I received a devotional book for Christmas last year called Pearls of Great Price by Joni Erickson Tada. Throughout the year I have read it – sometimes regularly and sometimes sporadically during my quiet times. I have been amazed at how many times the devotional for the day went so well with the scripture passage I had just been reading. The thing about Joni that I find amazing is that whether you read her books, or listen to her speak, she never makes you feel sorry for her. In fact you usually come away knowing that she possess something you don’t. While she is candid about the pain and difficulty of her paralysis, she speaks of God’s work in her life and the work of Christ on the cross. She speaks of these things so much that your focus is drawn to the cross and you end up seeing her joy in Christ more than the pain and suffering she endures on a daily basis. What a powerful testimony!
Joni has been an example to me because while I can’t even pretend I know the hardship of a paralysis like hers, I experience a bit of paralysis myself -financial paralysis. I’ve been pondering this lately. Especially after the news this week that my husband probably did not get the job promotion we had been waiting to hear about for the last couple of months. According to what my husband has brought in for income from his jobs this year, we live below the poverty level. I understand that the poverty level in this country does not even compare with the poverty level in a third world country. (I’ve seen that with my own eyes, and it is never far from me.) Living at a poverty level in this country and culture has a very different and real set of difficulties though. I feel paralyzed by it. What it means for us is less time with my husband because he has to work such long hours and even then it’s not nearly enough. So beyond getting the basic bills provided which we can’t even do by ourselves, there are other desires that go unfulfilled such as music lessons for each of my children, a summer holiday - even a weekend away just as a family, and the ability to buy the books we need for our homeschool. Every trip in the car has me calculating the amount of gas we’ve used, every thing my children eat from the cupboards has me saying, “when it’s gone it’s gone.” I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat frugal but gone are the days when I could pick up a new item for our home, or a new perennial for the garden. Every baby or wedding shower or birthday has me wondering how I can buy a gift – many times I just don’t. Please don’t mention Christmas to me right now! My parents are failing in health yet I find myself far away and unable to visit them. It feels like I am paralyzed more than the average person - maybe this is true, maybe it’s not, but regardless, I face it almost daily.
The news about my husband’s job had me wondering if God means for us to live like this for the rest of our lives. It would make us dependent on him to provide even the basic things through other people and I don’t really like that. But then Joni came to mind. She is dependent on God to provide through other people every single day of her life. As a woman truly paralyzed she needs people to help her with the most basic functions yet she thrives. She has learned how to be content and even boast in her weaknesses that the power of Christ might dwell in her. She has compassion for the disabled and has done more for them then perhaps anyone.
What I fight is an attitude of entitlement. Somehow I think that because everyone around me can do certain things then I should be able too. Secretly, I feel like it would be easier to be “poor” if everyone else was poor too. What foolishness on my part! Our lives are not intended to be easy. I am not entitled to a vacation. All of my kids don’t have to have music lessons. Truly, I have so much more than I deserve because God has chosen me, my sins have been pardoned through the precious blood of Jesus. Can I, like Joni, thrive in less than perfect circumstances? Will I allow God to do the desired work in me through this trial? Will I use this time, however brief or long, to fuel my compassion for others who are suffering? Will I daily find that God’s grace is sufficient for me and that his power is made perfect in my weakness? Will I gladly boast in my “infirmities” that the power of Christ might dwell in me? I hope the answer will be yes. I praise God that he is moving me in that direction and I think, by God’s grace, I’ll get there despite the heel marks in the carpet.
Comments
Sep. 10, 2007 - Stiff joints
Posted by baronsgirl
Hello, my dear friend.
I just have to say that once again I appreciate your candidness here. It's refreshing, and you make more great points than I can (or should) comment on! But...I wanted to encourage you that while I'm sure you might "feel" paralyzed at times, I think that you are much further on the path than you probably realize (or would ever admit, in your humility, even if you could see it). The Lord has given you such wisdom and insight. I think you might just have a few stiff joints. I don't see paralysis here. ;-)
I'm not trying to undo anything that you've written here - just let you know that I am humbled by your witness and it is neat to see the Lord continuing to grow you in your faith! What a blessing you are to me, and to so many countless others.... God is using you, and I continue to pray as He takes you down this path that must feel like quicksand at times.
The whole entitlement idea...wow, we all have been "given" that by our culture, haven't we? I often think I'm so not "of the world," but then I realize I'm really way more like the world than I would ever care to be! So awesome that He will not finish the work He's started in us! Praise Him for His grace, which as I read this morning, keeps flowing to us again and again, like waves rolling up on the sand. Awesome.
Love you lots! ~Jodie
Sep. 21, 2007 - Thank you.
Posted by JoyfulMomma
Thank you so much for your post. We also struggle financially, and it is humbling and painful and anxiety-provoking. I would like to add you to my friends list, if that is ok. And I would like you to know that your words are so encouraging to me.
Belynda