I grew up with hymns.  My dad was the song leader (that’s what they were called in those days) at some of the churches we went to, so not only did we have hymns at church but I heard them at home as well. I remember the fun of Sunday night hymn sings (boy do I sound old☺!).  We had our favorite hymns and all of the young people would shoot up our hands as soon as one was finished so that we could suggest the next one.  For all of the hymn singing we did however, I can honestly say that I never thought much about the words. My favorites had more to do with the tune than the content.  It wasn’t until I got older that I began to appreciate hymns for the truths that they proclaimed. Not all hymns are equal however. Some are shallow just like some of today’s modern worship music. Just because it is in a hymnal doesn’t make it sacred. I appreciate both modern and older worship music if it proclaims truth and glorifies God. 

When I was in Bible school we memorized certain hymns.  Jesus I am Resting Resting was one of them. I never appreciated that hymn at all.  The tune was a distraction to me for some reason. Several years ago I heard a remake of this hymn with a fresh tune and all of the sudden it’s amazing truth stood out to me.  It was like a whole new song for me.  Some people have a hard time with changing a hymn in any way but I appreciate it if it makes the content clearer.  How many hymns in a hymnal have revisions listed anyway – almost none of them are in the original form or language. 

All of that opinion just to introduce a song today. Bob Kauflin has done a wonderful job tweaking some really great hymns.  I appreciate the effort he puts into this because it means that songs sung by those saints before us could be enjoyed and appreciated by today’s generation.  He has a great album called Upward: The Bob Kauflin Hymns Project that is filled with these gems, but there are some on other albums produced by Sovereign Grace Ministries as well.  It’s hard to highlight just one but since I want to proclaim the cross here I will use an old familiar hymn. It’s worth a download in my opinion. What a great way to fill our minds with the gospel!

Rock of Ages

Music and additional lyrics by Bob Kauflin
Lyrics by Augustus Toplady
As recorded on Upward

Lyrics

Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee
Let the water and the blood
From Thy wounded side which flowed
Be of sin the double cure
Save from wrath and make me pure

All the labors of my hands
Could not meet Thy law’s demands
Could my zeal no respite know
Could my tears forever flow?
All for sin could not atone
Thou must save, and Thou alone

Nothing in my hands I bring
Simply to Thy cross I cling
Naked come to Thee for dress
Helpless, look to Thee for grace
To Thy fountain, Lord, I fly
Wash me Savior or I die

While I draw this fleeting breath
When my eyes shall close in death
When I soar to worlds unknown
See Thee on Thy judgment throne
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee

© 1998 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI).

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Speaking of worry or fears, the ladies over at the girltalk blog had good words to share today on that subject.  Check it out.

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Worry has been a companion of mine for as long as I can remember. My parents modeled it and I just assumed it was a way of life. It wasn’t until I was over 30 that God really began revealing this as sin in my life.  Worry can be as subtle as wondering what someone thinks about me and how something I’ve been working on will go; to worry about how my kids will turn out, finances, our nations economy, the election, the war, and evil that is in the world. 

Why is worry a sin? After all, it seems natural that we would be concerned about the things that matter to us. As you know, the Bible tells us many times not to worry or be anxious – why?  Worry undermines God’s glory being revealed in my life. It proclaims that God is not big enough to take care of this world. It says that He is not Sovereign. It’s serious!

What’s the antidote to worry?  Of course it’s trust in God and believing in His sovereignty.  Just this morning I read this verse: Blessed be the Lord who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Ps 68:19 This is one of perhaps thousands of verses or examples in the Bible that could build up trust in God.  Reflecting daily on the cross also helps because it reminds us that the worst thing that could ever happen to us, the wrath of God being poured out on us has already been taken care of by Jesus Christ. He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

Certain music has helped me to preach this truth to myself.  I highlighted the Come Weary Saints album on Monday – God’s sovereignty is its theme.  Valley of Vision would be another album in that category.  I want to highlight a single song today – though there are many that preach this truth.  I love the line “And so to Him I leave it all.”

Whatever My God Ordains Is Right

Original words by Samuel Rodigast, 1676
Translated by Catherine Winkworth, 1863
Music and alternate words by Mark Altrogge
As recorded on In a Little While

Lyrics

Whatever my God ordains is right
In His love I am abiding
I will be still in all He does
And follow where He is guiding
He is my God, though dark my road
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all

Whatever my God ordains is right
He never will deceive me
He leads me by the proper path
I know He will not leave me
I take content, what He has sent
His hand can turn my griefs away
And patiently I wait His day

Whatever my God ordains is right
Here shall my stand be taken
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine
Yet I am not forsaken
My Father’s care circles me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all

Whatever my God ordains is right
Though now this cup in drinking
Bitter it seems to my faint heart
I take it all unshrinking
My God is true, each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart
And pain and sorrow shall depart

© 2007 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

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Here's a song that had a powerful affect on me last week. After singing it at church on Sunday we downloaded it. While baking a batch of cookies on Monday it played over and over on my daughter's ipod through the stereo.  My hands were busy, and the kids were all occupied elsewhere, so I couldn't get over to change the song. God used that to cement it and the truth it proclaims in my mind. The Holy Spirit reminded me of it's truth several times last week as I endeavored to remember the gospel. 

Here is the link to search for songs: Sovereign Grace Ministries Song Database

Here are the lyrics:

I Love The Cross

Words and music by Mark Altrogge
As recorded on Everlasting

Lyrics

All my sins forgiven
Far removed as east from west
Cast into the depths of the ocean
Of grace and redeeming love

I love the place where my Savior died
I love the place where I was justified
I love the place
Where Your blood flowed down
To give me life
I love the Cross
I love the Cross
I love the Cross
The Cross of Christ

All my guilt atoned for
Every debt is paid in full
Though my sins were scarlet
Now I’m clean as a fresh fallen snow

© 1999 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI).

These simple words encapsulate so well the work of the cross and give me such hope in Christ!

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Music has always been a powerful medium in my life. When I was younger I only listened for  my own enjoyment leading to my own harm many times. Yet God has used music to change me and to even bend my stubborn will to his. As a prodigal 18 year old it was the Holy Spirit using the song What A Friend We Have in Jesus that caused me to weep over my sin and desire to turn back to God. Now, because of God's grace in my life, I listen to cross-centered, God-glorifying music to preach truth to myself.  My favorite music to accomplish this is Sovereign Grace Music. The musical styles are very diverse but one thing I can count on is the lyrical content being full of theological truth. The men and women who write these songs are well taught and involved in their local churches. They have an accountability for the lyrics of their songs and are challenged if they are unclear or erroneous - before they get produced. Knowing that, and the commitment the leaders at Sovereign Grace Ministries have to maintain biblical truth in all their projects I can listen to these songs in confidence.

 I have the privilege of attending a Sovereign Grace church so not only do I listen to these songs throughout the week but I get to sing them with other believers on Sundays. It is such a joy to worship God in spirit and truth, in song, with our local church body.  This week I'll be highlighting some songs that God has used in my life and providing links to them so you can hear samples and even download them for 99 cents.  In this age a 99 cent download for a good song is a worthwhile investment.

I want to highlight an album today. It was just released last week and it's called Come Weary Saints. My husband received a copy of it at the Together For the Gospel conference he attended last week and we've been listening to it all weekend long. Yesterday morning, as I was getting ready for church, I was listening to it in the bathroom and was filled with such joy in my heart and confidence in God's sovereign hand upon my life. The whole album is excellent so it's hard to highlight just one song. In particular the song "Every Day" was a good reminder to me that every thing that flows into our lives is ordained by God and that I should thank him for the trials and know that his grace is there. The album is intended to encourage Christians who are weary to put their trust and hope in a sovereign God. Here is the link to check it out for yourself: Sovereign Grace Music  And here are the lyrics to that specific song:

Every Day

By Joel Sczebel and Todd Twining

As recorded on Come Weary Saints

Lyrics

In Your grace, You know where I walk
You know when I fall
You know all my ways
In Your love, I know You allow
What I cannot grasp
To bring You praise

Thank You for the trials
For the fire, for the pain
Thank You for the strength
Knowing You have ordained
Every day

Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see
Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again

In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day (repeat)

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)/Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

Tomorrow, I'll introduce you to another song that has helped me get my focus off myself and onto the Savior.

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Yesterday got off to a rough start. In fact it just seemed to be spiraling downward until 12:45 when I had to leave to take my son to hockey. It wasn't anything major, just the typical family stuff, strife between siblings, bad attitudes, and my slip into worry over homeschooling and discipling my children. I dropped off my son and one of my daughters at the door of the arena because I didn't feel ready to go in. I took a few minutes in the parking lot and preached the gospel to myself.  What did that look like? It was a prayer acknowledging my need for God's intervention and strength.  It was a confession of my sins of that morning. It was a plea for Him to help me live out the reality of being free from sin and belonging to him because of Jesus.  You know what?  It helped.  I didn't have an instant joyous feeling like I did the other day in the middle of the store, but the truth seeped into my mind. By the time hockey was over the previous concerns had been replaced with hope in God's faithful and patient work in my life. 

Is the gospel a magic pill?  I've been trying to remember it all week, has it simply been a technique to make my days go better?  No, the gospel is truth and it transcends my feelings. The gospel is fact.  Facts don't change people but when people put their trust in facts there is a peace that springs up and a change in action.  If I didn't believe that the air outside my house was Ok to breathe I would never go outside. The fact that it is Ok to breathe doesn't change my desire to go out unless I believe it.  If I believe that I can walk outside and breathe normally then I will. Believing in the gospel changes people not just at conversion but on a day to day basis. The more we trust in the truth the more we will feel it's transforming effects in every area of life. Even the ability to believe is a gift of grace from God. How thankful I am for that gift.

The week is over and I hope to keep remembering the gospel on a daily basis.  As for daily blogging I'm not sure. I'll take that a day at a time. 

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The gospel is simple enough for the simple minded (like me) and complex enough for the very intelligent. I haven’t been able to talk much to my husband while he’s away at Together for the Gospel so I have enjoyed checking out Tim Challies' blog.  He is a blogger extraordinaire who live blogs the conference. At least this way I can get a glimpse of what’s going on. Tim describes the session in which RC Sproul spoke and he has this to say:

"Sproul discussed what it means that Jesus was cursed by God. Though Sproul has studied the subject for over fifty years, he still feels like he is barely scratching the surface of the meaning and significance of the cross of Christ.” 

When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and it’s end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:20-23

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Strolling up and down the aisles of a local thrift store yesterday I remembered the gospel.  I know it was God’s grace to remind me.  I was thinking about what I had written on this blog that morning.  It was nothing magical – I simply remembered that my sins were all forgiven. As I remembered I looked around at the faces of those near me and I looked at the shelves of stuff piled everywhere and I saw the futility of it all. I marveled that I was privileged to know God’s forgiveness. I had a momentary glimpse of eternity when so much of what consumes my life will not even matter and realized that the most important thing had happened to me when God saved me through Jesus.  I realized that it was the best thing in the world, the thing that should fill me with joy more than anything else, and I wondered why I don’t feel that way more often.  It was as if everything around me for that moment faded and I saw the truth of what is truly important in this life.

At times I treat remembering the gospel like something I know I should do but don’t do enough. For a brief moment today I got a taste of the joy that is mine because of the gospel and it made me want to taste more of it. Isn’t that what God invites us to do? Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Ps. 34:8 Where can I see his goodness more clearly than by remembering what lengths he went to in order to save my soul? I take my refuge in Jesus.

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Let’s consider David. He was a man who was often pursued by enemies. Despite the dire circumstances he sometimes found himself in, his psalms are full of faith in God.  Even though he didn’t know the gospel because he lived before Jesus, he was expert at preaching truth to himself. He had experienced God’s steadfast love firsthand and he had confidence in God’s faithfulness. 

The other day I was reading Psalm 59 and something stood out to me. As I’ve been reading the psalms sometimes I can almost see the transformation from despair over the circumstances to trust in a Sovereign God take place. Psalm 59 is a prayer for deliverance from David’s enemies.  Here’s what I noticed.  In verse 9 David says in future tense: “O my strength I will watch for you, for you, O God are my fortress. My God in his steadfast love will meet me.”  Later in verse 16 he recounts what God has done for him past tense, “But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.” Mixed in with these past and future tenses are phrases that are present tense such as “O God you are my fortress”.  Verse 17 again mingles future and present tense. “O my strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.”

I love this example. Most likely there will not ever be the kind of physical enemies against me that David had. But there are enemies.  Ephesians 6 refers to flaming arrows of the evil one that will be fired on believers. Then of course the things of this world are always vying for our attention, our love, our worship.  Then there’s the sinful heart, which works itself out in deeds of the flesh. So, even though an evil king who wants to kill me is not pursuing me, I am in real danger if I am not on alert to my enemies. I’d say that on most days the biggest enemy is my own mind that gets consumed with other things.

Have we experienced God’s steadfast love? Even David didn’t know about God’s ultimate steadfast love – the crucifixion of Jesus – but those of us who have put our faith in Christ do know. We can recall the cross and the penalty that was paid for our sins, we can have hope in the future that because of the cross we will stand spotless before the throne of God, clothed in the righteousness of Christ, and we can know that today we are free to live a righteous life because we have been freed from the law of sin and death. This is THE GOOD NEWS!

Speaking of past, present and future, all our sins are forgiven. The sins of yesterday, the sins of today and the sins not yet committed tomorrow and beyond are removed as far as the east from west.

No matter what sin, temptation, or trial we face today, we stand covered by the blood of Jesus who has already met our deepest need past, present and future. Rejoice today in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same today, yesterday and forever.
 

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This morning at 6am I dropped off my husband at the airport.  He is on his way to Louisville, KY to the Together for the Gospel conference. It's a great conference that was started by four men, Christian leaders, all from different denominations, who are tied together by the gospel. They are making a statement that the gospel is the central and essential teaching of the Bible and though they hold to different other practices or doctrines they will hold firm to the gospel and will endeavor to promote it's message of first importance in their churches.

Just yesterday I was meeting with the ladies from our small group at church and we were talking about what we could do to keep the gospel central in our lives as we go about our day to day routines. One woman remarked that it can be difficult to keep a mind vertical when so much of life is lived horizontally. I think we've all experienced what it is to have a good quiet time and then get so consumed by the day's events that we barely give God a thought throughout the day. Or maybe for some, quiet time is a foreign thought and they are struggling to even get in to the word and spend time in prayer each day.

So, in light of this I'm going to try something new.  I will be doing a brief post each day this week with thoughts about the gospel and keeping it in the center of life. I will be preaching to myself the good news that Jesus has paid for all my sins. I've never blogged on a regular basis before, but I think this will be a good way to help myself remember what I too often forget.

If you are a regular reader (considering how irregular my posts are I'm not sure if I have any "regular" readers) or if you just found this blog randomly I hope you'll check back each day to be reminded of the best news any person could ever know.  What Jesus accomplished on the cross for us is greater than any struggle, any love, any joy, any sin, any possession, any need that any of us ever have had, currently have, or will have in the future. 

If you have any ideas for keeping your mind focused on the truth or any things that you have found helpful in your life in the fight to keep your mind on Christ please leave a comment.

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It’s been one of those weeks. Ever had one?  Nothing in particular is wrong but everything feels out of sorts. There’s more conflict than usual at home, you don’t seem to be clicking with the ones you love, and you feel apathetic and overwhelmed at the same time.  You know the right answers but your heart feels weary of fighting the daily fight over sin. You feel the sting of failure over so many things, in particular, homeschooling, homemaking, and parenting skills.  Basically you want to crawl under the covers and come out next week when everything is looking positive (hopefully).  That pretty much sums up my week. 

I’ve spent extra time in prayer this week but to be honest it didn't seem to help. I hadn’t felt God’s presence in the moment of need.  But then there were those times when I did sense his presence through his word.  Like when I read in Psalm 46 that God is my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble.  Did he see my email to my husband the day before bemoaning how I felt that I didn’t get much help from God in the moment of need?  Was he revealing to me the unbelief in my heart and the need to trust his truth over my feelings?  Of course!

So this morning as I began writing in my prayer journal, God completely redirected my thoughts, as he will often do.  What was about to begin as a complaint session became a God revealing truth session.

If you want to “listen” in here’s how it went.

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It's been over a month since I've posted anything.  I've actually written two different posts (the old fashioned way with pen and paper) but I never got around to typing them up. It just occurred to me yesterday that since my blog is about the cross I'm missing an important opportunity to boast in the cross on this good weekend.  Yesterday was Good Friday - and a good day it was.  It was an opportunity to pause and really reflect on what the cross means for me, to remember all that Jesus endured because of my sin.  Our church holds an excellent Good Friday service and our pastor, Rick Gamache, reads a narrative that he wrote about the crucifixion.  I wanted to post the link so that if you are reading this you can hear it for yourself.  It's only a little over 20 minutes but it will be time well spent as you hear a fresh retelling of the crucifixion.  Here's the link: Crucifixion Narrative

Tomorrow as we celebrate the resurrection of Christ may our hearts be filled with joy over what the death and resurrection of Jesus mean for us. 

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Do I really believe that God can do the impossible?  Do I really get that it doesn’t matter what people look like on the outside or how they act, no one is beyond God’s reach.  Do I remember how dead I was in my transgressions when God saved me?  Do I realize that God’s will cannot be thwarted?  I’ve been reminded of these things lately.

Just today I heard a remarkable testimony of a young woman who is new to our church.  I could identify with much of what she shared.  She had cravings for something to fulfill her and tried to satisfy those cravings through sin.  In her case it involved self-destructive behavior that might be more extreme than other people’s, but in many ways it is the same for us all. As she told her story and humbly shared the depths of where she had been she also shared how God’s sovereign merciful hand had been upon her protecting her from so much danger that could have taken her life.  Then she shared how Jesus rescued her and how she now knows that he is the only one who satisfies.  She told us of the transformation that Christ has done in her life.  From total despair and hopelessness to new life in Christ and hope that goes beyond this life.  What a wonderful savior we have!

I had the privilege to stand up for a good friend in her wedding on Valentines Day. Her story is worth sharing. She was a single mom of 3 who had been married in 1998 and then divorced in 2001. Her ex-husband was a drug addict and con man. He would come back into her life just long enough to get her pregnant and then leave again. This happened twice. But God met him in a county jail and rescued him from darkness.  Now he loves to speak of Jesus and tell anyone who will listen what Christ did for him.  That’s what he did on his wedding day. He seized the opportunity that the microphone afforded him during speech time and shared the gospel with his wedding guests.  One of those people was the brother of my friend. His eyes were opened to the truth and he received God’s gift of salvation too. God is in the very act of restoring my friend’s family, beginning with her marriage and extending to other family members.  What a wonderful savior we have!

Who do I write off in my life?  Could it be my feminist, liberal niece or my sister who tolerates my faith but doesn’t accept it?  What about my neighbors who are good people and don’t see their need for Christ?  Jesus Christ meets our deepest needs and he is able to save anyone.  He saved me.

I was self-centered and following the ways of the world.  I took my cues from those around me about how I should act and think. I cared more about what the outside of me looked like than the inside. I was desperate for acceptance. I thought finding acceptance with guys would make me happy but instead all I ended up with was a pregnancy and subsequent abortion. Then the guilt overwhelmed me. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved me, even when I was dead in my trespasses, made me alive together with Christ – by grace I have been saved. (Eph 2:4-5)

That same grace is still available today. This same God has a plan even for those who seem like they could care less about him.  No corner is too dark, no pit to deep for the love of Christ to penetrate. It does us good to think about who we were and what we are now because of Christ.

Someday when I get a little more technologically savvy I’ll put music on my blog.  For now writing lyrics will have to suffice.  This song encouraged me this morning. I hope its words will encourage you as well as you glory in your redeemer.


I WILL GLORY IN MY REDEEMER
Steve & Vikki Cook
VERSE 1
I will glory in my redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
 And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness.
 
VERSE 2
I will glory in my redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone.
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace 
 
VERSE 3
I will glory in my redeemer
Who carries me on eagle’s wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I’ll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

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When I began this blog, and even since then, I have wrestled with the question of why I should do this. Am I seeking some sort of glory from it? I have examined my motives many times and that’s probably not a bad thing.

I can’t even remember exactly what I was thinking on the day I chose the title and theme for this blog. It was born out of something God was doing in me. I enjoy reading other people’s blogs. I read some that are about being a godly woman, a wise manager of my home and resources, homeschooling, art, current events and trends, and some that recommend lots of good books. There have been a few times that I’ve chaffed under my own restriction. Can’t I just post a recipe this week? Does it always have to be the theme of how Jesus work on the cross affects real life and real emotions? Just because I write only about the cross doesn’t make me more spiritual than the person who gives cleaning tips. I’m thankful for those kinds of things. This morning I see a little more clearly why this blog is what it is.

In a previous post I confessed my Pride. It’s still alive and kicking and it’s rebelling a bit under the thought of writing yet another post about my own failures. That knowledge helped me see why this blog theme is so important for me. It is for my own humility. It is because I quickly forget the power of the cross. I easily make light of the gospel. I struggle to see how Jesus can help me when I feel waist deep in the mire of sin and the plain old difficulty of life. I rebel against the truth and would rather wallow in lies sometimes. Yesterday was one such day.

For the sake of brevity I will try to set the stage quickly. I often allow feelings of inferiority to creep into my mind. I fall prey to the sin of comparing myself to others. I know in my mind that this is yet another form or pride. It’s a desire to be superior or at least equal. It’s letting others define my worth rather than God. So, take a week of little replays in my mind of interactions with others and a voice in my head summing things up as, “yup, you’re and idiot.”

Add to that a couple heaping tablespoons of anxiousness. In particular dread of how I am ruining my children’s lives and education. (Thoughts in complete opposition to what God has been teaching me in this area.)

Stir these together and throw in a pinch of conflict. An assignment not completed by a child becomes and attack on my authority. An expression in their face is perceived as rebellion.

If you take those things together you’ll end up with a mom sobbing in her prayer closet as she stews and despairs. Suddenly my nose became a faucet and I seemed unable to break out of the self-pity and feelings of helplessness. The result is one defeated servant of Christ. (Hey, I guess I did get to share a recipe after all.) After almost an hour of sniveling and about 20 minutes with my husband on the phone I emerged from my closet, blew my nose a few more times and went upstairs to make lunch.

What happened exactly? I don’t know. My husband said several helpful things but the one that stands out is this: “There is no victory apart from Christ.” He even repeated it, “there is absolutely no victory at all except in Christ.” Somehow God granted me the mustard seed of faith to trust that truth and trust that I would understand it at some point. That the truths I knew about Christ’s payment for my sin would somehow also translate into victory over that sin in my life.

This morning I had three more reminders on that subject.

1. From Sunday’s sermon notes: “The devil’s only source of power, his only legitimate accusation of us before God is our sin – Jesus paid for this.”
2. From the Word implanted in my heart: “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” Eph 2:
3. From the Valley of Vision prayer entitled Christ the Word: "But thou hast given me a present, Jesus thy son, as mediator between thyself and my soul, as middle-man who in a pit holds both him below and him above, for only he can span the chasm breached by sin, and satisfy divine justice." (That was a great picture to me because I felt like I had been in a pit.) “If I oppose the Word I oppose my Lord when he is most near…so shall Christ the Word and his Word be my strength and comfort.”

• God takes one sinner.
• Gives them faith in the work of his son on the cross.
• Bakes them through trials.
• And yields his perfect work.

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A few years ago I read a book that really pointed my eyes to the cross called The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. I was just becoming aware of having a life centered on the cross thanks to my introduction to Sovereign Grace Ministries but I was still struggling to figure out how trusting in the cross and growing in godliness went together.  I have now come to realize that this may be a lifelong struggle to remind myself of the gospel in light of my own sinfulness.

Last week I was skimming my old prayer journals in search of some requests that I had made that God had answered.  I came across this quote from The Normal Christian Life that I had written down that I would like to share.

"The temptation to so many of us when we try to approach God is to think that because God has been dealing with us – because He has been taking steps to bring us into something more of Himself and has been teaching us deeper lessons of the Cross – He has thereby set before us new standards, and that only by attaining to these can we have a clear conscience before Him. No! A clear conscience is never based upon our attainment; it can only be based on the work of the Lord Jesus in the shedding of His blood."

Oh to truly grasp this reality! We must tell ourselves this daily, even moment by moment. This goes perfectly with the verses I am meditating on today. Perhaps some of the most familiar (and neglected) verses in the Bible, Proverbs 3:5&6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.

I understand my weaknesses and failures.  Will I walk today in that reality or trust in Jesus and rest in his finished work?  No more attaining to secure his favor – just trusting in who he is and what he has already accomplished on my behalf. 

As I head into this day there are other things that I understand right off the bat.  I understand the temperaments of my children and the fact that we were up too late last night at a super bowl party.  I understand my children’s lack of desire to learn and my impatience, frustration, and inadequacy in teaching them. Will I head into this day with my own understanding and pre-determined thoughts of how the day will go or will I trust the Lord? Will I trust that he died for my children? That he desires to work in them and me? Will I accept all from his hand today as his divine sovereign plan for our lives for our good and his glory?

One more quote from The Normal Christian Life: "What is faith? Faith is my acceptance of God’s fact. It always has it’s foundations in the past. What relates to the future is hope…although faith often has it’s object or goal in the future as in Hebrews 11. Faith always says God has done it."

Today, I hope, by God’s grace to remember and rest in what God has done for me through Christ and have that infiltrate every aspect of this day.

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I am a prideful person. Pride is my constant companion – one I’d like to disassociate with. That’s the reason for this blog post. In order to work on killing this sin I must acknowledge it freely. Where do I even begin? There wouldn’t be enough space on this blog to contain examples of my prideful thoughts even if I could remember each one and write them all down. Pride is there when I compare myself with someone else and find I come out ahead or behind. Pride is there when I feel good about myself because God has used me or feel lousy about myself because I failed to be used. Pride is there when I post on my blog and get a comment either verbally or written. Pride is there when I have victory over sin, and it’s there when I wallow in my sin. Can I ever get away from it? How can I even write this post without sugar coating it lest you are tempted to think I am humble for writing about my pride?

Here is something from my prayer journal the other morning:

Lord I need to confess something you already know. My pride is very prevalent. I like to be well thought of. I like the approval and praise of people especially when it comes to spiritual things. I like to be an inspiration to others. How can I have any impact on the lives of others and not have pride creep in? I’m aware of the very real danger and the very real pride that rears it’s heard. I’m also aware that all of it comes from you – not the pride of course – but any spiritual life I have. So how can I battle the pride? How can I cleanse myself without backing down from being your instrument? Does it work to just acknowledge this to myself and others and to give you glory? I sense you saying to write about this on my blog. Please confirm this if it is so. I also sense you telling me to confess this to _________. Please guide that conversation.

So yesterday I did confess it and ask for wisdom from the good friend God brought to mind. Her advice was very helpful to me.
•    She reminded me to always thank God for his work – not just acknowledge that he’s behind it but to actually thank him.
•    She cautioned me that sometimes looking for horizontal approval with people could mean looking for vertical approval from God and this is opposed to the gospel, which says that I am accepted on the basis of Christ’s righteousness and not because of anything I do or don’t do.
•    She also told me that sometimes we can want to be helpful to people more than really caring about them and serving them.
 How thankful I am for godly friends. The more I think about it the more I realize she is right on all three accounts.

God’s kindness overwhelmed me this morning during my devotions as he continued speaking to me about this. First I was reminded in Psalm 14 that there is none who does good, not even one. Then through Pearls of Great Price by Joni Erickson Tada I was reminded that God’s longings and yearnings are always focused on people not inward, self-focused, or on things. “Never does he express a longing to benefit himself. His heart’s desire is to benefit his people that they may glorify him.” Then the prayer I read in The Valley of Vision reminded me that God is the source of all good. One part says this: “I come to thee in the all-prevailing name of Jesus, with nothing of my own to plead, no works, no worthiness, no promises. “

 And another part:

I thank thee for thy riches to me in Jesus,
    For the unclouded revelation of him in thy word,
    Where I behold his person, character, grace, glory,
    Humiliation, sufferings, death, and resurrection;
Give me to feel a need of his continual saviourhood,
    And cry with Job, ‘I am vile’,
    With Peter, ‘I perish’,
    With the publican, “Be merciful to me, a sinner’.

Lest you think all this humbling is depressing I must tell you that it’s not. When I focus on my sin without a look to the cross and what Jesus secured for me there, pride is present because my gaze is on me. When I focus on the good I’ve done without immediately remembering that any good in me is a result of the Holy Spirit working in me – which is a result of the cross where Jesus purchased me and transferred me out of the darkness into light – pride is present.

So, I wanted to just simply say it. Thank you God for your gracious and loving work in my life. Thank you for your example of humility. Thank you for the work you do in pointing out my pride. Without you showing me, I walk blindly in it. Thank you God that all that I am has to do with your work in my life. Thank you for Jesus who paid the penalty of all my sins, who bore all your wrath towards me – even right now as I write this still with pride in my heart. Thank you God for crediting me with the righteousness of Christ. His perfect record is mine. Thank you.

Once again I am profoundly amazed at the goodness of God toward me. His mercy is greater than all my pride and there’s a lot of it. I am overwhelmed with the thought of how far his grace extends.

As I finished this and gave it to my husband to read I told him that I still didn’t feel like I conveyed the reality of my pride and he told me to just say this:  however much pride you think I have it’s 10 times worse.  Is 10 a high enough number?  Probably not but hopefully you get the point.  Only God knows the full extent of it and he has completely forgiven it.  Wow! It’s a word I keep saying a lot these days. It’s my feeble attempt of expressing my awe for all Christ had done. Wow!

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Last night we hosted our church’s parent youth small group at our house. It’s an evening once a month for high school students parents to meet together for fellowship and discussion.  We’ve been going through the book Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges. What a great book! It tackles the issue of sins that we tolerate in our lives because they aren’t the more obvious social sins. Last night we took a look at the sins of ungodliness and unthankfulness.

First I have to say once again how thankful I am for our church and the way God works through it in our family’s lives. It was a sweet thing to sit with a dozen or so moms and girls and hear how God is actively working in their lives. It was a precious reminder of his personal, tailor made, involvement in each individual life and also a picture of his larger work in and through the body of Christ.

Now to the sin part.... My eyes were opened to the sin of ungodliness and it’s prevalence in my life and society as a whole. I mistakenly had thought that ungodliness was equated with unrighteousness or wickedness and had to do more with actions or deeds. The truth is that ungodliness is an attitude toward God. It’s living our daily lives with little or no thought of God and his will. It’s all the times I have my devotions and then get busy going about my day and God gets crowded out of my brain. When I sat and realized the enormity of that sin it brought my attention once again to Christ. He was the only man who ever lived who had a godward attitude every moment of his life. It made me so thankful, once again, for his enduring the cross for me (who has sins too numerous to count that stem from ungodliness.)

We also talked about unthankfulness. As I read that chapter prior to the meeting I almost sighed with relief that there was a sin that I had pretty well killed.  All of the financial struggles that our family has been through over the last year have made me very aware of God’s provision and thankful. More than any other time in our life when we pray before a meal we are truly aware that God made it possible and we give heartfelt thanks. Because our church is centered on the gospel I have grown leaps and bounds in thankfulness for salvation too. This blog has been a testimony of that fact. So I shut the book and had a little talk with God and thanked him for his work in my life regarding thankfulness. Then a still small voice began coming into my mind. You see, there are certain situations in our family that frustrate me – specifically regarding my children and a lack of seeing evidences of God’s activity in their lives. I felt a gentle reminder from God that this was a big area of unthankfulness in my life. My mind is so set on the picture of what I want our family to look like that I have failed to be thankful for the ways God is at work now. I have failed to be thankful for the way he is choosing to work and the speed in which he seems to be working and I have even, in my self righteous sinfulness, felt that somehow their lack of change meant He was not working at all. I am thankful to God for the realization of this area of sin. Now that I am aware of it He can work with me on killing it. Then, I'm sure, he will reveal to me another layer to work on.

As always, seeing the infiltration of sin in my life drives me deeper into appreciation for the cross. I was not saved just from the events of sin or the seasons of sin but because through and through I am sinful.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5

Lovingly and patiently he is working all things together for good to conform me to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29) one respectable sin at a time Praise God!

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Several years ago my husband signed up for a drawing at the grocery store. He didn’t even know what the prize was and he barely remembered signing up. So, a few weeks later it was a total surprise to get a call announcing that we had won a new refrigerator.  It was exciting despite the fact that we had purchased a fridge about two years prior. I daydreamed about what the new fridge would be like. Would it be a side by side with ice and water in the door or some other fancy fridge that we hadn’t been able to afford when we bought our other one? When the new fridge arrived we discovered that it was similar to our current fridge (although it had enough extra features so we decided to use it and sell our old one).  I anxiously waited for the day that we made the transfer; and as it turned out, we even changed the kitchen a bit in the process.

At last the new fridge was in place, the kitchen was reorganized, and it was time to load it up with food.  I guess it would be more accurate to say it was time to transfer the food. As I was working away taking partial bags of frozen vegetables from one freezer to another it dawned on me that, despite the excitement of a new fridge and the cool features, I was putting the same food into it. We hadn’t been given a whole new fridge stocked with exciting foods that were perfectly stacked in all matching Tupperware® containers like something you see in an ad. While transferring the food I threw out the moldy oranges and the downright rotten food that had been hiding in the back corners. What remained was still less than perfect -like the ketchup bottles that were half full.

You may ask, “Why is she writing about a new refrigerator and rotting food on a blog dedicated to reflecting on the cross?” Well, because as I awoke this morning it popped into my head and I believe that God had something to say to me about it. That new fridge is similar to this new year. I daydream about what a new year may hold, what new opportunities or challenges lay ahead, and how it will be better than the last. I reorganize my life, carefully evaluate my time, and ask God to give me goals for growth in godliness. I believe it’s a worthwhile endeavor - though I don’t need a new year to do it. A new year does bring out that natural inclination to reflect and restructure my life. When a new year comes and it’s time to make the “transfer”, I find that the inside contents are the same. The same emotions, personality, weaknesses, and laziness exist that existed 36 hours ago. If you looked inside of me you still wouldn’t see a perfectly organized life with the best quality of fruit inside. You’d find that most of my contents are tainted with impure motives, previous goals only half full, and even some rotting sins that had been ignored because I hadn’t made time to clean them out. Even if I did clean them out and made new goals it wouldn’t last. There will always be rotting sins emerging as long as I live; though, by God’s grace, I hope they will be cleaned out much quicker as they emerge instead of left rotting in a dark corner.

What hope do I have, then, for the contents of my new year?

My hope is Jesus Christ! You must have known that was coming. God grants me another year as a gift and promises that he will transfer to me that perfect life I’ve longed for. In fact he already did it the moment he saved me. He gave me credit for the perfectly lived life of Jesus. The blood that Jesus spilled on the cross secured my forgiveness for the contents of all my years. That knowledge fills me with hope! Now He is patiently cleaning out my insides to make my own life something that reflects His and He’s doing it one moldy orange at a time.

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I've been quiet here on my blog.  I've had some ideas for entries rolling around in my brain but they are lodged there until after Christmas.  So, I will just take a moment to say Merry Christmas. 

I hope you take the opportunity to slow down for a bit and meditate on what it means to us that Christ was born.  Our pastor, Rick Gamache, had an excellent sermon titled Good News of a Great Joy last Sunday.  For anyone who would like a reminder of what Christmas is all about  you can listen to the sermon here.

May you reflect on the cross as you celebrate Christ's birth!

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There's a saying around our church, "I see and evidence of grace in you...", or "an evidence of grace in my life is...."  At one time these sayings were unfamiliar to me but gradually I'm getting the hang of it.  The saying itself isn't anything new, it's just a way to recognize God at work in your life or in the lives of those around you. Our church places a high value on encouraging others by pointing out areas of growth and recognizing that God is at work.

This morning I was a bit surprised to recognize an evidence of grace in my own life.  The way it happened was rather odd.  I slept in.  My alarm usually goes off at 5:30 and I get up to turn it off and kind of make myself stay up.  This gives me time to have a shower and at least 45 minutes of devotional time (at least that's what I shoot for) before I wake up the kids and get the day started.  But today I got up and quickly jumped back into my warm flannel sheets and pulled the comforter up around my chin.  It's amazing how sharp your mind can actually be at that time of the morning because in those few seconds I had already remembered that my husband had an early morning meeting and I kindly thought that maybe he would need the shower first this morning.  I asked him about it and wouldn't you know it he told me that I could go first.  I then mumbled something about how since we get up early to work around his schedule anyway and since he wasn't going to be here this morning that I could get up a tad later.  Fast forward an hour and 15 minutes.  I finally get out of bed and go about my usual routine but now I'm calculating whether or not I should go ahead and have my devotions and have the kids have a late start or skip the devotions and do them when the kids do theirs.  (I know from past experience that this rarely works)  I decided on a compromise - I would spend 20 minutes of time with the Lord and wake up the kids a little later. 

So, I went into my prayer closet and spent time reading and taking notes from the last chapter of John.  I began my prayer time as usual by writing in my prayer journal but this time I began telling the Lord that my time with him was cut short this morning because of my laziness. That's when the evidence of grace appeared.  I realized that I didn't feel condemnation about sleeping in or guilt.  What I felt was disappointment that I didn't have as much time with the Lord and I felt like I had been foolish trading sleep for my time with him.  This may not seem like any big deal to you but you need to understand that in 6th grade I began what seemed a lifelong struggle to have consistent devotions.  Throughout my life I had spurts of really good devotional times and then seasons when it was nothing more than duty if I did them at all.  For years and years I hoped that some day I would really come to the place where I actually looked forward to them and enjoyed being in God's presence.  By God's grace that has happened in my life.  I think it's been gradual over the last few years but it was not until this morning that I recognized it.  I actually like to read the Bible and I treasure my time alone with God.  I know beyond doubt that this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God's patient love working to change me. 

As usual when you see God working in one area of your life it gives you hope for change in other areas as well.  I often act as if my Christian walk is a sprint instead of a marathon.  I want to see progress and see it now, in me, or in those around me.  But God is in this for the long haul (really long if you consider human history).  He is patiently working in all of us to complete his good work. Not one thing that he desires will be left undone.  Have faith He is always working even when we don't notice.

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It all began on a plane ride to California to visit my parents. The man God providentially sat me next to was engrossed in his book. I glanced over to see what he was reading and was surprised to see that it was “God Is Not Great.” I had seen the book at a bookstore just a few weeks prior so I recognized that it was an atheistic book. The man was not just casually reading either; he had a highlighter in hand and was highlighting every other paragraph. Surely, I thought, God must want me to talk to this man about the gospel. I got out the book I had brought along to read. Ironically, the book was titled “When I Don’t Desire God”, written by John Piper. In my book, Piper was explaining how any desire we have for God is a gift from Him. I was filled with fresh awe that God had chosen me. What a vivid example - two people sitting side by side on a plane in completely opposite worlds. I did nothing to deserve eyes that were opened to the truth of the gospel. What overwhelming gratefulness came over me! I kept glancing at the man trying to catch his eye but he never even looked my direction. After reading awhile he closed his eyes and slept for the rest of the trip. Though I didn’t have opportunity to speak to him I did speak to the Father on his behalf. I prayed for God to open his eyes to the truth. I prayed for him to see the error in what he was reading. I prayed for God to invade his mind while he slept.

The next week was very different from my usual routine. I spent my days among elderly people. I ate with them, exercised with them, went to Bible study with them, and sat around with them. Two of these people were my own parents but there were plenty of others as well. I had an up close and personal look at how many people live out the last years of their lives. What I saw grieved me a bit. God seemed somehow absent in the majority of lives. Even my own parents seemed to have forgotten the gospel. At Bible study with my dad, the teacher asked a question. A woman behind me did not just give the appropriate answer, which was Jesus, but she said “precious Jesus.” Yes! That’s what I want for my life whether young or old - to count Jesus as precious. I was filled with so much resolve to live my life clinging to Christ now while I am able. When my body or mind fails me I want Him to be so much a part of me that somehow He will still be on my heart and mind.

I arrived home on a Saturday night and the next morning our pastor preached a sermon about worship, using Paul’s’ proclamation from Philippians 1:21 for me to live is Christ and to die is gain.
He spoke of taking hold of Christ now in this life with all that we have so that we can truly say to live is Christ. Oh how that resonated with my heart!

Then Monday came around, followed by two weeks of what seemed like fairly regular struggle with parenting and homeschooling. What does clinging to Christ look like when you feel like you are in the trenches of life dealing with your own sin or someone else’s? Where is Christ when nothing you plan goes as you hoped? What does the gospel even have to do with homeschooling or parenting anyway?

Plenty! A song that my husband and I have been playing very frequently these days is entitled “Clinging to the Cross,” written by Tim Hughes. One day I literally sat with my head up close to the speaker, while this song played loudly, praying for God to work in me to make this reality. What is there in life, anyway, that the gospel does not address? When I have a struggle with sin I know that Jesus paid for it. When I deal with children who struggle with sin (is there any other kind of child?) I need to remind them of the gospel and remind myself of God’s mercy toward me. When I feel overwhelmed with responsibilities of training hearts that are not always willing to receive that training I remember that Christ is all I need and he will never let me go. He is leading me to that place where my tears will all be wiped away. Here are the lyrics:

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The last few mornings I’ve had sweet devotional times.  In reading God’s word I have been reminded of how precious my salvation is and have felt a real joy in that.  It’s what I long for.

But for the last three days there has been a struggle of wills at my house right after breakfast when we sing our morning song together.  We are singing the hymn Like a River Glorious right now. On two of the mornings I have had one child who has been completely uncooperative because they don’t like the style of this song.   I’ve had to work for extended amounts of time with this child and have felt a clash of wills.  I can’t make someone sing. 

This morning started out well, we were going to try singing the hymn in a different style and make it fun to surprise dad tonight during family night.  Everyone seemed to like the idea. It started out fun, with everyone joining in. But then the clapping got off beat, sped up, and not everyone was singing the way I wanted. It all fell apart and ended in anger and frustration.  No song - at least for now.  I was confessing to my kids where I was wrong, but still feeling like as the parent and music teacher I had a right to say how I wanted it to be done.

So lets unravel this a bit.  I was frustrated about their seeming lack of obedience.  In reality they were just trying to have fun and embellish what I was telling them to do. I had in my mind a picture of tonight and exactly what that would look like.  I had in my mind the other “performing” homeschoolers and thought that, at least for tonight, we would discover how great we were together.  I had in my mind the thought of impressing my husband.  I had in my mind pride and self.  Somehow pulling off this song would validate and make me a successful homescholing mom. 

How did a precious and sweet time with the Lord degenerate so quickly? 

It’s only by God’s grace that I am even acknowledging this sin in my heart. But in the midst of my little pity party over what is extremely small and insignificant the Holy Spirit reminded me of the words the second verse of the hymn we were singing.
 

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I’ve been working on memorizing one of the prayers from the book The Valley of Vision a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions. The reason I wanted to memorize this particular prayer  is because it seems to encapsulate the gospel and benefits of Christ so concisely.  The title of the prayer is Victory.

Last weekend was a tough one for me. A couple of things were going on that heightened my emotions. The first was good news that my husband did get the job promotion after all!  Praise God, this is such a good thing for him. It means fewer hours at work, less physical labor, and he’ll be doing things that he is more suited to.  Then we got the salary proposal and realized that it wasn’t even enough to cover our already trimmed down projected budget.  I had hoped the financial crunch we’ve been in would be a temporary state. The proposal, for me, signified that God meant for this trial to last longer. The relief I had hoped for wasn’t there.  In addition to this I received word that my mom’s health was rapidly declining.  At that time I wasn’t even sure if she would be living more than a few days. 

I wish I could say that I responded to these trials with faith and joy but I didn’t. I had been praying for God to help me kill my sin and to reveal it to me and he did.  I got a very clear picture of my sinfulness last weekend.  Pride, self-pity, anger, bitterness, envy, jealousy, rebellion, idolatry, and unbelief all came bubbling up to the surface.  Yuck!  Thankfully I was confronted with the gospel several times throughout the weekend and each time it had a healing or convicting effect on me so that by Sunday night I was repentant.

Monday morning I was in my prayer closet feeling emotionally spent but wanting to “make my soul happy in God”, as George Mueller puts it, by meditating on the gospel.  I flipped open the prayer Victory and began to read.  I felt God speak to me as I thought about the word victory.  “How can there be a victory if there hasn’t been a battle?”

An idol I fight a lot is the desire for a carefree life.  Yet, it’s in the trials or battles that I grow the most. I don’t often view them as the means God uses to expose my sin so that it can be put to death. I’d prefer a nice life with a perfect image. Is that what glorifies God the most or magnifies Christ’s work on the cross?  Is an honest living example of how Christ transforms a life a better picture to an unbelieving world? Of course it is.  May I quit wanting to shrink back from trial and trust God to complete the good work he has begun in me.

Here is the prayer:

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I received a devotional book for Christmas last year called Pearls of Great Price by Joni Erickson Tada.  Throughout the year  I have read it – sometimes regularly and sometimes sporadically during my quiet times.  I have been amazed at how many times the devotional for the day went so well with the scripture passage I had just been reading. The thing about Joni that I find amazing is that whether you read her books, or listen to her speak, she never makes you feel sorry for her.  In fact you usually come away knowing that she possess something you don’t. While she is candid about the pain and difficulty of her paralysis, she speaks of God’s work in her life and the work of Christ on the cross. She speaks of these things so much that your focus is drawn to the cross and you end up seeing her joy in Christ more than the pain and suffering she endures on a daily basis.  What a powerful testimony! 

Joni has been an example to me because while I can’t even pretend I know the hardship of a paralysis like hers, I experience a bit of paralysis myself -financial paralysis.  I’ve been pondering this lately.  Especially after the news this week that my husband probably did not get the job promotion we had been waiting to hear about for the last couple of months.  According to what my husband has brought in for income from his jobs this year, we live below the poverty level.  I understand that the poverty level in this country does not even compare with the poverty level in a third world country.  (I’ve seen that with my own eyes, and it is never far from me.) Living at a poverty level in this country and culture has a very different and real set of difficulties though.  I feel paralyzed by it. What it means for us is less time with my husband because he has to work such long hours and even then it’s not nearly enough.  So beyond getting the basic bills provided which we can’t even do by ourselves, there are other desires that go unfulfilled such as music lessons for each of my children, a summer holiday - even a weekend away just as a family, and the ability to buy the books we need for our homeschool. Every trip in the car has me calculating the amount of gas we’ve used, every thing my children eat from the cupboards has me saying,  “when it’s gone it’s gone.” I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat frugal but gone are the days when I could pick up a new item for our home, or a new perennial for the garden.  Every baby or wedding shower or birthday has me wondering how I can buy a gift – many times I just don’t. Please don’t mention Christmas to me right now!  My parents are failing in health yet I find myself far away and unable to visit them.  It feels like I am paralyzed more than the average person - maybe this is true, maybe it’s not, but regardless, I face it almost daily. 

The news about my husband’s job had me wondering if God means for us to live like this for the rest of our lives. It would make us dependent on him to provide even the basic things through other people and I don’t really like that.  But then Joni came to mind. She is dependent on God to provide through other people every single day of her life. As a woman truly paralyzed she needs people to help her with the most basic functions yet she thrives.  She has learned how to be content and even boast in her weaknesses that the power of Christ might dwell in her.  She has compassion for the disabled and has done more for them then perhaps anyone. 

What I fight is an attitude of entitlement. Somehow I think that because everyone around me can do certain things then I should be able too. Secretly, I feel like it would be easier to be “poor” if everyone else was poor too.  What foolishness on my part! Our lives are not intended to be easy. I am not entitled to a vacation. All of my kids don’t have to have music lessons. Truly, I have so much more than I deserve because God has chosen me, my sins have been pardoned through the precious blood of Jesus. Can I, like Joni, thrive in less than perfect circumstances?  Will I allow God to do the desired work in me through this trial?  Will I use this time, however brief or long, to fuel my compassion for others who are suffering?  Will I daily find that God’s grace is sufficient for me and that his power is made perfect in my weakness?  Will I gladly boast in my “infirmities” that the power of Christ might dwell in me?  I hope the answer will be yes.  I praise God that he is moving me in that direction and I think, by God’s grace, I’ll get there despite the heel marks in the carpet.

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Exactly one year ago this morning we walked into a new church. This wasn’t just any church it was the church God had led us to. God leads people to church all of the time but for us it meant packing up all of our possessions and moving 3 hours north. It meant leaving the familiarity and comfort of our life, the assurance of a paycheck, and the friends that we loved. So here we were on our first Sunday. Would it disappoint us? Would we find that it wasn’t all we hoped it would be? Would we regret the decision? These were the things in the back recesses of my mind. Things I couldn’t even voice.  At the front of my mind was the excitement of the adventure that lay ahead.  I remember clearly many of the songs we sang that morning. I also remember the song that brought tears to my eyes as we sang it. It was titled Across The Great Divide. We had it on a CD at home and had listened to it numerous times. Funny how having it on a screen in front of me and singing it caused me to for the first time really pay attention to the message of the song.  The chorus, which we repeated quite a bit that morning, sank deep into my heart.

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Everyone likes to belong to a club of some sort. I’ve recently been mulling over a club that I’d like to begin: The Failure Club.  Does it sound like a club you’d like to join?  I could charge dues to belong (that would help out with our expenses).  The more I think about it the better this idea is sounding.

So, whom should I invite to belong to my club?  Hmmm, how about everyone who feels like they struggle as a parent; like it’s just not as easy as they thought it would be before the child entered the scene, or when they returned from that parenting seminar, or right after they read that revolutionary book on being a great parent.  No, I fear that our club might get too big if that was the case.  Ok, then how about everyone who has made unwise decisions with their finances, whether it’s falling prey to a convincing sales pitch, over spending, or not giving enough to the needy.  I guess that might also be too big (plus I want you to pay a due to be in my club☺). I’ve got it, how about everyone who doesn’t feel like they have much to offer, everyone who senses that they are weak, or everyone who knows deep down that they just don’t pass muster.  On second thought, maybe I should forget this whole club idea - I can see how easily it would get out of hand. 

I’m pretty qualified to be in this club by the way. Yesterday was a prime example of it.  Would you like to review some of my more obvious failures with me?  C’mon it might be fun.

1.    Sleeping 20 minutes after the alarm went off.
2.    Going back to bed after dropping my husband off at work at 6am.
3.    Forgetting to spend time with God due to my first two failures.
4.    Not printing specific directions to the zoo I was taking two of my children to.
5.    Missing the exit for the highway I needed.
6.    Not teaching the children who were with me how to read a map.
7.    Getting very frustrated with them for not being able to read a map.
8.    Driving 20 minutes out of the way before turning around.
9.    Not bringing snacks to the zoo. Need I say more?
10.    Not remembering the right time my daughter needed to be at the drama club.
11.    Hitting every possible road closed and getting lost on the way to the drama club.
12.    Not getting gas before the above failure.
13.    Comparing myself to a godly example rather than being thankful to God for them.
14.    Wallowing in feelings of failure due to #13.

But then I remembered some advice that came our way last week from my pastor. I had received an onslaught of despairing feelings over our present circumstances, fears of the future, along with trying times with my children. Tears were my constant companions for the first three days of the week. My husband emailed our pastor and asked him to pray for me.  He mentioned my feelings of failure. I am almost sure that every other time in my life an admission of failure was met with an attempt to build up or reassure and this time was no different. The reply was meant to build up and reassure. I was reassured that yes, I was a failure indeed. Had I not been Christ would not have needed to die for me.  I’ve never had a reassurance quite like that! But it proved to be so helpful to me.

So as I sat on the couch recounting my many failures yesterday I remembered the beautiful gospel that says I’m not Ok and that Christ died for my failures. I remembered that I will never be capable of living a perfect life but that Jesus did and God credits me with that life through faith. I remembered a wise quote from a young friend just the day before: “There is freedom in not pretending to be perfect.” I remembered 1st Corinthians 1 that I had read earlier in the week and the notes that I jotted down in the margin. 

“ I see six evidences in this chapter that God chooses us. Before I let that puff me up I’d better consider that he chose the foolish and weak so that his power would be displayed, not mine. The gospel is so contrary to human wisdom and that’s one reason that it is so beautiful.  Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.
Can I thank God for my failings and weaknesses? My lack of intelligence or giftedness is nothing to him. He can use me however he wants – and when he does we’ll both know who gets the credit.”

After all that remembering I was able to go out and enjoy a date with my wonderful husband.

By the way, if anyone ever tries to get you to join a failure club and wants you to pay dues DON’T DO IT - IT’S A SCAM! You’ve been a member since birth.

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CJ Mahaney, a man whom I admire, leads Sovereign Grace ministries (the family of churches that our family is a part of) with humility and godly wisdom. I’m thankful to have him be one of the leaders that our pastors and churches follow. Last week I listened to the story of his conversion. I had heard the story before but I’m not sure I’d heard him tell it in his own words. To sum it up, he was a young man who was happy with his life, had no knowledge of the gospel or of Christian life, was wrapped up in the drug culture and good at it. God interrupted all of this when a friend shared the gospel with him while he was smoking marijuana and he was transformed to have faith in Jesus immediately. He wasn’t seeking. He wasn’t unhappy. But God, who is rich in mercy, intervened and has used CJ to help thousands of people keep the gospel central in their lives.

About three hours after listening to this testimony I was on my way to a 4th of July parade with my children. As we walked to the parade route, a family was walking a little ahead of us. I immediately began to sum them up. The mom had long dyed black hair down to her waist with all black clothing. The dad had a mohawk ponytail and a heavy metal type t-shirt. One of the boys, who looked about 9 years old, had a mohawk as well. I was very quick to sum them up as being a “rough” family. Not someone I would become friends with. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted when the dad called back to his son and said, “C’mon CJ.”

Immediately my thought pattern changed from what was a sinfully judgmental way of writing this family off to suddenly having hope for them because of the gospel influence on CJ Mahaney’s life.  Did God place me there at that time to remind me that he saves those whom he wants to save, not because they have a certain lifestyle or look a certain way? What’s in a name? In this case the name was a very important reminder that I was not saved because I was a good person. In fact I was saved in spite of the fact that I thought I was a good person and that I felt superior to other people who looked “rougher” than me. My sins were pure ugliness; so repulsive that the Father could not even stand to look at them. The only thing that makes me beautiful and good in God’s eyes is the work of Christ on the cross. His perfection became mine.

I didn’t think I’d ever see CJ or his family again.  After all, I live in a heavily populated area and the parade was not even in the city I live in. Just a few days after the 4th we were driving by a grocery store near our home and my husband pointed out a dad and his son on bikes. Sure enough it was CJ and his dad. I knew I needed to pray that God would grant them faith to believe in his Son. So, as I prayed silently I was able to pray for at least one of them by name.

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As I sit to write this, movers are at the home of my parents in Northern California. They will be taking a few of their possessions and transferring them to the tiny one bedroom apartment of an assisted living facility. I am unable to help and that’s difficult. The last time I was there was over a year ago. At that time, I boxed up many of the things they didn't use on a regular basis and we sold many others to an auctioneer.  They were hoping to move to be near me in Iowa in just a few short months.  Even our best-laid plans can change. God has a way of intervening when we least expect it. In this case the change came in the form of a move for my family from Iowa to Minnesota and the failure of my parents home to sell.  Due to the uncertainty of our future my parents decided to stay in the town where they are so they wouldn't have to move again.

The last time I talked to my mom on the phone she made this statement; "Joy, it's a terrible thing to have someone hold each thing you own and ask you if you want to keep it or get rid of it." I know my mom has her memories tied up in her possessions. That's why she has the two rocks that my nephew and I painted when we were five or the other half dozen rocks that she picked up someplace that are linked to a person or trip of some sort. Every item she owns has a memory attached to it.

My dad, on the other hand, is not so attached to his possessions. He has Alzheimer’s and is starting to forget. The last time I spoke to him he asked me where I lived. At least for now he still remembers I'm his daughter. I remember a few years ago when I had visited right after he had been diagnosed. We cried together at one point for what we both knew would be coming…the loss of so many memories.

So, in a way my mom and dad struggle with the same thing - loss. My parents are tough people. They both lost spouses at a young age. My own birth mother was just thirty-three when she died from cancer leaving my dad with an infant (me), two teenagers, and a pre-teen. He remarried a year later to the woman who is the only mother I've ever known.  Her own story involves losing a husband to a heart attack and four months later losing a son in Vietnam whose body was never found.

In light of all of this melancholy contemplation two thoughts have been consistently emerging in my mind the last few weeks.  First, I consider the futility of amassing so many possessions. I once heard it said that we spend the first half of our adult life obtaining things and the second half getting rid of them. Several years ago I read a life-changing book by Randy Alcorn entitled The Treasure Principle. One statement in particular has never left me.  Alcorn points out that everything we own will eventually end up in the dump. No matter how important something is to us, generations from now they will mean very little if anything at all. I tried to keep this in mind while I was packing to move to Minnesota. I even bought the song by Michael Card off iTunes where he claims that “it's hard to imagine the freedom we find from the things we leave behind.” Oh so true but so hard to believe at times when we are faced with parting with something, or practicing self control in not obtaining something we want.

The second thought going through my mind is in regard to our memories. Only God who is all knowing can know if we will live long enough to lose our memories.  When I think about my dad I am comforted by the thought that when he gets to heaven the Father will look at him and say that he remembers. He remembers every tear ever shed and every moment in time.  But wonder of wonders he also will choose to forget something. He will not remember the sins that have been covered by the blood of his precious son. In regards to those sins he removes them as far as the east is from the west.

If it's true, and I believe it is, that my creator will remember everything in my life, and forget my sin simply through my faith in Christ, then I should have a whole new perspective on how to live my life. Will I spend my life on fleeting pleasure and the stuff of this earth as I am so prone to do, or will I spend my time investing in eternity where moths and rust do not destroy? Will I find freedom in the things I leave behind?

May it be so.

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Due to the fact that so many of my blog posts have to do with money and my sincere desire not to have that be the focus of my life, I decided that I didn’t really want to write any more on this subject.  At least that’s what I decided, in my pride, because of fear of what people will think if I keep talking about it. Well, this morning I awoke with a sense that if I don’t talk about it I will not be sharing what an amazing God we belong to and the personal way that he works in our life right now.  So here it is, a blog entry that has to do with money. I hope you will marvel at God’s absolute sovereignty when you are done reading.

A brief background is in order before I begin. We have lived in this new place for 9 months. We moved because we felt a clear call from God. The rent we pay is almost triple what our mortgage was where we lived before. The job my husband took has brought in very little income. In fact, the last few months have brought in a whopping nothing. This month he took an additional job, which barely covers just our rent.  Despite this we have always been able to pay our bills on time and have, over and above, what we need provided on a consistent basis.  But you must understand that, in my mind, getting the rent covered is a very basic and real need. We need $1300 each month to cover this expense. You can assume that we are starting from zero each month because that’s the kind of life we are living right now. So, here’s my story of one month’s rent.

About the second week into a month I begin to figure out in my head whether we have enough to cover the rent for next month.  All money that comes in, from this week on, goes toward that expense until it is covered. It’s not really so much of a worry as it is a practicality of life.

On Sunday our church administrator handed us $100 that was anonymously given to him for us.

On Monday night some friends of ours, from where we lived before, stopped in to see us briefly.  They put a check for $200 in my hand.

On Wednesday my husband brought home his first paycheck from his new job. It was $600.

On Thursday we headed to Iowa to attend a CD release party.  My children had the privilege of singing on a children’s CD recorded by good friends of ours who are in a full time music ministry.  They really wanted all of the kids who were on the CD to be at the party and so they even gave us money for gas to get there. (This is what happens when you are in this financial state, all of your friends know that in order for you to do most anything they have to pay for it – humbling yes, but humbling is good☺) Some friends of ours, who live in the town we had moved from (Humboldt), had parked their mini van at our house while they were away on a trip because we live so close to the airport. (We often have people do this in order to save parking fees.) When they left they gave us permission to use their van as much as we wanted. The wheels in my kid’s heads began turning immediately and they wondered if we could take the van to Iowa. We have just one car and although it’s a good car it is pretty crowded for the three of them in the backseat when we take longer trips.  Riding in a van would be a treat for them. So we asked our friends and they gave us the ok to take their van on this 3½ hour trip.  About 20 minutes from our destination my daughter recognized a vehicle belonging to a friend of ours who had also moved from Humboldt. We had not seen him in almost a year.  So, we slowed down and pulled in front of him.  Because we were driving our friend’s van he saw the Humboldt license plates and wondered if he knew who was in front of him. He sped up and saw us. So on a lone stretch of highway in Iowa he and my husband were trying to yell at each other through open windows.  We told him where we were headed and he asked us to follow him.  He led us to the house we were going to and as he got out of his vehicle to greet us he put an envelope in my husband’s hand.  The envelope simply said “Lord bless you” and it contained four $100 bills.

Did you do the math?  Just in this last week we received $1,300!

The last part of this provision is so amazing to me. How did our friend just happen to have an envelope with $400 in it? How did he decide to give it to us? We haven't  talked to him for a long time so he would not have known our need. We had not planned to meet and the chances of that just happening are very non-existent. If you heard the story of where he was coming from and how he came to be driving on that road at just that time it would make the story even more incredible but much too long. Let’s suffice it to say that if we had tried to plan meeting up with him it wouldn’t have happened. It reminds me of the time Jesus sent Peter out to catch a fish and then Peter pulled a coin out of the fish’s mouth to have just what they needed to pay a tax that was due.  Only a sovereign God who controls the lives of everyone could pull something like this off.

Yes, I am very grateful that we head into next month knowing our rent is covered. I am more grateful however for a God that is so personal and intimate that he carefully crafts events like this so that we can see a glimpse of his awesome power.  Things like this have happened to us over and over. What a good, generous, and awesome God we have the joy of belonging to because Jesus made peace with him on our behalf.  He is worthy of our worship and amazement of all that he is and all that he has done for us. 

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

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I’ve been making to do lists most of my life.  I had to smile when my oldest daughter made her first to do list when she was about 6 years old. Evidently it runs in the family.  However, since I moved I've found it more difficult to keep on task. How do you like that excuse?  I've been settled for months and whom am I kidding anyway?  I never was very good with time management before I moved.  That's why I like to do lists. It makes me feel as if I'm somehow on top of things. Never mind that half of the things don't get crossed off.  I go in spurts of extreme productivity and then lag time of what feels like complete laziness.  I have a feeling I'll be dealing with this during my whole career as a stay at home mom.

What's my point? I have often beaten myself up over my lack of super woman qualities. What is my motivation for being super anyway? Do I have a desire to bring glory to God or myself?  Sadly it's mostly about me. I don't think my condition is anything unusual though because God chose to save us by grace and not by works. We are always thankful for that! But, the reason he gives tells the truth.  If he does it all we can't brag about any of it. God knows it's in our sinful nature to bring glory to ourselves instead of him.  He could have just decided not to mess with us because we are so self-seeking but instead he chose in mercy to devise a plan that would leave our effort out of the picture. By faith we belong to him, we can never brag about any of it.

That same passage of scripture in Ephesians 2 says that I was created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God has prepared beforehand for me to walk in. 

Hold it!  Works don't matter right? 

When I read this passage yesterday it was as if I saw for the first time all of this together the way it is supposed to be.  The very next line says THEREFORE, remember and then remember again.  It's as if the remembering is part of the good works that God prepared for me to walk in. 

So what am I supposed to remember?  I was dead in my sin; I was following the world, Satan and myself. I was destined for God's wrath, I was an outsider not a partaker of God's grace, I was apart from Christ, without hope, and without God in this world.  That is a sobering list! I never set out to have those things on my to do list but that is the reality of what I was.  Remembering what I was gives way to remembering what God did. How can I even begin to describe that in this short blog post? Just one glimpse in Ephesians 2:13 says, "But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ?"

That penetrates my heart all over again. I was brought near to God through Christ.

Remembering makes me want to be content because I realize that I don't deserve anything. Remembering makes me want to give glory to God because my works mean nothing.  Remembering makes me want to live completely for God.  Remembering makes me want to ask earnestly for more of his strength and power and to walk fearlessly through this life. Forget motivational speeches. This is the ultimate motivation.

From now on I hope to put remembering at the top of my to do list.

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I am not a stranger to having less than those around me. I grew up in a family that often struggled to make ends meet. I almost never had clothes that fit in. Imagine being in 6 and 7th grade and wearing your sister's hand me downs.  Not a big deal right?  My sisters just happened to be 10 and 13 years older than me.  I was literally wearing late 60s clothing in 1979 and 1980. Now we like to call it vintage and retro. T