I knew this was coming and scheduled a lot of distractions so I could forget about it. I read Galatians 5 recently, and then went through my mind over the biggest things I did... I got three times more flesh than Spirit done. Which is a pretty lousy track record. Actually, I'm at an all time low. Ouch. That's pretty hard to admit to myself. I hate being here, stuck in this rut, and I'm getting out or die trying. And then of course I'm knocked down with the realization I don't have to try, I just have to accept help. But I just want to be stubborn and do it myself! I, I, I, I, I, I.... does it ever end? Does it ever get better? And when it does, will I be able to give it to God and say "You did this. I messed up. You did this for me."??? Because I'm getting pretty sick of this and it's all hopeless when I'm on this track. 
Which is something I do NOT need. I need to get over myself and try again... But maybe... I don't want to... maybe I'm happy here? No way. I can never be happy being miserable. But I can't be happy being perfect either. Where can I be happy? Maybe I don't need to be happy. Maybe I need to be CONTENTED... which leads me right back to Philippians and all that I've learned. Which proves I've come nowhere. 
Comments
May. 21, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Katartismosacademy
Yes! The more you know the more you realize you know nothing! It's so true and I'm right there with you.
The only human to walk this earth who was perfect was Jesus. May as well give up on perfection because it just ain't gonna happen.
But the Lord delights in our weakness and dances over our brokenness. "At last!" He says, "I can use this one!"