I finally see. I wasn't meant to be the keeper of vendettas. I was meant to forgive. I wasn't meant to threaten. I was meant to love. I finally have a purpose. I'm to love, forgive, submit, and believe.
Tonight, Lord, be glorified in me. Be magnified through me. Let me lift you high. I want nothing more than you. Lead me to your peace and love and will and future. I am ashamed before you. Mine is a faulty junked up path, the one I've travelled so far and clung to for these years. You alone can redeem my mistakes. You have seen my life, God. You've seen how I've frenetically tried to fix it all. I've blundered and fumbled. No human could or ever can repari what I've done. But You can.
Sometimes it will be painfull. I know that sometimes, I'll be in the valley again, and I'll stray even when I swear not to. It'll get worse before it gets better. Sometimes the healing will hurt more than the injury. And I'll cry with pain, and say things I don't mean.
But there will be those mountaintops, where your presence is so close I can nearly reach my arm and feel your hand. It'll be a pretty wild rollercoaster, Lord.
But I am ready. If you came to me in person and said "leave everything and follow me", I would come. Well, you invited me. I accepted.
Now nearly eight years later, I am coming, slowly following in the footsteps of others, or as near as I can follow on my own journey. And sometimes you will lead me on the road less travelled. And sometimes it will make all the difference.
So, God, lead on. But grip my hand firmly. I'm just a kid. A kid who still gets scared over silly shadows from the past and clings to the first person who listens. But with you, Lord, I'm ready for anything. Just so long as YOU are the one doing the fighting, because I can't win. But you can. And I trust you.
35 things I've learned in 2006
1. Depression can make you do stupid things.
2. Zilla's temper can wear down in ten minutes or less.
3. If I feel I have distant family with people, it's easier to find common ground.
4. Guys really aren't half bad as friends.
5. True love is not the same thing as attraction.
6. Change is one of two constants.
7. God is the other.
8. Jake hates the phone.
9. Dreams can be twice as depressing as reality.
10. Just because it's been awhile since a fixed injury, that doesn't mean it can't be healed.
11. Or still hurt.
12. Never give up on a friendship because somebody's not there once.
13. Boys are males.
14. I'm not the only one who's naive often.
15. If I wasn't a girl, Billy and I would have had a few good reckonings.
16. Be thankful you're a girl.
17. Lonesome is a good way to boost imagination.
18. Life is easier to live when you don't try to control it.
19. I can't flirt.
20. Afraid of being loved does nothing for you.
21. Go ahead and second-guess yourself.
22. Words intended to hurt others can hurt you more.
23. People you never expected to see again can often appear at inopportune moments.
24. Life is upsetting when everybody plays without you.
25. Mar's impossible to avoid. (at least when you're depressed and don't want to talk to anybody. Who'd wanna avoid Mar?)
26. Mothers are impossible to persuade most of the time. (especially when you're trying to convince her that the neighbor boys are the incarnation of evil)
27. Never trust sisters' opinions on your looks. (especially when they say you look like Mar with your back turned to them and Nat with a hood over your face....)
28. When you focuse on the hopelessness, it's hopeless.
29. Being a teenager is most certainly not for the faint of heart.
30. Sometimes it's better not to be remembered.
31. Learn to relax, then apply it.
32. Perfection is difficult to attain.
33. Sometimes you have to stop to forgive those who didn't stop to help you, and then you can help others.
34. Sleep is good. (hint hint, Emerwen! 
)
35. Years go by a lot quicker than they used to.
Comments
May. 21, 2007 - #35
Posted by Katartismosacademy
Yes, they do. And you'll find it's a downhill slope, that the older you get the quicker it goes. I know, you can't imagine it going any quicker, but trust me, it does.
And no, I don't believe the neighbor boys are the incarnation of evil.