He is our little miracle baby.

We had plans, ya know? Those plans that we come up with on our own without first consulting with God.

We already had one child. I wanted three and Rob wanted just the one, so we compromised. We would have two, hoping it would be a boy so we could have the perfect American family. We wanted the children close in age - 18 months to 2 years apart would be good, so we started "trying" for baby number two when baby number one was nine months old (June of 1992).

Things did not go as we had planned. What we faced instead of that positive pregnancy test was disappointment. Month after month of disappointment, followed by doctor visits, invasive procedures, expensive fertility drugs, and finally, surgery. I was diagnosed with secondary infertility, caused by low progesterone, PCOS, and endometriosis. Every treatment I went through just brought on a whole new set of symptoms. It was the most emotionally painful time in our lives. We had no support network because people just don't understand the hurt that comes with secondary infertility. We would get comments like, "Well, at least you have one child. You should be thankful." We WERE thankful for the child that we had, but we were still grieving for the loss of the family we had dreamed of.

My final surgery was on April 15, 1994. I remember the date well - tax day. I had complications after the surgery. It took hours for them to wake me up from the anesthesia - quite frightening. Then a few days later, I had a problem with my incision (I will spare you the gory details).

That is when I gave up completely. I couldn't take the stress of infertility anymore. It was putting a strain on our marriage. It was consuming my every thought. I was becoming bitter toward all of my friends and relatives who were getting pregnant and complaining about it. I finally turned to the Lord.

You know, ultimately God is in control. I should have turned to Him from the beginning, but I had walked away from Him years earlier, and my husband had never known Him. We were trying to walk through these trials on our own.

When I finallly cried out to God, and placed my burden on Him, I was at peace. I told God that I couldn't do this on my own anymore. I couldn't go the medical route either. I told Him that if He wanted me to have another child than He could give me one...if not, well then, okay -- I'd just buy a sports car instead. (LOL, this is REALLY what I said).

One month after giving this area of my life over to God, I was pleasantly surprised by a positive pregnancy test. A few months later, my husband got saved and I re-dedicated my life to the Lord. We started attending a church that preached against birth control and told us that children are God's BLESSINGS. This is the first time this had even occurred to me. But I had seen God firsthand open my womb as He had for so many in the Bible. He was in control the whole time I had tried to take control. He is the giver of life. He opens and closes the womb. I finally got it. Rob and I decided right then to give that control to God permanently. (Okay, I confess that I REALLY didn't think we would have anymore, just because of my diagnosis -- I mean I knew what God COULD do, but still lacked faith.)

God showed us what He can do if we are willing to allow Him to. My infertility baby is 11 years old today, and he has been joined by seven younger miracle siblings.


Happy Birthday Gator!

If anyone would like to wish Gator a happy 11th birthday, feel free to comment on his blog with birthday wishes.