The last few mornings I’ve had sweet devotional times. In reading God’s word I have been reminded of how precious my salvation is and have felt a real joy in that. It’s what I long for.
But for the last three days there has been a struggle of wills at my house right after breakfast when we sing our morning song together. We are singing the hymn Like a River Glorious right now. On two of the mornings I have had one child who has been completely uncooperative because they don’t like the style of this song. I’ve had to work for extended amounts of time with this child and have felt a clash of wills. I can’t make someone sing.
This morning started out well, we were going to try singing the hymn in a different style and make it fun to surprise dad tonight during family night. Everyone seemed to like the idea. It started out fun, with everyone joining in. But then the clapping got off beat, sped up, and not everyone was singing the way I wanted. It all fell apart and ended in anger and frustration. No song - at least for now. I was confessing to my kids where I was wrong, but still feeling like as the parent and music teacher I had a right to say how I wanted it to be done.
So lets unravel this a bit. I was frustrated about their seeming lack of obedience. In reality they were just trying to have fun and embellish what I was telling them to do. I had in my mind a picture of tonight and exactly what that would look like. I had in my mind the other “performing” homeschoolers and thought that, at least for tonight, we would discover how great we were together. I had in my mind the thought of impressing my husband. I had in my mind pride and self. Somehow pulling off this song would validate and make me a successful homescholing mom.
How did a precious and sweet time with the Lord degenerate so quickly?
It’s only by God’s grace that I am even acknowledging this sin in my heart. But in the midst of my little pity party over what is extremely small and insignificant the Holy Spirit reminded me of the words the second verse of the hymn we were singing.
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love,
We may trust him fully all for us to do,
They who trust him wholly find him wholly true.
Stayed upon Jehovah hearts are fully blest,
Finding as he promised perfect peace and rest.
How quickly my eyes get off my Savior and onto myself – without me even making a conscious effort. This points to the fact that any amount of good happening in my life is only by God’s grace and by his Spirit. Thankfully I am justified through faith in Christ. Which means that not only are all of my sins washed away but also I am given credit for Christ’s perfect record of obedience. My nature is to turn to self and his nature was to turn to his Father and do all for his glory. Now, God is making me into the person that he has declared me to be through faith in Christ. Every joy, like the time with him in the mornings, or every trial, like music fiascos, are given to me by the hand of a loving God who is trustworthy and true. Even as I type this I feel peace and rest come over me.
I think I need to go and apologize to my precious children!
Comments
Oct. 24, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by thoughtsandprayers
a great post! it's SO hard to admit a selfish/righteous attitude (I am guilty of this a lot)...but how great to feel that peace when He shows you and you can ask for forgiveness:)
God bless!
Bree
www.myheartwillrejoice.blogspot.com