Two weeks ago I woke up from what was supposed to be a non-invasive procedure in preparation for surgery on a tumor near my spine. My feet felt like rocks and my right leg was numb from the hip down. Barely able to walk, I was told by a resident doctor that my symptoms would probably go away in two days. They didn’t. Three days later, I underwent an ultrasound to see if a blood clot might be causing my leg to swell. While an overtired ER doctor unwittingly shared the story about a journalist in the Middle East who had recently died from a blood clot, I pretended to remain calm, but on the inside I was in turmoil. “What have I left undone?” screamed over and over inside my head.  
    On the morning of the operation I wrestled with morose thoughts as I filled out the paperwork for a Living Will. Would I want to be kept alive at all costs if I was brain dead?  Would Robert remarry if I died? Who would homeschool my children? In utter desperation I wrote a prayer to the Lord in my journal, “Put your angels at my head and feet today. Let no harm befall me. I place myself in your care. Keep me.” I asked the Lord what to read from His word and He whispered "Isaiah 52" to my heart. I copied verses 6-9 down. “Therefore my people will know my name; therefore in that day they will know that it is I who foretold it. Yes, it is I. How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, ‘Your God reigns!’”

    After the operation, and for days to come, those precious words flooded my soul because my feet were anything but beautiful! In fact, they were hypersensitive and frightfully painful to walk on. I couldn’t understand what had happened to me or why. But God had gone before me and hedged me in, reassuring me that He was in control, and that He had allowed this to happen to me for a reason. 

   When I got back home I couldn’t do anything but sit in a chair by my bedroom window. Needing a touch from the Lord, I picked up my journal and flipped through the pages. As I read some of the past entries, the Spirit of God began to minister to me and relief flooded my soul. I had forgotten how many times I had run to the Lord in apprehension and recorded the words of comfort He had given me. I had forgotten His faithfulness to my family through a multitude of circumstances that only He could arrange. I didn’t have to worry about leaving things undone! His truths were recorded in my journal, waiting to give testimony to my children that although the path we walk may be frightening, even unbearable at times, we never walk alone. Isaiah 30:20 proclaims, “And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself any more, but your eyes shall see your Teacher."
   
    Do you journal? Or better yet (in this day of Cyber Space) do you Log-in with God? Listen, observe, and grow with the Lord. At our house we have a new rule for new technology. No bloggin’ until you log-in to the Lord.