It’s been a long while since I posted an entry in this blog. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say but life has just been so busy. The longer I have waited the harder it has become to just sit down and write something. There have been pretty major changes in our lives in these last months. I want to take just a moment to recap them.
In July my husband went on staff as a pastor at our church. That change was full of so many emotions. Never in our wildest imagination, when we moved here, did we think it would turn out that way so of course this brought a lot of joy. But mixed in with that was sorrow because the man he would be replacing was going to serve in another church. He and his family had been so instrumental in our lives over the last two years, it was difficult not to smile and cry at the same time during that transition.
In August we found ourselves house hunting. Now that we were here “permanently” we desired to find a home of our own. God led us to a home and we purchased it (well, in reality the bank purchased it and we pay the bank and get the responsibility of caring for it☺)!
In September I spent my days packing, beginning the homeschool routine, stripping wallpaper, painting, moving, and unpacking. Everyone has moved at some point in his or her life so I don’t need to elaborate. Let’s just say it was taxing and brought out much sin in me.
October was more of the same as we continued to get unpacked and settle back into our school routines.
In the midst of these things God, in his wisdom, saw fit to throw us more opportunities to serve his body and challenges that we felt inadequate for. By this point sin is bubbling over in my life and my days have been either up or down. Often I have sat in despair feeling like life was bleak and doubting the goodness of God. What in the world is wrong with me? One would think I should be full of joy because the desires of my heart had been fulfilled. Therein lies the problem.
My father in law asked me last time he visited what I thought Proverbs 3:5 meant. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. My answer was immediate. If I am delighting in the Lord he will become the desire of my heart and he will never withhold himself. My desires have been revealed to be idolatrous. Whether it’s a desire for security, a home, recognition, ease, comfort, control, or peace, my desires are misplaced if they aren’t in the Lord. Some of those things might be Ok but they don’t give me lasting joy, they are temporal and fading pleasures tainted by sin.
Yesterday God spoke to me clearly on two occasions. The first occasion found me in the car before church reading my Bible feeling emotional and overwhelmed with all of the sin I was seeing in my life. I basically said to God, “Ok, I see my sin all over the place but I don’t even know where to begin, what do you want me to focus on?” I immediately heard his still small voice in my head whisper, “the gospel.” Then right after that this line from “It is Well With My Soul” popped into my head. “My sin O the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin not in part but the whole, was nailed to the cross and I bear them no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord O my soul.” It was a clear call to remember the gospel. Later on in the day I was receiving counsel from some dear friends and they reiterated the same thing. Remember the gospel, and this encouragement, “if I were to completely conquer the sin that I’m struggling with I would be no more justified before God than I already am right now.” What a good reminder to this sin weary soul!
There are a variety of ways that I can remember the gospel. I can read it in the Bible and in gospel-saturated books, which I will. I can say it to myself, which I will. I can listen to sermons where the gospel is highlighted, which I hope to do. Then I realized that for me another way to remember the gospel is to write about it in this blog. I hope to do that more often now because it has been a means of grace to me in the past. The point is…I need to remember. Just because I focused on the gospel in the past or was reminded frequently of the gospel last year, last month, yesterday, or even 5 minutes ago, I need to remember now. As CJ Mahaney says, “ we never move on from the gospel”. I can testify that we do drift from it if it is not our constant focus.
Thank you God for reminding me once again!
Comments
Nov. 10, 2008 - Amen!
Posted by baronsgirl
So good to hear from you again, my dear friend. As you can see, I check every day. ;-)
Thinking about the verse.... I have also thought that as we delight in the Lord, He plants desires in our hearts for the very things HE wants us to desire! He makes our hearts want what He wants. And as we continue to delight in Him, and desire the things He's caused us to desire, we see Him fulfill those desires. It's so humbling.
Thanks again for the reminder to never stray from the Gospel. I am not in the habit of turning to the Gospel to dispel my discouragement about "daily things" or to answer my hurt and frustration when loved ones cause me pain. I pray that God will work in my heart to remind me to do just that. Last night I was humbled as He did speak the Gospel to me as I laid in bed and cried over some hurts. He showed me how His forgiveness and payment for all of the sins I've ever committed and ever will commit ought to remind me to forgive others. I'll NEVER have to forgive someone else more than He's already forgiven me. Praise Him for that!!! I think I'm often too glib about my own sin, and that's the problem. I forget the weight of what I deserve, and how truly incredible it is that I do not have to face that. Instead, I am ransomed by His blood. Forgiven. Debt paid in full. All glory to Christ!
Love you, Sister. Glad you're back.