I realize that y'all are likely going to kill me as soon as you think about it... Honestly, I have had time to get on here and drop a note or two. But I haven't gotten around to it. My friend's blog (www.erileamovies.blogspot.com) that I helped her build and contribute to really hasn't been updated either. I did finish the first draft of our MAIN movie (the one that started all this), as well as create the backstory for some of it, etc. I WON NANO #2. I COMPLETED ISOS#1. I FAILED TO FINISH "EMPEROR OF WAR" (my Scenes of Time Immemorial historical writing project). I HAVE BEGUN PAFQII (picture a fantasy quest II...). As for life? It's been too crazy to try to catch up with all of it, so I'll just begin getting on weekly to tell you what's happened... or not. It's kind of awkward having a journal online... At least I know that nobody looks in here anymore but me. :) Perhaps someone will find it someday, and by that time I won't care.

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[URL=http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stellarkart/procrastinating.html]Procrastinating by Stellar Kart[/URL]

 

So I've been procrastinating. Yes, I'm a genius at that. How long did it take you to figure that out? Probably this long, because it's the one thing that I really dislike talking about.

 

But I've pretty much been TRYING. I really have. NOT to procrastinate, I mean. Well, on some things, anyway. I've been focusing really hard on finishing up the script for the second movie Elya and I are making. We've finally gotten it planned out, and the third is in contemplation plot, and the first is... uh... We haven't finished writing that one yet. Or even planning it. Mainly because the second movie was originally going to be the only one. The first is a prequel. The third is a sequel. And for some crazy reason, IT WON'T END. We kill off the girl who is sort of like Emperor Palpatine, the girl who's somewhat like Darth Vader, and her good twin brother,  paralyze  the leader of the good guys, and let the other pair of twins live somewhat of a normal life... and there are still three people who decide to take over the world after all of it's settled! Which happens to be the characters my sister and Elya's two younger brothers are playing.... I'm 'Vader', she's one of the other twins... Don't bother trying to understand. I still get dizzy when trying to explain it!

 

Well, tonight dad thinks he wants to go to the same church we went to last Saturday. I have no problem with that.... well, I do. It was a great church. I wouldn't mind going there. But I made a commitment to the church I go to. I signed up for a summer class there, because I pretty much got the go-ahead from the parents. I made a commitment to God that I'd stick with that class until it was over. Last summer, we were going there, but we didn't come back until December that year for some reason. I have people who get worried if I'm not there, I have friends who are there, I have enemies that I still need to get over being enemies with. I can't just disappear, because the majority of the enemies happen to be seniors that won't be there next fall. But I'm not ready to switch churches yet... nowhere near. Yes, it's true that I still have problems at church. I don't speak up much, and when I do, it's normally out of my mindset and then it gets me in trouble. I'm not going to pretend I'm going to miss it because I was so happy there. Because I wasn't.  I was unhappy, and scared, and miserable. Don't ask why I kept going. I'm so stubborn. But I was taught a few important lessons. I learned things. I was unhappy, scared, and miserable at Tae Kwon Do too. But it was home... for the same reason this church I go to is. Don't ask me what I'm thinking. I don't know and can't tell you. I may just be scared of how comfortable I am at this new church. I actually made a friend there based on who I was. Just the first day too... I don't know... But I can tell you one thing. I'm not so sure I want to go back. 

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So now although Chandler and his parents and I are on decent terms, Billy and I still won't speak... mainly because I dislike having to speak to him first, so I don't.

Thankfully, neither of us see each other much, so we're not constantly on each other's nerves. But due to the stress of all of this, I haven't got much sleep, which puts me in a REALLY bad position...

And we're trying out a new church tonight. I don't know... I don't want to go to a new church tonight. I miss Westside a LOT, and having to go to a new church on saturday nights seems... sacrilege, sorta. I would REALLY prefer to keep going to the fancy church than have to miss Westside more than I usually do.....

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So this happened yesterday, and I just now got around to writing it all out.

mom and sibs left at about two thirty to pick up Hannah, telling me they'd likely not be home until six. So I had a nice time to myself until about three thirty when they called and said Dad wanted them to pick him up instead of waiting until five, so they'd be home at about four thirty. I went on a bit of a cleaning rampage, and at four, I brushed out my hair (so I wouldn't look like a homeless ratty girl because it was in REALLY bad bedhead condition) and grabbed the plate of cookies. I wanted to get it over with while the fam was gone. I walked outside and saw my neighbors working outside.

I asked Billy where Chandler was, (because I'd REALLY rather give it to him), and he jerked his thumb over, and I handed Chandler the plate, telling him somebody told me to give this to them. Billy came over and looked at the plate and then me and asked who. I told him he wouldn't believe me if I told him. He told me just to tell him. I said "God." and took off like a shot towards the house. As I crossed the driveway, I heard them unwrap the foiled paper plate and Billy shouted after me "Are they poisoned?" I burst out laughing and came back around to where they could see me, and held up my hands in plain view. "I swear they're not." He picked one up and examined it, and then asked who made them, then looked at me oddly and said "You did, didn't you?" I nodded a bit and took off again. As I ran up the stairs, they shouted something that I didn't hear well, and I yelled back and told them to check the bottom of the plate. I dashed inside and headed to the window where I could watch them. Billy had taken the paper off the bottom that I had taped there, unfolded it, and read it to himself, then Chandler snatched it and read it, then Billy snatched it back and showed it to his parents who leaned over their back deck asking what on earth was going on.

I gave up watching then, because I was laughing so hard and came back to the computer to type out "EoW", then the doorbell rang. Chandler stood there, with some sort of shock on his face, mixed with laughter and pretty obvious chocolate. He nodded and said "Thanks." I just nodded back and said "You're welcome." He left within a minute or so, and I finished cleaning, on a pretty nice God-high.

Although last night, as I sat in bed after midnight, I was kinda upset that they would even think to ask if they were poisoned. ouch.

In the meantime, I'm keeping a close eye on the phone and door in case the police come and take me away for mental examination.

Oh! I never said what the note said.   "I'm really sorry for being such a  jerk. ~ Blair. 1 John 2:9-10"

To be completely honest, I don't know why I added that verse on the end... but it's what helped me do this... And I'm still trying to keep it a secret from the siblings lest they assume that I'm trying to hit on the neighbor boy. Can you say NO?

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Alarm goes off. At five am. Half of the time, I slam it off. The other half, I actually get up, eat, and go quietly out of the house for my half hour walk with my rock music. Common? Maybe.

Since May twentyfirst, wake-up-early-get-ready-and-good-mood days and those go-away-I-REALLY-want-my-sleep days have been alternating. And not just literally.

May Twenty-Seventh:

We were in church, got through our regular lesson. Well, Jordan decided to try to goad me into being angry, kept mentioning Billy, etc. Then our teacher had us give our best memories of our class. Commander Cool (aka Jet) said we'd start on his right (so not his choice to sit there, nor was it mine to start!) and go around. The only thing good I could come up with was meeting Nikki, a friend of mine. Then everybody went around and I realized how many people had been here for so long... then at the end, Beth and I were ticked off at the guys, and everybody else sided with Jet and Jordan, and we had this battle where we kept tearing guys and girls down in general. Finally, the teacher told Jet to say something nice to Beth and I. I wouldn't look at him as he spoke. I was a little shocked. Somehow he knew we'd been hurt by people, and he said he hoped we'd find that all guys weren't evil, and that there were people out there that were good and that would take care of us. Then Miss Debbie went around and complimented everybody in the group. Jet and I were last. I stopped her before she could say anything about me. I was real. For once, I was truly real. I explained I wasn't a time bomb waiting to go off usually, how I was so sick of pretending to be perfect, how I had judged Jet and Jordan and the others to be like the people who had hurt me, how I was sorry, how I really wasn't bloodthirsty or evil. Then after she finished with Jet, I handed her that poem I wrote and asked her to read it aloud. She teared up, and I didn't know why... I just wanted the seniors to know I was praying for them, and I didn't know how else to say it. But today, I made a new friend. I was real, and I made a friend based on who we were, not who we pretended to be.

It's amazing. Ya gotta try being real. It rocks.

that was kind of an up.

But then later that day, Mom was upset because we got out so late, and then JD said something about avoiding guys, and she was telling me if I didn't cut it out, I'd be grounded to my room for life. Some days, I really wish I was.

And then school let out for the public schoolers. I REALLY do not like having them around all day, so I'm pretty glad my neighbor got a job.

Then May 31st, my dad and I went to NYC for Book Expo America. The biggest convention supposedly.   It is seriously big.

June Seventh:

HECTIC. We stayed in Times Square, saw a three story ToysRUs, visited M&MWorld, had dinner at a four story TGI Friday's, saw Les Misérables, went to BEA (which is what we were there for), met several authors, went to Museum of Modern Art, FAO Schwarz (which is amazing...), went on a carriage ride through Central Park, watched High School Musical on tv, and didn't get much sleep at all. With about seventy pictures. I'm exhausted...

and depressed. I had a dream about a friend... I miss him. A year ago, he disappeared from all knowledge, then about four months later, one of my friends found out his dad and stepmom were getting a divorce, and our friend had decided to go really goth, with a mohawk and black and everything. I can't help but wonder if this was partially my fault. I said some pretty nasty things a few years ago... the kind of things people CANNOT forget. I still beat myself up about it, especially since I'm sure I had something to do with this.


At this point, I'm pretty surprised I didn't have a serious breakdown. :)

And Yesterday:

"The Irresistable Revolution" is the book my new youth group and I are discussing. It's amazing... but I just managed to get into the wrong group again. Jet, Barrett, Steven, John, and just about everybody else I wanted to avoid are in that group. Oh well. As long as they stay far away from me, and I quit this stupid problem I have of prejudice and everything, I think we won't kill each other.

My brother is being a pain. Literally.

Call me crazy, but I'm homesick. I'd really rather go to heaven now. I'm so sick of all of this. Not to mention I'm... well, about ten pounds overweight, and although it doesn't seem that much, all I see is fat, and I'm scared of being anorexic.


Well, yesterday we discussed in church how people have needs. My new leader challenged us to find needs on our street.

Idiot that I am, I kept my mouth shut and thought "good grief! Everybody on my street may as well be perfect! What needs can they possibly have?!"

So last night, I finished reading "Irresistable Revolution". I realized I really really would like to help people, homeless, or disabled, or whatever. But I heard that the biggest changes start with the small things. Do I have to do this?! I mean, seriously! I can take on the rest of the world. I can do that. I'd just get pretty stressed and all, but it would be so much easier than this... But NO! We're told to love God with all our heart and soul... and then love our neighbors as ourselves. I felt like asking who's my neighbor, and hope God didn't take "neighbors" literally, because I really dislike my neighbors. Anybody but them. 

And somehow, I know I ain't getting out of this.

Anyway, I looked closely at what I had written about my neighbors, and remembered all that I had heard from the parents and the kids. I realized that I knew exactly what they DIDN'T need.

Nobody needs an enemy.

Yet I am that enemy.

They have a need.

They have a need for no enemies.

Can I really give them help to fill that need? I am an enemy. They need no enemies. In doing so, I'd have to renounce my own dislike and accept them... Oh good grief. I do NOT want to do this! Yet it's one of those naggings. *groans* This is one of those things that I'd rather have happen to somebody else and I can be happy about them doing what's right than having to do it myself. And there's that stupid sickening feeling in my stomach every time I think about doing it or not doing it.

Plus I'm REALLY low on sleep. I was up at four thirty this morning. I knew what I was doing last night. I said I'd do this. So I will. But I'm still not sure... I came up with a plan last night, but I'm beginning to feel sick just thinking about doing it.

Yeah, that's what some of the cookies I made are for.   Peace offering and all that. Although I'll probably be cowardly and leave it on their doorstep. I'm too tired to try to face anybody right now.

Today, I got up nice and early. But really? Maybe I don't want to be awake just yet.

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Not that big a deal, right? Well, I've been decidedly lazy with my writing... And I actually wrote something, several somethings today. So I'm happier.

Here is to the Graduates,
The class of 2007.
Here is to the seniors,
Who our existence enlivened.

Here is to those
Who made it through the terror called school,
To those who survived the homework,
Exams, books, and rules.

Here is to you,
Those who inspired us,
To keep holding on,
To push through this stuff.

This is from a junior
One below your stage
Standing here before you
With these words of commendation and praise.

As you go into this place called life,
May God hear what I say,
May He fulfill this blessing,
And give you my prayer today.

May you never have to beg
Or ever anything lack.
And when God gives your needs to you,
To His cause may you give them right back.

May you never go into debt
Or have to work twenty hours a day
Just to pay off those student loans
That I hope you won't waste away.

May you survive college
And come out on top,
May you take the job God gives you
And never let it flop.

May you find happiness pursuable,
And Love, Life, and Liberty follow,
And Peace and Joy at their heels
As every day dawns new mercies tomorrow.

May you live your lives well
For I have these last words for you:
For every graduating senior,
There's a junior who looks up to you.



Thought you could all read this. Just for the fun of it.

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I knew this was coming and scheduled a lot of distractions so I could forget about it. I read Galatians 5 recently, and then went through my mind over the biggest things I did... I got three times more flesh than Spirit done. Which is a pretty lousy track record. Actually, I'm at an all time low. Ouch. That's pretty hard to admit to myself. I hate being here, stuck in this rut, and I'm getting out or die trying. And then of course I'm knocked down with the realization I don't have to try, I just have to accept help. But I just want to be stubborn and do it myself! I, I, I, I, I, I.... does it ever end? Does it ever get better? And when it does, will I be able to give it to God and say "You did this. I messed up. You did this for me."??? Because I'm getting pretty sick of this and it's all hopeless when I'm on this track. Which is something I do NOT need. I need to get over myself and try again... But maybe... I don't want to... maybe I'm happy here? No way. I can never be happy being miserable. But I can't be happy being perfect either. Where can I be happy? Maybe I don't need to be happy. Maybe I need to be CONTENTED... which leads me right back to Philippians and all that I've learned. Which proves I've come nowhere.

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Look at that. So many entries in just one day. I told you a lot went on while I was gone.

And even more. We went to DC, had fun, came home, had fun, got in fights, slept, ate, drank, and were and were not merry, depending on occasion.
And I get to go to NY the day after my birthday instead of going to CO this summer... not sure if I'm still sad about not going with my friends, but I am pretty happy about getting to see NY.

And I'm a senior! FINALLY. I counted up my school, and I'm halfway through my first year of being a senior, which is roughly equivalent to first few weeks of being a senior in public school, since I do school on weekends too. So I'm pretty happy about that... I love learning. I dislike school. 

And it's almost five and I'm hungry. Mom's resting, the girls are outside, D on his bike, so now I get to have a few pretzels, then finish what I'm doing.

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I was depressed last night. I couldn't keep from breaking down and crying in my room, so I came upstairs and helped our sick guinea pig. Well, I watched Hamlet, and that distracted me... until one AM. Then it was over and I went downstairs to sleep in a thunderstorm... torrential downpour and all that. I managed not to cry myself to sleep and just lay down and slept.

I woke up about two hours ago... I spent an hour laying in bed, then the other one writing in my journal trying to sort out my thoughts.

God loves me. He's always been there. He helped me through it all even when I closed my eyes to Him and pretended He couldn't see me. He thought I was worth His LIFE. He died painfully. Humiliatingly. Gave up His world to come down here and rescue me.

EVERY last bit of this world has told me time and time again I'm useless and worthless and I have to do something great to prove I'm not.

God didn't wait for me to prove myself.

God came down here and proved that I was worth something even to Him, who had absolutely everything.

He told me I was worth His life, worth everything to Him, before I was born. And someday I'll do something great to show others how they're worth everything.

That's what feminism is. Telling us we're worthless and we have to be like the men to be something worth something. That's what this world is, telling humans we're worthless and we have to be like a god to be something worth something. And the world holds their standards to a certain level of human perfection... and not a week later that human messes up, in all probability deliberately, and gets thrown in jail. That's perfection? That's being worth something? I could be wrong, but what kind of being worth something is worth THAT?

That is why people don't believe they're worth anything, or beautiful. Because that stupid lie has been fed into us since birth. This 'revelation' that happened to me was just acknowledging that that lie was a lie and I chose to believe the truth... I almost can't imagine how many lies run people's entire lives like this one ran mine... I'm worth something. Which is something I've longed for. To be wanted and to be worth something. I was wanted so much somebody died for me. Somebody PERFECT died for me and told me I was worth it all to Him. Now... I actually want to live. I don't want to go somewhere where I'm wanted now. I want to be where I'm unwanted and try to show those that THEY'RE wanted...

Today, I'm happy.

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Okay... I missed church the last two weeks and made it today. The seniors are having a reception tonight at the church and the juniors are supposed to bring cookies and come and support them... I think almost all the seniors there are from MJHS, where my neighbor goes. They're his friends. I am not. We have had some... difficulties. Apparently very few of the juniors are planning to go. I feel that I should, not only to start making amends, but also because I have little to no feud with the seniors. HOWEVER, today is Mother's Day. I think my true duty is here, with my parents, but I don't think God is calling me to stay home. I think He's calling me to step out and start repairing the damage. WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? What if my mom is insulted because I don't want to spend the evening with them???? I wouldn't mind the snubbing that might result from the seniors, or the possible interrogation...but what if I'm wrong? What if I wasn't meant to go and hurt my family? How am I supposed to be sure?

BTW: this one turned out okay. dilemma solved.

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I finally see. I wasn't meant to be the keeper of vendettas. I was meant to forgive. I wasn't meant to threaten. I was meant to love. I finally have a purpose. I'm to love, forgive, submit, and believe.

Tonight, Lord, be glorified in me. Be magnified through me. Let me lift you high. I want nothing more than you. Lead me to your peace and love and will and future. I am ashamed before you. Mine is a faulty junked up path, the one I've travelled so far and clung to for these years. You alone can redeem my mistakes. You have seen my life, God. You've seen how I've frenetically tried to fix it all. I've blundered and fumbled. No human could or ever can repari what I've done. But You can.

Sometimes it will be painfull. I know that sometimes, I'll be in the valley again, and I'll stray even when I swear not to. It'll get worse before it gets better. Sometimes the healing will hurt more than the injury. And I'll cry with pain, and say things I don't mean.

But there will be those mountaintops, where your presence is so close I can nearly reach my arm and feel your hand. It'll be a pretty wild rollercoaster, Lord.

But I am ready. If you came to me in person and said "leave everything and follow me", I would come. Well, you invited me. I accepted.

Now nearly eight years later, I am coming, slowly following in the footsteps of others, or as near as I can follow on my own journey. And sometimes you will lead me on the road less travelled. And sometimes it will make all the difference.

So, God, lead on. But grip my hand firmly. I'm just a kid. A kid who still gets scared over silly shadows from the past and clings to the first person who listens. But with you, Lord, I'm ready for anything. Just so long as YOU are the one doing the fighting, because I can't win. But you can. And I trust you.

35 things I've learned in 2006

1. Depression can make you do stupid things.

2. Zilla's temper can wear down in ten minutes or less.

3. If I feel I have distant family with people, it's easier to find common ground.

4. Guys really aren't half bad as friends.

5. True love is not the same thing as attraction.

6. Change is one of two constants.

7. God is the other.

8. Jake hates the phone.

9. Dreams can be twice as depressing as reality.

10. Just because it's been awhile since a fixed injury, that doesn't mean it can't be healed.

11. Or still hurt.

12. Never give up on a friendship because somebody's not there once.

13. Boys are males.

14. I'm not the only one who's naive often.

15. If I wasn't a girl, Billy and I would have had a few good reckonings.

16. Be thankful you're a girl.

17. Lonesome is a good way to boost imagination.

18. Life is easier to live when you don't try to control it.

19. I can't flirt.

20. Afraid of being loved does nothing for you.

21. Go ahead and second-guess yourself.

22. Words intended to hurt others can hurt you more.

23. People you never expected to see again can often appear at inopportune moments.

24. Life is upsetting when everybody plays without you.

25. Mar's impossible to avoid. (at least when you're depressed and don't want to talk to anybody. Who'd wanna avoid Mar?)

26. Mothers are impossible to persuade most of the time. (especially when you're trying to convince her that the neighbor boys are the incarnation of evil)

27. Never trust sisters' opinions on your looks. (especially when they say you look like Mar with your back turned to them and Nat with a hood over your face....)

28. When you focuse on the hopelessness, it's hopeless.

29. Being a teenager is most certainly not for the faint of heart.

30. Sometimes it's better not to be remembered.

31. Learn to relax, then apply it.

32. Perfection is difficult to attain.

33. Sometimes you have to stop to forgive those who didn't stop to help you, and then you can help others.

34. Sleep is good. (hint hint, Emerwen! )

35. Years go by a lot quicker than they used to.

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So yes, I've finally come back. I know. I'm evil. In addition to the school I've been trying to catch up on, I've been working on a historical fiction novel

Project Name: Scenes of Time Immemorial (SoTI)
Project Dates: April 15—May 27, 2007 (6 weeks)
Genre: Historical Fiction (1500 AD to 1900 AD)
Word Count: 15,000-17,000 words (18 post points possible)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Basics
There are three things you need to understand about the Scenes of Time Immemorial (SoTI) project:

1. SoTI is an exercise in crafting scenes to make them more effective tools in your storytelling. Each scene you post will need to begin with a short Scene Form stating the intentions and purpose for your scene based off of the article Scenes & Sequels.

2. SoTI is an exercise in researching for a historical novella. Your first post will be filling out a Research Form about your particular time period. Research is key to making historical fiction believable. So that's where you'll begin.

3. SoTI is an opportunity to challenge yourself with new ideas. Each of your posts will need to include one element from the Idea Pool, a listing of challenging ideas from fellow CPers.


Totally not my idea.

And in case Mom asks, no, I got off the computer for an hour and a half before getting back on.

Let's see... a lot has been new.. but I'll actually have to go research it so give me about an hour or so...

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I neglect things... sometimes.

after nearly two months of forgetting my blog, I'm back. and sometimes, the news ain't happy. But I'll explain later... I'll be on again soon. I have to go watch an episode about a large family again.

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I was put on a health food diet, and I was pretty sick for two days, but I got better after I detoxified. I never knew how much junk there was in regular food... *blinks* So I'm off it as of today, and I'm pretty earnestly avoiding all stuff with dairy in it. Turns out my allergies got a whole lot better, and I get a rash when I eat dairy and stuff, so no eggnog anymore, or Chai tea unless I have it without milk. Thankfully, what I DO eat now is readily available, thanks to the fact that we have a guinea pig. I'll be eating a lot of salad and veggies and drinking a  lot of water. I guess maybe the green stuff isn't so bad. :P

I'm only halfway through my space opera, and it ends on Sunday, so I'd better go finish :) But I actually have energy to finish! I should've actually eaten back in November....

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It's only impressive if your record for 31 days was 15,000 words.

I am exhausted, and kind of upset with myself. I wanted so badly to do all 50,000, but I made 44,302 at 11:59 last night. I was up twenty four hours from 3AM yesterday to 3AM today and then zonked out. I woke up at 1:35 PM today... This is not neccessarily a good way to start the month. I promised myself and sort of mom that after I finished my two extra credit projects that I would relax and focus on school. Well, not exactly. I don't relax well. I relax and I go insane. So I'm filling my time with ISOS and school... hopefully this won't kill me before I make it to age 17 next year.

Yesterday was my "half-birthday", and I celebrated by getting the last day of NaNo filled with 11,000 more words than the day before, and also by being the Bonham NASCAR Racing League Champion of 2006. My brother's fantasy team member, Jimmie Johnson, was actually the NASCAR Nextel Cup Champion, but Kevin Harvick and Matt Kenseth were on my team, so I had two guys in the chase and a possibility to win. I breezed by everybody in our league, which consists of my four siblings and my two parents and myself.

I'm tired with a splitting headache, so I'm going to retire to my German lessons that I'm beginning today from a cd and then to my Geometry test. How that's going to help my headache, I have no idea, but my brother baked cookies, so that may help... * whistles innocently*

For your curiousity, I will be keeping this blog thingy open just because I can, and so I don't have to vent to three different people. :P

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Okay, I have neglected this so badly. After hours and hours of cramming and gracious computer time from Mom and Dad, I have reached 34,675 words NOW. And I still have eighteen hours and thirty minutes.... *begins panicking* This is actually fun, but don't tell me that. I might go insane!

6:00 AM- 35,273 words

6:45- 36,277

7:30- 37,013 (after a ten minute break to help sister)

8:00 AM- 37,719

Every word counts, you know. :P

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In case you didn't know, I'm random. The title just happens to be part of a song I'm listening to...

My word count is at 9668 or something like that. I forgot. I'm probably going to go work on it some more.

I figured since this isn't just my NaNo blog, I guess y'all could experience some of my writing. Keep in mind I don't always do poetry, but it usually is free-style. One of my mentors has me doing a Philippians study. I did Philippians 3 this week. I wrote a poem for it, and I figure you could read it. I don't think I rambled too much on this one like usual. Right?

If you put your past behind you
And put the prize in front
Striving for the best
Putting confidence in God.

You run the race before
Living through your life
The prize still lays waiting
For you at the end of your days.

The world will crown their champions
With their worthless tarnished gold
And hand us amidst much mocking
A woven crown of thorns

But this crown is the one
That our dear Lord wore.
If we can be worthy to recieve it
It is more precious than any jewel.

For even though it comes from mocking hands
To a head worn with cares
Still we must have earned it
To be given the same "degradation".

A crown of thorns is our winner's prize
The greater prize than that of the world.
The celebration and rest afterwards
Will be all that we never deserved.

So pull away for the greater prize
Lifting your standards above cheap gold
To the One who truly deserves the prize
But chooses to hand it to us with his love.

So yeah. It's not my best work, but it's the most recent. And what I really should be doing now is working on my NaNo, but I wanted to write that, so I did. Don't ask me why. I just did.

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Word count is at 4317... better than usual. :P

"My goodness, Lissi! How many projects do you like to have going on at once? Two extra credit projects on CleanPlace, your NaNo, and who knows what else. :rolleyes: ;o) Don't let yourself go TOO much crazier. ;o)" -MangyCat

You really wanna know?

Two EC projects,
Two NaNos (one a junior NaNo, only trying to reach five thousand on that one)
Operation Post Points
Christmas Presents I have to sew
Christmas cards for my friends
Four siblings to take care of occasionally
Two parents to reassure that I'm already insane
One life to live.

"Wake up at ninety miles an hour take the world's fastest shower, coffee black (yuck!) I'm out the door, pick up the pace, I'm here I'm there I'm everyplace. That's how it goes a day in my life. I'm on my toes from morning to night. Living life yeah, some might say it's so exhausting frenzic manic call me nuts, but I like it frantic." SheDaisy. :P

Hi Mom! In case you're reading this, which you always are, I might need some chocolate tonight....

 Must NaNo in earnest!!! Giddyup, thou slovenly excuse of a electronic application!

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The majority of anonymous comments are made by my mother here... I would like to explain this comment here: "I don't remember Tolkien spending hours and hours on the phone when he was under deadline... "

I do not spend hours and hours. I call one friend each day, excepting the weekends. I spend a maximum of an hour and a half, usually less. And normally, my schedule runs as such.

Monday: Eltauraen and Telpënen (sisters on CP)
Tuesday: Elya (CPer)
Wednesday: one of my Oregonian friends
Thursday: Lintëhwesta (CPer)
Friday: Bethel (CPer)

I get to talk to Lousia (HK's best friend) whenever she calls, and Roh and ILHY whenever my siblings call them. The reality here is, I rarely even get to follow my schedule,  because some of them aren't home, or they're busy...

And yes, I do have a deadline, which in these last three days has been sadly neglected. And lucky Tolkien had a writer's group to help him keep on track, which I do not. So I hereby plead for my right to go -> with my friends when I can.

So now I'm going to go attempt to work on NaNo, but it hasn't been succesful because I have hurt my left index finger which slows my typing drastically. <_< But yea and even unto the ends of the earth, I shall try.

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So. I'm five days into NaNoWriMo. My first day's work was only 1281 words, not very near the quota of over 1600. And I haven't written any until today! So I'm slightly upset. Not much, because cramming can always be done in the last two weeks. 

Araron has decided he wants to be a Man, not an Elf. So I had to rewrite him. But it doesn't make any sense for him to be whatshisname's son because that was over four hundred years ago that that happened... So I've decided his father was a half elf, and had the longevity of life that Elves had, but Araron is pretty much a normal human. Besides having some better diplomatic ability than most humans. No offense to the humans out there.

Maneveri is being slightly cooperative, but she's brooding about her mother in a way that is just not Elven. So I'm at a bit of a loss what to do with her. I'm guessing I'll find some way to bring her mother into the story. Her name was Rissanori. She disappeared with her sword Italeuca (Flashing Snake, it has a green diamond blade) about a hundred years before the story begins. There's now rumors around Arahelmia about a mysterious person guarding their borders whose sword cannot be broken, but breaks others. Maneveri has a sneaking suspicion it's her mother, but I honestly don't know. I hate it when the story goes without me!

So now after I finish this entry, I'm typing out chapter two, and will edit this entry to tell you how many words I have today, but remember that the day has not yet ended! I am still dangerously at large until midnight for today's quota. However, after knowing that I'm still many words behind this weeks quota, you can rest easy knowing that I wrote seven thousand words in one evening because I was behind on my SuNoWriMo on the last night. 

And right now I"m like this -> because I had Dr. Pepper with my Baja Fresh lunch that I went out with Mom to have.  I actually had a refill too, except it was a medium, not those gigantic ones. Otherwise I'd be twice as bad! Mom would be just plain FRIGHTENED.

So I'm going to go write and if anybody stops by looking for me, -> . You just found me. But I'm gone. "gone like a freight train gone like yesterday......gone like a fiftynine cadillac, like all the good things that ain't never comin back"

Did I mention country music is good inspiration?

EDIT:

I'm happy. 2045 words in two working days. Now to get another three hundred words, and I'll have finished November 2nd's quota... *rolls eyes* I am so far behind...

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