I am a prideful person. Pride is my constant companion – one I’d like to disassociate with. That’s the reason for this blog post. In order to work on killing this sin I must acknowledge it freely. Where do I even begin? There wouldn’t be enough space on this blog to contain examples of my prideful thoughts even if I could remember each one and write them all down. Pride is there when I compare myself with someone else and find I come out ahead or behind. Pride is there when I feel good about myself because God has used me or feel lousy about myself because I failed to be used. Pride is there when I post on my blog and get a comment either verbally or written. Pride is there when I have victory over sin, and it’s there when I wallow in my sin. Can I ever get away from it? How can I even write this post without sugar coating it lest you are tempted to think I am humble for writing about my pride?
Here is something from my prayer journal the other morning:
Lord I need to confess something you already know. My pride is very prevalent. I like to be well thought of. I like the approval and praise of people especially when it comes to spiritual things. I like to be an inspiration to others. How can I have any impact on the lives of others and not have pride creep in? I’m aware of the very real danger and the very real pride that rears it’s heard. I’m also aware that all of it comes from you – not the pride of course – but any spiritual life I have. So how can I battle the pride? How can I cleanse myself without backing down from being your instrument? Does it work to just acknowledge this to myself and others and to give you glory? I sense you saying to write about this on my blog. Please confirm this if it is so. I also sense you telling me to confess this to _________. Please guide that conversation.
So yesterday I did confess it and ask for wisdom from the good friend God brought to mind. Her advice was very helpful to me.
• She reminded me to always thank God for his work – not just acknowledge that he’s behind it but to actually thank him.
• She cautioned me that sometimes looking for horizontal approval with people could mean looking for vertical approval from God and this is opposed to the gospel, which says that I am accepted on the basis of Christ’s righteousness and not because of anything I do or don’t do.
• She also told me that sometimes we can want to be helpful to people more than really caring about them and serving them.
How thankful I am for godly friends. The more I think about it the more I realize she is right on all three accounts.
God’s kindness overwhelmed me this morning during my devotions as he continued speaking to me about this. First I was reminded in Psalm 14 that there is none who does good, not even one. Then through Pearls of Great Price by Joni Erickson Tada I was reminded that God’s longings and yearnings are always focused on people not inward, self-focused, or on things. “Never does he express a longing to benefit himself. His heart’s desire is to benefit his people that they may glorify him.” Then the prayer I read in The Valley of Vision reminded me that God is the source of all good. One part says this: “I come to thee in the all-prevailing name of Jesus, with nothing of my own to plead, no works, no worthiness, no promises. “
And another part:
I thank thee for thy riches to me in Jesus,
For the unclouded revelation of him in thy word,
Where I behold his person, character, grace, glory,
Humiliation, sufferings, death, and resurrection;
Give me to feel a need of his continual saviourhood,
And cry with Job, ‘I am vile’,
With Peter, ‘I perish’,
With the publican, “Be merciful to me, a sinner’.
Lest you think all this humbling is depressing I must tell you that it’s not. When I focus on my sin without a look to the cross and what Jesus secured for me there, pride is present because my gaze is on me. When I focus on the good I’ve done without immediately remembering that any good in me is a result of the Holy Spirit working in me – which is a result of the cross where Jesus purchased me and transferred me out of the darkness into light – pride is present.
So, I wanted to just simply say it. Thank you God for your gracious and loving work in my life. Thank you for your example of humility. Thank you for the work you do in pointing out my pride. Without you showing me, I walk blindly in it. Thank you God that all that I am has to do with your work in my life. Thank you for Jesus who paid the penalty of all my sins, who bore all your wrath towards me – even right now as I write this still with pride in my heart. Thank you God for crediting me with the righteousness of Christ. His perfect record is mine. Thank you.
Once again I am profoundly amazed at the goodness of God toward me. His mercy is greater than all my pride and there’s a lot of it. I am overwhelmed with the thought of how far his grace extends.
As I finished this and gave it to my husband to read I told him that I still didn’t feel like I conveyed the reality of my pride and he told me to just say this: however much pride you think I have it’s 10 times worse. Is 10 a high enough number? Probably not but hopefully you get the point. Only God knows the full extent of it and he has completely forgiven it. Wow! It’s a word I keep saying a lot these days. It’s my feeble attempt of expressing my awe for all Christ had done. Wow!
Comments
Jan. 17, 2008 - Praise be to God...
Posted by baronsgirl
...for His indescribable gift! Many gifts...His grace, especially. I relate completely to your struggle, I know that you know you are not alone in this. I'm glad that you have such a wise friend to share such advice with you.
Thank You, Lord, for helping my dear friend to be so transparent, for prompting her by Your Holy Spirit to confess this sin. Thank You for her desire to kill this sin, as we know that ANY good thing in us is only from you! And her desire to kill this sin is good. We know You will continue the good work You have started in her, and will be faithful to complete it! We are amazed at Your great love for us, that you would choose to work in our hearts and in our lives in such deeply personal and detailed ways. Thank You for continuing to grow my friend. The glory is not to her...it is to YOU! She gives You glory, and I do, as well. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty! The whole earth is full of YOUR GLORY! We love You, Lord.
Many blessings to you in Christ, Joy, by His matchless grace.
Hard hugs,
Jodie
Jan. 19, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
As long as we have breath and remain here on this earth, I believe pride is an issue we will constantly battle. I also believe Pride is behind EVERY sin. There will always be that relentless battle of our sin nature warring against our Christ loving nature. I don't think we can have a pure thought, a pure motive . . . anything pure . . .while we live in these shells. Like you already said, the only good in me is Jesus. Praise God that He is faithful to complete what He has started in us. Thank You, JESUS!!!!
Chris
Jan. 19, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Joyous
Chris and Jodie,
Thanks for your encouraging comments. I am grateful for both of you because I know you are both desiring humility in your own lives by the grace of God. It's true it will be a fight for the rest of our lives but as you both said - He is faithful to complete the good work in us and the more we see our sin the greater Christ looks to us.
Love you both,
Joy