I was depressed last night. I couldn't keep from breaking down and crying in my room, so I came upstairs and helped our sick guinea pig. Well, I watched Hamlet, and that distracted me... until one AM. Then it was over and I went downstairs to sleep in a thunderstorm... torrential downpour and all that. I managed not to cry myself to sleep and just lay down and slept.
I woke up about two hours ago... I spent an hour laying in bed, then the other one writing in my journal trying to sort out my thoughts.
God loves me. He's always been there. He helped me through it all even when I closed my eyes to Him and pretended He couldn't see me. He thought I was worth His LIFE. He died painfully. Humiliatingly. Gave up His world to come down here and rescue me.
EVERY last bit of this world has told me time and time again I'm useless and worthless and I have to do something great to prove I'm not.
God didn't wait for me to prove myself.
God came down here and proved that I was worth something even to Him, who had absolutely everything.
He told me I was worth His life, worth everything to Him, before I was born. And someday I'll do something great to show others how they're worth everything.
That's what feminism is. Telling us we're worthless and we have to be like the men to be something worth something. That's what this world is, telling humans we're worthless and we have to be like a god to be something worth something. And the world holds their standards to a certain level of human perfection... and not a week later that human messes up, in all probability deliberately, and gets thrown in jail. That's perfection? That's being worth something? I could be wrong, but what kind of being worth something is worth THAT?
That is why people don't believe they're worth anything, or beautiful. Because that stupid lie has been fed into us since birth. This 'revelation' that happened to me was just acknowledging that that lie was a lie and I chose to believe the truth... I almost can't imagine how many lies run people's entire lives like this one ran mine... I'm worth something. Which is something I've longed for. To be wanted and to be worth something. I was wanted so much somebody died for me. Somebody PERFECT died for me and told me I was worth it all to Him. Now... I actually want to live. I don't want to go somewhere where I'm wanted now. I want to be where I'm unwanted and try to show those that THEY'RE wanted...
Today, I'm happy.
Comments
May. 21, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Katartismosacademy
"EVERY last bit of this world has told me time and time again I'm useless and worthless and I have to do something great to prove I'm not."
Not your mama. I keep telling you that you are wonderful and worth more than all the gold and diamonds on this planet. You don't believe me because I'm your mama. You think I have to say stuff like that.
I don't.
You are a human BEING, not a human DOING. I love you for who you are. And if you weren't my daughter, I'd want you to be my best friend.