I have been experiencing an identity crisis of sorts lately.  It has been brought to my attention recently of all of the things that I cannot do or the things that I am not good at it.  In fact, it seems like there is a heaping mental pile outside of my door of all of the things that I fail miserably at.  I realize that this pile is all of my doing.  I am also aware that this pile is courtesy of Satan, but I just can't seem to get rid of it.

     Someone told me a few weeks ago that I was not a crafty person.  Ouch!   I had the deceiving thought that I had a few crafty bones in my body.  This statement, though,  pushed out that thought from my brain, once and for all.   I have tried over and over to find things in the craft world that I could do and, what's more, that I could enjoy doing.  Doing crafts just isn't all that enjoyable to me.  Probably it's because I am not good at it.   That might be a reason.   I have tried scrapbooking and I sort of enjoy it.  I, again, was under the false impression that I was good at it until I gave a scrapbook page to someone as a gift to put in her scrapbook.  I noticed months later that this person redid my page and added more doo-dads.  This was my first clue that a super-scrapbooker I am not.

     I have also tried my hand at gardening.  I always wanted to be a gardener who enjoyed mucking around in the dirt as she made up new gardens all throughout her yard.  I have since found out that that is another mental image that does not meet the test of reality.  I do garden, but I don't enjoy it.  It's alot of work and very rarely do I get satisfaction from that work.

     There are more items on my "Not Good At" list, but I won't bore you with the particulars.  Being the 'look on the bright side' kind of person that I try to be,  I have tried to focus on the things that I am good at,  the things that I am interested in and find joy in doing.   You probably guessed this already from the tone of the post but I had trouble putting anything on this list.  Right now, in my season of life, I don't have time for my interests.  That sounds a bit sad but when you weight it with the fact that I had 35 years before I had children to fill my life with my interests and passions, then it doesn't sound so bad after all.   I had my chance before I had kids.  Right now,  my focus is on raising my children and  educating them.  My interests  reflect that focus.

      My main interest is reading.  That sounds so dull, doesn't it?  This is what I spend most of my spare time doing.  Right now,  my reading list is based on how to educate myself and my children better.  Even though it sounds boring,  I am enjoying my reading time.  I am being filled up by my reading choices.  Another pasttime that I have discovered is listening to CD's of lectures.  I have bought some CD's from Circe Institute on Classical Education which I am finding so interesting.  I also recently bought CD's from the Teaching Company on the writings of C.S. Lewis  as well as mythology.  I am looking forward to listening to these soon. 

     Another interest that has popped up in the last few years is writing.  I am not going to be a writer of the next great novel.  I have no illusions about that.  I am enjoying writing in my little corner of the blog world.  It is helping me to get all of my thoughts out of my head onto the computer before my head explodes.  Mostly what I write about is homechooling as that is what I know about right now.  You know the old adage,  write about what you know.  Hence,  a homeschool blog.  

     I wish I had interests that were my very own.  Interests that made me my own person.  For right now, again, in my season of life, I don't have that.  My interests are tied up in my children and homeschooling.  For right now, this is enough.   I may not be the crafty person that dazzles everyone with her ability or the gardener that bestows great beauty upon her yard  but I am the mom who is trying her best to raise her children in the best way she knows how.   And my interests show that. 

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