What It's All About

• May. 15, 2007
Marble Memories

Posted in musings and miscellany

We went to a marble making factory and museum called The Marble House over the weekend. While there, I was taken back in time to some special, nearly long-forgotten memories of my step-grandma, Grandma Allen, and the treasures at her house. She was a tiny little lady, the mother of my step-dad. She lived in an old house with a cellar full of preserves and homemade sauces, a front porch that cooled your feet under you on a hot summer's day, and a garden so full of rhubarb that pies were just begging to be made. Everytime we went to Grandma Allen's house, she'd fetch the green tupperware bowl from the freezer to let her kiddos dip into her famous oatmeal raisin cookies. She was a saver. As a teenager during the depression years, she had done without and it was obvious from the moment one tried to open up her junk drawer. Full of rubberbands, plastic bread bags, and who only knows what else, the drawer was so bulging full that it was nearly impossible to close upon opening. The attic in Grandma's house was one of those attics every little girl dreams of getting lost in. How I wish I could go back to that attic! I was awed by an antique baby buggy, perfectly sized for the old dolls, beautiful lamps and other furniture covered with sheets and a wonderful old trunk full with treasures.

But the trigger for all these wonderful memories this weekend was the marbles. Oh, Grandma had a wonderful old box full of marbles! When she wanted to keep my brother and I occupied for a little while, she'd pull the old Quaker oats box off of the shelf and allow us to play with her marble collection. We'd set up a little circle of marbles, each choose a shooter, and play for hours with the glass beauties. Of course, we each had our favorites, those we'd vie for at every marble competition. Some of the marbles were made of clay, but most were glass, obviously well-loved and much used if the nicks on their surface were to be believed. I saw some marbles this weekend at the marble House that reminded me of those marbles at Grandma's. They were antique. Most of them were glass, and because of their age and use, they too were nicked and had long ago lost their shine. But to me, those marbles were like magic marbles. Because they took me back to a place and time I'd nearly forgotten. A time of innocence and games and playing at my grandma's with her lovely, old, priceless, little marbles made of glass.

• May. 4, 2007
What's Up With the Plastic Surgery, Jon?

Posted in musings and miscellany

You might recall that I was so excited to find my beloved American Idol on in London every week. I have to watch it two days late, but that's fine. I just try to avoid any information about it on the web and I can enjoy it just as much as I did back home. So, tonight I was really excited because Bon Jovi (my favorite 80's hair band, for sure) was going to be mentoring the contestants. Back in the day, I really rocked out with Bon Jovi. I know, I know, I'm aging myself. Plus the fact that thinking of my 37-year old mom self "rocking out" is a bit hilarious. I'm just trying to give my children future fodder for major embarassment.

So, imagine my dismay when I saw my number one heartthrob of the eighties sporting some new (no, not hairdo)...plastic surgery?!? What's up, Jon Bon Jovi? I couldn't even look at him, no kidding. I was ranting and raving to my husband. It went something like this:

Me: (with a screechy, horrified voice) "Honey, he's had plastic surgery! Look! It's so ridiculously obvious!"

Hubby: "Hmmm."

Me, again to hubby (Maybe he didnt' HEAR me. My main man from the eighties was apparently old enough for some plastic surgery): "No, seriously honey. Look at his eyes. They're unnaturally puffy. Look! Last time I saw him on Oprah he looked much different, much more natural."

Hubby: "Okay."

Me: "Baby, really. I mean....honey...I can't even LOOK at him. He looks so unnatural! Can't a girl from the eighties see her heartthrob age gracefully. Come on. Look! Oh. I am so mad. Our society is so messed up. Why did Jon think he needed plastic surgery? Of all people. Honey. I'm so angry."

Hubby: "Sorry?"

Now in hubby's defense, what would you say to something so weird and psycho as that. But, I am really sad about Jon's plastic surgery. I would love to see him age. Gracefully. Not with some plastic holding his cheeks up and some nips and tucks around his eyes.

Then hubby said something that REALLY made me mad.

Hubby: "What are you so mad about? Now he just looks like he did back when we were in high school!"

Me (clearly disgusted beyond belief): "Whatever! No he does not! That's just what somebody convinced him he'd look like. Clearly, now he looks like an overaged hairband rocker in his forties who is trying to appear eighteen!"

I guess hubby just doesn't get it.

• May. 4, 2007
God's Breaking Me

Posted in musings and miscellany

God is teaching so much about mothering and myself in this time away. I liken it to the Israelites desert experience in a way. The Israelites were removed from everything they had known in order to focus completely on God and His deliverance for them. I too have been removed from all my familiar surroundings, including family, friends, church, and even familiar events such as grocery shopping in order to learn from him, and to hear His voice. In many ways, He is wooing me here. But in that wooing there are also some hard lessons, mainly about myself.

I'm discovering new, gentler ways to parent my children. I mentioned in a previous post that I had been reading "Heartfelt Discipline" by Clay Clarkson. Through the reading of this book and the reading of daily scripture, I have been convicted of being so controlling in my parenting. My son can get especially beligerant at times. I think I often provoke him to anger in trying to force him to be the way I want him to be. I often worry about how things look on the outside --what will people think of me as a mom if he throws a fit in public? God has pointed out how graceless my parenting can be --a sort of "my way or the highway" approach that I've been taking. And I'm broken hearted over my lack of extended grace. Shouldn't I, of all people, be extending grace to my son when he gets angry. After all, how many times has my Father forgiven me for that same sin?

In her book, "Barefoot in the Kitchen", Alie Stibbe talks about a time when God convicted her in her mothering this way:

"I found that by removing my shoes, being cut down to size and getting in touch with reality (of God's holiness), produced a sense of mourning in me over all the bad attitudes that had accumulated in my life, but God used this to reinforce what He was teaching me: in the Bible people who mourned went about barefoot (2 Sam 15:30). It seemed that part of the process of commitment and finding God on my patch of holy ground involved mourning over the past so that a genuine act of repentance could take place, so that I could know God's forgiveness and be prepared by His Spirit for what lay ahead. When we are truly sorry for our past, the forgiveness we receive in the present is truly comforting."

So, like Alie Stibbe, I've been brought to the desert, to a patch of holy ground. A place in which my Father has wooed my for such a time as this. A place in which He has broken me in a sense over some sins in my mothering including self-centeredness, not extending grace, fits of anger, and other things. A place in which now, after the woundedness has come, the healing can begin.

I'll close with a prayer that Alie shared in the book.

"Yes, God, you have placed me in this situation with these children for however long it is you have planned. I accept the situation I am in. I accept these children you have blessed me with, and I ask that you will help me to be committed to a daily loving relationship with this family for as long as it takes.

Amen.

• May. 1, 2007
Savoring the Baby

Posted in musings and miscellany

"Sometimes I would almost rather have people take away years of my life than take away a moment." -Pearl Bailey

"Cuh you hoe me minute, Mommy?" says my youngest climbing up on my lap.

I stop what I'm doing to pick up my chubby toddler. "She's growing so much," I lament to myself. Sometimes, when I hear her talk and mimic her brother and sister, or when I see her little face peeking out from big-girl pigtails, I wonder where my little baby has gone. And I mourn a little. Well, maybe a lot. Because she's probably the last baby in our family.

We play patty-cake. The soft, tender skin of her hands slap mine, my hands which are starting to look more and more like I remember my mother's hands looking growing up. Mine are becoming more wrinkled and colored with age, and hers are so fresh, so soft, so...new. Even yet, over two years after coming out of her warm abode inside of me, her little hands feel so new.

And I revel in the moment, as we share some uninterrupted games of patty-cake, while her siblings are otherwise occupied. These moments are rarer with her being the third child. Of course her brother, the oldest, got lots of patty cake and fingerplays and board books. She, being the youngest of three preschoolers, does not get that luxury --the luxury of uninterrupted time with Mommy all by herself.

Each time we finish the pattycake game, she giggles and asks for more. I'm enjoying these moments so much that I happily oblige. After all, I reason, soon she'll be thinking she's too big for pattycake and not wanting to climb up in my lap as often. Those days are coming soon, so I want to hang on to these days of being needed and adored as long as I can. I want to savor these moments, just like the coca-cola addict in me savors that burning sensation when the drink hits the back of my throat. These moments just feel so good.

Teach me to number my days, Lord. Teach me to number my days.

• Mar. 25, 2007
Church Today

Posted in musings and miscellany

Here's the church we're currently attending. Hubby has been working all weekend, so the children and I went to church without him this morning. At first, earlier this week, when I thought about this --going to church on the bus with all three children, and getting each of them into the service and then checked into children's church--the thought overwhelmed me, and I considered not going. But I am a chuch girl. I love the body of Christ. I know the church isn't perfect, but I delight in corporate worship, learning, and community. I also wondered if my children would want to go, or if they'd be afraid because it's not our home church. When I asked them, they wanted to go. We didn't attend church last week because it was windy and raining and we didn't want to have to wait at the bus stop with the children in the wind and rain. Well, I missed it. When I go even one week without that focused time, it hurts me spiritually. So, I thought, "I'm doing it." I needed to go. I had to go. I was parched for the Word today.

Boy, did God deliver again through HTB! The service was phenomenal. There is a great spirit during worship. Tim Hughes led worship today. One thing about this being a new church for us is I don't know a few of the songs, and then I want to remember them when I get home, but I never can. But most of the songs, I know, which makes me feel at home in this place that is so far away from home. And when I look around at worship, I'm amazed by God. I'm absolutely blown away by his great idea of gathering together believers. Here's why...no matter where you are, who you know, or what the service is like, in a community of believers in Christ, even with no other commonalities, there is a singular commonality and that is Jesus Himself. I feel very alone here. But at church, with other like-minded people who worship the same God, I feel less alone, like somehow I'm in a place where people "get" me. Probably my favorite song we sung today was "I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous)". My son and I had gotten into it before leaving for church this morning and my heart was broken by the way both of us had behaved. This song really reminded me of my need for God's grace and His willingness to give it.

The talk today was given by Nicky Gumbel, the vicar at HTB. I had never heard him speak before, but was looking forward to it because he was speaking on how to read the Old Testament. I love the Old Testament and was really curious about what he would say. The first bit of his talk focused on why Christians should read the Old Testament. His point? Because Christ is the fulfillment of the Old Testament (see Matt 5:17). Then, he spoke about how to read the Old Testament, making these three points: Get to know the Person, Enjoy the Promises, Live it out in Practice. He recommended a book, which I picked up at the end of the service called "Knowing Jesus Through the Old Testament" by Christopher J. H. Wright. He used some awesome scriptures from the Old Testament to show how Jesus is revealed in the New. For example, one that really struck me this morning, was the story of Moses striking the rock and water coming out of it. Then he turned to 1 Corinthians 10:4, where Jesus is called the Rock, who "accompanies" us. I've always thought of the striking of the rock story about sustenance, but seeing through this verse that He is a Rock that accompanies us really struck a chord with me. Remember? I'm lonely, after all. I suppose knowing that the Rock accompanies me makes me feel so much more confident and much less alone. I love it when a sermon makes you want to go home and dig right into the Bible yourself. This was the kind of sermon for me where I literally could not wait to get home and dig into it. Gumbel also used some fabulous quotes. Here's a great one that he referenced from Saint Augustine of Hippo:

"The new is in the old concealed. The old is in the new revealed."

If you want to hear the whole talk for yourself, click on the link at the beginning of this post and you can download it. It's definitely worth a listen.

• Mar. 19, 2007
Facing Our Fears

Posted in musings and miscellany

"I did an unscientific survey and asked 150 women: 'Has life turned out the way you thought it would? Have you become the woman you wanted to be?' Every on of those 150 women said, "No, I am not the woman I wanted to become.'"

I can relate a lot to this quote by Angela Thomas, one of my favorite authors of non-fiction for Christian women. She goes on to say that usually it's fear or lack of confidence that is holding women back from being all that God wants them to be. And that they wish that they had not been afraid.

I've lived most of my life afraid. It started as a very young girl. In fact, I don't remember a time when I wasn't afraid. As a young girl, I was afraid my mother and step-father would get divorced. I was afraid that our house would catch on fire. I was afraid of my step-mother. I was afraid of children and teachers and being wrong and moving. But my fear of those things did not stop most of them from happening. My sweet mom's second marriage ended in divorce. My step-mother continued to mistreat me. My family moved many times. Our fears don't keep bad things from happening to us, they only prevent us from embracing true life, abundant life, life to the full (see John 15).

I heard someone say recently that being brave isn't about not being afraid. It's about being afraid, but going ahead and doing the hard thing anyway. What I am experiencing now: moving away from my family, friends, church home, the place I've known my entire life, and being in a foreign country is something that most people who know me would never think I would do. Because of my fears. But, yet, I am doing it. Why is that? Because my love for Jesus Christ compels me to embrace all that He has in mind for my life --a life to the full. You see, I am tired of living my life afraid. Of not embracing something because it might not work out as I planned. Or I might look silly. Or I might fail.

I don't think that David faced Goliath because he wanted to, or that he was brave in some super-human sort of way. I think that David chose courage because he too was compelled by his passionate love for Yahweh and His great name. When David heard what Goliath and the Philistines were saying about His God, a God who David knew quite personally, he took offense. And that offense gave David courage. In the same way, I need to become quite offended by fears that the enemy tries to put upon me. I need to remember that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:13).

And what I am coming to know is this: the more we face our fears, and do the hard thing that we think is impossible, the more courageous we become. Not because we think more of ourselves, but because we think more of our God. And all that He is doing through us. All because we got over our fears, embraced His plan, and lived our life as He willed. And that is life to the full.

• Feb. 14, 2007
Surprised by Trees

Posted in musings and miscellany

I am not a fan of winter weather. It seems to me that Christmas is fine for snow, but beyond that I have no use for it. It is cold, and I crave hot. It is dark and I need light. So, imagine my surprise today when God showed up for me in the winter weather.

We've had quite a snow and ice storm these past few days in Indiana. I ventured out into it yesterday and it was nasty! Slushy, snowy, freezing rain. Then hubby called while I was sitting perusing Beth Moore's newest book and sipping my mocha at Barnes and Noble. (I have a sitter on Tuesdays.) He told me to get home because he had heard that the weather was getting worse. I bought a few books --"The Great Omission" by Dallas Willard, "Confessions of an Amateur Believer" by Patty Kirk nd the latest "Leadership" magazine and "Simple Scrapbooks" magazine-- then I dutifully obeyed my smart husband and headed home.

By this time, the rain was coming down frozen, and the roads were very slick. Actually, they were more like solid sheets of ice. Trees and power lines were being coated with ice. While traveling a tree-lined street on the way home, I heard a crack, and glanced up just in time to see an ice-covered branch smack the street in front of me. The ice was so heavy, the branch had bowed under the weight. So, needless to say, I was glad to get home and since it continued to rain and snow well into the night, I was happy to stay in all day today with my kiddos.

Hubby called before coming home this evening and offered to take the kiddos and me out for a Valentine's Day dinner. I laugh when I reminisce about our long, lingering Valentine's Day dinners of years past. Tonight we went to family-friendly Cracker Barrell and had a ball with our children. On the way to the restaurant, our family beheld the most amazing sight.

It was the time of day that photographers refer to as the magic hour. The sun was just ready to set and the light from the sun was casting a glow all over the earth. And then we saw them...the trees...ice covered and full of crystal-like brilliance. It's times like this that I wish I were a better writer, so that I could convey to you the glassy splendor of these trees. The ice was slathering the trees, tall trees that lined the highway, from bottom to top. And the sun was casting just the right light to illuminate the tops of the trees as if they were lit with millions of tiny Christmas lights! It was absolutely breathtaking. The children, their father, and I were in awe, praising God all the way to the restaurant for his creativity, and for allowing us to be surrounded by the majesty and beauty of His creation. My middle daughter, who appreciates nature to the fullest, often teaching her parents a thing or two about wonder, commented all the way to our destination. She was really appreciating God's handiwork as usual. And I was humbled because I am usually complaining about the snow and ice. My sweet Jesus amazed me with Himself. The Creator of heaven and earth reached down and touched my soul through the beauty of His glassy trees.

From whose womb has come the ice? And the frost of heaven, who has given it birth? Job 38:29

You alone, o Lord. You alone.

• Dec. 10, 2006
Response of Contentment

Posted in musings and miscellany

No matter how many times I read the story in Luke of Mary's visit from Gabriel, I never cease to be amazed by Mary's response. She's just been told that she's going to be giving birth to God's Son. She's not yet married. She's probably very young. Her response? "Be it unto my according to your word." She doesn't complain, question, or throw a fit. She simply says, "Let it be so."

I reread the story again yesterday and thought about my usual response to God, especially if He seems to be giving me a hard task, or something that doesn't make any earthly sense. I definitely don't react the way that Mary did. I more question Him, become angry or pouty with him, or just plain out disobey him. Again, I'll just say, in light of the way I usually respond, I am in awe of our Lord's mother.

I wonder what it would take for me to have a "Mary response"? When a difficult thing arises, when dying to myself is something that comes around again and again (I'm a mom, remember?), when I'm called to forigve a deep hurt, could I respond with such grace, such contentment as Mary? I'm trying to let these words sink deep into my heart and soul so that maybe, just maybe, one day, I can respond to whatever Jesus calls me to do, "Be it unto me according to your word."

• Nov. 28, 2006
Rachel's Idols and Mine

Posted in musings and miscellany

I've been thinking a lot about Rachel in Genesis lately A new book that I'm reading, "Idols of the Heart" by Elyse Fitzpatrick, mentioned her and her idolatry and got me thinking a lot about her and how unfortunately, I can be like her.

In Genesis 30, it is explained that before Rachel goes with Jacob back to Canaan, she steals her father Laban's household idols. She takes them with her on the trip. This angers Laban so much that he pursues Jacob and his clan in search of the idols. Jacob, not knowing that Rachel has the idols, insists that Laban look in their tent for them, even going so far as to say that whoever stole them should die. But Laban doesn't find his beloved household idols. Rachel is on her camel sitting on them!

Oh, how very much I am like Rachel. There are so many things that I turn to for comfort. Things that are seemingly much more present to me than God. I've been asking myself what made Rachel take those idols and then even hide them so that she could keep them. What made her risk her life for something made out of clay or stone?

Commentators disagree on this. Some suggest that she took the idols because she believed her father Laban might have consulted them and through them learned where Jacob's clan went, thus harming them. That doesn't ring true for me because even after they were pursued and Rachel knew that her father knew where the family was, she still hid the idols. She still kept them, knowing that it could be her death. Other commentators suggest that Rachel was trying to keep her father from worshipping false gods. I'm also unsure as to this argument because in Genesis 35:2, Jacob instructs his clan to keep far from the foreign gods which were among them. Then, he goes an buries them under a tree. Jacob buried them. Not Rachel. So it seems that obvious that she had an affection for them. Fitzpatrick in her book suggests the argument that I most agree with about why Rachel took and hid and kept the idols. Rachel herself was an idolator. Rachel wanted the idols. Rachel would do anything to keep the idols. They comforted her.

I've been thinking a lot abour Rachel's idols. I've been thinking a lot about mine too. What makes me turn to false gods such as food, pride, and self-love? As I've been contemplating it, I've come to the conclusion that it's usually fear. I fear that God won't comfort me, so I turn to food. I fear that I won't be seen as wise and right, so I turn to pride. I fear that I won't get time for myself or be able to do things my way, so I turn to self-love. I think the same was true for Rachel. Rachel was going to a completely new place. She was leaving her father's household and all she had ever known. Rachel was afraid. And she falsely thought that because the idols were familiar to her that they would comfort her in her fear.

But what does God say about idols? He says in Exodus 20:3, "You shall have no other gods before me." And John, the beloved disciple, instructs us, "Little children, guard yourselves from idols." (1 John 5:21). In fact, Fitzpatrick points out that idolatry is the most talked about sin in all of the Bible.

God, You are my God. The One, True God. Forgive my idolatry. My make heart pure in its love for only You.

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• Nov. 27, 2006
Prayer for My Children

Posted in musings and miscellany

The Book of Common Prayer echos my sentiments for my children and their relationships as they grow and even into adulthood:

Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Amen

Lord, let it be so.

• Nov. 8, 2006
A Few More of My Favorite Things

Posted in musings and miscellany

Inspired by today's Proverbs 31 devotion by Lysa Terkurst, I was thinking about a few of the little things that make me happy. I decided to share my list with you.

A trip to Starbucks

The library -- Free books, what more do I need to say?!

A day at the state park with my family

Reading aloud to my children and hearing them laugh

A day spent writing at Panera Bread

My laptop

Worship Music

A deep spiritual conversation with a friend

Waking up next to sweet hubby

What about you? What are the little things that make you happy? If you don't get the daily devotional from Proverbs 31, head on over there to sign up. It's free and the devotions are well-written by wonderful ladies that are sold out to Jesus.

• Oct. 5, 2006
Sharing the Little Stuff

Posted in musings and miscellany

"Mooooommmmmyyyyy!" whined my daughter, 3 and a half. I didn't reply. She was supposed to be napping or at least quiet in her bedroom.

She persisted, even louder. "Mooommmmmmyyyyyy!" I continued to ignore. I mean, the girl didn't learn her stubborness from nowhere!

Then one very loud and very last attempt drew me storming upstairs. I intended to scold her for potentially waking up her younger sister.

As soon as I forcefully swung open the door, ready to pounce on the little thing, she smiled at me. Her smile always melts me. She is the one in our family who gets excited about the tiniest thing. She pulled her special blankie out from under the other covers.

"I found it! I found it! I found blankie!" she exclaimed.

The tender mommy heart in me realized in that moment that I couldn't scold her. I couldn't risk stealing her joy in that moment. She was ecstatic over finding her most treasured possession for her naptime. I smiled broadly, told her I was so happy for her, and quietly shut the door.

No sooner had I done so than a little lightbult went off in my head. "That girl shares the little stuff with gusto," I thought. Every little thing in her life is on parade for mommy (and whoever else might happen to be within 50 yards of her) to see. Do I do that? Do I share even the little things that excite me with my Father? I genuinely think that He cares about the smallest details of my life. Just like I was genuinely excited to see my little girl so ecstatic over retrieving her well-worn blankie, my Father must take great joy in knowing what delights me as well. Things like brightly colored mums in a drab fall landscape. My littlest daughter's neck grabbing hugs. Hearing my son read a real book all by himself. Taking a walk with my husband hand-in-hand. These are the little things that fuel my soul, yet I rarely take time to dialogue with my Father about them.

I've been asking Him lately to come into every aspect of my life, to make Himself known to me in the small moments as well as the great. And then I remember the verse in James, chapter one that says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows." Every good thing comes from my Father in heaven. I think in a flesh and blood relationship, I would acknowledge that. Yet in this most important relationship, this spiritual relationship with my Father, I sometimes forget to share the small things that delight me, the small gifts from Him. As a grateful daughter, I'm compelled to acknowledge the good gifts He gives me.

What are some of the good gifts the Father has graced you with today? Make sure you share with Him how much you enjoyed them. Make sure you tell Him thank you.

• Oct. 4, 2006
A New Favorite Quote

Posted in musings and miscellany

I found this quote in "Today's Christian Woman" magazine for this month and really resonated with it.

"The Christian should consider leisure not as an end in itself, not as the opposite of work, but as a function in his life which contributes to his calling."

Harold D. Lehman

I think I often fall into the trap of considering leisure the opposite of work and the end in itself. I long for times when I can "do nothing". But those times rarely come! I sometimes get a few moments to myself and don't know what to do with it because the time seems so precious that I don't want to waste a second of it. As I've talked to many other mothers, I hear the same sentiments.

I do agree that leisure is a contribution to our calling as Lehman suggests here. Through spiritual filling up (true leisure), I am better able to live out what God has gifted and called me to do. Sometimes the question for me becomes what is true leisure? Is it the trip to Disney World we went on? Definitely not. If you have been to Disney World with children, you know it's definitely a work out getting children from here to there, sleeping 5 people in one room and dealing with the tired little personalities! It was fun, but not relaxing.

True leisure for me is reading a book, a spiritually filling one. Or walking in the woods. Or bird watching on my back porch. Or sitting on my front porch swing. Or coffee with a friend. These are the things that fill me up enough to go out and fulfill the calling God has given me, whether it be wife, mom, friend, or ministry leader. What is true leisure to you? What fills you up to be the woman God has called you to be?

• Sep. 11, 2006
Remembering...

Posted in musings and miscellany

My heart is heavy today as I reflect on the horrific events of September 11, 2001. I will never forget where I was when I heard the news. I was sitting on my couch, wondering when my baby who was due the very next day, would arrive. I was watching the Today show as the whole thing unfolded like an unrealistic nightmare. I called my husband. We talked in unbelief. I called my best friend who was in the hospital dying of cancer. She was such a patriot and was very angry and grieved. I wondered what kind of a world I was bringing my little baby into. I will never forget the horrible events of 9/11. I'm praying today for the families of the victims, and I'm thankful to Jesus who gives every single one of us hope in the darkest hours.

• Sep. 7, 2006
Growth Takes Time

Posted in musings and miscellany

"Mama, I keep on mistaking it!" said my little one this morning as she was drawing. She's been earnestly trying to learn how to make a perfect circle, but is still in the practicing phase. You know, where the pencil just won't seem to go where she wants it to. Her brain knows what a circle looks like, but her fine motor skills won't cooperate.

Have you ever felt like that with God? I do most of the time. I feel like Paul when he said, "What I do I don't want to do, and what I don't want to do, I do!" Each day, in my prayer time, I end up confessing things that I seemingly confessed just yesterday. I feel ashamed and angry with myself that I am "mistaking" it again! But God doesn't see things that way. He sees my like I see my little girl. Just a little person who's trying her hardest to do things the right way and needing lots of practice. And the thing He knows about making circles is, they're never quite perfect. But He knows that they do get better with practice though, and practice takes time. Like my daughter, I want the perfect circle right now! I want to be super-spiritually mature woman right now. But growth takes time.

I felt like God showed me this afresh on a recent retreat of quiet to a favorite place. I sat under a huge oak tree. I let the breeze hit my face and looked up. The tree was seemingly endless in it's attempt to reach the sky. I felt so tiny under that tree. In that quiet place, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to my soul, "Growth takes time. You see that little acorn up there? That's you." I realized right then and there that I was so small in certain areas of my spiritual life. For example, I want to be the perfect mother, but my children are still only preschoolers! I've not been at this mothering thing very long, but my desire is to be the best right now. But when I reflect on it, there are ways that I've grown. I've grown in patience and sacrifice. I'm certainly not mature in that area yet, but I have made progress. Sitting under that massive oak tree, I thought about how many hundreds of years it had taken that tree to grow to the size it now was. Then I reflected on how it had started as small as that little acorn that I was now looking at.

So, even though you might be "mistaking" it a lot, I suppose the answer you and I need to ask ourselves is this, "Can I see a little progress?" Growth takes time and mistakes facilitate that growth. It's all a part of the process.

• Sep. 5, 2006
Marybeth Tagged Me

Posted in musings and miscellany

Okay...my friend, Marybeth, over at Marybeth's Musings on Motherhood and More tagged me. I'm up for it ...

1) ONE HOMESCHOOLING BOOK YOU HAVE ENJOYED

I can't choose just one! Here are my top three (okay, four!) favorites: Educating the Wholehearted Child by Clay and Sally Clarkson - one of the first hs books I read. This one gave me a vision for the homeschooling lifestyle and family. Really inspired me!

Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson - Another book by Sally Clarkson where the heart of homeschooling and intentionally pouring into your children's lives to disciple them is fleshed out. Recommend it highly!

Before Five in a Row by Jane Clare Lambert - We love this natural way of using the best literature. This is the preschool version and I love the way Jane Clare supports lettting young kids be young! Lots of play and love are encouraged. We'll definitely be using Five in a Row as we grow.

A Charlotte Mason Companion by Karen Andreola - A great book that simplifies the original 6 volume series by Charlotte Mason. Andreola's used the CM Methods for years and comes alongside you in a winsome way. The most thorough and practical book on CM that I've read.

2) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULDN'T BE WITHOUT

Books, Books, Books!

3) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER BOUGHT

Slow and Steady, Get Me Ready. Okay, I feel really guilty saying this, but I just don't get the attraction of this book. Sorry!

4) ONE RESOURCE YOU ENJOYED LAST YEAR

Bright Beginnings - We love that they are so inexpensive for what is included. Very great for preschool at your own pace. We use these to supplement, not as our main curriculum.

5) ONE RESOURCE YOU WILL BE USING THIS YEAR

Handwriting Without Tears - the whole kit and kaboodle. Already using it and loving it!

6) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BUY
More Montessori materials, but they're very expensive!

7) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH EXISTED

Can't really think of one yet... give me time!

8) ONE HOMESCHOOLING CATALOGUE YOU ENJOY READING

Rainbow Resource

9) ONE HOMESCHOOLING WEBSITE YOU USE REGULARLY
Homeschoolblogger.com

10) TAG FIVE OTHER HOMESCHOOLERS
1. Mrs. Incredible

2. Stacy at Reforming Motherhood

3. Amy (Hoppymom)

4. Katie

5. Karen at OurLittleSchoolroom

(Sorry for the crazy font issues and colors.)

• Aug. 19, 2006
Alone

Posted in musings and miscellany

My hubby is away this weekend on his annual church golf outing. I am alone and rather lonely. The two of us are really a team when it comes to this child-rearing thing and it's really different when he's not around. Not to mention the fact that it's nice to have an adult to talk to when you've been answering "why?" questions all day long and talking about the benefits of wet wipes versus dry toilet paper!

We kicked off our fall Bible study season yesterday and I found myself wanting to come home and share the excitement with hubby, which of course, I could not. I just felt alone. I've felt this way before. In fact, I think God actually looks forward to the lonely places in our lives, not because He's a mean God up in the sky trying to get people back for not paying enough attention to Him. But because in the lonely places, I seek Him more. I want Him because He's all I've got. I find myself having conversations with Him more often because I know there's no one else around to listen (who's over 3 feet tall, that is!). In fact, I think Jesus looks forward to finding us in the lonely places, because He's been there all along waiting for us to come alongside Him and just be in His presence. And when I'm lonely, I'm more willing to do that.

In these lonely places, I'm more open to listening to Him. I'm more open to asking His advice. I'm just more receptive to what He's doing all around me. It's such a paradox... I wouldn't ever willingly seek out a lonely place, but when I'm in one, if I'm open to it, He meets me there in such a real way.

So, even though my sweet husband won't be back until tomorrow evening, I haven't really been alone at all. My heavenly Father has been here for me. What a precious promise His presence is!

• Aug. 17, 2006
Instruction Versus Leadership

Posted in musings and miscellany

I love Moody radio. I'm addicted actually. One of the regular programs is called Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. While listening today, I was really encouraged to press on in instructing my children using God's Word. Specifically today, Nancy spoke about the value of teaching our children through the book of Proverbs. She emphasized not just instructing, but also leading our children in the ways of wisdom as so wonderfully depicted in this useful book.

What is the difference between instructing and leading? DeMoss contends that instruction is telling, while leading is "doing". We tell our children what we want them to do, but do we do it as well? This part is critical to the process. We've all heard the phrase, "Do as I say, not as I do". As Christian parents, this is a life-threatening lie that leads our children to think we're hypocrites. We must obey what we instruct them to obey. They are watching us.

I am recently aware that my little people watch what I say and then model me, even when I wish they wouldn't. I've seen it in the way my son gets aggravated with the dog and scolds her with disdain. I've heard it in the way my daughter frustratedly "growls" under her breath with each correction from her dad or me. Who modeled these things? I must confess, it was their leader... me! No, this is not what I instructed them to do, but it is what I must have modeled and lead them by doing. Example is one of the most powerful tools we have as parents. I need to remember this at every moment.

In thinking about this, I am so much more in awe of Jesus and His leadership. Not a harsh word, not an impatient thought, not a desire for revenge came from our Savior. At least not in a way that was sinful. Even rebukes came from Him without sin. As a parent, I so need His leadership. I long for mine to look more like His. I'm watching my children to see if it will.

Click here for a link to Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and a transcript of this series on Proverbs in parenting.