don't? See I did this all by myself. As children we are encouraged to compete for the top of the stone pedestal. As teens we are often battered by other's pedestals. As adults we are usually standing on the pedestal by ourselves for because the stone is solid we cannot see those below us that we crushed to get to the top. This is a lonely pedestal that often withstands time, but does not give comfort from the storms.

The Glass Pedestal - this is the most precious pedestal of all. It is the one our loved ones and true friends place us on. Because it is see through we easily acknowledge those that have carried us on their shoulders and they can see our gratitude and appreciation for their efforts. There are no hidden crevices in a glass pedestal. It is smooth and almost transparent. If a crack were to form it could easily be repaired for all would see it and all would make it right again. The one standing on the pedestal has nothing to hide. All the slight imperfections are known and not hidden. While this is the strongest pedestal of all due to the strength of the crowd gathered below it, it can cause the most damage when it is crushed. Shards (often made of harsh words or feelings) slice through the flesh of the crowd as if it were the wind. Glass pedestals cannot be rebuilt once shattered. Not all the pieces will be found and therefore can never be whole again. Glass pedestals must be formed from the new sands of time.

What ever pedestal you are standing on, look to see if it's of the material deserving of you. Whether it be of marble, stone or glass remember one thing: All pedestals come with stairs and you can change your pedestal material one step at a time.

Thank you to those that have put me on my pedestal. And a special thank you to the man who reminded me yesterday that holding my hand and helping me climb the stairs affords you a better trip to your destination at the top.

~jaimers~

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