Nov. 11, 2009
11 November 09
I don't know how many families here have Veterans or those serving for the USA. I just wanted to say "Thank you" on our family's behalf. Have a great day.
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Nov. 11, 2009
Mad as a hornet
You all are not even going to believe this one.
We got to the hospital and got settled in, then headed off for a BUNCH of procedures in the treatment room. Noah had to get cathed instead of getting a bag urine specimen because he has had gram negative bugs grow in his urine in the past and we had to be sure we had a sterile specimin in case the gram negatives in his blood had come from a UTI. It is unbelievably hard to cath him, and he is usually sedated in the ER for this. Up on the floor they can't do sedation, but he did get some ativan to help a little.
Noah has a very tight foreskin which means that they are just working blind when trying to cath him. After almost 30 minutes of true agony the ID doctor came in and told us that she had called the lab in Greenwood to ask some more questions about his culture. Turns out that, "oh, oops" Noah is NOT growing gram negative anything. Oops. His culture is growing a gram positive bacteria that is almost always the result of a contaminated specimen - in other words, the bacteria almost certainly isn't in his blood stream at all but is due to a speck of dust.
ID said that we could go home. Like I keep saying, Noah doesn't really look bad. They stopped trying to cath him but did have to go ahead and get peripheral cultures (blood out of his arm), broviac cultures, and a bunch of other labs - but since he's looking OK we were given the go-ahead to go home and watch him with the understanding that if gets worse OR the new cultures grow something, then we come right back.
In the meantime, my baby was truly and literally tortured for 30 minutes because somebody wasn't paying attention to his or her work in a lab somewhere. Even the really seasoned and always calm nurses were traumatized by watching Noah go through this. It was horrible.
So, yeah, I'm feeling a little conflicted right now. I'm truly thrilled and stunned that we are going home, and I am heartsick and furious that Noah had to suffer like that for nothing. He was in that room in pain for just short of an hour total. He is covered in petechial hemorraging (little burst blood vessels all over from the screaming) and looks like he'll have bruises all over his thighs from being held while he fought so hard. His little boy parts are raw and hurting. Even when we were trying to do "no ouchie" procedures, he was so traumatized and terrified that he was screaming and shaking.
All because of a mistake. This would have been agony enough if we had truly needed to do this, but it is unbearable to know that he didn't need to go through this. Anybody need an object lesson for your children on why it is important to always do our best and always pay attention????
To top it all off, Noah just got a new Thomas DVD. He was holding it in the car on the way here and had a meltdown because the package contained an ad for some new Thomas that you put in a tunnel and fix or something. He decided he had to have that toy right now (sound like a three year old?). Jeff and I were trying to calm him down and making a mental note to try and find this toy for Christmas or something. Well, the Child Life worker brought that new Thomas DVD into the treatment room for Noah to watch. It had a commercial for the toy, of course. When we were done and ready to leave the room, I told Noah it was time to go to the prize box - and in the next breath said "Oh, and let's get your new Thomas too." I MEANT let's grab the new DVD so we don't forget it, but Noah thought that the new TOY was going to be in the prize box. Let's just say I am no longer a contender for the Mother of the Year award. Talk about adding insult to injury - and I was so shocked by the news of the lab error that it took me a few minutes to figure out why he was sobbing instead of picking out a prize.
Fortunately Noah is very resilient and forgiving. Child Life loaded him up with goodies which he is enjoying, and he is happy that he is going home. So am I. I just want to go home and hold him and rock him and pray that he will forget this all.
We'll be leaving as soon as we get the paperwork.
Blessings,
Kate
We got to the hospital and got settled in, then headed off for a BUNCH of procedures in the treatment room. Noah had to get cathed instead of getting a bag urine specimen because he has had gram negative bugs grow in his urine in the past and we had to be sure we had a sterile specimin in case the gram negatives in his blood had come from a UTI. It is unbelievably hard to cath him, and he is usually sedated in the ER for this. Up on the floor they can't do sedation, but he did get some ativan to help a little.
Noah has a very tight foreskin which means that they are just working blind when trying to cath him. After almost 30 minutes of true agony the ID doctor came in and told us that she had called the lab in Greenwood to ask some more questions about his culture. Turns out that, "oh, oops" Noah is NOT growing gram negative anything. Oops. His culture is growing a gram positive bacteria that is almost always the result of a contaminated specimen - in other words, the bacteria almost certainly isn't in his blood stream at all but is due to a speck of dust.
ID said that we could go home. Like I keep saying, Noah doesn't really look bad. They stopped trying to cath him but did have to go ahead and get peripheral cultures (blood out of his arm), broviac cultures, and a bunch of other labs - but since he's looking OK we were given the go-ahead to go home and watch him with the understanding that if gets worse OR the new cultures grow something, then we come right back.
In the meantime, my baby was truly and literally tortured for 30 minutes because somebody wasn't paying attention to his or her work in a lab somewhere. Even the really seasoned and always calm nurses were traumatized by watching Noah go through this. It was horrible.
So, yeah, I'm feeling a little conflicted right now. I'm truly thrilled and stunned that we are going home, and I am heartsick and furious that Noah had to suffer like that for nothing. He was in that room in pain for just short of an hour total. He is covered in petechial hemorraging (little burst blood vessels all over from the screaming) and looks like he'll have bruises all over his thighs from being held while he fought so hard. His little boy parts are raw and hurting. Even when we were trying to do "no ouchie" procedures, he was so traumatized and terrified that he was screaming and shaking.
All because of a mistake. This would have been agony enough if we had truly needed to do this, but it is unbearable to know that he didn't need to go through this. Anybody need an object lesson for your children on why it is important to always do our best and always pay attention????
To top it all off, Noah just got a new Thomas DVD. He was holding it in the car on the way here and had a meltdown because the package contained an ad for some new Thomas that you put in a tunnel and fix or something. He decided he had to have that toy right now (sound like a three year old?). Jeff and I were trying to calm him down and making a mental note to try and find this toy for Christmas or something. Well, the Child Life worker brought that new Thomas DVD into the treatment room for Noah to watch. It had a commercial for the toy, of course. When we were done and ready to leave the room, I told Noah it was time to go to the prize box - and in the next breath said "Oh, and let's get your new Thomas too." I MEANT let's grab the new DVD so we don't forget it, but Noah thought that the new TOY was going to be in the prize box. Let's just say I am no longer a contender for the Mother of the Year award. Talk about adding insult to injury - and I was so shocked by the news of the lab error that it took me a few minutes to figure out why he was sobbing instead of picking out a prize.
Fortunately Noah is very resilient and forgiving. Child Life loaded him up with goodies which he is enjoying, and he is happy that he is going home. So am I. I just want to go home and hold him and rock him and pray that he will forget this all.
We'll be leaving as soon as we get the paperwork.
Blessings,
Kate
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Nov. 11, 2009
Noah is going to the hospital.
Hey, this is Hannah Grace (Kate's oldest daughter). I am posting for Mom because she is packing...she and Noah are heading to Greenville hospital. Dr. B got a call at 5am this morning from the labs saying that Noah's blood Gram Negative bacteria. He waited a little bit and then called us this morning. Nothing is growing from his line yet, so this bug may have come from his gut.
Noah doesn't look really bad, and we are glad that we caught this fast. In fact, that's probaly why his labs looked so good last night - because we caught this so fast. Noah has had a hard time with Gram Negative bugs in the past, and he really needs your prayers.
Mom will update when she knows more and has a chance.
~Hannah Grace
Noah doesn't look really bad, and we are glad that we caught this fast. In fact, that's probaly why his labs looked so good last night - because we caught this so fast. Noah has had a hard time with Gram Negative bugs in the past, and he really needs your prayers.
Mom will update when she knows more and has a chance.
~Hannah Grace
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Nov. 11, 2009
How I've Been Doing
JESUS IS COMING SOON! MARANATHA LORD!
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Hi friends, if you need to silence the music just hit the play/pause button on the player in the right sidebar, just below the black horse and the copyright notice.
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Hi friends, if you need to silence the music just hit the play/pause button on the player in the right sidebar, just below the black horse and the copyright notice.
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Long time readers of this blog will recall that last October I posted an awesome TESTIMONY OF THE GRACE OF OUR LORD, in which I described a bondage that lasted 20 years, and how I was set free from it.
It has now been about 15 months since I was set free, about 13 since writing that TESTIMONY. So I thought it was time for a small update.
Over the past 15 months, I have grown a lot. Even though I was saved before that 20 year bondage began, because of the chains of guilt and shame that hung on me all the time, I never was really able to grow spiritually as I should. That is not to say there was no growth, there was some, but in certain areas I was stunted spiritually. So in many ways, I have been like a brand new baby Christian over this past 15 months, the main difference being that the 20 years I spent in church, I learned a lot of Bible and lot of doctrine, so in those areas I was not as immature. However, even a lot of the doctrine I knew, had only made it into my brain and not my heart.
So I spent the past 15 months discovering how immature and selfish I really was. More times than I care to count, I found myself being obsessed with what I wanted, what would make me happy, what I wanted to do. I discovered that I cared far too much what others thought, and tried so hard to be liked that I drove some people away. Satan tried to get me to sink back into guilt and self-condemnation. In addition, Satan threw plenty of temptations my way, I escaped from some and gave into others, but always my Lord brought back into fellowship and used the the stumbling to teach me. Satan has also tried very hard to distract me from the task of growing in the Lord and learning of Him.
God however, has not let me go. He has given me the grace to continue after Him. He has kept me from sinking too deeply into guilt, He has rescued me from serious temptations, and taught me to flee from others. He has upheld me.
I went through a time when anyone who knew me, could tell I was acting like a selfish child, but God brought me through. He has granted me growth in many areas, and I trust that He will continue to nurture me to maturity in the areas where I am still like a babe in Christ.
In all, God has been awesome.
One of the things that God wanted me to do, was to finish polishing the written form of my testimony and give it to my pastor, who asked for a copy to give to people. I got so distracted that I forgot to do so, until tonight.
God is good. I am still free. Even in my times of struggle I do not have the strangling burden I used to carry. My worst days in the past 15 months have, in many ways, been better than my best days in the 20 years before.
Just thought I'd let everyone know.
It has now been about 15 months since I was set free, about 13 since writing that TESTIMONY. So I thought it was time for a small update.
Over the past 15 months, I have grown a lot. Even though I was saved before that 20 year bondage began, because of the chains of guilt and shame that hung on me all the time, I never was really able to grow spiritually as I should. That is not to say there was no growth, there was some, but in certain areas I was stunted spiritually. So in many ways, I have been like a brand new baby Christian over this past 15 months, the main difference being that the 20 years I spent in church, I learned a lot of Bible and lot of doctrine, so in those areas I was not as immature. However, even a lot of the doctrine I knew, had only made it into my brain and not my heart.
So I spent the past 15 months discovering how immature and selfish I really was. More times than I care to count, I found myself being obsessed with what I wanted, what would make me happy, what I wanted to do. I discovered that I cared far too much what others thought, and tried so hard to be liked that I drove some people away. Satan tried to get me to sink back into guilt and self-condemnation. In addition, Satan threw plenty of temptations my way, I escaped from some and gave into others, but always my Lord brought back into fellowship and used the the stumbling to teach me. Satan has also tried very hard to distract me from the task of growing in the Lord and learning of Him.
God however, has not let me go. He has given me the grace to continue after Him. He has kept me from sinking too deeply into guilt, He has rescued me from serious temptations, and taught me to flee from others. He has upheld me.
I went through a time when anyone who knew me, could tell I was acting like a selfish child, but God brought me through. He has granted me growth in many areas, and I trust that He will continue to nurture me to maturity in the areas where I am still like a babe in Christ.
In all, God has been awesome.
One of the things that God wanted me to do, was to finish polishing the written form of my testimony and give it to my pastor, who asked for a copy to give to people. I got so distracted that I forgot to do so, until tonight.
God is good. I am still free. Even in my times of struggle I do not have the strangling burden I used to carry. My worst days in the past 15 months have, in many ways, been better than my best days in the 20 years before.
Just thought I'd let everyone know.
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Oops. I can't believe I forgot to put the Halloween comic strip on this blog. I've been so busy it's been a bit overwhelming to keep up on dual posting. If I ever forget to post, check my Home Spun Juggling blog for updates!
Nov. 1, 2009
Home Spun strip #411
Oops. I can't believe I forgot to put the Halloween comic strip on this blog. I've been so busy it's been a bit overwhelming to keep up on dual posting. If I ever forget to post, check my Home Spun Juggling blog for updates!
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Nov. 10, 2009
Home Spun strip #412
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Nov. 10, 2009
He . . . . . . ISN'T!
Dr. B called right before dinner and told me that Noah's labs looked beautiful - beautiful for Noah, that is! (tired gray-haired mama doing the happy dance) We will probably re-draw labs tomorrow because sometimes it takes his labs a little while to catch up with him, but I really think that we are in the clear. One happy bonus of drawing these unscheduled labs is that we were able to see another nice jump up in his hemoglobin even since yesterday! The venofer really seems to be doing the trick for Noah. How refreshing is that?? While we were on the phone I asked Dr. B again about Noah's other issues. He reminded me that Noah was really, really, really sick and was getting massive doses of really, really, really strong drugs, and that we need to give Noah more time. (hmmmmm . . . I'm seeing a pattern here . . . everyone keeps telling me the same thing but I keep asking because I'm hoping for a different answer. Sigh.) We are going to take a "wait and see" approach and give Noah the time he needs to show us what he can do. In the meantime I can cuddle him when he is confused or scared or dizzy, and carry him when it's too hard to walk. I consider it a privilege to be able to do so. (Speaking of cuddling, Noah loves to have me sleep with him when he is in the hospital. He wants to curl right up around me like a koala bear and have his head on my shoulder. Lately he wants me to lie down with him at all sort of odd times of the day when he is weary. He doesn't want to nap but he does want that favorite snuggle position, so he will lie down on my bed, put out his arms, gaze oh-so-deeply into my eyes and say, "Sleep me?" Talk about an offer I can't refuse!)
Noah (and everyone else) thoroughly enjoyed Up. Jeff and I are going to see it tonight. Yeah, that is totally backwards for us as I can't remember the last time the children saw a movie without our screening it first or at least watching with them, but we were given the "all clear" by some very trusted friends and felt that this was a safe movie. We're watching just because we spent the afternoon cracking up at the sound of all of our children laughing so hard and we want to get in on the fun! :-)
Thank you so much for the encouraging comments. Sometimes it seems like there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I read blogs about kids who are facing serious issues, but they are FIXABLE issues - there may be surgery or treatment or scary things, but there is the real possibility that at the end of the day these children will be utterly whole and healthy and well. I want that chance for Noah and Eithene and Samuel and Gavin and Claire and Rafi and Mathew and Alex and Lauren and Brianna and all of the thousands of beautiful children fighting mito or other severe chronic issues. It is an amazing thing to be able to turn and bury my face under the shadow of God's wing when it all just seems to be too much. Faith is indeed the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, and I have faith in a God who is so much bigger than me and so much bigger than mito. I've had to remind myself over and over lately that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a strong mind. When those sudden icy darts of fear come over me, all I need to do is to remember that they didn't come from the Lord. He isn't afraid for Noah. His plans for Noah are for good. Please pray that we can keep resting in those truths.
I need to kiss Superman goodnight now, and smile and not cry, then get into bed with my super man and laugh at Up. :-) There might even be some peanut butter chocolate ice cream in Jeff's and my future - shhhhhhh . . . .
Blessings,
Kate
ps I listen to Your Hands as suggested. Yep, I shed a few tears too. I'll have to post the video here soon.
Noah (and everyone else) thoroughly enjoyed Up. Jeff and I are going to see it tonight. Yeah, that is totally backwards for us as I can't remember the last time the children saw a movie without our screening it first or at least watching with them, but we were given the "all clear" by some very trusted friends and felt that this was a safe movie. We're watching just because we spent the afternoon cracking up at the sound of all of our children laughing so hard and we want to get in on the fun! :-)
Thank you so much for the encouraging comments. Sometimes it seems like there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I read blogs about kids who are facing serious issues, but they are FIXABLE issues - there may be surgery or treatment or scary things, but there is the real possibility that at the end of the day these children will be utterly whole and healthy and well. I want that chance for Noah and Eithene and Samuel and Gavin and Claire and Rafi and Mathew and Alex and Lauren and Brianna and all of the thousands of beautiful children fighting mito or other severe chronic issues. It is an amazing thing to be able to turn and bury my face under the shadow of God's wing when it all just seems to be too much. Faith is indeed the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, and I have faith in a God who is so much bigger than me and so much bigger than mito. I've had to remind myself over and over lately that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a strong mind. When those sudden icy darts of fear come over me, all I need to do is to remember that they didn't come from the Lord. He isn't afraid for Noah. His plans for Noah are for good. Please pray that we can keep resting in those truths.
I need to kiss Superman goodnight now, and smile and not cry, then get into bed with my super man and laugh at Up. :-) There might even be some peanut butter chocolate ice cream in Jeff's and my future - shhhhhhh . . . .
Blessings,
Kate
ps I listen to Your Hands as suggested. Yep, I shed a few tears too. I'll have to post the video here soon.
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Nov. 10, 2009
Is he, or isn't he?
Took Noah in to see Dr. B today, and lo and behold Noah decided to pop a fever while he was there. Ugh. It was pretty low-grade, so we came home and Noah's nurse drew labs here at the house. We'll know how they look in a couple of hours and Dr. B will call us with a plan at that point. We discussed Noah's other issues while we were together but didn't really dig in since the focus was on getting these labs and figuring out whether Noah is truly sick.
In the meantime, Noah's temp has gone down and he doesn't look terrible. Doesn't look good either, though. Thanks to the DVD Fairy, a brand-new copy of Up arrived today for the older children. None of them have seen it and Noah is chilling out with them and enjoying it.
I'm not even going to venture a "Mommy Radar" guess on this one. As Jessica pointed out yesterday, there is a sort of post-traumatic stress thing that happens after close calls like the one Noah had so recently. It throws my instincts off completely. All I can say is that he really doesn't look awful and his temp is down.
Right now my focus is on refusing to listen to the voice of fear that says he didn't look awful in the beginning last time either . . . .nope, just not going to listen.
The Lord was gracious and I was able to get about 50 lbs each of ground beef and boneless chicken breasts at half price today so I can restock my freezer with casseroles. I'm not sure I want to dig in and start cooking before I hear back on Noah's labs (that would be a bad project to leave half-finished!!) but I may go mix up some meatloaf to keep myself busy. It's only maybe a 30 minute project so I can finish before I hear from Dr. B.
(Free homemaking tip of the day - freezing meatloaf in bulk is the easiest thing ever. Just make your regular recipe and put into freezer bags without cooking it. Smoosh the bags as flat as possible - it will thaw faster that way - and freeze. When you want to cook meatloaf, thaw a bag, dump the meatloaf in your pan, shape, and bake. It doesn't really take any longer to mix a huge batch of meatloaf than a small one but the payoffs are big when you want an easy dinner!)
Off to cook and pray and believe that Noah is fine this time.
Kate
In the meantime, Noah's temp has gone down and he doesn't look terrible. Doesn't look good either, though. Thanks to the DVD Fairy, a brand-new copy of Up arrived today for the older children. None of them have seen it and Noah is chilling out with them and enjoying it.
I'm not even going to venture a "Mommy Radar" guess on this one. As Jessica pointed out yesterday, there is a sort of post-traumatic stress thing that happens after close calls like the one Noah had so recently. It throws my instincts off completely. All I can say is that he really doesn't look awful and his temp is down.
Right now my focus is on refusing to listen to the voice of fear that says he didn't look awful in the beginning last time either . . . .nope, just not going to listen.
The Lord was gracious and I was able to get about 50 lbs each of ground beef and boneless chicken breasts at half price today so I can restock my freezer with casseroles. I'm not sure I want to dig in and start cooking before I hear back on Noah's labs (that would be a bad project to leave half-finished!!) but I may go mix up some meatloaf to keep myself busy. It's only maybe a 30 minute project so I can finish before I hear from Dr. B.
(Free homemaking tip of the day - freezing meatloaf in bulk is the easiest thing ever. Just make your regular recipe and put into freezer bags without cooking it. Smoosh the bags as flat as possible - it will thaw faster that way - and freeze. When you want to cook meatloaf, thaw a bag, dump the meatloaf in your pan, shape, and bake. It doesn't really take any longer to mix a huge batch of meatloaf than a small one but the payoffs are big when you want an easy dinner!)
Off to cook and pray and believe that Noah is fine this time.
Kate
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Nov. 10, 2009
Fleeting moments of grandeur
Sometimes I feel as if I'm on top of the world, excelling as a wife and mother, ordering my home and tasks with ease, accomplishing more than I imagine possible. I am confident and energetic. I feel like an achiever and a conqueror.
Those moments of grandeur are fleeting. All too often they are followed by mediocrity -- days of chaos and struggling to keep all the plates spinning without dropping anything. Weeks when I am rushing from one task to another -- or simply wandering around somewhat aimlessly, overwhelmed by all that I SHOULD be doing. In these moments, I am merely persevering.
In the moments of grandeur, those near-perfect days when I am feeling that maybe, I might be, almost, just a little bit of a Super Mom -- I think I am doing it all. I am the great one. I have my act together.
But when the chaos returns, and I'm trying to figure out what I've done wrong -- I have to admit that I am not SuperMom. I can't maintain the grandiose days forever. I am merely an imperfect human relying on God's grace.
Everyone has revolving (and evolving) moments of grandeur and mediocrity. It is just life. And life is much less about me than I often believe. It isn't really about what I'm doing RIGHT or what I'm doing WRONG. It's not all about my success and failure.
So in these days of mediocrity, disorder, distraction, and even laziness -- I am once again humbled, but also hopeful that the more organized and productive days will return. I like those moments of grandeur more than the days of just trudging along.
But I persevere, each and every day -- even when I'm not in my most glorious state. Even when I'm merely mediocre.
Galations 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Hebrews 12:1, 2 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, ane let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith ... "
1 Thessalonians 4:11, 12 "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that our daily life may win the respect of outsiders ... "
Trusting In Him,
April
Those moments of grandeur are fleeting. All too often they are followed by mediocrity -- days of chaos and struggling to keep all the plates spinning without dropping anything. Weeks when I am rushing from one task to another -- or simply wandering around somewhat aimlessly, overwhelmed by all that I SHOULD be doing. In these moments, I am merely persevering.
In the moments of grandeur, those near-perfect days when I am feeling that maybe, I might be, almost, just a little bit of a Super Mom -- I think I am doing it all. I am the great one. I have my act together.
But when the chaos returns, and I'm trying to figure out what I've done wrong -- I have to admit that I am not SuperMom. I can't maintain the grandiose days forever. I am merely an imperfect human relying on God's grace.
Everyone has revolving (and evolving) moments of grandeur and mediocrity. It is just life. And life is much less about me than I often believe. It isn't really about what I'm doing RIGHT or what I'm doing WRONG. It's not all about my success and failure.
So in these days of mediocrity, disorder, distraction, and even laziness -- I am once again humbled, but also hopeful that the more organized and productive days will return. I like those moments of grandeur more than the days of just trudging along.
But I persevere, each and every day -- even when I'm not in my most glorious state. Even when I'm merely mediocre.
Galations 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Hebrews 12:1, 2 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, ane let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith ... "
1 Thessalonians 4:11, 12 "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that our daily life may win the respect of outsiders ... "
Trusting In Him,
April
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Nov. 10, 2009
A Conclusion to the Dilemma
Any of you that have followed my blog for long have known my on going struggle with whether or not Christians should receive welfare. Specifically, I have struggled with whether or not I should be in the system. There is a myriad of voices around me with opinions. The bottom line is that the only opinion that counts is Gods.
Several months ago, I finally, after much prayer, came to a point of resolve about this. I just realized I never shared it here with all of you.
If I were married to an unbelieving husband, he would be my provider. As long as he was willing to stay and did not ask me to do anything in violation of God’s word, I would be obliged to stay. There would always be the chance that by my words and example of faith, that he might come to Christ.
The Lord spoke to my heart about the fact that I had married the government when I went into the system. It was not His best choice for me, but I lacked faith and was disobedient, unwilling to trust Him totally. Until God closes the door and ends our benefits, I am to remain where I am, for this season. This is God’s provision for my family. He wants me to stop struggling and trying so hard to do it on my own and to simply rest in Him.
In all of this, the Lord has answered my prayer for a full-time ministry from home. In my home state the welfare system requires that you be working, looking for work, going to school or volunteering in order to be eligible for benefits. My state homeschool organization qualifies as an acceptable organization to volunteer for. I can work to support homeschooling, ministering to others, while homeschooling my children. It also has given me the opportunity to go back to school and do the necessary work to complete my teaching certificate, not so much for me to be able to seek full time employment, but so that I can do assessments for homeschooling families. There is a seeming lack of homeschool friendly certified teachers in our state. I hear horror stories every year about teachers that did assessments, but really didn’t understand what they were doing or reviewing. The Lord is opening up an amazing door there for me to have an ongoing ministry to homeschooling families, because who understands it better than someone who is doing it every day.
It is my prayer that this season in our life may be coming to an end. It’s going to require a lot more faith and trust than I have now. It’s also going to require contentment with what the Lord provides. It is going to require caring more about the Lord and His leading than what people around me think of what I’m doing. I can’t do it alone. It will only be by His grace and for His glory that we will succeed.
I should add an end note here, that while we have less financial support than every before in our homeschooling, we are able to do so much more with it. It is the kind of thing that only God could do.
Blessings, MaggieRaye