I haven't written for awhile. We enjoyed 18 days with my husband's parents which kept me busier than usual. After they left I was feeling out of sorts and unable to get back into normal routine. Suddenly I felt myself going into a downward spiral. Feelings were ruling my day and I seemed glad to bow in submission to them. Some of last years issues, financial struggles, emerged unexpectedly along with anxiety over homeschooling and comparing myself to everyone else. I found myself feeling defeated and hopeless which means that I was not looking at the cross. My eyes were horizontal instead of vertical and instead of just repenting and believing the gospel, my knee jerk reaction immediately was to condemn myself for my sinful thoughts and feelings. God graciously pointed out to me these errors through his word, my husband, and a good friend but even still there is was this residue of feeling that I had disappointed God.
One morning last week my husband shared these words from the commentary on Romans from John Stott. Stott writes about the concluding verses in chapter 8:
"Here then are five convictions about God's providence (8:28), five affirmations about his purpose (29,30) and five questions about his love (31,39), which together bring us fifteen assurances about him. We urgently need them today, since nothing seems stable in our world any longer. Insecurity is written across all human temptation, tribulation or tragedy, but we are promised victory over them. God's pledge is not that suffering will never afflict us, but that it will never separate us from his love.
This is the love of God which was supremely displayed in the cross (5:8;8:32,37), which has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit(5:5), which has drawn out from us our responsive love (8:28), and which is in its essential steadfastness will never let us go, since it is committed to bringing us safe home to glory in the end (8:35,39). Our confidence is not in our love for him, which is frail, fickle and faltering, but in his love for us, which is steadfast, faithful and preserving. The doctrine of 'the perseverance of the saints' needs to be re-named. It is the doctrine of the perseverance of God with the saints.
How wonderful to rest in the knowledge that our confidence is in God and not ourselves. This is after all the message of our salvation, Christ did what we could never do for ourselves on the cross.
I'm slowly making my way back to the delight in God's word that I had before and fully expecting that God will keep on persevering with me. Praise God!
Comments
Sep. 11, 2008 - Miss you!
Posted by baronsgirl
This stuff from Stott is great. Thanks for sharing it! I love your words about your relationship with B, also. SO neat! I'm hoping you'll be able to post some more before long. I know you've got a lot on your plate, but your words here are always treasured!
Have a great day, dear Sister.